Jessa, Ben & Spurgeon - Those Smug Seewalds Part 2

[SassyPants]

I thought Duggar Towing was sold with the car lot.

Interesting that Joe does not have the credentials to drive the bus, yet both Jana and Jinger do.

[nst]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I cannot remember. Was it in a video?

Anyone else remember this? It was fairly recent.

it was in the last counting on episode when they had their fake friend pretend to do an unpaid photo  shoot of her being pregnant 

she said he wasn't allowed to pick her up because he would hurt his back 

 

[Artemesia]

If 10 or 12 Duggars go into real estate (I'm including potential sons-in-law) how much business would each have? It's not like they live near a major city. It seems they would just be cannibalizing each other. There's money to be made with a CDL but it would require "working".

 

 

 

[EmmieJ]

On 1/23/2016 at 2:50 PM, ClaraOswin said:

I was always jealous of people with a strong career drive. Or people who felt fulfilled working. I've never had that. I was just never pulled to any specific career. It made college stressful, to say the least.

I was never drawn to a specific career.  I started working when I was 16 because I wanted money, so I got a job as a cashier part time.  I liked the job because there were a lot of high schoolers working at the same place, and the supervisors were pretty nice, and of course there was that paycheck so I could buy things I wanted.  Fast forward past college, and now approaching 25 years in the same profession and I've got mixed feelings about work.  I like the structure it brings.  If I didn't have to get up for work, I'd sleep in, then fiddle faddle around much of every morning before getting dressed.  I like the occasional new challenges, and I'm bored by some of the stuff that I've been doing for so long.  If I didn't work, I would have to have something that gave structure to my life - likely volunteering 2-3 days a week.  Now that my kid is almost grown, I don't have enough things to do around the house or connected to being his parent to keep me occupied.

But maybe for Jessa, this time in her life is a nice break from all the work and mommy duties she had growing up, and I would completely understand her enjoyment of finally getting out from under all those jurisdictions.  Plus, she does have a newborn to care for.  However, there is no excuse for Ben.  Get a job already.

[EmmieJ]

On 1/25/2016 at 2:24 PM, Chickenbutt said:

To expand a little......our expectations for our kids was college. They had the choice to go or not. If they chose not too then the options were few. Join the military, or move out of our house and get a job and support yourself. Were we tough? Yes. No 18 year old was going to live in our house playing video games all day and doing nothing.

Both of my boys worked in high school and my youngest got thru 6 years of college with no debt and a little help from us.

Not every child can go, or is meant to go, to college given financial/academic/educational restraints. But every child should be encouraged to reach his/her potential whether it be college/trade school/or just being the best they can be.  

My parents were both the first in their families to have the opportunity to attend college.  It was a big deal.  So growing up, it was  just sort of assumed that their children, being of above average intelligence and capability, would do their best in high school and then go on to obtain a college degree in the area of their choice.  Most of their children did just that, although one brother opted for the military instead and was quite happy with his choice.  Raising my own son, I also long thought he would go to college straight after high school.  He's extremely bright, has a natural mind for math and science, and was enrolled in a college bound program.  Sadly, I think that burned him out!  He had Saturday academy during the school year, and then 6 or 7 weeks of summer programs each summer.  It was just too much hard work and I guess too little time for just play.    I didn't realize what was happening until it was too late.  Anyway, he is not going to college (yet), but has decided to join the Marines.  (Yikes - I'm veering quite a bit off topic)

But to bring it back to sort of on topic, no one path is right for everyone.  That's one of the reasons the Duggars and people like them really bug me.  They place such limitations on their children, especially the females.  Their only option is get married and have lots of kids, and not only be SAHM's but also homeschool.  That's it.  While this might be absolutely perfect for some young women, others might really hate it and take it out on the kids.  It does not take into account that everyone is individual and we won't all like the exact same thing.  Life is not one size fits all.  I embrace the freedom to follow the path that feels most right.

[hauntedoklahoma]

I don't find it terribly upsetting that Jessa's not posting tons of pictures of herself and Spud. I don't necessarily see it as an indication that she's passing her kid off on other people, either, just that there are people in her immediate family that steal that baby every chance they get, which is pretty normal in small families. She's posted enough to make me think she's actually enjoying it (at this stage, anyway).

[JesSky03]

On 1/16/2016 at 3:43 AM, Fundie Bunny said:

With the backlash she recieved the first time, it's not like she is going to announce at 1 month. And izzi is only 9 months, it is nit that easy to have a baby so soon. Being lucky one time dpesn't mean crazy fertility

This comment is from a few pages ago already but it struck a nerve with me. I could never snark on Jill for announcing her pregnancy as early as she did. I don't know if you have ever experienced a loss, but I have. Just a few weeks ago actually. We found out the baby had no heartbeat at our first ultrasound so at that point only very close family had known about the pregnancy. Now that we lost the baby all I want to do now is tell the world that my baby existed. Miscarriage isn't something that should be hidden. Women shouldn't have to suffer in silence behind closed doors. Nor should they have to hide their pregnancies until the 2nd semester. I applaud Jill for being so brave and announcing her pregnancy so early and I hope the way people reacted won't keep her from sharing her joy when that time comes again (though I hope that time isn't soon). 

[Jucifer]

6 minutes ago, JesSky03 said:

This comment is from a few pages ago already but it struck a nerve with me. I could never snark on Jill for announcing her pregnancy as early as she did. I don't know if you have ever experienced a loss, but I have. Just a few weeks ago actually. We found out the baby had no heartbeat at our first ultrasound so at that point only very close family had known about the pregnancy. Now that we lost the baby all I want to do now is tell the world that my baby existed. Miscarriage isn't something that should be hidden. Women shouldn't have to suffer in silence behind closed doors. Nor should they have to hide their pregnancies until the 2nd semester. I applaud Jill for being so brave and announcing her pregnancy so early and I hope the way people reacted won't keep her from sharing her joy when that time comes again (though I hope that time isn't soon). 

JessSky, I'm so, so sorry! (((hugs)))

[2manyKidzzz]

@JesSky03

So sorry for your loss. 

[DefraudingArkansas]

1 hour ago, Artemesia said:

If 10 or 12 Duggars go into real estate (I'm including potential sons-in-law) how much business would each have? It's not like they live near a major city. It seems they would just be cannibalizing each other. There's money to be made with a CDL but it would require "working".

 

 

 

Northwest AR is actually the most rapidly growing area in AR. Walmart and Tyson both have their headquarters there. It's not a terrible area to be in the real estate business.

[Valerie3kids]

2 hours ago, JesSky03 said:

This comment is from a few pages ago already but it struck a nerve with me. I could never snark on Jill for announcing her pregnancy as early as she did. I don't know if you have ever experienced a loss, but I have. Just a few weeks ago actually. We found out the baby had no heartbeat at our first ultrasound so at that point only very close family had known about the pregnancy. Now that we lost the baby all I want to do now is tell the world that my baby existed. Miscarriage isn't something that should be hidden. Women shouldn't have to suffer in silence behind closed doors. Nor should they have to hide their pregnancies until the 2nd semester. I applaud Jill for being so brave and announcing her pregnancy so early and I hope the way people reacted won't keep her from sharing her joy when that time comes again (though I hope that time isn't soon). 

JesSky03 I am so very sorry for your loss. It is so painful and I agree miscarriage is something many people do not know how to handle. My daughter, unfortunately lost 3 before she had my grandson and she told no one she was even trying to get pregnant as she is a labor and delivery nurse. It was the most stressful thing I have ever had to watch one of my children go through (except deployment to Iraq). She suffered so deeply and told no one. Looking back I am not sure how she did it with the job she had at the time. Most family did not even know.

Hugs to you and your husband. Take care of yourself and pamper yourself. I will be thinking of you.

[FloraKitty35]

3 hours ago, Artemesia said:

If 10 or 12 Duggars go into real estate (I'm including potential sons-in-law) how much business would each have? It's not like they live near a major city. It seems they would just be cannibalizing each other. There's money to be made with a CDL but it would require "working".

 

 

 

The "W" word is a bad word in Duggar Land.  

[Bad Wolf]

Do you need a CDL for their bus? I know there's a size limit because my in laws just got one which was just under the size requirement.

[Dandruff]

I'm not at all surprised that Joseph is getting a Real Estate license.  I strongly suspect he's being groomed for Jim Bob's role in the family business.  It obviously won't be Josh, and I think John would prefer to fly planes and build/fix things.  JB has always spoken positively of Joseph and he's scandal-free. 

[quiverofdoubt]

3 hours ago, JesSky03 said:

This comment is from a few pages ago already but it struck a nerve with me. I could never snark on Jill for announcing her pregnancy as early as she did. I don't know if you have ever experienced a loss, but I have. Just a few weeks ago actually. We found out the baby had no heartbeat at our first ultrasound so at that point only very close family had known about the pregnancy. Now that we lost the baby all I want to do now is tell the world that my baby existed. Miscarriage isn't something that should be hidden. Women shouldn't have to suffer in silence behind closed doors. Nor should they have to hide their pregnancies until the 2nd semester. I applaud Jill for being so brave and announcing her pregnancy so early and I hope the way people reacted won't keep her from sharing her joy when that time comes again (though I hope that time isn't soon). 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take the time time to heal and process. I'm still dealing with the repercussions of mine, over a year ago. (ectopic).  

The reverse can also be true in terms of announcing: one of my friends announced a pregnancy early, only to lose it. Despite announcing the loss, it took months for everyone in all her circles and the gossip chains to find out.  She said months after her loss people would come up to her and say "congratulations! you look great, you barely look pregnant" and so on. It was like a slap in the face.

I agree 100% though, it shouldn't be such a dark secret. So many more woman suffer losses than most realize. Something like 1/3 pregnancies don't survive.  There needs to be much more dialogue and support, and not hushed secrets.

 

adding: What i never thought of, and what you never really hear about, is pregnancy after loss. The loss tainted this pregnancy for me. Every pain, every cramp is stressful. Constantly checking for bleeding, or something going wrong. It sucked the joy out of the positive pregnancy test, and i was stressed and paranoid for weeks after. I still go in or call for things that never would have bothered me the first pregnancy.

[Fundie Bunny]

7 hours ago, quiverofdoubt said:

adding: What i never thought of, and what you never really hear about, is pregnancy after loss. The loss tainted this pregnancy for me. Every pain, every cramp is stressful. Constantly checking for bleeding, or something going wrong. It sucked the joy out of the positive pregnancy test, and i was stressed and paranoid for weeks after. I still go in or call for things that never would have bothered me the first pregnancy.

My paternal grandmother had a still-birth before having her 7 children. My maternal grandmother had a miscarriage before she had her 4 children (i think the miscarriage was a late term one). My aunt had 2 miscarriages before she had her 4 children and a third one after her youngest. Other aunt had an ectopic pregnancy between her two children, and other aunt, before her two children. My own mother had another miscarriage before i was born.

What i wanted to say is that there is hope. A woman's first pregnancy being miscarried is really not that uncommon. And most of them end up succesfully having healthy children. Always stay positive 

[Sweet Fellowship]

10 hours ago, Dandruff said:

I'm not at all surprised that Joseph is getting a Real Estate license.  I strongly suspect he's being groomed for Jim Bob's role in the family business.  It obviously won't be Josh, and I think John would prefer to fly planes and build/fix things.  JB has always spoken positively of Joseph and he's scandal-free. 

One of the boys is bound to be groomed as Jim Bob Jr and you might just be onto something here. Joseph seems to be dependable and scandal-free. JD likely wants to do his own thing with his towing and flying. I don't see him as a chatty salesperson type.

[RosyDaisy]

@JesSky03: So sorry for your loss.

[Fundie Bunny]

So, for the last two months i have been staying at my aunt's. Everyday, i hear the upstairs neighbour move in her bed, and the bathroom being used. Normal, until today, that creepy weird music started playing and i remembered that the neighbour and her son died last summer. I reaaaaaaally hope one of her daughters has moved here while selling the house and i just haven't seen them.

[Iokaste]

14 hours ago, JesSky03 said:

This comment is from a few pages ago already but it struck a nerve with me. I could never snark on Jill for announcing her pregnancy as early as she did. I don't know if you have ever experienced a loss, but I have. Just a few weeks ago actually. We found out the baby had no heartbeat at our first ultrasound so at that point only very close family had known about the pregnancy. Now that we lost the baby all I want to do now is tell the world that my baby existed. Miscarriage isn't something that should be hidden. Women shouldn't have to suffer in silence behind closed doors. Nor should they have to hide their pregnancies until the 2nd semester. I applaud Jill for being so brave and announcing her pregnancy so early and I hope the way people reacted won't keep her from sharing her joy when that time comes again (though I hope that time isn't soon). 

Sounds like our babies would have been about the same age, but ours checked out on it's own as well just before Christmas. 

I'm more and more convinced that the whole " you don't tell before 3 months", while being pushed as a nice and caring things, is really just one more misogynistic and oppresive way of making women deal with their feelings and experiences in prvate, so as to not disturb the patriarchy with all that unpleasant "woman stuff". 

Hugs to you @JesSky03!

[Alicja]

with me, if I'm not doing something that's making a significant impact in people's lives, I'm not motivated to do the job. I worked at a natural grocery store for a while in their apothecary department (body care, vitamins, etc.) and while it was fun, I didn't feel fulfilled. Plus, there was a lot of unnecessary quackery. I had this one lady come in who REFUSED to use USP vitamin E because of the FDA or whatever, even when I explained to her the very strict purity standards of USP. I don't miss that pseudo-scientific bullshit at all.

Now that I'm working as a vet tech, I feel much more fulfilled. It's really hard work because a lot of it is somewhat menial (like cleaning up poop), but it's also satisfying because I'm getting some really valuable experience. I'm working with a lot of different medicines and equipment, and I also like helping animals.

IMO being a stay at home mom is a job. Kids require a lot of work (especially the youngins!). DQ is excluded from this statement, obviously 

[missegeno]

11 hours ago, quiverofdoubt said:

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take the time time to heal and process. I'm still dealing with the repercussions of mine, over a year ago. (ectopic).  

The reverse can also be true in terms of announcing: one of my friends announced a pregnancy early, only to lose it. Despite announcing the loss, it took months for everyone in all her circles and the gossip chains to find out.  She said months after her loss people would come up to her and say "congratulations! you look great, you barely look pregnant" and so on. It was like a slap in the face.

I agree 100% though, it shouldn't be such a dark secret. So many more woman suffer losses than most realize. Something like 1/3 pregnancies don't survive.  There needs to be much more dialogue and support, and not hushed secrets.

Wow, I hope everyone who has lost a pregnancy is able to find support for such a difficult occasion, and thank you both for sharing your stories. I absolutely agree that these should not be hushed secrets. I wish people could just make their announcements when they feel it is right, not when society thinks its right.

 

I was the youngest in my family and almost the youngest in my extended family, with no new ones being born until a distant cousin had a child after I had turned 18 and moved far away, so I never really learned about pregnancy or had any questions about it growing up because it just wasn't a part of my world. I only heard about the 2nd trimester announcement rule a year or so ago because I was working in the PCOS/infertility field. Before that, if I had gotten pregnant, I absolutely would have just gone around blabbing it to everyone. I just wouldn't have realized that there was such a high chance that I would have to go around and tell all those people that I had lost it. (And, with all of that doctrine, Jill may have also underestimated the possibility) Honestly, I am not sure how many people I would tell if I was in early pregnancy. I can totally see wanting acknowledgment of the pregnancy's existence and/or the trauma weathered. I've had my own private hushed secrets that I struggled to (and in some cases, still struggle to) keep inside to the degree that society dictates. I should be able to share the things that have shaped my life and deeply impacted my perspective. I should be able to share why I am preoccupied. How are you supposed to access support if you can't tell anyone that you need it? But at the same time, I don't think I would respond well to "you don't even look pregnant."

[missegeno]

21 hours ago, SassyPants said:

IIRC, Jessa recently mentioned that she will not allow Ben to photograph her until she loses the baby weight. She mentioned that the scale and photos do not lie....her own words. I think she is too vain to have those photos out there at this point. She had a huge baby...I'm thinking she was ill prepared for the new "mommy" postpartum body.

Just rewatched this whole episode twice (just to be sure).

The closest thing she says is that she won't let him pick her up until she loses the baby weight. Nothing about photos.

"I am really self-conscious about my weight! Can we not pick me up?...He's not allowed to pick me up until I lose all my baby weight... I don't want him to like throw his back out or something, y'know. I mean, you're strong, but the mirror don't lie and neither does the scale"

Moments later, she seems to be fine with the fact that her pregnancy photos show her belly button popped out. She shouldn't be upset about it, and it doesn't mean much in and of itself. But its a common insecurity and I could see it coming up if her baby-ravaged body being photographed was that much of an issue. You might be right (we never really know), but I don't see it as significant in the slightest.

[paulypepper]

On 1/27/2016 at 8:50 AM, nst said:

and let me guess someone else is holding spud while jessa is in public 

the iron is on level 1 - even if it's on that - are there negative numbers on an iron 

as for Ben - those days are over - pure and simple 

the teenager father is a tool who needs to man up - get a job and stop trying to live off the duggar name 

nothing can come from that 

 

I love that!

[JesSky03]

1 hour ago, missegeno said:

Wow, I hope everyone who has lost a pregnancy is able to find support for such a difficult occasion, and thank you both for sharing your stories. I absolutely agree that these should not be hushed secrets. I wish people could just make their announcements when they feel it is right, not when society thinks its right.

 

I was the youngest in my family and almost the youngest in my extended family, with no new ones being born until a distant cousin had a child after I had turned 18 and moved far away, so I never really learned about pregnancy or had any questions about it growing up because it just wasn't a part of my world. I only heard about the 2nd trimester announcement rule a year or so ago because I was working in the PCOS/infertility field. Before that, if I had gotten pregnant, I absolutely would have just gone around blabbing it to everyone. I just wouldn't have realized that there was such a high chance that I would have to go around and tell all those people that I had lost it. (And, with all of that doctrine, Jill may have also underestimated the possibility) Honestly, I am not sure how many people I would tell if I was in early pregnancy. I can totally see wanting acknowledgment of the pregnancy's existence and/or the trauma weathered. I've had my own private hushed secrets that I struggled to (and in some cases, still struggle to) keep inside to the degree that society dictates. I should be able to share the things that have shaped my life and deeply impacted my perspective. I should be able to share why I am preoccupied. How are you supposed to access support if you can't tell anyone that you need it? But at the same time, I don't think I would respond well to "you don't even look pregnant."

It is such a tricky balance. I watched my sister go through multiple losses and watched her struggle with both keeping it a secret and never telling anyone she was pregnant, but also telling people and dealing with them congratulating her weeks or months after she had already lost the baby. For me keeping it a secret would be more painful and would eat me up inside. Plus I had to think of my husband who would have suffered greatly if he wasn't able to talk to other people about it.  I think we had a good compromise in our case, we told immediate family we were pregnant at 6 weeks so we could have their support if something happened. Within a week of the ultrasound they had all been told about the loss and their support was amazing. Yesterday we decided to tell our expanded family and friends about the loss so it would feel even less like a hushed topic. We wanted people to know what we were going through instead of grieving behind closed doors.