4th of July at Elissa and Joe Maxwells

[Jezebel]

Sad, but it fits. In the "Keeping Hearts" book, Sarah is the one who wrote about how she has bad memories of playing with the neighborhood children and another bad memory of something that happened at a sleepover. She has also written about driving past the local public school and feeling thankful that she never had to go there. She was also thankful that her younger brothers and sisters were sheltered from birth and never played with other children. It sounds to me like Sarah was a shy, socially awkward, possibly bullied child who felt relieved when her parents went cuckoo and socially isolated their kids. Maybe she really does want to be a SAHD forever?

I think you're on to something, there.

I can't recall who said it--maybe it was Steve himself, in one of his terse replies to a blog comment?--but I seem to recall someone saying that Sarah wasn't still unmarried due to any lack of suitors. She'd been approached by at least a couple of young men, only to turn them down. And I can see her doing that, for a variety of reasons.

One: When her prime courtship years started, Sarah still had much-younger siblings at home, who she played a significant part in raising and schooling due to Teri's depression. She's a sister-mom to them; they are her kids, too. And perhaps she couldn't bring herself to "abandon" them by marrying and moving away.

Two: Look at how frightfully enmeshed the Maxwells are--their grief and distress at Nathan marrying and moving across the street was just nuts. You would have thought he and Melanie were moving to the most remote reaches of Siberia, never to return. Now imagine a daughter marrying, and her husband taking her even 20 miles away, much less to another state. She loses daily contact with all the people she is closest to, who know her best. Her entire safe, regimented, supportive little world ceases to exist, and there's no going back. So why not remain where she is?

Third: Sex. She's lived a life of intense emotional and sexual repression, all in the name of godliness and purity. But I'm sure she's slso picked up on the fact that permissible sex within marriage isn't necessarily a benevolent thing. If I'd grown up with post-reversal Steve and Teri, watching her depressed mother submit meekly to sex with her husband and have child after child while scarcely able to function? I wouldn't exactly look forward to the marriage bed. Being expected to have sex on demand with a husband after a lifetime of "purity" could be too terrifying to contemplate.

Fourth: Sarah has a distinct role within her family. She has a routine. She knows exactly how to please her parents. Every day is neatly laid out for her, and she doesn't need to think too hard or make any hard decisions. To establish her own household, and her own routines, while learning how to please a husband and hus family, and having to make her own decisions for the first time ever might be a challenge she can't deal with.

And Fifth: If Teri's nemesis was depression, I suspect anxiety is Sarah's. She's been raised to see the world outside her immediate family as wicked and fallen; she worries about the unsaved going to hell; and pleasing God at all costs has been relentlessly drilled into her. Her childood difficulties in socializing with other kids, and her relief at not having to face public school/the outside world again hint at it. So does the way she expresses herself in writing--she's slways got to clarify some detail or explain some minor thing nobody cares about, as if it's really, really important. And on top of that, she rarely looks truly relaxed. There's something...strained about her, as if she's waiting for something to go wrong, or someone to point out her mistakes, or as if she's aware she's living under God's judgment all the time. I mean, if wearing even a modest outfit can still be the wrong thing due to the color of the buttons, there's a lot of room to fuck up on any given day. So staying home with her family, following the same familiar routines every day, immersing herself in religiosity, and sticking to the schedule might be her best coping strategy.

And I doubt Steve ever pushed her too hard to say yes to her suitors. After all, he's determined that his children never reject him and leave. He's able to keep his sons close (so far), but he can't control where a son-in-law might take his daughter. I think he'd rather keep his girls under his control, rather than hand them over to another man--even if he won't admit that to himself. Plus, I can't picture Steve and Teri living happily together as an empty-nester couple with just each other. I think they actually need their daughters around as a buffer against what is a deeply dysfunctional, unsatisfying relationship for both of them.

[usmcmom]

I have never fully understood what the problem was here. Couldn't the wait staff have just gone up to each guest and ask what they ordered and then given it to them? I assume they had a limited menu of two or three entrees, like most parties do. And when they called out "Sprite, Sprite, Coke, Coke" couldn't the guests just raise their hand and say "Coke over here".

I also don't understand Steve's system of numbering each order in addition to name and diagram. Is it just possible Stevie complicated it just a bit? :think:

And even if it did take just a little longer to serve everybody, who cares? It's the eve of one of the happiest days of a parent's life.

I think Teri was just pissed that they served Coke instead of Pepsi.

I wonder if part of the problem was that the Maxwells rarely eat out with a large group, let alone on such an important occasion. It's just part of the deal when you are dining out with others. Confusion happens. We eat out with a party of about 16 most Sundays and it's just standard for there to be questions, raising hands, pointing, reaching, etc.

"I have the burrito platter here....? Anybody?"

"Oh, that's mine. Thanks."

"Two tacos and rice.....?"

"Over here" *raising hand*

What is the big deal? It was not a state dinner. Frankly Teri and Steve seemed to have handled it in a very impatient and unkind matter. Plus, I think their anti-social personalities were probably REALLY showing that night. I understand that for a rehearsal dinner, you want things to run smoothly but....geesh!....lighten up Steve and Teri. Seriously; they have no idea how society actually works, do they?

[anjulibai]

I think Steve and Teri probably assumed people sat where they were told to sit, in the exact chair arranged in an exact position.

What most likely happened, as does in dinners like this that I've been to, is that people sat in different spots at the table, or exchanged seats at another table.

And likely some probably changed their mind regarding an entree order or drink order. It happens.

Plus, unless this was a 5 star restaurant, I doubt the waiters would memorize the seating chart they were given.

So, of course, there would be waiters calling out drinks and entrees. Even if they knew how many to bring to a table, they'd still have to ask who had what.

My guess is that Teri and Steve wanted the waiters to come out silently and serve everyone, without saying a peep. When this didn't happen, they freak out because they are control freaks.

[mango_fandango]

Going off topic, sorry...

If Stevie boy is already 60+, he likely has around 20 or so years left. Say he dies in 20 years (thank fuck!). Teri will be in her late seventies/early eighties. Sarah will be early fifties, Anna early forties, and Mary almost forty. I truly wonder what the everloving fuck they'll do with themselves. Teri won't have long left. Say she pops her clogs around a year or so later. Or even five. That'll leave three middle-aged women in the house- I'm assuming they won't get married. They will have no idea what the hell to do with themselves. They have a shit education, no marketable skills, and no experience with the outside world.

Actually, I'm wondering what the hell the entire family will do. Since they live so close together, and do basically everything together, once the matriarch and patriarch go their world will crumble. The ABC girls will be of marriageable age by then. (I hope Nathan lets his girls get married). I know the Duggars still basically do everything together, but Josh/Anna, Jill/Derick and Jessa/Bin have way more independence than the Maxwells. (Heck, Jill and Derick are moving to another freakin' country). I bet Sarah, Anna and Mary will develop serious, serious issues. Steve has done a huge, huge disservice to them. We criticize Erika Shupe, but at least she is letting her girls develop skills (Karen likes gardening and apparently Melanie wants to be an animator of some sort- plus the family has contact with others outside their family, even if they are religious too). It's hilarious how one of their books is called "Making Great Conversationalists", when all they bloody talk about is Jeebus. I thought a great conversationalist would be someone who can talk on a wide range of subjects. By blacklisting everything other than Jesus talk, Steve has done exactly the opposite of "making great conversationalists".

[Myfanwy]

I agree so very much with this statement. Firstly, I think that Steve and Teri can't get passed the parent thing. Being a parent and guiding their children towards the light is their whole reason for being. If all their children leave who will they guide? Who will they parent? What the hell will they do with their time? Who will they have riveting conversations with?

Secondly, Will Steve now have to wake up and see what he has done to his wife? Without Sarah there to run interference the ordeal of an ill wife with too many children, out of her depth and suffering might start to come into focus.

[Jana814]

Steve will never see the error of his ways. He think his way is the only way.

[albanuadh_1]

Wonder if the 4th of July brekkie was considered Andrew's 1st b'day party?

[blessalessi]

Going off topic, sorry...

If Stevie boy is already 60+, he likely has around 20 or so years left. Say he dies in 20 years (thank fuck!). Teri will be in her late seventies/early eighties. Sarah will be early fifties, Anna earlyu :ew: forties, and Mary almost forty. I truly wonder what the everloving fuck they'll do with themselves. Teri won't have long left. Say she pops her clogs around a year or so later. Or even five. That'll leave three middle-aged women in the house- I'm assuming they won't get married. They will have no idea what the hell to do with themselves. They have a shit education, no marketable skills, and no experience with the outside world.

Actually, I'm wondering what the hell the entire family will do.

The Lord will lay it on the boy-children's hearts to give the family home to whichever one of them it suits to take on the upkeep of one or more maiden aunts, in exchange for free housekeeping services. And then shuffle the houses around accordingly. Nathan, Chris and Joseph already have houses. John just needs to wait awhile to take over Gigi's house. Jesse is the last one got need a home and the Max Bell will be complete.

Steve is unlikely to last 20 years more with his anger issues. His heart must be under massive stress. and once he is gone, Teri can be put in a spare room somewhere, while the patriarchy wannabes fight it out. :D

[Sundaymorning]

The Lord will lay it on the boy-children's hearts to give the family home to whichever one of them it suits to take on the upkeep of one or more maiden aunts, in exchange for free housekeeping services. And then shuffle the houses around accordingly. Nathan, Chris and Joseph already have houses. John just needs to wait awhile to take over Gigi's house. Jesse is the last one got need a home and the Max Bell will be complete.

Steve is unlikely to last 20 years more with his anger issues. His heart must be under massive stress. and once he is gone, Teri can be put in a spare room somewhere, while the patriarchy wannabes fight it out. :D

I think the daughters will stay with their brothers, although they probably will have to split up.

I doubt any of their brothers will have enough cash and room to provide for all three of them, unless the other brothers would help pay for the expenses of the one that takes them.

Another option would be if they would work as live-in housekeepers for an elderly person or couple. That is something they could probably manage after a period of adjustment.

[Justme]

Stevie did say he would leave the house to his unmarried daughters. Maybe they can start their own Fundie Nunnery.... :shock:

[Sundaymorning]

Stevie did say he would leave the house to his unmarried daughters. Maybe they can start their own Fundie Nunnery.... :shock:

He did. They'll have the house. And then what? They'll still need money for stuff like food, clothes, insurance, car and house maintenance and so on. I doubt that Stevehova has so much cash saved that it will be enough to pay for all three of them for decades.

[nausicaa]

He did. They'll have the house. And then what? They'll still need money for stuff like food, clothes, insurance, car and house maintenance and so on. I doubt that Stevehova has so much cash saved that it will be enough to pay for all three of them for decades.

He probably has a life insurance policy as well. But money will be tight, regardless.

[mango_fandango]

He did. They'll have the house. And then what? They'll still need money for stuff like food, clothes, insurance, car and house maintenance and so on. I doubt that Stevehova has so much cash saved that it will be enough to pay for all three of them for decades.

Exactly. She won't still be doing Moody books by then, and she wouldn't make enough money from them to live off. That book Preparing Sons to Provide for a Single Income Family won't help them, will it? I bet they'll end up having to rely on their brothers or something, IDK.

[anjulibai]

You guys are all forgetting, Sarah, Anna and Mary totes have mad skills they can use to get jobs to support them. Even though they'll have no job experience when they are looking for their first jobs in their 40s and 50s, they're totally hirable. Sarah is writer and does bookkeeping. Anna is a nutritionist and chef. And Mary is an amazeballs artist. They will be turning jobs down, you guys. Totally!

[VodouDoll]

Maybe Steve and Teri have a trust for their daughters that they've just never mentioned. One can hope. Maybe they're living off the investment income but when they die Sarah, Anna, and Mary will inherit the principle.

[princessmahina]

By then I imagine Sarah will have won the equivalent of a fundie Newberry Award for the Moody series. She and the Maxwell-ettes will be rolling in the denim maxi skirts and meatless bean burrito filling.

/end snark on Poor Sarah, Poor Anna, and Poor Mary

[nelliebelle1197]

Maybe Steve and Teri have a trust for their daughters that they've just never mentioned. One can hope. Maybe they're living off the investment income but when they die Sarah, Anna, and Mary will inherit the principle.

It will be their final book- how to support your SAHD when you are gone.

[BullyJBG]

Next post; advertising their courses taught, mainly by Nathan. Nathan's gonna be 40 this year, or next year? And captivating on Steve's previous experience, which it seems he didn't and doesn't allow his "children" to have. Prove me wrong, Steve. Please and thank you.

Furthermore, if he's so sheltering, how DO they know the idiom "dog-eat-dog"? Did Steve get it from us?

[mango_fandango]

Next post; advertising their courses taught, mainly by Nathan. Nathan's gonna be 40 this year, or next year? And captivating on Steve's previous experience, which it seems he didn't and doesn't allow his "children" to have. Prove me wrong, Steve. Please and thank you.

Furthermore, if he's so sheltering, how DO they know the idiom "dog-eat-dog"? Did Steve get it from us?

Dog-eat-dog is quite an old idiom, I think. I wonder more where they know the word "selfie" from. If they really hate "the world", how come they know such a "worldly" term??

[Sundaymorning]

It will be their final book- how to support your SAHD when you are gone.

Now this book would actually have considerable market potential among fundies.

For the fact that those various fundie cults are mostly about marrying and having as many kids as possible, many fundies families do a pretty bad job at marrying off their daughters.

[Jana814]

That would be an interesting book how to support a SAHD when u r gone.

[sparkles]

Steve may be megalomaniacal religious wing nut but I do think he's intelligent and somewhat financially savvy. I mean, it took nearly a year before he "came home" from his job, after taking a stand which, apparently, included refusing to work with women. The way I interpret that is that he dug in until he got a settlement that was to his liking. Overall, the family lives well and they're frugal but not cheap. I would be very surprised if he didn't have provisions in place to make sure Teri and the girls were taken care of financially. For one thing, he could very well have made long-term investments in vetted Christian companies.

I also think that if push came to shove and there were no other alternative, the girls COULD get jobs on the "outside." Low level jobs, most likely, but they're not without SOME skills—at the very least, they're no less qualified than a lot of the general population. The entire family seems to have an enviable worth ethic—even if they don't have a choice—and they'd probably be good employees who do what they're told and don't rock the boat (other than taking every possible opportunity to witness).

[blessalessi]

Anna is probably the most skilled of all the Maxwells. As well as her cooking and home making skills she has office skills from working for the family business, and she is "have-a-go Anna" at all of the "boy" tasks like computer maintenance, electrical wiring, garage door installation, etc.

If she were ever to take off from the compound, with her work ethic, she could train in any of those fields, or flip houses for profit or whatever.

The biggest problem for all of them would be living independently and having self-confidence to go forward.

[Jana814]

The biggest problem for all of them would be living independently and having self-confidence to go forward.

Agree!! Very well said.

[Justme]

He may have a life insurance policy.