Bringing Up Bates

[formergothardite]

I feel sorry for Zach. I know what it is like to feel guilt over something that most people would consider normal behavior.

I'm also not surprised that they admitted he kissed before he got married. They are doing whatever they can to make it look like they have nothing in common with the Duggars. The truth is, I doubt Zach came up with the idea that he should commit to not kissing before marriage, his parents probably pressured him into it. It loaded him with guilt that he "failed" and it ended up with a grown man having to go confess to his parents and ask for forgiveness for kissing the woman he is going to marry. That is really, really fucked up, but Gil and Kelly are trying to spin it to make it look like they are open minded and let their children make their own choices.

[actuallyjessica]

their kids are still yards in front of the duggars, whether their parents are guilt tripping them or not when it comes to kissing before marriage. do you think a duggar would ever admit that shit? NEVER.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Zach just confirmed that he and Whitney did not save their first kiss for their wedding day. They were honest with his parents before the wedding and asked for forgiveness I guess.

Good for them :) Poor Zach shouldn't feel guilty though, there is nothing wrong with it. Im glad his parents were okay with him and accepted that he is an adult and its his relationship not theirs. The Bates are more accepting of their kids having differing courtship standards. Imagine what Jimbob and Michelle would have done to Josh Jill or Jessa if they were caught doing something like kissing outside of marriage. Michelle looked pissed off enough about Jill's naughty, slutty front hug. :roll:

I feel bad for Erin, especially cause her siblings are starting to have kids. Im glad she now knows what is causing her problems, and that she is on medication now for it. Hopefully she will be able to conceive again and carry to term, and I hope she is okay throughout pregnancy and delivery. I also hope that the majority of the other kids don't have it too.

Im glad they are able to relax their standards and admit that they are not their parents, like Alyssa getting her ears pierced, wearing pants, and saying she does not want as many kids as her parents. I hope she is able to find a way to stop that from happening so she can have 8 kids, like she said, instead of 19...or even just two or three, whatever she really wants.

I love that Michael goes to college! :) The older Bates kids seem much more real than the Duggars, they aren't as sheltered and get to actually do more.

[Guest LilaFowler]

I immediately thought of this board when Zach said he and Whitney kissed before the wedding! I'm so glad they did. It's nice that Gill and Kelly didn't completely blow a gasket over it, but I feel they definitely would have if Whitney and Zach had told them they had sex before the wedding.

Anyway, I haven't completely read this thread, and plan to do it now, but does anyone see Alyssa not being that happy? Something seems off. I hope everything is alright.

I definitely do not forget about this family's beliefs and totally disagree with them, but I too have to admit that this show is much more entertaining than 19 Kids And Counting, and that comes from someone who has watched the Duggars from the beginning. The Duggars seem like emotionless, un-affectionate bots, and the Bateses have more freedom to have their own personalities...they're not as assimilated as the Duggars.

I know we didn't see the pink room this episode. But I want to say that although I like Erin, I don't agree with her subjecting her husband to a pink, frilly room. I'm sure he doesn't want that. I would never subject a man to a room like that. She could have easily made one of the other bedrooms or another room pink and frilly.

I also like that Zach said he's going to allow his son to watch Winnie The Pooh. I feel like Whitney not being as fundie as Zach has had as great influence on him. I've noticed that Whitney is not the typical shrinking violet fundie wife. She definitely tells Zach what she wants and gives him her opinion on things.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Chad was cool with it. Maybe he likes it too, men can like pink and frills. Or hes secure enough in his masculinity that he can live with a pink room if it makes Erin happy, because he loves her very much.

[jerkit]

As I'm watching this show, I notice such a STARK difference between the Bates and Duggars. I feel like none of the Duggar kids ever go off script. It's constant parroting of Gothardisms and whatever JChelle and JBoob want them to say. The Bates kids actually have personalities and original thoughts. So there's that.

[alba]

I know we didn't see the pink room this episode. But I want to say that although I like Erin, I don't agree with her subjecting her husband to a pink, frilly room. I'm sure he doesn't want that. I would never subject a man to a room like that. She could have easily made one of the other bedrooms or another room pink and frilly.

How can you be so sure? Someone asked him about it in a comment on his blog and he replied that he liked it and found it romantic. Yes, it's possible he secretly hates it (he obviously loves and respects Erin enough not to admit to loathing her decorating choices in public), but he didn't say, "It's not my favourite, but Erin likes it" or "It's dark most of the time when I'm in there anyway, so I don't really care", he said he likes it, so I think it's quite possible that he does.

[Guest LilaFowler]

Chad was cool with it. Maybe he likes it too, men can like pink and frills. Or hes secure enough in his masculinity that he can live with a pink room if it makes Erin happy, because he loves her very much.

Men can definitely like pink and frills. But Chad said it wasn't his taste. But he was okay with it because Erin wanted it though. I know it's the PC thing to say Erin should be able to decorate the room any way she wants, and Chad shouldn't have any opinion or objection about it, because he loves her. Their arrangement is their arrangement, and good for them. But I wouldn't be okay with my husband decorating the room any way he wanted. Just like if he liked frogs, for instance, and he wanted to decorate the room with a frog bedspread, frog figurines, frog pictures on the wall, frog stuffed animals, and frog wallpaper, I would have said, I don't think so. Let's decorate with something we both like.

My post was criticizing him for possibly liking a pink and frilly room. It's about compromise and decorating a room that is considered a sanctuary, a place to be comfortable, and a resting place they both have to live in to their own tastes. I would have said the same thing if it was Erin had wanted to frog room I described above. You can love your partner very much and still prefer to decorate a house that is both yours with common living spaces to both your tastes, not just one person. And then, some people don't care at all about decorations, and don't care what their partner decorates with. Good for those people.

[Evilbad]

My DH only really spends time in the bedroom for sleeping, sexing, and showering. He doesn't care what colors I use. I could use pink and he wouldn't care. Not because it makes me happy, but he just really doesn't care about that kind of stuff.

I think it's nice that Chad just backed off and didn't object to the way Erin decorated the house. He probably indulges her based on the fact that she never really had her own space, whether he admits it or not. She'll eventually outgrow the pink frilly foofyness and move on to something else. I've changed our house a few times over the years.

[jerkit]

Even if he did let Erin do what she wants even though it wasn't his taste - so what? I think there's genuine love there and they want to make each other happy. Go on with your badself, Cherin.

[hahe77]

Can someone please post the link to episode 2? Thank you!

[formergothardite]

Pink room is not my taste, and it might not be Chad's taste, but it doesn't sound like it bothers him so I'm not sure what the big deal is.

When we first got married my husband really wanted to put up three paintings in our bedroom that are not my taste at all but he really liked them and it didn't bother me to look at these weird boat pictures everyday for years. Would I have chosen them and put them up? No, but he really liked them and in the end it didn't bother me. It seems like that is what it is with Chad. He might not have chosen pink, but it doesn't bother him.

[anjulibai]

Erin sees the doctor. She needs folic acid and aspirin to prevent her clotting issues and she has PAI:

rarecoagulationdisorders.org/diseases/plasminogen-activator-inhibitor-type-1-deficiency/disease-overview-2

They're hopeful they will conceive. Next week: 2 kids get their licenses.

[Feministe9000]

Long time reader of this blog--first time post!

I personally love Chad and Erin. Looking at David and Priscilla Waller, there is just no comparison.

Their love seems genuine, unselfish, sharing, appreciative, considerate. All the things that love between two people should be.

Who cares if their bedroom is pink...

I hope Erin is able to carry a baby to full term, even though I wouldn't consider that a lifetime goal for me personally, I understand how much fulfillment and joy that it will bring someone with her faith and life aspirations. And there is nothing wrong with that. She has the support and love of a husband who adores her and is in this for the good and bad times.

As for Alyssa, I think she is a stuck up bitch who was desperate to get away from her loud, overcrowded and overbearing family. I like the Bates, but for someone like her, it seems she was relieved to move to Florida with John and sort of reinvent herself, which is why she is so keen to be close with her SILs, change up the rules for her house, no wearing pants (lol, how rebellious!) :roll: etc.

She gets to be a whole new person! :nenner:

Zach and Whitney are sweet, and I think they are genuinely happy living close to mom and dad, totally immersed in the lifestyle. Whitney of course being adopted, is seeking the feeling of belonging, which is a deep and sometimes not very conscious need, no wonder she is totally ready to be a "Bates", and be part of something bigger. Zach, who is the spitting image of his dad, I don't really think was clever/sharp enough to go off to ATI headquarters like Brandon or David Waller (not to say they are intelligent or critical thinkers by any means!) but fit more of the bill of the lanky creepy looking influential young men that lure others into this thing), and is better off working in his community and being as much like his Dad as possible. Of course! :worship:

[HereticHick]

There is at least one Instagram pic of Brandon & Mike holding hands while ice skating--but I guess its OK while wearing gloves! Mittens=Purity! : )

President Obama is speaking today around 11 AM at Pelissippi State Community College, the closest community college to the Bates. If I spot Mike the audience I will explode.

That would be way too much liberalism from the Bates in one week! :lol:

[Rescinded and Mended]

I think Chad probably doesn't care either way and that once Erin gets the pink princess phase out of her system, they'll go on to decorate their bedroom in a way that pleases them both.

And at any rate, good for him for being perfectly okay with it and letting Erin decorate the bedroom of her dreams from her childhood.

Chad does seem to be a good catch who genuinely loves Erin.

[anjulibai]

Men can definitely like pink and frills. But Chad said it wasn't his taste. But he was okay with it because Erin wanted it though. I know it's the PC thing to say Erin should be able to decorate the room any way she wants, and Chad shouldn't have any opinion or objection about it, because he loves her. Their arrangement is their arrangement, and good for them. But I wouldn't be okay with my husband decorating the room any way he wanted. Just like if he liked frogs, for instance, and he wanted to decorate the room with a frog bedspread, frog figurines, frog pictures on the wall, frog stuffed animals, and frog wallpaper, I would have said, I don't think so. Let's decorate with something we both like.

My post was criticizing him for possibly liking a pink and frilly room. It's about compromise and decorating a room that is considered a sanctuary, a place to be comfortable, and a resting place they both have to live in to their own tastes. I would have said the same thing if it was Erin had wanted to frog room I described above. You can love your partner very much and still prefer to decorate a house that is both yours with common living spaces to both your tastes, not just one person. And then, some people don't care at all about decorations, and don't care what their partner decorates with. Good for those people.

[Idolatry]

WTF. In the beginning of the episode, Kelly says Erin had three miscarriages. At the end, Erin says she had one.

Maybe Gil should have answered. His memory is better.

[memabelle]

WTF. In the beginning of the episode, Kelly says Erin had three miscarriages. At the end, Erin says she had one.

Maybe Gil should have answered. His memory is better.

[eh02]

Some men (or women) don't care what their house looks like and just leave it up to their partner. My dad never cared about it and my mom has always decorated their bedroom in a very feminine style. Lots of pastels and florals. I really don't think it makes any difference to him, and he likes that it makes my mom happy.

I think it's nice that Chad seems OK with it. I think a lot of marriage is compromising on things that you realize may be more important to your partner than to you. Even if it's not his taste, he probably knows that it really isn't as important to him as to her. Personally, I think that's a good sign for the way you will handle things with a spouse - and especially in a fundie family, I think it's nice that he really does not seem to be a controlling guy. I really like them together.

I saw a lot of similarities to Michael and Jana too. Luckily, Michael is on her way out of the house, unlike Jana. But they have similar personalities, even. Remember the episode of United Bates where the 2nd-4th oldest girls went to Peru, and Michael was stuck at home with all the kids by herself because Kelly had to go to the hospital for gall stones? And how even though there were several other older boys in the house, everyone laughs and says they're incompetent and the jobs are best left to a woman? :roll: Jana 2.0.

[jerkit]

Also, Michael is beautiful. Strikingly so.

[NachosFlandersStyle]

snipped & BBM

I noticed that too. No food, but a lot of condiments in the door. I do like their house. She decorated it quite nicely.

[eh02]

Sounds like my fridge! I'm glad that she doesn't feel the need to be Suzie Homemaker and act like mopping floors is her life's passion. But it makes me wonder what she's doing with her time. I have a full-time job; she's a "keeper at home" who doesn't like to cook.

[nokidsmom]

No big surprise to read that Zach and Whitney kissed before their wedding. In some of the pictures that were posted of him during his courtship with Sarah Reith, he looked like he has having some difficulty following the no touch rule that he was committed to pressured by his parents into following.

Good to read that Gil and Kelly weren't that upset over Zach's premarital kiss but good grief, it's pretty messed up that a grown man has to confess and ask forgiveness from his parents over something so damn normal. I am with FG on this one.

I am still of the opinion that Zach got what he wanted: someone who had some things going for herself and is not your typical fundie girl.

[Idolatry]

I believe at some point Erin said she had the first one that everyone knew about, but that it was followed by two more...