Bringing Up Bates

[stardust]

Just watched episode one On Demand. Way preferable to the Duggars in terms of watchability - they actually seem like they have personalities! Kelly Jo in particular. The only one I'm not totally buying is Gil - that Aw Shucks personality of his comes off totally fake and something about him gives me the creeps.

Could Cherin be any cuter? Chad seems totally devoted to her.

The creepiest thing to me about Gil is how he's friends with JB :mrgreen:

[singsingsing]

Getting back to the "bun in the oven" posts. I did not realize until I watched the episode on youtube that these were not referring to a comment on the show but the t-shirt that Alyssa was wearing. To me, that was incredibly insensitive and "in your face" to Erin.

Where I come from, "bun in the oven" is considered tacky also.

It seems that Erin was not even there when she wore the shirt. What if Erin is never able to get pregnant? Is everyone supposed to tip-toe around her for the rest of their lives? Are all pregnancies to be announced in whispers, should they wear baggy clothes to hide their growing bellies because they wouldn't want to upset her? When are they allowed to share their joy with their family and friends, if not when they're announcing their pregnancy? At the baby shower? When the baby's born? Never? I think treating her like a fragile wounded bird is showing her far less respect than going on with life and continuing to celebrate milestones and happy events. Everyone has at least something that makes them sensitive, that triggers feelings of shame or inadequacy or heartbreak. Most of us don't expect or want others to coddle us, as though we're incapable of handling anything.

If Erin had just been crying and telling them all that she had miscarried again, and then Alyssa had said, "I know what will cheer you up, guess what, everyone? I'm pregnant!!!" THAT would have been very insensitive. Wearing a funny shirt to announce her pregnancy to her family when Erin probably wasn't even in attendance was not.

[DCM]

Zach just confirmed that he and Whitney did not save their first kiss for their wedding day. They were honest with his parents before the wedding and asked for forgiveness I guess.

[kat]

It seems that Erin was not even there when she wore the shirt. What if Erin is never able to get pregnant? Is everyone supposed to tip-toe around her for the rest of their lives? Are all pregnancies to be announced in whispers, should they wear baggy clothes to hide their growing bellies because they wouldn't want to upset her? When are they allowed to share their joy with their family and friends, if not when they're announcing their pregnancy? At the baby shower? When the baby's born? Never? I think treating her like a fragile wounded bird is showing her far less respect than going on with life and continuing to celebrate milestones and happy events. Everyone has at least something that makes them sensitive, that triggers feelings of shame or inadequacy or heartbreak. Most of us don't expect or want others to coddle us, as though we're incapable of handling anything.

If Erin had just been crying and telling them all that she had miscarried again, and then Alyssa had said, "I know what will cheer you up, guess what, everyone? I'm pregnant!!!" THAT would have been very insensitive. Wearing a funny shirt to announce her pregnancy to her family when Erin probably wasn't even in attendance was not.

Apologies if my post offended you; you do raise some valid points. I was just thinking the occasion for the visit was already very emotionally trying for Erin as IIRC she and Whitney were due at roughly the same time.

Heaven knows, though, I think back to some of the things I did in my much younger years and just shake my head. :)

[DCM]

PAI and some other clotting issues are what seem to be hindering Erin's ability to carry a baby. They are putting her on an aspirin regimen and some other medication to help get them pregnant. Same with additional folic acid. It appears that its not an immediate fix though and miscarriage is still common.

[Finduilas]

Zach just confirmed that he and Whitney did not save their first kiss for their wedding day. They were honest with his parents before the wedding and asked for forgiveness I guess.

What ? Where did you see that ?

[stardust]

Zach just confirmed that he and Whitney did not save their first kiss for their wedding day. They were honest with his parents before the wedding and asked for forgiveness I guess.

:o

I'm honestly speechless. Now I really can't wait to watch this episode tomorrow (hopefully someone will have posted it). When I watched the promo I just assumed that Kelly was recounting courting rules after being questioned about Michael and Brandon. I'm curious what were Kelly and Gil's reactions to Zach's confession? I have to admit I'm a bit shocked at Zach because he was courting that Sarah girl a few years back. I have to wonder if he also kissed her. Giving away pieces of your heart anyone? ;)

The only thing that I'm annoyed about is that they even feel the need to 'ask for forgiveness.' I thought courtship rules were up to the couple? Too bad they have to feel guilty and apologize for kissing another consenting adult.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Zach just confirmed that he and Whitney did not save their first kiss for their wedding day. They were honest with his parents before the wedding and asked for forgiveness I guess.

I love that! I'm so happy they didn't just lie about it. Gonna watch episode 2 now.

[DCM]

:o

I'm honestly speechless. Now I really can't wait to watch this episode tomorrow (hopefully someone will have posted it). When I watched the promo I just assumed that Kelly was recounting courting rules after being questioned about Michael and Brandon. I'm curious what were Kelly and Gil's reactions to Zach's confession? I have to admit I'm a bit shocked at Zach because he was courting that Sarah girl a few years back. I have to wonder if he also kissed her. Giving away pieces of your heart anyone? ;)

The only thing that I'm annoyed about is that they even feel the need to 'ask for forgiveness.' I thought courtship rules were up to the couple? Too bad they have to feel guilty and apologize for kissing another consenting adult.

Kelly and Gil said that purity was still maintained so it did not bother them. But I am assuming that Zach and Whitney felt the need to ask forgiveness because they originally intended to wait until the wedding to kiss. If they had decided ahead of time that they felt kissing was alright for them I am assuming they would not have felt the need to ask forgiveness. And we saw more of Alyssa and John. She got her ears pierced after she married which is something the rest of the family doesn't. Apparently they are all a little more rebellious then we initially thought.

[eh02]

Kelly and Gil said that purity was still maintained so it did not bother them. But I am assuming that Zach and Whitney felt the need to ask forgiveness because they originally intended to wait until the wedding to kiss. If they had decided ahead of time that they felt kissing was alright for them I am assuming they would not have felt the need to ask forgiveness. And we saw more of Alyssa and John. She got her ears pierced after she married which is something the rest of the family doesn't. Apparently they are all a little more rebellious then we initially thought.

I'm always happy to see any fundie kids doing things "their way." But man, shouldn't it kind of blow their cover about kissing before marriage meaning you will immediately fall down some black hole of temptation and have sex? Clearly it wasn't so hard for Whitney and Zach...

[Closed Womb]

Watching the episode now. Zach and Whitney kissing before marriage, Michael and Brandon front hugging, Kelly and Gil admitting that the grown children will have their own standards and they're okay with it. I'm loving it.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Highlights: Erin saved her first kiss but said it was very hard. She stays home all day while Chad works and is lonely.

She cooked chicken and salad and vegetables and said she cooks healthy food now because her family does NOT eat healthily. The kids just tried broccoli for the first time. Kelly says she grew up on tv dinners.

Michael is saving her first kids and no hand holding until engagement. They do frontal hug. She goes to surprise him and he's pretty dorky.

Trace says the courtship rules are wise.

Zach said his parents were understanding about him kissing. And forgiving. Kelly says as long as there is purity in the relationship that's the end result. They plan on doing some things differently, like letting their kids watch cartoons like Pooh.

Now to John and Alyssa. He says of marriage: "all of a sudden you don't have chaperones and you can talk a lot more personally" - great, good to wait til you're marrued for that. She has a big tv in her living room. John is totally hunky. She makes cookies (toll house) and her fridge is completely bare. She says she will start cooking again when she has kids. The number of kids she can handle changes daily. Again she says 8. She got her ears pierced after she moved out and says everyone has to make their own rules as they start their own households.

Erin sees the doctor. She needs folic acid and aspirin to prevent her clotting issues and she has PAI:

rarecoagulationdisorders.org/diseases/plasminogen-activator-inhibitor-type-1-deficiency/disease-overview-2

They're hopeful they will conceive. Next week: 2 kids get their licenses.

[Mecca]

Good grief. How sad that a man in his mid-twenties that holds a position as a county commissioner has to go to his parents and ask for forgiveness for kissing his fiancé. That puts a big dent into Kelly and Gil's theory that people cannot control themselves once they go there. Of course, Kelly gave the caveat "not all the time." :roll:

[justmy2cents]

Kelly and Gil said that purity was still maintained so it did not bother them. But I am assuming that Zach and Whitney felt the need to ask forgiveness because they originally intended to wait until the wedding to kiss. If they had decided ahead of time that they felt kissing was alright for them I am assuming they would not have felt the need to ask forgiveness. And we saw more of Alyssa and John. She got her ears pierced after she married which is something the rest of the family doesn't. Apparently they are all a little more rebellious then we initially thought.

I didn't expect that announcement from Zach. I think many of us are not at all surprised though. I don't think Alyssa said whether she and John waited or not but she made it clear that they'll be making their own rules for their house. Nice to see the individuality that we don't see with the Duggars. Another thing, Michael said that she and Brandon don't hold hands yet but we saw them holding hands in pictures when they first started courting so maybe they considered that a special occasion or they changed their minds afterwards? Anyway, she said she's madly in love and looked really cute talking about him. Hope the aspirin and folic acid help Erin carry to term.

[FloraDoraDolly]

It could be that Michael doesn't wish to share the exact name of her college on national television for safety/privacy reasons. People can be creepy so I understand why she wouldn't want to broadcast her every move.

I haven't seen the episode yet. (I don't get that channel, so I'll either have to watch it On Demand at my sister's house or wait until some nice person posts it online.) But just reading the latest posts in this thread, I can't help but compare Michael's life (boyfriend, school, getting paid to take care of someone else's child) to Jana Duggar's (no boyfriend, no school, stuck at home taking care of her siblings). Sad...

[singsingsing]

Apologies if my post offended you; you do raise some valid points. I was just thinking the occasion for the visit was already very emotionally trying for Erin as IIRC she and Whitney were due at roughly the same time.

Heaven knows, though, I think back to some of the things I did in my much younger years and just shake my head. :)

Offended me? No... one can disagree without being offended. Of course we all make dumb mistakes and are at times unwittingly insensitive and look back later and shake our heads, but I definitely don't think Alyssa's announcement or its method fall into that category.

Props to Zach and Whitney for not saving their first kiss, and for not being afraid to admit it. I hope more will follow in their footsteps. Maybe the next couple won't even feel the need to apologize for it. :roll:

[frugalitymom]

In regards to Erin's diagnoise it appears to be a genetic recessive gene which means others could have it. They can test for it according to the link posted.

[16strong]

I am glad that some of the Bates kids seem to be making their own choices. It's clear that Josh Duggar has his tail between his legs when it comes to his dad. I wish one of the Duggar kids would have the courage to say "No dad, this is MY life. I am an adult, and I can make my own decisions. Butt out." For that matter, I wish one of the Bates kids would do that, instead of skirting around the fact that they really don't want to be as fundie as their parents.

[yetanothermeg]

Just watched the second episode. Am I the only naughty one picturing Zach and Whit making out in the Sonic parking lot after closing time?

I think Alyssa is going to limit the number of kids she has, if just by tracking her cycle and attempting natural family planning. All the other fundies says they want as many babies as god gives them, but Alyssa is like maybe....8? No, 10....no 8... One, I am encouraged that she would even state "what she can handle" because it implies that she feels she has some control over the number, rather than "leaving it up to god". She can't come right out and say she wants a smaller family, but that is the vibe I am getting.

Love Michael and the front hugs. Those side hugs are sooo awkward, especially after the guy proposes and they side hug, its just ridiculous. However she is saving teh hand sex until they are engaged.

And no one has mentioned the part about Kelly being the T.A. in Gil's college chemistry class. Just this fact alone makes me confident that her children are receiving a better education than the J'slaves.

Oh, and those pics of Gil in college with the mustache? He looked like a real creeper.

[Alexa]

You mean to tell me that the chaperones weren't doing their jobs and Zack and Whitney actually got some kissing in? Good for them. I wonder if Kelly realizes how hypocritical she sounds when she says they are asking their kids to do as they say, not as they did? Probably not. Anyway, good for Whitney and Zack.

I love that Erin is cooking healthy food and that she is hanging out with her younger siblings working with them in the kitchen etc. She seems genuine and at ease with kids, so does Chad. Whereas Alyssa's tone with her nieces and nephews was really short and unpleasant. Her tone was so flat when she answered the door and was saying hi to the kids but perky when she said hello to her SIL. Same thing when she was handing out cups. I can easily see her using blanket training and strictly disciplining her kids. I hope she doesn't have many kids.

I do like how the kids all seem comfortable with each other and like they really do like each other.

[Kira]

My thoughts after watching the new episode:

- I bet the kiss is why Zach and Whitney got married December of 2013. Zach and Whitney wanted to get married in the Spring of 2014. She had her colors picked out.

- Erin with her younger siblings was very sweet. I wonder if she and her family will be criticized like that other women and her family. That women is clearly being forced to spend time with her siblings.

- Alyssa and John didn't talk about their first kiss :think: An impure son is probably better than a impure daughter(I don't think they kissed before marriage).

- There is nothing rebellious about Alyssa's ear piercing or baby Bradley watching Winnie the Pooh. Most of the fundies we follow do things a little differently than their parents, including the Josh and Jill Duggar.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

Broccoli is "new" to the Bates family? Oookay.

Yay for Zack and Whitney! Was so not expecting that! I also noticed the lack of talk about Alyssa's first kiss. Didn't they hold hands before engagement and appear a lot more snuggly in their pics?

I wonder if the Duggars will even be allowed to watch this show! They may get ideas and have individual thoughts!

Not sure what I think of Brandon. He sure homed right in on accusing Michael of lying...

[Tdoc72]

Not sure what I think of Brandon. He sure homed right in on accusing Michael of lying...

I noticed this too. Most guys could probably handle it if their girlfriend told a little white lie and then surprised him w/a visit. But she mentioned twice that she didn't want to be deceitful. I just thought it was a weird. And they sure love themselves some tight front hugging!

I noticed Gil called her Mike when he was getting her luggage, which I thought was cute.

Very surprised that they admitted on tv about Zach & Whitney's pre-wedding kiss. I want more details, like when, where & who was the chaperone that fell down on the job? Nevermind, I bet they didn't have chaperones all the time if they met up for lunch during work hours or something. I don't think Zach even touched Sarah, let alone kissed her.

I know the fundy wives don't want to work, but why do they have to sit around the house all day, just waiting for their husbands to arrive home? Volunteer! It can be a short term commitment. Nursing homes or pet shelters would be perfect. Do it for a couple of months until they start incubating.

Also, Lurch speaks! First time I've ever heard him talk. Last week he was on but never spoke.

Lastly, Kelly said they have rules for this house. I wonder if that means that when they visit they have to revert to house rules. Would Alyssa only visit wearing skirts? Could she wear pants back home if she wanted?

[Tdoc72]

Now to John and Alyssa. He says of marriage: "all of a sudden you don't have chaperones and you can talk a lot more personally" - great, good to wait til you're marrued for that. She has a big tv in her living room. John is totally hunky. She makes cookies (toll house) and her fridge is completely bare. She says she will start cooking again when she has kids. The number of kids she can handle changes daily. Again she says 8. She got her ears pierced after she moved out and says everyone has to make their own rules as they start their own households.

snipped & BBM

I noticed that too. No food, but a lot of condiments in the door. I do like their house. She decorated it quite nicely.

[alba]

Highlights: Erin saved her first kiss but said it was very hard. She stays home all day while Chad works and is lonely.

Huh. Back in July she had a very busy schedule, judging by this blog post of Chad's: chadsperspective.blogspot.co.uk/2014/07/spring-and-summer-months.html?m=1

Being busy doesn't preclude loneliness, of course, but the list does include things like spending time with her sisters and teaching piano lessons. Does she still do those things? Or is it not enough social interaction after 23 years in a packed house?