Four Little Fergusons

[ViolaSebastian]

A home and (between the two of them) four kids! No way was I going to be a part of that in any way. I don't see why I should have to pay $800 of my hard earned money because they couldn't keep it in their pants.

I was going through her blog, and because I can't be arsed to wade through that dreck about her and her husband, WTF is this all about?

Yesterday, I got a personal phone call from the Detective who had my case file come across his desk. {Yes, for those that asked, I immediately called the police and within 5 minutes had 2 officers in my home office.} He saw it come across his desk, and decided to follow-up on it. {snip} I got an email from him that included his correspondence with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. They were able to trace the stolen photo back to a blogger who has child porn on his site, we didn’t find any of Destiny on there, but there were other children. I filed a complaint with Blogspot as well.

[nelliebelle1197]

I actually had a set of friends that a had a public vow renewal after (both!) cheating. It was a destination (granted, it was about four hours away, but was in a resort town, thus still a destination) vow renewal, complete with registry. We were so incensed by the idea, and asking us to spend several hundred dollars to attend this ridiculous escapade, that they became ex friends in very short order. It was the only event I never sent the R.S.V.P to.

I am so glad you are my FJ BFF. You continually crack me up :wink-kitty:

[chaotic life]

First of all, you blog to be NOTICED. Mental health experts have a few ideas on why someone needs that much attention, but most of those theories revolve around narcissistic tendencies NOT because you care about others. Case in point, those who do NOT put forth their families also blog, they just don't put their families out there for scrutiny. They can speak into the same crowd (the internet) without monotenizing and capitalizing on the privacy of their children to drive up viewership and attention. So, stop fooling yourself with the ultruistic garbage you spew forth.

Second, first time obedience is more than cruel, it's UNGODLY. Or do you really think that as a 'child of the King' you are only giving one chance to obey before you are penalized? Because you put yourself in a god-like position for your children with you demand first time obedience. You defile the very nature that those children were created with and make demands that they are incapable of understanding and complying with. You demand MORE from your children than what you claim is demanded of you. You declare yourself to know more than god and to require higher standards than god.

Third, that kind of attack comes from someone who cannot find peace in her own life at this point. Your so-called advice on how to go from infidelity to vow renewal ceremony and all is "fine" in less than 10 months is BOGUS. It's more than bogus, it's harmful to others who might read it. When I stepped away from Christian counselors and read experts on how to rebuild marriages, I ran across something that really sunk in deeply for me. Those experts cautioned that you do NOT offer a quick and unearned forgiveness. It is not that you never forgive infidelity. It is that if you give a fast platitude of forgiveness, you allow the cheater to disregard what they have done and not have to actually WORK to restore the marriage. Forgiveness should come when it is both earned AND felt by the wronged spouse. For me, that came 16 months after discovery. It came not because there was an obligation, and not because I followed faith edicts that said I should give it because it was expected. Rather, I woke up one morning crying, crying in ways I could not stop and I realized that I had truly and completely forgiven him, because he had stayed the course to rebuild and to restore and he had proven himself true.

I'm going to quote a few things I've said to a friend in the last month who contacted me because they had a genuine desire to make their marriage work but no idea how to do that. They asked me how I handled it when I caught him:

Um....do you mean after I threatened to rip his gonads through his throat?

As I said, I sat down and made a list of everything I needed to feel emotionally safe enough to stay and even try to work on the marriage. I focused on what I needed for ME, not to control him.

I have a signed and filed post-nuptial agreement that lays out everything including child custody agreements, as well as he agreed to assume part of my student loan debt in the event of a divorce.

I'm supposed to have a personal savings account in just my name but we have been in a tough situation for years so I don't have that yet.

Most importantly, I realized that if I wanted to work in the marriage, then I HAD to find a way to swallow my urge to evisorate him both physically and emotionally.

I had to give an honest effort to spending time with him, building relationship with him, not being hurt and angry by what was already done. I mean, I'll never have a full accounting of everything he did, and I had to let go of needing all of his history and simply accept that his choices moving forward had to matter more than his choices in the past.

I have eight children. When I caught him, my first thought was that I couldn't afford to keep a roof over their heads, much less afford to feed them. My second thought was that I would never let that be the deciding factor on whether to remain with him or not.

However, I realized that before I destroyed their world, I needed to give him an honest chance to fix what he screwed up. I honestly thought he would fail, and I would be absolved and able to tell them that I had tried everything and I had given him a chance to fix it before I left him.

Every relationship is different and if your goal is to rebuild then you have to work through your pain to a solution you can live with that doesn't try to control or destroy [your partner]. I promise you, you don't want a marriage that leaves her a shell and asks her to never be an equal partner again. You love her for all the traits that can also infuriate you and scare you, and you have to find your truth that works to respect both of you, not what worked for anyone else.

Rebuilding 100% means honoring both people to make the relationship stronger, even when it hurts too much to want to think that way.

Of course, I'm not trying to market my experience. I'm not trying to be less or more than any other person who has experienced this in their marriage. My words come from a heartfelt response when someone asks me directly how we got through it. I'm also five years out and at a point that while I do NOT think my marriage is immune to falling apart anymore. However, if my marriage fell apart now, it would not be because of the infidelity, but because we are two flawed humans and sometimes things DO fall apart and we still have a lifetime of making mistakes ahead of us that may still pull apart our marriage.

We did get new wedding rings, and I wear mine on my right hand permanently now. A vow renewal ceremony less than a year from discovery is in my opinion nothing but a show because it most definitely is NOT a response to having done the work to repair the marriage yet.

[ViolaSebastian]

This really struck me as I was reading around on her blog:

On teaching her daughter's purity:

“That lady IS so pretty in her dress, but see how low it scoops? When you have a dress like that, we will make sure you wear a pretty lace tank top underneath it to cover up more.â€

~ When you see a scantily clad Barbie doll in the toy aisle, you can choose the one in a full ball gown instead, “Honey, this one is dressed more appropriately. We need to save our bodies for our husbands eyes only.†Teaching purity in the moment.

Okaaay then. :pink-shock:

[FJismyheadship]

https://www.facebook.com/daleandtonya?r ... wse_search

Found her facebook. It is public, and she is into doTerra

[littlemommy]

https://www.facebook.com/daleandtonya?ref=br_rs&fref=browse_search

Found her facebook. It is public, and she is into doTerra

Of COURSE she is!

Hey, lady, if you feel judged for hitting babies, just rub some oil on your bruised ego.

[Grimalkin]

This really struck me as I was reading around on her blog:

On teaching her daughter's purity:

Okaaay then. :pink-shock:

Lol that pose is very........interesting.

Hey,you want to be recognized as a person with feelings, ok your kids are real people with real feelings. They are human too, and they make mistakes, like you. So who beats you with a spoon when you do something wrong?

[ViolaSebastian]

She looked lovely, don't get me wrong. But she's talking out of both sides of her mouth when she dresses in a strapless dress with a neckline down to there and accentuating your breasts (even by my own, admittedly non-modesty oriented, standards) and then take a photo of yourself sticking out your bust and backside in high heels and post it on your blog. If that's saving yourself for the eyes of your husband...yer doin' it wrong.

I was reading about her "I Do Part 2" ceremony, and evidently her eldest, Destiny, cried hysterically through the vows and foot washing (urrgh...I know it's Biblical...but yuck). This really hit me hard, because I found out as an adult (after my parents had divorced) that my father was a bit of a philanderer before my birth and it, without getting into too many details, was a fact that was extremely difficult with which to come to terms. I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams going through that as a child, understanding (to the extent that a child is able) what daddy had done, how my family might not make it, seeing my mother's hurt...I just can't imagine willingly exposing a child to that. I can see saying "Mommy and Daddy are having a tough time right now and we're going to get some help to stay a family." But dragging four kids through that whole business...just no.

ETA: She said in her re-vows that she "would keep no record of his wrongs." Lady, your whole blogging persona is a record of your husband's wrongs!

[AllisonWndrland]

https://www.facebook.com/daleandtonya?ref=br_rs&fref=browse_search

Found her facebook. It is public, and she is into doTerra

She does live in Kansas, from what is public on her Facebook. She appears to live in the southern middle area of the state. However, she is close enough to one city and one of the large metro areas in Kansas to have been exposed to more than just her ignorance.

The pissed off post about her being human made me rage. She beats her children and expects perfection, then is upset when others recoil? Get fucking real, sister. You either defend your choices and blog away or you learn from the criticism and make better choices. But don't bitch and moan when people question the decisions you voluntarily made public. That's one of the lessons you learn blogging and if you haven't learned anything from that, something is wrong.

[treemom]

Not to mention she is pretty fucking judges herself on her blog. His pot, meet kettle.

[ViolaSebastian]

Uhh...have we talked about how she's anti-chemotherapy? She thinks cancer cells can be treated with...wait for it...wait for it...our old friend colloidal silver! And DoTerra oils!

4littlefergusons.wordpress.com/2014/05/28/lies-drugs-and-chemotherapy/

[lawfulevil]

The FDA is a liar. I wonder how they sleep at night? Or even better, WHAT they feed their families?!....

Like the fact that cancer is a huge money-maker in the pharma world. That there are pills for chemo patients that run hundreds of dollars a piece, so why not keep it that way? After all, in the world we live in today, money is King.

So let me get this straight. The FDA is a bunch of liar liar pants on fires who are trying to keep everyone sick with cancer, and we only have their word for it that they test things, and they're helping Monsanto poison us, and EVIL. And what's their motivation for this? Money!

Ah, but, don't worry! DoTerra is here to rescue you! Their stuff works super amazing and is made from only the finest plants... and stuff... and also the baby Jesus' tears. How do you know? Because an MLM with SIX WHOLE "health professionals" (a chiropractor, two RN's, one actual doctor, an unspecified masters' degree, and a medical technologist) and a slew of completely random idiots who shelled out $35... I mean, joined their business opportunity... say so! And you can DEFINITELY believe everything a random fundie housewife, I mean essential oil professional, heard on Pinterest once. So stop taking all that $200/pill tested medicine your insurance covers and start gulping down $100 snake oil TODAY! Because oncologists went to medical school to watch people die. They love it.

And we can trust doTerra because there's NO POSSIBLE WAY their motivation, unlike those unGodly folk at the FDA, is money.

(under the tag for size):

transcription:

DT Basil: $26.67/15ml Mountain Rose: $9/.5 oz

DT Bergamot: $36.67 Mountain Rose: $16.50

DT Coriander: $34.67 Mountain Rose: $5.50

...Oh.

[ViolaSebastian]

She's a 'ten minutes and lube' sort of woman in the style of Lori Alexander, too:

“I just don’t enjoy sex.†I don’t enjoy doing laundry, either, but I do it because I love my family. And so we give ourselves sexually to our husbands because we love him. Communicate to him about what feels good and what doesn’t, and I would bet that he will be willing to help you find pleasure as you willingly participate with him.

And what does this even MEAN?!

And on a more serious note, in the Spirit World your body and life, actually intertwine with your sexual partner. This is why having sex with anyone else, just makes trouble. Their life and generational sins have a perfect tunnel right into your married life, like a toxic sewer system. Breaking free from the bondage of those past relationships is as simple as an outloud prayer session in Jesus name.

I'm just shaking my head here. It's a WHOLE lot more complicated than that, my friend:

“Have you wondered sometimes why a woman will stay with a man who’s abusing her? We know now, it’s because she bonds to him emotionally, because of the Oxytocin release during sex,†the report said.

Annnnd now I know how their first night as newlyweds went down. :?

[Grimalkin]

How does your husband feel about you sharing that you don't enjoy sex, and you do it out of duty? Do you even care? There are some things you should just keep to yourself, and perhaps you should consider other peoples feelings before you post that crap. That is completely disrespectful of his feelings. I can't imagine why the hell he is staying with you. Maybe he stays to protect the kids from you.

My best friend growing up had a dad that stayed in a crazy marriage because the mom was nuts, and didn't want to risk an ugly custody battle, that could easily end with the mom getting the kids since there was no concert evidence of her awfulness. After the kids grew up, he left her, gave her half of everything and not one of the four kids have anything whatsoever to do with her. Ever.

I hope all your blog readers do come visit and read this.

[ViolaSebastian]

From renewal vows:

I will keep no record of your wrongs...

From blog, two years on:

What is a date on the calendar really? All those little squares, empty and waiting for us to fill with our busy lives. A place to jot notes. Record and remember important events like birthdays, doctors appointments, school functions, and anniversaries, we can’t forget those…..My calendar today has a red circle around the number 10.

Next to it, a heart with a jagged line running through it, and a year: 2011.

She's LITERALLY keeping a record of his wrongs...WTF! I mean, I understand it's hurtful, terrible, no good, very bad thing he did. But for all the blog posts about how she's moved on and forward, she doesn't seem to have really moved on and forward.

Oh, sheesh, she posted about the "gay agenda" coming for her children in the form of a library book:

4littlefergusons.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/drama/

[Chowder Head]

How do you teach your child to love the sinner but hate the sin when expose to a book where one character says hey I am gay and the child instantly goes oh cant read it it has a gay person in it? It sounds wrong to my ears. How is that loving the sinner? That is instant..nope your different i don't hear you lalalalala mentality IMHO. This mentality is also why so many books are put up for banning in libraries across the nation.

[Gherkin]

Well that was an hour I'll never get back.

I love the homeopathy into. Whooping cough? Let's use onions.

[SquirrelySquirrel]

Ugh, there's a comment from a 4th grade teacher with the statement, "Unfortunately, we cannot censor books," speaking about students bringing in books such as "The Hunger Games" and/or books that have curse words. If the parents are okay with it, it's none of your business, lady! Just be happy the children are reading!

[lawfulevil]

Alright. I had some steam to blow off. So I made another FJ Scrapbook Page.

Warning- it is funny (imo anyway) but also SPECTACULARLY cruel, so if you're sensitive about these topics, please don't look.

[Grimalkin]

Awww.........she took down the post about us and her hurt feelings. I wonder why?

[FJismyheadship]

No she didnt. I still see it. Then I found this under the next post

Caramel Brownies

POSTED ON SEPTEMBER 18, 2014

4

Real quick, before we get on to the chocolatey-caramel deliciousness, I just wanted to say a humble thank you for yesterday.

I guess I figured it would be the fellow bloggers that would connect and respond to my ‘Bloggers Are People Too’ post with a “yes†and an “amen†and a comment about it. Oh, there were definitely some amens from fellow bloggers, they totally got where I was coming from, they have been on the receiving end of nasty, too.

I think what surprised me, was all the comments from people who don’t blog. You all didn’t let that stop you from coming alongside me with words of affirmation and encouragement, and that meant the world to me! You took the time to show me compassion, even if you hadn’t walked my path. Simply amazing. I am blessed to have you in my life!

Truthfully, what I wanted to do yesterday was stamp my foot and shout to those mean forums, “STOP looking for my husband on dating sites, STOP saying Jesus can’t heal a broken marriage this fast, STOP calling me mean names, STOP stalking my blog and hate reading, STOP accusing me of not giving the best care I could to my father in law, STOP COMING HERE TO THROW STONES…..â€

You don’t know how many times I went to that site, unable to look away, even through little gasps of horror, and tear filled eyes.

You don’t know how many times my fingers twitched and hovered over the keyboard with rebuttals and arrows to fling back. But I didn’t. I didn’t have to, because you all pointed me to Jesus. You reminded me why the attacks come. My battle is not with flesh and blood, my battle is not with forums and snarky websites. My battle is with satan, the prince of darkness.

Duh. How could’ve I missed that part? Thanks for pointing me to the bigger picture yesterday. I needed it.

The cool part about this, is that hundreds of people are coming from those sites, daily, to see what all the fuss is about. I can only hope they find Jesus while they are here, that they find themselves captivated and unable to look away, because our Savior is irresistible.

Hey, crazier things have happened! ;) That’s enough serious talk for today, let’s move on to dessert.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Alright. I had some steam to blow off. So I made another FJ Scrapbook Page.

Warning- it is funny (imo anyway) but also SPECTACULARLY cruel, so if you're sensitive about these topics, please don't look.

That is hilarious :D

Did you draw this? Do you have any other fundie snarking drawings????? I need to see more of this!

Oh, sheesh, she posted about the "gay agenda" coming for her children in the form of a library book:

4littlefergusons.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/drama/

From one of the comments

This is just sickening. I checked out the summary page on the internet, and I didn’t see any mention that the book included gay/bi-sexual themes. However, plenty of upset parents mentioned this in their reviews. We’ve been hearing a lot about how we’re supposed to be discussing all sorts of sexuality with our children. It makes me wonder why, if the people who hold these views actually think that we should be discussing how normal this behavior is with our children, they wouldn’t be advertising the gay/bi content of books like this one in large print on the front and back covers. It would seem they would be proud of the book’s content and want parents and educators to see what a great opportunity for discussion this book could be, right? By not advertising the main topics addressed in the book, it gives me the impression that the publisher is trying to hide something.

Ermmmmm do fundies not realise that liberal people don't go "Oooooooohhhh I gotta get this for my kids, as it mentions gay people and I want my kids to like gay people/be gay" and see it as a big thing. It isn't mentioned that there is a gay character because most people don't really care, being gay is as normal as being straight, and if we aren't concerned with the level of detail to straight relationships and don't splash that on the front cover, why should we make a big deal out of gay relationships.

[Grimalkin]

I stand corrected. I started to read the comments and it struck me how, if someone were to call me out like this, I would stop and consider what they were saying. If I was raised to beat my kids and expect perfection, and all these people ripped it apart I think I would pause and wonder what alternatives there were. Am I being scornful to my husband? Crap! I didn't realize how he might feel about me telling everyone how I didn't like sex! I don't think I thought out my chemo post very well. I know I would take my kid to the doctor if they had cancer and to chemo after all. If I really believed my post why bother going to the dr at all, either they are in on the government cover up or not as smart as I am. Yeah, it might not of been my best moment getting my kids involved in my marriage issues. I can see other peoples point.

Nope.

She posts a bunch of pictures of herself, thoughtfully reflecting on all her past hairstyles. Very deep thinking and humble that one.

I think she just wants everyone to reassure her about how pretty she is. Because, in the end it's the outside that matters. Am I right???

[littlemommy]

I'm confuzzled...how can one stalk a PUBLIC blog?

And, missy, I can hate read wherever I want. It's in the constitution somewhere, I'm sure. The ebil gubbermint hasn't taken that right away yet!

[longtimelurker6]

The evil library book!

Satan is a sneak, even colorful cutesie paperbacks from your small town library, are not to be assumed safe anymore. I am saddened that this is occurring, and I will be returning this one to the library personally, so I can speak to the librarian about this book being in the children’s section.

Heh. I know a lot of librarians. They all get these visits from Fergie types. It's just part of the job. Most nod politely. Some hand out a complaint form. Most of the librarians I know, come to think of it, are religious themselves. Many are evangelical Christians. All will side with the book.