Four Little Fergusons

[Chowder Head]

She provides some *great* advice about training/teaching children ;p

Most of the things she suggests can be circumvented by any child with a hint of creativity, but this one especially stood out to me:

"If your child asks for something and then argues or throws a fit when you tell her no, tell her that no matter what she asks for, from that moment on the answer will be an automatic no until she can accept the answer “no†respectfully."

If I were her kid, I'd start asking "Can I eat some vegetables?" "Can I do my math work?" "Can I read my Bible?"

4littlefergusons.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/good-bye-pushover-parenting-hello-happy-kids/

Then she would send kid to room to wait for a spanking proceeded by a hugehug and a glorify god moment for being willful in a creative way :? She states this is how they "help" their kids to obey and not be willful.

[dairyfreelife]

She provides some *great* advice about training/teaching children ;p

Most of the things she suggests can be circumvented by any child with a hint of creativity, but this one especially stood out to me:

"If your child asks for something and then argues or throws a fit when you tell her no, tell her that no matter what she asks for, from that moment on the answer will be an automatic no until she can accept the answer “no†respectfully."

If I were her kid, I'd start asking "Can I eat some vegetables?" "Can I do my math work?" "Can I read my Bible?"

4littlefergusons.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/good-bye-pushover-parenting-hello-happy-kids/

I may or may not have been that child :shifty:

[chaotic life]

I get the gut wrenching emotions that happen when you discover your spouse has cheated, but writing with authority about how to survive and how to heal NINE MONTHS after discovery? Yeah, no way, no how. The lunacy and arrogance of thinking the best thing to do nine months later is to teach everyone else how to heal--you haven't reached healing yet to be able to tell anyone how its done!

I despise first time obedience. Its worse than just about any other parenting nonsense I've encountered. It assumes that children don't have a right to be human.

[SoSoNosy]

If she isn't really, really up to date on Wordpress security, her selfies might go bye-bye. I have a friend who manages Wordpress sites, and there are a ton of security problems aimed that way recently.

[chaotic life]

Now that I've read through 99% of her infidelity series. BULLSHIT.

No one goes through 2-5 YEARS of healing and marriage rebuilding in nine months, complete with a wedding like ceremony and full forgiveness in nine months. Not anyone that truly faced the pain and trauma of what they endured adequately.

It's the reason I started my blog, and I share my blog here, so there's no secret that I lived through this. I remember VERY clearly in that first year how I felt sometimes I was in a holding pattern and it simply would take "time" to rebuild and people further along than I was would call bullshit to my 'everything is fine and we're rebuilding without too many hitches' naivety. I nearly walked out when we hit the one year mark, simply because it still hurt more than I could bear.

I lost the piece of paper and cannot find where it came from. But, our first counselor (NOT Christian counseling, because I realized quickly that I would carry no burden of guilt for his mistakes the way Christian counseling demanded). However, I was given a timeline of average times it takes for recovery of infidelity. Yes, it was averages, but I will never, ever forget it. 2-8 weeks to even stop reeling and decide what you are going to do. 2-6 months to recover from the initial PAIN of the betrayal. 1-2 years to get past the initial hurt into actually working on the marriage. 2-5 years to see if the marriage is going to survive or fall apart. Furthermore, while 60% of spouses initially want to work on the marriage at the point of discovery, only 30% will see a five year survival rate after infidelity (30% will refuse to work on the marriage, as is their RIGHT after the betrayal).

I think this woman's husband is lying through his teeth. I don't buy for a moment that four months after he started looking at porn he had a one night stand simply because he wanted to lust after someone. I don't buy it was one night, nor that it was one affair. Porn is not the kind of gateway that this couple insists it is. Lying, deceit and seeking out unfaithfulness is breeding ground for more and more unfaithfulness but no where do I see this couple acknowledging that at all.

Nor do I see any evidence of the one thing that is proven to restore marriages, radically changing the circumstances that set up the affair in the first place. What I see is a woman who still wants her perfect life back, and will do whatever it takes to feel like she got her perfect life back again.

She hasn't yet hit that five year survival statistic. She has no business publishing a book, or setting herself up at some sort of expert on infidelity three years out, much less the nine months out that she did this. What I see is avoidance, projecting outward the perfect rebuilding means she doesn't have to face inward.

We just recently acknowledged that if our marriage were to fall apart now, we wouldn't see the causative agent of the demise as the cheating. We also hit five years this month. What used to frustrate me about how anyone could say it was still going to take time, I finally realize really took more TIME. Time that this couple hasn't experienced yet.

[Coco]

She is now homeschooling ya'll.

4littlefergusons.wordpress.com/2014/09/04/welcome-to-4-oaks-academy/

The oldest is in 6th grade. I hope that she spends as much time on making sure they get a good education and adequate outside activities as the time she spent on decorating the room.

ETA: It sounds like she will, since the only reason that they aren't in their school is because the tuition was too expensive and she didn't want to put the littlest ones in daycare if she went back to work to afford the tuition.

[lawfulevil]

I think this woman's husband is lying through his teeth. I don't buy for a moment that four months after he started looking at porn he had a one night stand simply because he wanted to lust after someone. I don't buy it was one night, nor that it was one affair. Porn is not the kind of gateway that this couple insists it is. Lying, deceit and seeking out unfaithfulness is breeding ground for more and more unfaithfulness but no where do I see this couple acknowledging that at all.

A post full of really excellent points. I think the woman is delusional as well. Having sex with a whole new person isn't some bear trap you just fall into while walking in the Porn Woods one day.

The entire "the other woman" post reads really bizarrely to me.

With a few clicks, he found her on Facebook, and quickly pushes out the office chair to leave the room, saying he was going to vomit. Calling over his shoulder for me to PLEASE be careful that I didn’t make things worse for us by doing this.

Make what worse, exactly?

Bawling, I told her the story from Dale, how she ruined my marriage and then, I asked for her version in return.

She told nearly the same story as Dale. She apologized profusely the entire time we talked. Saying she was coming out of a dark time of abuse from her ex-husband and was looking for affection.

We talked further about respect and how she should respect herself enough to say no to cheap propositions. We talked about motherhood and finding Jesus. I told her she should hold out for her hero, rather than to try to find her worth in men or sex.

This just doesn't ring particularly true to me. The Other Woman would have to have the patience of a saint to put up with being slut-shamed and lectured about Jesus over the phone/internet for HOURS. It sounds more like a Big Fat Alibi to me. Having been cheated on, my ex's new girlfriends (I always dumped them, they ALWAYS got together with the other person, ugh) mostly liked to taunt me about "winning my man/woman" like a cheater is much of a prize.

Overall it sounds like her husband was terrified she'd spend a little more time going through his Facebook account and a little less time berating some random woman he supposedly hardly knows....

[chaotic life]

Plus, telling the woman his version of events gives her plenty of opportunity to concur with whatever he told, no matter how far fetched it might be.

I gave the summary of their so called story to hubby who nearly choked from laughing. He doesn't believe a word of the excuses this man told his wife. I think he told her the most palatable story that allowed him to admit to the cheating she discovered without having to get real and honest. The only scenarios I am aware of in which the first story was remotely close to the truth us when the cheater confessed without any discovery occurring. In those cases, the unfaithful spouse tends to be extremely honest and if willing to work on it, those marriages have a higher survival rate.

[lawfulevil]

Plus, telling the woman his version of events gives her plenty of opportunity to concur with whatever he told, no matter how far fetched it might be.

I gave the summary of their so called story to hubby who nearly choked from laughing. He doesn't believe a word of the excuses this man told his wife. I think he told her the most palatable story that allowed him to admit to the cheating she discovered without having to get real and honest. The only scenarios I am aware of in which the first story was remotely close to the truth us when the cheater confessed without any discovery occurring. In those cases, the unfaithful spouse tends to be extremely honest and if willing to work on it, those marriages have a higher survival rate.

Yeah, I have never gotten a story from a cheater, even the THIRD confession, that REMOTELY resembled the truth. Most of 'em kept lying their faces off even when the new girlfriend was taunting me with the actual truth (or something much, much closer anyway). I've got nothing going on this evening, everything I'm physically well enough to do at them moment is done and all my pending projects require way more spoons than I've got. Maybe I'll go spend some loving time with Google and see what falls out when I shake this tree.

Edit: Well, that didn't take much shaking... but I'm not POSITIVE it's him. Has she mentioned where he went to college? I'll post the screencap, there's definitely a physical resemblance, and it's the right geographic area, general age group, says he's a father of 4...

[nomoxian]

"Last online: August 18th"

Iiiiiinnnnteresting :whistle:

[FJismyheadship]

Definitely interesting.

[lawfulevil]

Perusal of Craigslist confirms what I already knew about life- there are a LOT of husbands lookin' to step out on their wives in Nowhere, Kansas. Just like everywhere else, but I didn't get anywhere, because pictures on that part of Craigslist don't tend to include, well, faces.

Next stop on the Trashy Train, the Capitol of Cheatin', owners of a thousand tacky billboards, Ashley Madison. I'm gonna need a dummy email address for this... my husband is laughing and providing horrible ideas for usernames, worry not.

[morfydd]

Yeah, I have never gotten a story from a cheater, even the THIRD confession, that REMOTELY resembled the truth. Most of 'em kept lying their faces off even when the new girlfriend was taunting me with the actual truth (or something much, much closer anyway). I've got nothing going on this evening, everything I'm physically well enough to do at them moment is done and all my pending projects require way more spoons than I've got. Maybe I'll go spend some loving time with Google and see what falls out when I shake this tree.

Edit: Well, that didn't take much shaking... but I'm not POSITIVE it's him. Has she mentioned where he went to college? I'll post the screencap, there's definitely a physical resemblance, and it's the right geographic area, general age group, says he's a father of 4...

I have not the slightest idea if it's really him, but googling eyeknoright gets a LOT of hits for someone trolling for female attention. Ick.

[lawfulevil]

This is pretty hard because, strangely, people who are trying to cheat on their spouses are a lot better about hiding their identities than, say, Cabinetman.

A former acquaintance used a pretty "neat" trick- he used profile pictures of someone who looked enough like him for internet dating purposes, but wasn't actually him, in case his wife was checking up on him. He got caught because he's a moron who left his cheatin' email account open on HER iPad. I'm seeing at least some of that happening- profiles (of men, so probably real) where a non-changeable facial feature isn't consistent across their pics. Eye color, cleft chin, that kind of thing.

So this has been interesting! No further news, though.

[Chowder Head]

I think she found us....4littlefergusons.wordpress.com/2014/09/17/bloggers-are-people-too/

:D and damn it she is just a person too :dance: :violin: :stir-pot: And do read the leg humping comments now where is that pearl clutching icon.

Edited to break link - lilith (though obviously too little too late)

[lawfulevil]

Hey, guess what, I was already aware of your name. And I'd already seen a selfie of you. About a thousand of them, because you and That Wife should go ahead and found the Persecuted by FJ/GOMI Selfie of the Day Club.

And no, you wouldn't smile and nod at me at the store even though I'm a big mean meanie pants, because I'd see you coming and go "OH GOD NOT HER" and become extremely interested in calculating the per ounce cost of every dried bean in the store. As I do with a handful of people IRL because I know that if I make eye contact, I will I have to endure another horrifically perky 5 minute conversation about whatever screamingly annoying topic they're obsessed with this week. I find that aggravating enough when it's an acquaintance telling me how wonderful the latest form of yuppie-approved orthorexia is, and completely intolerable when it veers into religion or politics.

That is, of course, assuming I had some reason I had to pretend I didn't loathe your face. Friend of a friend, something like that. Otherwise... you think I wouldn't be a bitch to you in person? That's adorable.

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Oh my god, the GOMI post. She displayed her FIRST wedding dress at her shame-the-husband vow renewal? Wow. Just... wow. Her poor dumb bastard of a husband is looking at being in the doghouse for life without parole all because Jesus hates divorce!!1! I think Jesus may get over it.

[Grimalkin]

Ok so now you found us. What are you going to do? Shame us? You have a public blog on the internet that brags about hitting babies. You don't treat your kids like they are human, as someone else pointed out about first time obedience. I think you treat your kids like they are an extension of you. Some people don't like that. We are allowed to disagree, and find you ridiculous. I bet if you were at the park talking about your "rod" to the other moms they all smile and nod, and talk about how nuts you are when you walk away. So it likely is not just us.

If it bothers you don't read here, or make your blog private.

[mastercleaner]

I commented that she needs to stop bringing her kids into her marital issues. They are children and don't need to be used as pawns and forced to choose who they love more... Mommy or daddy.

Don't bring your kids into adult situations. They should be worried about what to be for halloween, not wondering if mommy is going to bad mouth daddy today.

[salex]

OK, I don't read mommy blogs much, because not a mommy, however, the adultery bit sounded so completely fake I read it a few weeks ago. But her recent whine about people reading and not loving her blog that you were discussing made me go look again and the GOMI discussion made me go :pink-shock:

This stupid woman had a public renewal of vows in a new white wedding gown with new rings and displaying her old gown publically (not sure if she included bloody sheets from the first wedding night?--or her husband's balls in a jar by the punchbowl?)

And other adults attended this circus, based on the pictures she posted on her blog.

I have zero doubt that the story she and her husband have presented as the public story is just made up to be palatable to the gullible readers who make up her book market, but seriously, isn't part of forgiveness forgetting, as opposed to ongoing and constant reminders that 1) you were injured and 2) your husband is the asshole who did it?

I am here to tell you my husband would have divorced me before putting up with this much public shaming. And, were the shoe on the other foot, I would do the same. Happily for us this has not been an issue, but I am very curious

Who attended the public shaming of her husband- renewal of vows- book launch? I certainly would have had a previous commitment had I received that particular invitation.

Also, did someone say they are from Kansas? Crap, I'm likely only 2 degrees of separation from this nutcase.

[lawfulevil]

I've never met any human being who can get punished for the same damn thing to quite this degree and not eventually shrug and go "Well if I'm gonna get punished for it anyway, I might as well deserve it". And honey, I doubt your idea of how much punishment he has coming and HIS idea of how much punishment he has coming match up... sorta like I doubt your kids are real big fans of the spoon you beat them with. Or probably spoons in general.

Try it sometime! Just start punishing one of your kids them over and over for something they did months ago. You probably do that anyway. Never ever let them forget that time they ate mommy's Little Debbie snack cake. And wait. Sooner or later you'll have a pile of empty wrappers and a kid going "Bring it, bitch."

[Phoenix]

T is delusional. Nobody heals from betrayal that fast. Her posts seem to use God as some sort of red herring to distract attention from the painful realities she is rushing to sweep under the rug. Grace and forgiveness are marvelous things but they don't gel as quickly as instant oatmeal.

Chaotic Life's timeline makes a lot more sense than this overly bright, chatty "ministry" from someone who is still staunching the flow of blood and continuing to believe the lies she was told. No "other woman" in history would humbly repent after a bout of name calling and preaching on the error of her ways. It simply is not human nature, even with a healthy dose of God thrown in the mix. :hand:

Reality check, aisle three!

Edited for missing word.

[feministxtian]

I've never met any human being who can get punished for the same damn thing to quite this degree and not eventually shrug and go "Well if I'm gonna get punished for it anyway, I might as well deserve it". And honey, I doubt your idea of how much punishment he has coming and HIS idea of how much punishment he has coming match up... sorta like I doubt your kids are real big fans of the spoon you beat them with. Or probably spoons in general.

Try it sometime! Just start punishing one of your kids them over and over for something they did months ago. You probably do that anyway. Never ever let them forget that time they ate mommy's Little Debbie snack cake. And wait. Sooner or later you'll have a pile of empty wrappers and a kid going "Bring it, bitch."

That would be me. My mother repeatedly accused me of all sorts of things and beat the shit out of me for it. She would not believe that I hadn't done any of the things she accused me of doing. SO...I figured that since she was going to beat the shit out of me anyway, I might as well go have some fun.

[BrownieMomma]

This would not be the first wife who wants to quickly sweep this under the rug and go on with life as if it never happened. Mrs. Ferguson will be far better off in the long run to listen to chaotic.

All this faking and punishing, and the way that Mrs. F is handling this, is going to erupt later.

[ViolaSebastian]

This stupid woman had a public renewal of vows in a new white wedding gown with new rings and displaying her old gown publically (not sure if she included bloody sheets from the first wedding night?--or her husband's balls in a jar by the punchbowl?)

And other adults attended this circus, based on the pictures she posted on her blog.

Who attended the public shaming of her husband- renewal of vows- book launch? I certainly would have had a previous commitment had I received that particular invitation.

I actually had a set of friends that a had a public vow renewal after (both!) cheating. It was a destination (granted, it was about four hours away, but was in a resort town, thus still a destination) vow renewal, complete with registry. We were so incensed by the idea, and asking us to spend several hundred dollars to attend this ridiculous escapade, that they became ex friends in very short order. It was the only event I never sent the R.S.V.P to.

[salex]

I actually had a set of friends that a had a public vow renewal after (both!) cheating. It was a destination (granted, it was about four hours away, but was in a resort town, thus still a destination) vow renewal, complete with registry. We were so incensed by the idea, and asking us to spend several hundred dollars to attend this ridiculous escapade, that they became ex friends in very short order. It was the only event I never sent the R.S.V.P to.

WTF a registry? Gift grab!

I've been a little annoyed when friends had registries for their 3rd weddings.... much less same person same home... :cray-cray: