Ken Alexander reflects on his time at FJ:

[ViolaSebastian]

Her obsession with food, in light of this, drives me (organic!) bananas. Her insistence on the fact that you're a horrible, no good, very bad mother if you feed your kids anything other than whole-grain, organic, naturally-derived, free-range, etc. Well, guess what, Lori, it's incredibly expensive to eat that way and feed growing children that way. So if you can't afford to buy groceries that way because you're a SAHM with one income, you're an awful mother; but if you work to afford to eat that way, you're an awful mother. And don't forget not to use birth control, so there's no way in heck you can afford to feed all your eleventy kids that way--if you do, you're a terrible mother. The classic 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' that makes up fundism for women.

[lilwriter85]

Her obsession with food, in light of this, drives me (organic!) bananas. Her insistence on the fact that you're a horrible, no good, very bad mother if you feed your kids anything other than whole-grain, organic, naturally-derived, free-range, etc. Well, guess what, Lori, it's incredibly expensive to eat that way and feed growing children that way. So if you can't afford to buy groceries that way because you're a SAHM with one income, you're an awful mother; but if you work to afford to eat that way, you're an awful mother. And don't forget not to use birth control, so there's no way in heck you can afford to feed all your eleventy kids that way--if you do, you're a terrible mother. The classic 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' that makes up fundism for women.

The food stuff pisses me off too. Again Lori's sheltered and privileged life comes into play here. I believe eating organic as much as possible is a positive thing. But it's not something everyone can do. Lori has gone on and on about large families. Now, Lori's family wasn't too small. But there is a huge difference between a grocery bill for family of 6(2 parents, 4 kids) and family of more of than a dozen people. I would love for Lori to spend time with large fundie families. She would in for a shock.

Also her fangirling over families like the Duggars and the Bateses is ridiculous when comes down to it. Ken has praised the Duggars before, but if he and Lori spent time with them, there would be things they wouldn't like about the Duggars. I'm sure there are things the Duggars would dislike about Lori and Ken.

[Curious]

Her obsession with food, in light of this, drives me (organic!) bananas. Her insistence on the fact that you're a horrible, no good, very bad mother if you feed your kids anything other than whole-grain, organic, naturally-derived, free-range, etc. Well, guess what, Lori, it's incredibly expensive to eat that way and feed growing children that way. So if you can't afford to buy groceries that way because you're a SAHM with one income, you're an awful mother; but if you work to afford to eat that way, you're an awful mother. And don't forget not to use birth control, so there's no way in heck you can afford to feed all your eleventy kids that way--if you do, you're a terrible mother. The classic 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' that makes up fundism for women.

I just read the other day that free range eggs are more dangerous than regular eggs because of the risk for salmonella. I'm not against organic or free range, I just found it interesting. They recommended that if you use free range eggs you cook them all the way (ie: no sunny side up) to reduce your risk.

[GolightlyGrrl]

One of the (many) things that bugs the crapola out of me about Lori is her insistence that families can get buy on one income if they don't want 'extras' and 'toys'. It's like she's willfully ignorant to the fact that some people have both parents work to do provide the very basics--food, shelter, clothing, healthcare. This isn't a matter of having disposable income, it's a matter of working so kids have food in their bellies and a roof over her head. Her posts all come from a place of privilege, with no attempt to understand that not everyone is as lucky in finding a sugar daddy as she's been.

This, this, THIS!!!!!

I don't work because I'm trying to rebel against "True Biblical Womanhood." I don't work so I can indulge in spa visits, designer shoes and expensive bottles of wine. I work because if I don't I don't eat, I can't keep a roof over my head, the bills don't get paid, I have no health insurance and I wear rags.

Lori is a spoiled and privileged bitch without the self-awareness that she's a spoiled and privileged bitch. She wouldn't last a week in my non-designer heels.

[chaotic life]

My first introduction to Lori was that story about poor Emma and it still turns my stomach. It is a story out or Ezzo circles i've heard time and again, but never a grandmother bragging about the torture and abuse of her own grandchild the way Lori does.

And Lori is terribly elitist and entitled. We make sufficient income to cover essentials for a large family with one income. However, we cannot cover medical, dental, and vision without my contribution anymore. But given the nanny a and expensive extra-curriculars her children enjoyed, how dare she judge it as non-essentials that lead families with less income than Ken to utilize two paychecks.

I want my children to have bare essentials of allowance and at least one extra-curricular each, and I utilize a Y membership as pool access for my family and exercise for myself. I drive a 14 year old mini-van despite needing to replace my to talked 12 passenger to save money, and the only reason my husband has a brand-new car with all the bells and whistles is because we traded in his modest, nearly paid off six year old car (bought used) to get one that qualified for his work car allowance so we no longer have a car payment--the company pays for the bells and whistles and the better care longer he keeps it high end and an executive vehicle, the longer the company will pay for it plus give us extra monthly to cover it's upkeep.

I know large families who cannot survive and most often that's because they bought this one income at all costs crap and large families do not survive well on only one income.

[jerkit]

One of the (many) things that bugs the crapola out of me about Lori is her insistence that families can get buy on one income if they don't want 'extras' and 'toys'. It's like she's willfully ignorant to the fact that some people have both parents work to do provide the very basics--food, shelter, clothing, healthcare. This isn't a matter of having disposable income, it's a matter of working so kids have food in their bellies and a roof over her head. Her posts all come from a place of privilege, with no attempt to understand that not everyone is as lucky in finding a sugar daddy as she's been.

This INFURIATES me. One post was specifically about how if you want be a stay at home mom, you just have to stop eating out. No, Lori, just freaking no.

[laura oz]

I cannot possibly be a Christian woman and lift weights. Impossible.

I'm guilty of having a gutter-mind when I see your screen name and DrPusey. They speak to the 12 year old in me.

[laura oz]

I cannot possibly be a Christian woman and lift weights. Impossible.

I'm guilty of having a gutter-mind when I see your screen name and DrPusey. They speak to the 12 year old in me.

[Koala]

Lori cracks me up.

Storage Sociopath recounting a conversation with his wife:

No…well maybe a couple, but they are dickheads.â€

“And I’m not a dickhead?â€

Lori Alexander:

What a wonderful glimpse into a conversation between a godly man and his help meet!

That Lori, she's just too "puritanical" for words :roll: :lol:

[Tiger Lily]

Lori cracks me up.

Storage Sociopath recounting a conversation with his wife:

Lori Alexander:

That Lori, she's just too "puritanical" for words :roll: :lol:

Ha! I caught that too!

[SquirrelySquirrel]

Not to take from the very real fact that many, many homes are 2 income from absolute necessity, but I want to add that even if the only reason a woman works is to have extra things like vacations and designer shoes, that's her choice! And it's OKAY! Good god, when my husband lost his job and could only find a low paying one for nearly a year, eating out was one of the things I missed most. And thank goodness I had my job! It kept us from losing our home or going hungry. Now that he has a good job again, I'll admit I haven't cooked much because the strain of having no choice took its toll on me. I enjoy cooking, but not every meal every day, and I would never dream of feeling guilty or ashamed.

Also, there are plenty of men who have no desire to be the sole breadwinner, even if he makes a great living, and that's okay too!

[Coco]

Totally agree. When my hubby got a raise i took the kids out a lot for lunch. Just because it was such a relief to be able to afford it again after almost 6 years of shoestring living. We went back to being frugal after about a month of that, but gosh it's nice to pinch pennies more from choice than necessity. I'd never judge a woman who used some of her hard-earned contribution as a reward or personal pick-me-up here and there.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Not to take from the very real fact that many, many homes are 2 income from absolute necessity, but I want to add that even if the only reason a woman works is to have extra things like vacations and designer shoes, that's her choice! And it's OKAY! Good god, when my husband lost his job and could only find a low paying one for nearly a year, eating out was one of the things I missed most. And thank goodness I had my job! It kept us from losing our home or going hungry. Now that he has a good job again, I'll admit I haven't cooked much because the strain of having no choice took its toll on me. I enjoy cooking, but not every meal every day, and I would never dream of feeling guilty or ashamed.

Also, there are plenty of men who have no desire to be the sole breadwinner, even if he makes a great living, and that's okay too!

YES!! I was just about to post the same point.

When Girl 1 was a baby, it was pretty clear that I would have to go back to work, because my husband's salary as a resident wasn't quite enough to cover food AND rent. I was feeling guilty and conflicted about it. I had been a Dr. Laura listener, I was heavily involved in the Babycenter debates, and much of the talk was about whether working was truly a necessity or if there was any possible way to pinch enough pennies to stay home.

When my baby was 8 mos., I started a new job. I was earning more than my husband, so even with the cost of daycare, our take-home income almost doubled. I still had the odd twinge of guilt, because Girl 1 had a rocky adjustment the first couple of weeks, and I had some leftover Dr. Laura comments comparing daycare to dog kennels in my head.

Then, one day, I went to pick up Girl 1 and caught a glimpse of her before she saw me. She was on the baby swing and was laughing. I realized that she was doing just fine. Just then, something clicked in my head. I could turn off Dr. Laura, and stop paying attention to the SAHM/WOHM debate. The bottom line was that there were only 3 POVs that mattered: me, my husband, and Girl 1.

Looking back, the only thing that I regret was the angst and worry I felt, because it took mental energy away. Otherwise, the job was stressful in many ways, but it got me back to work, gave me a sense that I was doing something to help children, and allowed me to build skills and experience. The money allowed us to afford both food and rent, and we no longer worried and argued about finances. Working for 2 years between Girl 1 and Girl 2 allowed us to move out of a 1 bedroom apartment and into a house when Girl 2 was born. The kids are doing well. My husband and I were able to arrange to work close to home, and I arranged to work for myself and have shorter hours so that I could be there as needed. Doing that was easier BECAUSE of the extra skills and experience that I built by working between the kids. Yes, we do take family vacations. Why not? The kids are in school. They don't need me home 24/7. We all enjoy the vacations, it gives us (esp. my husband) a chance to unwind, the kids see new places and learn new things, and it brings us closer together. Perhaps, I could have stayed home with the kids if we had moved to a cheaper apartment - but that would have meant going somewhere less safe, or leaving our family to live in a different city. Perhaps I could have made even more rice and beans and even fewer fresh fruits and veggies. Perhaps I could given up the idea of any toys or baby items or outings at all. Perhaps I could have followed Dr. Sears' advice and scrubbed toilets while wearing my baby in a sling (seriously, he made that suggestion here: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health ... /work-wear), but somehow I think that my kids benefited more from playing with other kids and having a child-focused routine instead of a distracted mom trying to do 2 things at once and hoping that they would stay quiet and still.

For other families, the decision may be quite different. My sister's family decided that it made sense for my BIL to stay home for a year to help with the kids, esp. my nephew who has special needs. BIL left a job working with people with autism to work with his son, who has autism. That was a decision that made sense for them.

Any decision, IMO, is right if it's based on 2 principles:

1. Looking at what is happening with everyone 24/7, not just the mom from 9-5.

2. Doing what is best for the family members, and ignoring the opinions of anyone else.

[cindyluvs24]

I would love to know what Lori and Ken's income and expenses are. I live in Nj- property tax hell. My house is big- 1900 sq ft on a half acre lot, I pay 10,323 in yearly property taxes plus 250 sewer plus water, gas, and electric. Coup inning and selling oils over the internet are not going to cut it.

[lawfulevil]

Ken has a WOMAN working for his orthodontic consulting company. She covers Europe.

Naughty, naughty, NAUGHTY, Ken!

[lawfulevil]

As far as property taxes go, San Diego area isn't too bad. I checked theirs and they bought it new, paid $450k for the place in the summer of 1998. The county's got them assessed in the high $500k range (almost 600), and their yearly property tax is just under $7k. Not too shabby- their neighbors have their houses listed pretty close to their Zillow estimates, and Zillow thinks Ken and Lori could get 1.25 million dollars for their house.

Gotta say, I wouldn't pay that, but I hate that architectural style. Plus Ken probably pees in the corners.

It looks like they also still own their previous house, which Zillow now thinks they could get $650k for. I assume one of their kids lives in it, but if not they've got to be getting a pretty hefty chunk of change per month just in rent on that, they didn't pay all that much for it 27 years ago- just $158k. Even considering inflation that's a hefty chunk of return.

No doubt about it, baby boomers got the crazy good end of the stick financially. Now if only they'd quit telling Millennials what to do...

Hi, Ken!

[Koala]

As far as property taxes go, San Diego area isn't too bad. I checked theirs and they bought it new, paid $450k for the place in the summer of 1998. The county's got them assessed in the high $500k range (almost 600), and their yearly property tax is just under $7k. Not too shabby- their neighbors have their houses listed pretty close to their Zillow estimates, and Zillow thinks Ken and Lori could get 1.25 million dollars for their house.

Gotta say, I wouldn't pay that, but I hate that architectural style. Plus Ken probably pees in the corners.

It looks like they also still own their previous house, which Zillow now thinks they could get $650k for. I assume one of their kids lives in it, but if not they've got to be getting a pretty hefty chunk of change per month just in rent on that, they didn't pay all that much for it 27 years ago- just $158k. Even considering inflation that's a hefty chunk of return.

No doubt about it, baby boomers got the crazy good end of the stick financially. Now if only they'd quit telling Millennials what to do...

Hi, Ken!

You know what's crazy (and I'm from the deep south, so maybe it's just me), but according to Lori they don't even have air conditioning :shock: For $450K I would damn well expect air conditioning (or buy a cheaper house so I could afford to have it put in).

We have a ceiling fan in each bedroom, central heating and air, and I keep this place at 70 year round (and damn the costs).

[jerkit]

450K and no AC?!

Newwwwwp.

[jerkit]

Also, bets on whether lori addresses this sometime this week?

[lawfulevil]

Depends whether she wakes up in a puddle of Ken's pee from his night terrors about the Jinger maniacs.

[EmiGirl]

My husband has a friend who lives in southern cali and they don't have one. He says that it's uncommon for people to have them there. Maybe it's too expensive to run them?

[Coconut Flan]

I don't think it would be the expense of running air conditioning but rather if it's hot enough to warrant it.

If a house is close enough to the beach, A/C is not a true necessity in southern California. I have it and only use it a few hours a day a few days of the year. Some years I don't need it at all. About half my neighbors don't have or use A/C. Although I tend to think a house built in that area in 1998 has central air.

[usmcmom]

How humid does it get in California? Here in the Midwest we have insanely humid summers and I would start taking hostages if we didn't have A/C. We have done an unusual amount of travel this year - to regions where air conditioning just is not common. I've told my husband if he moves me to any of those places, I want to see actual working air conditioners in whatever house we settle in. Not that that will be an issue, but it still needed to be said :lol:

'Cause Mama gets grumpy when Mama sweats.

[Naga Viper]

At least for the coastal part of California—like San Diego—it doesn't get humid very often, and certainly nothing like the Midwest. This past weekend was an exception in my neck of the woods due to a summer storm (typical number of those we get per year: zero to one), but generally, humid days are somewhat uncommon outside of the winter rains.

Also, Coconut Flan is right about AC in SoCal—near the water, it mostly stays in the mid-80s in summer. Go just a few miles inland, however, and the temperature will jump five to ten degrees easily, though residential AC is still hit or miss.

[Coconut Flan]

Did you enjoy the rain? That was different. :lol: