Joyful Christian Homemaking- All things Candy

[Mac1138]

I hope it's ok to start a new topic on Candy- she is my most favorite fundie. Her blog material is always being recycled and she rarely posts anything 'new' but I am still drawn to read there... today's post is all about internet trolls. I only skimmed most of it, but she is very obviously talking about Brandy in one of her assessments of trolls. Does anyone know if Brandy is blogging again?

joyfulchristianhomemaking.com

[Jessica]

My favorite recent Candyism (because, oh, are there many!): A couple years ago she had this looong post about how there is no such thing as autism (however people who have this apparently made-up condition are more likely to be saved). Yet in yesterday's post she claims to be "blessed to be an Aspie". Oookay.

[Mac1138]

My favorite recent Candyism (because, oh, are there many!): A couple years ago she had this looong post about how there is no such thing as autism (however people who have this apparently made-up condition are more likely to be saved). Yet in yesterday's post she claims to be "blessed to be an Aspie". Oookay.

:lol: She is a self-diagnosed 'Aspie'. I do think she might fit into the definition of Aspergers but doubt there has ever been any kind of professional assessment. I think it's hilarious that she claims she is all about hard facts... and in the next breath talks about a hollow earth. :orly:

[Georgiana]

:lol: She is a self-diagnosed 'Aspie'. I do think she might fit into the definition of Aspergers but doubt there has ever been any kind of professional assessment. I think it's hilarious that she claims she is all about hard facts... and in the next breath talks about a hollow earth. :orly:

She's a self-diagnosed everything. Seriously, if someone makes a test for it on the internets, she will take it and then be CONVINCED she has it. I mean, why do we even need doctors anymore since we have web surveys and webmd?

Someone should make a test to see if you suffer from a condition known as BS. Because I'm pretty sure that Candy suffers from that daily.

[anniebgood]

I love the story of how Wunderhubbie used a sterilized paper clip to break her waters on the last kid. And how she's never birthed a baby in a hospital.

Her do rags, bandanas from Wal-Mart. Her shoulders back, boobs out.

Random paranoia because people recognized she went to a zoo and she deleted the post.

She's one of a kind.

:pink-shock:

[ILoveJellybeans]

I love the story of how Wunderhubbie used a sterilized paper clip to break her waters on the last kid. And how she's never birthed a baby in a hospital.

Her do rags, bandanas from Wal-Mart. Her shoulders back, boobs out.

Random paranoia because people recognized she went to a zoo and she deleted the post.

She's one of a kind.

:pink-shock:

OMG NO! A PAPER CLIP UP THE VAG????

[NotALoserLikeYou]

She believes the earth is hollow and that is literally where hell is.

[Georgiana]

I love the story of how Wunderhubbie used a sterilized paper clip to break her waters on the last kid. And how she's never birthed a baby in a hospital.

Her do rags, bandanas from Wal-Mart. Her shoulders back, boobs out.

Random paranoia because people recognized she went to a zoo and she deleted the post.

She's one of a kind.

:pink-shock:

I had to improve my posture because of back/shoulder pain, and I now stand shoulders back, boobs out. It kills me because of Candy.

But....at least I'm not married to a creepy pirate. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

[Mac1138]

I love the story of how Wunderhubbie used a sterilized paper clip to break her waters on the last kid. And how she's never birthed a baby in a hospital.

Her do rags, bandanas from Wal-Mart. Her shoulders back, boobs out.

Random paranoia because people recognized she went to a zoo and she deleted the post.

She's one of a kind.

:pink-shock:

She regularly deletes her more personal blog posts... sometimes I wonder if Wunderhubbie tells her to delete after seeing her more personal posts. She seemed really happy and excited about the home-school group outing... I still can't figure out why she bothers posting pictures after editing them with sketch. Her portrait photo was unedited and she used it for her facebook profile picture. I'm not reading anything into that except that she wants to protect her kids' privacy, but still, why bother post the edited photos? I also love how she repeatedly lets her readers know that she gets her hair coverings at Wal-Mart, and usually they cost $1. ;)

[Jessica]

OMG NO! A PAPER CLIP UP THE VAG????

A paper clip that he sterilized with a match. Also, there's nothing to worry about when having a baby and no need for a skilled midwife or OB, because it's a natural biological function just like a sneeze. Because, yeah, when you sneeze you could potentially have cord prolapse, uterine rupture, or placental abruption.

[Georgiana]

A paper clip that he sterilized with a match. Also, there's nothing to worry about when having a baby and no need for a skilled midwife or OB, because it's a natural biological function just like a sneeze. Because, yeah, when you sneeze you could potentially have cord prolapse, uterine rupture, or placental abruption.

Pshhhhh. None of those things will happen to you as long as you make sure to cover your hair!

[fundiefan]

God told her - yes, literally and directly - that everything would be ok when she was pregnant so it was fine for her husband to stick a paperclip up her vagina, it wouldn't do any harm. She had God's word.

She is so many things, none of them positive or healthy. She has tantrums regularly, deletes them, then returns to her normal rotations. She's been playing the same record for about a decade.

Yet somehow, it's still a train wreck worth watching. You know what's going to happen. You know what she's going to do and say. You know who she's going to condemn to hell. But, every once in a while she throws something in that makes it all worth watching. In a true train wreck, it's that one survivor rising from the disaster. With Candy, it's that one new thing she read on the Internets and has decided she knows everything about. Aliens, dinosaurs on the ark, some scientific diatribe that is so disjointed it's painful yet hilarious to try to follow (it's always fun to pick out the copied & pasted text), her feet shrinking from a size 9 to a size 6, being spied on by the government - personally with her brilliant husband - because they have all the answers that the feds don't want to get out, praying over any food automatically makes it healthy so it doesn't really matter what you eat...this list could go on and on and on.

She is entertaining in a really scary way. The fact that there are people like her walking this planet not only unsupervised but raising children is something I don't like to think about too much so I focus on the absurdities. And, with Candy, that's an easy thing to do.

[Jessica]

I forgot about her magical shrinking feet! :lol: Oh, and remember, her poop doesn't stink!

[Duggarlicious]

I personally was unfamiliar with the "hollow earth" theory. Hell is INSIDE EARTH in a speshul compartment! Who knew?

[anniebgood]

Her eating healthy binges and then back to Taco Bell and Mountain Dew. Trying to make it seem like she has a larger family than she does.

Minions who are either sock puppets or totally bamboozled by her.

The feds are after Wunderhubbee, they showed up at his Dad's house looking for him. Wanna bet they've not filed taxes or gotten social security numbers for the kids?

Hating Catholics because Wunderhubbee's family is.

And let's not forget the blessed KJV of which she has >50 copies, all marked up because only a small fraction have Rev 4:1 marked in Red. The others must be wrong.

:geek:

I could go on and on, but I prefer to go to the DVR and watch James Spader off Jane Alexander to the tune of Sundown by Gordon Lightfoot.

:wink-penguin:

[Mac1138]

She really is so easy to snark on. I remember when she first posted her epic flower/conspiracy dream. I thought that was a really speshul Candy gift. :lol:

Her kids must be getting really big... I think her boy is a teenager now. Didn't he run away once? I wasn't reading her blog in those days, but I thought I remembered a discussion about it at Sweeping the Cobwebs.

[fundiefan]

Her oldest (the one she now calls Teen) ran away when he was like 6. That was the time someone on a message board I frequented linked to her and I'm not sure what it says about me that I've been reading her since. Anyway, yes, the kid ran away. CPS had him for a night or two. He apparently lied about everything and it could be proven because his pupils were dilated and that means he is lying (No growing nose with lies, but dilated pupils). When the kid was brought back home Candy had several posts on how to thwart CPS.

She cures brown recluse spider bites with hot water. She was at one time looking for a dental drill to do her own dental work. She is all into pinhole glasses. One day, kefir & kumbacha are biblical beverages that cure all ills and another she's just not drinking them because she doesn't really like them. Early Christians carried bibles in their clothes as they hid from persecution (because even in the 1st century bibles were pocked sized). When she got saved she immediately glowed, literally as well as her acne going away overnight. In one actual night. God has cured her of her soda addiction ten times a year for the last several years.

The woman is nothing short of a total and complete whackado. She's my gateway fundie and I few have been able to hold a candle to her and her crazy. She is a very special one.

[Mustang Sally]

Oh I just found the permalink to this blog post, for future reference - joyfulchristianhomemaking.blogspot.com/2014/03/dealing-with-internet-trolls-and-flip.html

(not that she won't delete it in 2.5 seconds, but anyway.)

This post pretty clearly refers to Brandy. Anyone who's had as much trouble with "trolls" as Candy really should be asking themselves if possibly they could have played a role in that themselves. Some of her trolls were trolls, or unstable people like Brandy, but some of them were actually critics who had substantive things to say about her beliefs and her credibility.

[danvillebelle]

I read Candy regularly because her cray-cray is just too awesomesauce to pass up. She makes the rest of the fundie homeschool mommy bloggers look downright sane.

She's probably posted 10 times in the last two months about Revelation 4:1 and how it HAS TO BE RED-LETTERED OR YOU ARE READING A FAKE BIBLE PENNED BY MINIONS OF SATAN.

:roll: :wtf:

[Mac1138]

So the Wonderhubby (Candy's husband, Erik) has a guest post up on her blog today. His posts are always a good reminder that the crazy runs very deep in that house. :cray-cray: His logic (and they really do believe that they are highly logical) is so twisted that if we were to have a discussion in real life, I think I would scream, or laugh until I cried. I mean, really? He thinks that hospitals being required to accept anybody regardless of their ability to pay is involuntary servitude (slavery). He likes to throw that phrase around, whenever he has to obey a law he doesn't like, especially when it involves insurance or taxes!

joyfulchristianhomemaking.com

[fundiefan]

Ah, yes. The crazy does run deep in the Brauer household. Of course it is multiplied by many because of the fact that they both believe themselves to be the smartest, most logical, humans on the planet with extra special IQ's and MENSA invites and the government spying on them up because they know too much. The number and levels of fail in that house cannot be measured.

I particlualry enjoy their use of creative spelling, capitalization, grammar and language. They love their Thesaurus. Only the forget about context all the time so it is even funnier.

I can't imagine anyone actually lets either of them talk so I suppose it's good they have the Interent to get all that crazy out. I mean, it's got to go somewhere, right? They can't keep it bottled up inside them. It will poison them and then only the most magical of apricot pits would save them but we all the know the goverment keeps those magical pits under lock and key.

[Georgiana]

My favorite Candy/Eric logic fail is living together before marriage.

It's totally wrong

Except when a very young (17? maybe 18? certainly in her teens) Candy moved in with a MUCH older Eric. Then it was OK

It was OK because the Holy Spirit was telling them to.

They did the RIGHT thing because they followed God.

But the Holy Spirit isn't telling YOU to move in with your partner unmarried. You aren't speshul like them.

I'm not even exaggerating. The actual argument was worse!

[fundiefan]

My favorite Candy/Eric logic fail is living together before marriage.

It's totally wrong

Except when a very young (17? maybe 18? certainly in her teens) Candy moved in with a MUCH older Eric. Then it was OK

It was OK because the Holy Spirit was telling them to.

They did the RIGHT thing because they followed God.

But the Holy Spirit isn't telling YOU to move in with your partner unmarried. You aren't speshul like them.

I'm not even exaggerating. The actual argument was worse!

And following that, it is OK to have sex before marriage if it is with your future spouse. Because Candy & Erik did the nasty before marriage they have to find a way to justify it and throw out bible verses and make themselves come out especially chosen by their god. They knew they were each other's future spouse immediately so the sex was a-o-k with god.

Of course this was a bit of a flip (or flop) from earlier directives on the matter when Candy posted about the marriage bed being undefiled. When they got saved god washed away all their sins so when they entered the marriage bed it was as new virgins in Christ. Someone called her out on that saying well then why does it matter if you have sex before marriage or not when being saved washes it all away anyway. And of course Candy said she was told by god that it was ok for her but she thinks everyone else should listen to the bilbe because that's how god talks to them.

I would guess no one fell for that so she had to change the long standing Christian belief that any sex before marriage is a sin and include the 'future spouse' thing.

[littleblueheathen]

Aaaaand down the rabbit hole I went! What a nut! Between the aliens and the UFOs and the hollow earth and the celebrating New Years and Election Day but not Christmas and Easter, I'm exhausted! How can that much crazy fit inside one human brain???

[VooDooChild]

I think they need a new keyboard. Theirs seems to have a malfunctioning CAP lock and shift keys. I have a feeling you need to read her blog like this in order for it to make sense.