House of Paine

[Tangy Bee]

This. Sex for the first time can be scary even if you do know what to expect. I suspect the fundie girls are told about the actual act and given a whole lot of flowery language about tenderness and love and how wonderful sex is. The first time, for many people and especially for two people who are both inexperienced, is often not wonderful and might even be quite painful for the woman. The fundie girls probably wonder what is wrong with them and worry about having to have a lot of sex to satisfy their marital duties thus perpetuating the cycle.

This part REALLY bugs me! Michael is older than Erin. So does this mean she doesn't know much about sex...in her mid 20's? Assuming she will be engaged soon after Alyssa gets married. Then again she might get engaged before. Erin has been married a few months now and I HOPE she is enjoying sex by now. There's got to be something good going on besides walking, talking, and praying. If not, I HOPE she can talk to her mom or anyone she can trust. Some stuff husbands just don't understand.

[Coconut Flan]

There's always Grandma Bates. She doesn't seem shy.

[PennySycamore]

A great-aunt of my husband's had a baby out of wedlock in the 30s in England. She always swore she didn't know how she got pregnant and she really probably didn't. It turns out that one of her grandsons grew up to be the spit-and-image of the village gigolo in the 30s.

[nausicaa]

So, I tried this ... and what I came across was actually the Duggars doings this in their pre-roll (look at top right) youtu.be/y7BU8uI7SYE?t=1m37s

I'm sure the bates probably also do this somewhere, haven't come across it yet.

ETA . . and then I found myself rewatching Josh's proposal to Anna. Oh man that was awkward. It just seems to be so like "well, this is the next step," and missing the whole "I'm so in love with you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you" bit. So bad. So very, very, bad.

I could have sworn they introduced the Bates that way once, with them filing out onto the porch of their Tennesse home. Or else my Bates binge has really turned everything into a blur.

[Seven Severn]

There's no way they are deliberately waiting to have children - Gothard was at the wedding, I have no doubt they promised to leave their family planning in god's hands and joyfully receive any blessings he sends.

Erin would never ask a dr for a script for the pill even if she desperately wanted to - she's been taught that its the same as having an abortion and that by asking she would be declaring her intentions to kill her babies.

And I don't see Chad buying condoms, especially in an area where everyone knows the Bates.

If they don't get pregnant soon it's either NFP (unlikely), abstinence, or lack of fertility. None of which I consider likely.

One thing I've wondered - and I have nothing to base this on - is whether Erin might have vaginismus. She was such the coddled, unsullied princess who was always taught that sex was wrong/dirty/bad that it wouldn't surprise me if she just couldn't have sex. That's a lot to overcome.

[Tangy Bee]

A great-aunt of my husband's had a baby out of wedlock in the 30s in England. She always swore she didn't know how she got pregnant and she really probably didn't. It turns out that one of her grandsons grew up to be the spit-and-image of the village gigolo in the 30s.

Wow..did she ever own up to that? Are you saying she didn't know she was having sex...while she was having sex? What in the WORLD did she think was happening?? Well I can't talk. I thought babies came from your rectum until I was about 10. All I remember was my mom & aunts walking around complaining about how much their butt were sore after giving birth. Now me being a kid I just assumed babies came from your butt! Wasn't until the "period" talk that my mom set me straight about sex and giving birth.

I just hope Kelly told Erin in FULL detail about what was about to go down on her wedding night and the rest of her life. Then again, to be fair some folks like to read for info. Maybe that, Intended for Pleasure book is all they needed. Would have LOVED being a flie on the wall just to see Chad's face during this conversation with Gil.

[PennySycamore]

Elsie really didn't know what was happening when she got pregnant. Apparently that's how sheltered she was.

[Tangy Bee]

Elsie really didn't know what was happening when she got pregnant. Apparently that's how sheltered she was.

So sorry to hear that :( I can't even imagine what she must have been thinking. After my 1st time I said I would NEVER EVER do it again! That's just how bad it was. Yes I was in love and yes I knew what to expect. My sister told me I should have been using tampons so I would have already been stretched internally. Does anyone know if this technique is true?? Seriously doubt if fundie girls even use tampons.

[lillybeth]

I could have sworn they introduced the Bates that way once, with them filing out onto the porch of their Tennesse home. Or else my Bates binge has really turned everything into a blur.

I'm sure you're probably right. That was after not very long of a search. I was just surprised to see anyone do it at all.. Totally bizarre!

[freethemall]

I just hope these girls are also told about how to avoid UTIs and other infections in the process of having sweet fellowship with their guys - I would bet these families focus so much on legos and spirituality they don't inform the girls they should make sure to go pee after they do it. I suffered from chronic UTIs for a long time before I found out that sex was the main reason, and I'd hope Kelly Bates would be open with her daughters about that kind of thing.

[anjulibai]

One thing I've wondered - and I have nothing to base this on - is whether Erin might have vaginismus. She was such the coddled, unsullied princess who was always taught that sex was wrong/dirty/bad that it wouldn't surprise me if she just couldn't have sex. That's a lot to overcome.

I had vaginismus for nearly a decade. The only thing that got rid of it was giving birth. It made my relationships extremely difficult, including my marriage. Hell, I'm glad I was able to stand the pain enough to get pregnant.

I don't wish that problem on anyone, and I really hope that's not the problem going on with Erin and Chad.

[Daenerys]

So sorry to hear that :( I can't even imagine what she must have been thinking. After my 1st time I said I would NEVER EVER do it again! That's just how bad it was. Yes I was in love and yes I knew what to expect. My sister told me I should have been using tampons so I would have already been stretched internally. Does anyone know if this technique is true?? Seriously doubt if fundie girls even use tampons.

No that's not true. Your vagina dilates on the inside when you are aroused and it's just the muscle ring at the opening that needs to relax really. A tampon wouldn't make much difference there.

[Tangy Bee]

No that's not true. Your vagina dilates on the inside when you are aroused and it's just the muscle ring at the opening that needs to relax really. A tampon wouldn't make much difference there.

Thanks for that info. You're never too old to learn stuff :) For the record I was VERY aroused and excited...until penetration. I imagine it's a whole lot worse for someone who is scared and not aroused.

[nellautumngirl]

Poor Erin. I wonder if it's the sex or being away from her family for the first time. I can't really think of any other reason, Chad obviously loves her and probably wants to help her in any way he can. I have to admit, I didn't anticipate any problems for them this early, they seemed so in love and confident. I hope they can work it out and relax a bit now.

[Coconut Flan]

I think it might be some homesickness as well as adjusting to being responsible for the housecleaning, laundry, and meals along with finishing school and being alone in the house some during the week. Chad appears to love her enough that he'll be patient if it takes time to adjust to the physical side. She looks a bit like someone with a three week old baby at times - overwhelmed and exhausted.

[scc12]

where is this coming from? I'm not seeing any of it,even about adjustments,on their blog.

[RosyDaisy]

I'm not finding it either. Link please?

[nellautumngirl]

We're speculating based on Chad's tone in the last blog post (one person said if a fundie couple this prominent says something not a 100 % positive, things must be really bad) and Erin's expression in the newer photos.

[scc12]

I can only see one new pic of Erin.It's hard to say,she could just be the way she's posing for the pic.

[3 ring circus]

I wouldn't be surprised if the getting to know one another stage came with a lot of fighting, though. They're two people who, for all intents and purposes, were kind of thrown together in a house with this fanciful idea of how things should be, and now they have to make it work. They don't have the option in their religion of "oh fuck, I married the wrong person", nor did they have the option of really, deeply getting to know each other before tying the knot.

At least he's trying (or at least it appears like he's trying). Hopefully she's putting in some effort as well.

I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for Erin. Here all she has done is hold his hand and had no time alone. wedding day comes and she kisses him and then has to see him naked/be naked herself and have sex. I bet that was a big ol shock to her system. Dude, first times are generally bad. I give him kudos for being patient, or at least he seems to be.

Welcome Mirandae.

[Tangy Bee]

I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for Erin. Here all she has done is hold his hand and had no time alone. wedding day comes and she kisses him and then has to see him naked/be naked herself and have sex. I bet that was a big ol shock to her system. Dude, first times are generally bad. I give him kudos for being patient, or at least he seems to be.

Welcome Mirandae.

Wait...so fundies have sex naked too? :o Ok sorry...I shouldn't have gone there. No really I'm just trying to piss off some "troll" fundie into delurking and setting me straight. There are just simply some married fundies I can't even imagine having totally naked sex. Sorry they are just SO weird and I can't help but think weird things about them. If there is a fundie out there...pray for me!

[feministing]

My mom used to wear only nightgowns. My dad has boxers with holes in them, just big enough for.... y'know. He said they are to "make it easier to pee in the middle of the night". 12 year-old me sure believed it. Coincidence? I think not.

Fundies find ways around being nude.

[mirandae]

This part REALLY bugs me! Michael is older than Erin. So does this mean she doesn't know much about sex...in her mid 20's? Assuming she will be engaged soon after Alyssa gets married. Then again she might get engaged before. Erin has been married a few months now and I HOPE she is enjoying sex by now. There's got to be something good going on besides walking, talking, and praying. If not, I HOPE she can talk to her mom or anyone she can trust. Some stuff husbands just don't understand.

[Aggie2145]

My mom used to wear only nightgowns. My dad has boxers with holes in them, just big enough for.... y'know. He said they are to "make it easier to pee in the middle of the night". 12 year-old me sure believed it. Coincidence? I think not.

Fundies find ways around being nude.

Hmmm, I thought all men's boxer had a "fly." One of my first sewing projects was seaming closed a boxer fly to wear as pajamas.

[VincentvanGoGo]

Erin didn't look sad or shocked or anyway weird in the christmas photos in chad's blog, by the way.