Lori Alexander: Valentine's Day Causes Divorce

[lilwriter85]

It also wouldn't surprise me if he bought the other woman candy and flowers. I am not saying that to be mean but he seems like the kind of ass who would value any other woman more than his wife.

We celebrate Valentine's Day by giving everyone in our family very inexpensive chocolates and cards so it has become a family holiday. We do this because we spent many years being too broke to go out and now that we have money, we like the rituals that we created when we were less financially secure. I even bought my best friend a small box of candy.

When I was growing up my family also celebrated Valentine's Day as a family event. Both of my parents would give us small gifts like chocolates, stuffed animals, and heart toys. Lori has blabbed on and on about families needing to be together, but she trashes smaller holidays and cries that they cause divorce.

[Koala]

Valentines is a family holiday here too. Chocolate and small gifts like books or stuffed animals :)

ETA~ Let's take a poll: How many here have known people to get divorced over Valentines? ....waiting.... crickets Thought so. Maybe Lori would like to chime in and name some specific cases :roll:

[CrazyCatLady]

Valentines is a family holiday here too. Chocolate and small gifts like books or stuffed animals :)

ETA~ Let's take a poll: How many here have known people to get divorced over Valentines? ....waiting.... crickets Thought so. Maybe Lori would like to chime in and name some specific cases :roll:

i know a ton of people who have gotten engaged or married on valentine's day. Never known anyone to get divorced over it. Frankly, i was shocked to wake up this morning still married!!! :lol:

If anything, Lori's stupid blog reminds me what an amazing husband i have (he has a pretty rad wife, too!)

[Arete]

I start to feel bad that they are married to such assholes, but then I remember they "teach" that being a douchelord should be normative and how dare any woman expect different. :evil-eye:

[guidedbybobafett]

I start to feel bad that they are married to such assholes, but then I remember they "teach" that being a douchelord should be normative and how dare any woman expect different. :evil-eye:

Yeah, to me it has always seemed pretty likely that they get off on it, but they have no idea how to separate what could just be normal, healthy kink from the every day reality of their lives. I think religion gets in the way of exploring that kind of thing, so their legalism really forces a very prescriptive attitude re: the way other women should be doing things. If they could just pull the sticks out of their asses they would probably be a lot happier.

[RosyDaisy]

Kind of off-topic, but I hate Valentine's Day. That's the day we buried my mother.

[ADoyle90815]

i know a ton of people who have gotten engaged or married on valentine's day. Never known anyone to get divorced over it. Frankly, i was shocked to wake up this morning still married!!! :lol:

If anything, Lori's stupid blog reminds me what an amazing husband i have (he has a pretty rad wife, too!)

My brother got engaged on Valentine's Day, and they're still happily married. I'm divorced, but it had nothing to do with Valentine's Day as I didn't want to stay married to an abusive douchebag.

[Ampak]

It's just awful that people designate certain days every year to gather and have parties and such. It's truly disgusting. All fun should cease immediately.

[Arete]

It's just awful that people designate certain days every year to gather and have parties and such. It's truly disgusting. All fun should cease immediately.

Lori and her ilk will not be able to pry the gourmet chocolate I got out of my hands with a crowbar.

[salex]

Lori, all the SAHDs and LAF group set up straw men to do battle with. When I was teaching English 101, none of them would have passed if they wrote like this, because they start with a false assumption, don't back it up, answer the false assumptions with other false assumptions and also don't back those up then declare victory.

They assume people in egalitarian marriages fight over every move, from who does the dishes after a particular meal to when to have sex. They assume women work outside the home because they are "bored". They assume all marriages are as fraught with tension, anger, distrust and dislike as their own. They base post after post after post on these incorrect and unverified assumptions, yet they continue to get hits. I am amazed there are that many people who want to sip their fetid tea, but there must be.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

I start to feel bad that they are married to such assholes, but then I remember they "teach" that being a douchelord should be normative and how dare any woman expect different. :evil-eye:

I'm going to have to give you a virtual high-five for introducing me to the term "douchelord." I'm going to make a sincere effort to work it into my regular rotation of insults.

With Valentine's Day - for once, I see a very, very tiny grain of possible half-truth in what Lori (Alexander is a monster) says. If women (or men) base their relationship on some lush fantasy world inspired by Nicholas Spaarks novels and romantic comedies, they will be disappointed. However, Lori then proceeds to f*ck it up by blaming women and absolving that douchecanoe Ken (Alexander is an arrogant prick) of any responsibility in acting like an adult man with emotions extending beyond smug conceit. As per usual. She is so damaged.

[sparkles]

Aside from when I was a kid and Valentine's day was a big thing in grade school, I've only ever acknowledged it once. The future Mr. Sparkles and I had just started going out and I figured V-Day was something couples HAD to celebrate so I got him some gizmo or other. He forgot about the day altogether, felt bad that he hadn't gotten me anything, then I explained that I didn't really care and we decided to cross it off the list and we've never acknowledged it since. I'm not in the least romantic and for the most part, I'm not into celebrating stuff. We don't do birthdays (except for major ones), anniversaries, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmahanukwanzaka and so on. Just not our thing. How we've managed to stay together for 33 years this October is a complete mystery, innit? One reason is because of the LITTLE things, the ones that aren't prompted by a media onslaught or under pressure from others. The impromptu notes, the thoughtful gestures, the kind words that come out of nowhere and for no particular reason. The things that show that you're valued and loved just for being you--something that Lori and her ilk must be sorely lacking. She's obviously seething with jealousy, so instead of working it out with the source of her discontent--Ken--she attacks others for taking pleasure in things she can't have.

Lori Alexander is a monster.

[Hane]

sparkles, my family has always been big on celebrating holidays large and small (but the husbands treat their wives damn well at all other times). That said, if I had to choose between forced "official" celebrations with a bitter Lori/Ken existence the rest of the year, and a lifetime of small, kind, helpful, loving gestures all year long, you know which one I'd pick.

[louisa05]

Aside from when I was a kid and Valentine's day was a big thing in grade school, I've only ever acknowledged it once. The future Mr. Sparkles and I had just started going out and I figured V-Day was something couples HAD to celebrate so I got him some gizmo or other. He forgot about the day altogether, felt bad that he hadn't gotten me anything, then I explained that I didn't really care and we decided to cross it off the list and we've never acknowledged it since. I'm not in the least romantic and for the most part, I'm not into celebrating stuff. We don't do birthdays (except for major ones), anniversaries, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmahanukwanzaka and so on. Just not our thing. How we've managed to stay together for 33 years this October is a complete mystery, innit? One reason is because of the LITTLE things, the ones that aren't prompted by a media onslaught or under pressure from others. The impromptu notes, the thoughtful gestures, the kind words that come out of nowhere and for no particular reason. The things that show that you're valued and loved just for being you--something that Lori and her ilk must be sorely lacking. She's obviously seething with jealousy, so instead of working it out with the source of her discontent--Ken--she attacks others for taking pleasure in things she can't have.

Lori Alexander is a monster.

You can do both. You can actually celebrate stuff and still have the little things.

My husband and I actually met on Valentine's day when his sister, who was a friend of mine, organized a dinner for dateless singles. It is kind of special to us because of that and we do celebrate. We also celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and such. Because it is nice to celebrate once in awhile. We have steak on Mardi Gras and go out for Irish on St Patty's Day. But that doesn't mean we aren't thoughtful and making those gestures the rest of the time. It is not an either/or for most people. I don't know why so many have decided it is. I mentioned our plans last week to a relative and was told the same thing you posted..."we don't celebrate because we are nice to each other every day". Ugh.

As to Lori's demented piece...she is right in regard to one demographic, but that is not the one she was writing about. Teaching high school for 16 years, I saw many a teenage girl dump many a teenage boy over an inadequate or missing Valentine's gift. Of course, since most teenage couples last a month or so, they were just as likely to break up over not wanting to go to the same movie a week before. :lol: Unfortunately, the whole thing becomes a competition of sorts in some high schools as boys feel forced to have crap delivered to school. I know of one district that shut the whole thing down by not allowing students to receive any deliveries at school ever. And that is a wise idea.

[sparkles]

You can do both. You can actually celebrate stuff and still have the little things.

My husband and I actually met on Valentine's day when his sister, who was a friend of mine, organized a dinner for dateless singles. It is kind of special to us because of that and we do celebrate. We also celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and such. Because it is nice to celebrate once in awhile. We have steak on Mardi Gras and go out for Irish on St Patty's Day. But that doesn't mean we aren't thoughtful and making those gestures the rest of the time. It is not an either/or for most people. I don't know why so many have decided it is. I mentioned our plans last week to a relative and was told the same thing you posted..."we don't celebrate because we are nice to each other every day". Ugh.

As to Lori's demented piece...she is right in regard to one demographic, but that is not the one she was writing about. Teaching high school for 16 years, I saw many a teenage girl dump many a teenage boy over an inadequate or missing Valentine's gift. Of course, since most teenage couples last a month or so, they were just as likely to break up over not wanting to go to the same movie a week before. :lol: Unfortunately, the whole thing becomes a competition of sorts in some high schools as boys feel forced to have crap delivered to school. I know of one district that shut the whole thing down by not allowing students to receive any deliveries at school ever. And that is a wise idea.

I'm not saying you can't. We don't celebrate because those types of things just don't matter to us. And unlike Lori, I certainly wouldn't judge anyone who does celebrate or enjoy these occasions anymore than I'd get on someone's case because they like/don't like a color or food or band or hobby or whatever that I happen to like/not like, and I certainly wouldn't make the claim that their preferences are responsible for the downfall of civilization. Because I am not Lori Alexander. Who is a monster.

[Miggy]

I'm agree with those who suggest these woman are jealous, not of Valentines Day directly, but of women who have husbands who spoil their wives occasionally. As much as I detest the man, Jim Bob Duggar does take his wife out once a week. I've never heard of Ken & SSM's husband (name?) doing anything special for their wives, despite all their wives do for them.

[Primadonna]

I think this is probably jealousy over the fact that instead of going out for a romantic dinner, being bought chocolates, flowers and wine and being treated really nicely, she spends all day making the house look nice for Ken, and he comes home, tells her it isn't good enough and then ignores her and goes to sleep.

YAS! You hit the nail on the head.

Oh and: Lori Alexander is a fucking monster on Valentine's Day

[Angharad Crewe]

I'm agree with those who suggest these woman are jealous, not of Valentines Day directly, but of women who have husbands who spoil their wives occasionally. As much as I detest the man, Jim Bob Duggar does take his wife out once a week. I've never heard of Ken & SSM's husband (name?) doing anything special for their wives, despite all their wives do for them.

But Ken and Holy Hand Grenade are required by God to PROTECT and DIE for their wives!!1! So clearly, Lori and SSM are selfish bitches if they ask to be appreciated and treated with respect. Or something.

[Ken]

Hi this is Ken A. ... the real one, and I appreciate being able to set the record straight for at least Valentine's Day if not every day.

We don't go out much, not because I don't want to take Lori out... I love taking her out. But Lori's unique health issues prevented it, grandpa ended up babysitting all night so my kids could get out and enjoy their Valentine's celebration. Lori went to bed early to try and fall asleep to get out of pain, and I had a blast watching cartoons with my grand daughter.

A couple of you got Lori's point, you just don't like the way she delivered it. The bottom line is she loves holidays and special things, but she as learned that expectations kill a relationship, so she was trying to tell her readers to keep their expectations low, then be pleasantly surprised when your man does something really fun and special for you. She did not do a good job of explaining the second part.. so sorry :).

As for my grandkids, we don't spank them. We really do not think babysitters should be spanking kids, as this should be the careful and thoughtful role of a parent, IF they choose to spank. Our kids really got so few spankings mainly because we were consistent early with them in life. I do not believe that there is anything godly about spankings, and if it is not clear defiance by a child, most offenses can be handled in other ways.

Oh, and as far as abusing Lori... never once, ever. I am a pretty kind person and I find it a bit strange that she can get your blood to boil with what she writes, and yet I must be the reason behind it all... with abuse. Your logic is really messed up. No I highly esteem all women and work with hundreds of them. Some I manage, and others are my boss. I have never had a problem with a one of them, because I do not believe men to be superior to women in any way, except for the obvious generalities of strength, and even then, some of you are probably stronger than I am. I am not patriarchal in my thinking as that was an OT model, not for the church age,so I disagree with a Phillip and others on such issues. Some of thees fundies really are off the deep end... I get that...

It might surprise you too that my marriage is very much egalitarian in the way it functions, and I like it that way. Submission is a gift a wife may give her husband and he would have to be a pretty big jerk to take advantage of her willingness to consider wishes as more important than hers. Lori and I try to please each other and I am not very demanding, so she gets everything she wants... but I am fortunate that now she mainly wants the things that I want... so we both spend time trying to make sure neither of us is "caving in" but instead just making the other person come first in our lives. It's the way a marriage should be, should it not? And no :), DD is highly objectionable to Lori and so funny to see some of you pick up on her joke to SSM. But I really do not care what others do in their bedroom so long as both of them enjoy it. You all are so strange though because you are OK with thinking about destroying my business, yet you are distraught of the thought of Lori getting a spanking? There again, an upside down world of thinking.

No abuse at all in this family.... and we are not monsters. Writing it a thousand times like 8 years olds might do will not change the reality that we have a very loving, gracious, forgiving and highly successful family. Just think a little... I am at the top of my profession, I have a son following in my footsteps, an orthodontist for a son and a 11 year professional ballerina. My youngest just married an orthodontist to be and only wanted to be a Mom like Lori. All will have highly loving and successful marriages. Lori did a lot right, even as she may have done it far away from your way of thinking... and she did it sick and tired most of the time. And yes, I helped give it all some balance playing out my role as an involved Dad.

I know where your big problem is with her ... and that is that she generally presents just one side of the truth, what the woman has to do. I sometimes encourage her to be more balanced, but she says, "my ministry is not to men. If you want to teach men, start your own blog.' I do not have time for a men's blog so I post sometimes what men should be doing in the marriage. Read it ... and you will see that both husband and wife are to be respected and partner together, even if we see submission clearly taught in our Bible. Yes, a loving husband is a higher calling than submission, it means true sacrifice for my wife... and she gets that every day with shoulder and neck rugs, and all the heavy lifting, in more ways than one.

Before I go I must address our nanny because some of you are sure I am some pervert... Our nanny was with us for about five years more than 20 years ago she left us to get married. Our paths really did not cross much, because I traveled so much and then we split time watching the kids as Lori was quite ill. Even during those years Lori still did all the heavy lifting in raising the kids, and the nanny had about 6 hours a day of babysitting duties, no cooking or cleaning and mainly the two youngest kids.

I am no saint, but I am a faithful husband with no affairs in my life. I actually have some moral fiber, even if I seem to you to have evil eyes. I apologize for being so ugly, but if you cannot do anything about your weight, I certainly cannot do anything about the face God gave me :). It's mine, and I like it just the way it is... maybe my nose could be a bit straighter, but too much basketball and broken noses from it.

I am game to answer any of your questions. I know that some of you post on Lori's blog then get instantly zapped as she loves the power to delete. I think it is going to her head. Remember, what she sees as her purpose and it is not to entertain a bunch of objectionable ideas and foul language but "to train the younger women to love their husbands and be keepers at home." These are believing women, not you all.

We really do run a very modern family and we are not your typical fundies, but as you can see Lori has some strong beliefs about what the Bible is calling women to be and she is not afraid to share them. She is a voluminous reader as she does not like TV and is home a lot because of the constant pain, so she is Always Learning, just not what you wish she would learn.

OK... have your fun now and try to remember that there are real people, me, who has real feelings, who you slander a lot with your speculation. You don't have the guts most of you to actually put your own name behind what you write because my guess is you would be ashamed of some of it if your friends or workplace ever saw it. I do not intend to change your thinking, just want to make sure you know the truth about who I am, even if you choose not to believe it. It's your life and I do not want to control it.., and I am sure you will agree, you would not want me to control Lori and make her write something she does not want to write. That would go completely against everything you are complaining about. You want her free speech and her free thinking, especially now that you know that I exercise little or no control over what she publishes. Even I wake up some days and I am surprised by what she comes up with... then when I start really thinking about it I realize, you know, she is pretty spot on with most, but not all her posts :). (Sorry for the typos... I am not proofing this). ken

[lilith]

Ken, come on. Lori doesn't just advocate spanking, she claims it is biblically mandated (even if you claim not to) and defends the Pearls not just spanking their own infants, but teaching others it is the ONLY way to produce righteous Christian children and that society has deteriorated due to the decline in parents practicing it. She has written that you both used a LEATHER STRAP on your toddlers!

I really don't care if you and Lori spank each other in the privacy of your own bedroom or not, but it's disingenuous to claim that Lori's blog doesn't advocate corporal punishment of children as the only correct and godly way to discipline.

Btw, although I'm not among them we have many Christian members.

[guidedbybobafett]

Well Ken, if it's really you, what you wrote is a lot more legitimate and balanced than anything your wife has every written, so I'm not sure if you think she personally should get a pass or if you're just not familiar with the way the internet works.

Anything written on the internet is not written in a vacuum- that's what personal diaries are for. Your wife is writing for consumption, otherwise she would be putting pen to paper like so many others do. We take objection to the things she writes, because often she writes them as mandates for others. Even if she only writes her own personal thoughts, she is choosing to publish them on the internet for everyone to read. Therefore, everyone can and should read them. If she doesn't like that, the onus is on her to stop publishing her personal thoughts.

That's how it works- your wife writes a blog that she publishes to the public. She may wish that she could write to a specific audience that she herself mandates, but that's not feasible. So anything your wife writes will be critiqued by others, and since she so often writes about you, you will be considered and discussed by others. Such is life on the internet, it isn't going to change.

If it affects your business, again the onus is on her to stop publishing information for the public to consume. Do you believe it is everyone else's job to simply never discuss what they read on the internet? Do you believe your wife and by extension you should be afforded a privacy that she is not asking for simply because there are people who disagree with her? That, my friend, is crazy.

[Miggy]

Ok, assuming that really is a post by Ken and not a troll, I am going to try and respond:

You made the statement "I know where your big problem is with her ... and that is that she generally presents just one side of the truth, what the woman has to do." Ken Alexander

No. My objection to Lori is that she presents one possible truth as if it is the only truth.

For example: Staying at home and raising a family. An idea often pushed by Lori and a great choice for some women and their families. However, it is not the only biblical option for women. The Proverbs woman hired and fired servants, organised planting and harvesting of the land, etc. This woman ran a whole estate. Is it wrong of me to challenge Lori's idea that the only role for a woman us to stay at home with her family? I think not.

Edited to add: My husband asks me to pass on how offended he was at Lori's post about men being attracted to young and beautiful and telling woman to loose weight, put on make up and wear nice clothes. He says that at 40 he is perfectly happy to have a wife who looks 38 and that he much prefers me without make up. What he does like about me is the fact that I take an interest in his work, reading heavy scientific papers so we can talk about topics like String Theory. He doesn't think there are too many women who would read what I read when it is so far outside my area of interest. (Of course, he sits through his fair share of music recitals for me.)

[lilith]

He's been vetted by admin - everything indicates that he's THE Ken Anderson.

[EvilSoup]

Ok, assuming that really is a post by Ken and not a troll, I am going to try and respond:

You made the statement "I know where your big problem is with her ... and that is that she generally presents just one side of the truth, what the woman has to do." Ken Alexander

No. My objection to Lori is that she presents one possible truth as if it is the only truth.

For example: Staying at home and raising a family. An idea often pushed by Lori and a great choice for some women and their families. However, it is not the only biblical option for women. The Proverbs woman hired and fired servants, organised planting and harvesting of the land, etc. This woman ran a whole estate. Is it wrong of me to challenge Lori's idea that the only role for a woman us to stay at home with her family? I think not.

Edited to add: My husband asks me to pass on how offended he was at Lori's post about men being attracted to young and beautiful and telling woman to loose weight, put on make up and wear nice clothes. He says that at 40 he is perfectly happy to have a wife who looks 38 and that he much prefers me without make up. What he does like about me is the fact that I take an interest in his work, reading heavy scientific papers so we can talk about topics like String Theory. He doesn't think there are too many women who would read what I read when it is so far outside my area of interest. (Of course, he sits through his fair share of music recitals for me.)

This one had my blood boiling, too.

I'd better break out the dexadrine and black coffee with my bottle of saccharine tablets so I don't gain 5 lbs. and lose my husband. :roll: I'm sure I'll feel better if I just comb my hair and put on a little lipstick.

[browngrl]

I don't know if I should believe this is the real Ken or if I'm just being trolled. However, if this is Ken here is my question:

Hi Ken,

Perhaps Lori's blog posts do not entirely reflect your own opinions but from her posts I get the impression that you strongly believe and follow the Biblical mandate for women to be submissive and for men to always be the leaders. As I understand it, both you and your wife believe women should remain at home - never leading, never complaining and remaining either sexually available to their husbands at any given time/circumstance or solely involved in child/house care.

How does this affect your business? Are you able to work with women in positions of authority or do you only work with men? Do you only work with Christian men? Your wife seems to insist that women never complain or tell men what they want or direct men in any way. How does this impact with dealing with conflict at work?

I understand that you work mostly with dentists but in my field (medicine) there are many women. We simply would not tolerate a business manager/advisor who treated women with a misogynist or paternalistic attitude.

edited for clarity