Lori Alexander: Valentine's Day Causes Divorce

[GeoBQn]

Lori thinks that divorce rates are spiking because women have unrealistically high expectations about Valentine's Day and want out of the marriage when their husbands don't meet them.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/02/valentines-day-causes-divorce.html

Now, if women don't get chocolates and flowers on Valentine's day, they want a divorce. Their husband is just not romantic enough. He doesn't help around the house or with the children enough. He doesn't build their self-confidence and make them feel special so they are willing to destroy their family unit and seek a divorce.

If a husband doesn't build his wife's self-confidence and make her feel special, then who will? There are days when my husband is the only person who can make me feel better about something, and I treasure every compliment he gives me. If Lori feels that a husband does NOT have the duty to build up his wife, then I can only imagine what Ken has done to her to make her feel that way.

For the record, my husband and I are celebrating Valentines day with a quiet Shabbat dinner together, eating fancy ice cream he splurged on, and learning how to play a new board game that I bought for us to play together.

This comment did make me laugh a little:

Susan · 20 hours ago

We always stay home on Valentine's day for the past 14 years at least. The last time I remember going out we went to a little neighborhood Italian restaurant and got seated because we had reservations and they knew us there. Then the waiter never came we waited and waited and finally asked another waitress in our section and told her how long we had been there. She went to check and said "I found your waiter in the parking lot crying"! Kind of funny but made me said because I immediately though he was overwhelmed with how busy they were but then I decided his girlfriend probably broke up with him because he was working. He was young, high school or college aged so I'm sure he had a demanding, selfish girlfriend. We need to work hard to teach our daughters about those kinds of expectations. I have a husband who loves me everyday and I refuse to make him jump through hoops on Valentines day, my birthday or our anniversary. It just isn't right or fair!

Way to jump to conclusions. How does crying automatically equal a selfish, demanding girlfriend who breaks up with someone on Valentine's Day? It reminds me of the Not Always Right story about a customer at a coffee shop who berated a barista for not smiling when she handed him his coffee. Then the barista started crying and revealed that her father had just died. There is no way to guess what is going on with people's lives.

[PopRox]

Now, if women don't get chocolates and flowers on Valentine's day, they want a divorce.

And where are these women, Lori? How do you know them? Can you actually cite any sources, or is this just another "fact" you pulled out of your keister? :penguin-no:

Here's how I translated the post:

"My husband is a category-five jerkass who never does anything nice for me-- let alone on Valentine's day-- therefore, the holiday is bad. Not my jerkass husband!"

If she wasn't so nasty, I'd feel sorry for her...her husband is clearly a manipulative, abusive louse.

[Arete]

My BIL has just dropped off a pizza, my niblings, and a bar of excellent chocolate for me. While the kids and I set up pizza, a Justice League marathon, and a few rounds of Monopoly, he is going home with another pizza and my sister's favorite cake. She is waiting with a few bottles of his favorite Belgian beer. There will be no divorce this week, all because BIL can pick up a phone and make childcare arrangements and Sis can pick up his favorite alcoholic beverage. They both love pizza and cake. How very extravagant of him. I'm sure he would much prefer a no pressure doormat like Lori.

Got to go feed the kids.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I think this is probably jealousy over the fact that instead of going out for a romantic dinner, being bought chocolates, flowers and wine and being treated really nicely, she spends all day making the house look nice for Ken, and he comes home, tells her it isn't good enough and then ignores her and goes to sleep.

[FloraKitty35]

Lori is a hateful horrible specimen of humanity on Valentine's Day or any other day.

[FloraKitty35]

I think this is probably jealousy over the fact that instead of going out for a romantic dinner, being bought chocolates, flowers and wine and being treated really nicely, she spends all day making the house look nice for Ken, and he comes home, tells her it isn't good enough and then ignores her and goes to sleep.

:clap:

[NotALoserLikeYou]

I think this is probably jealousy over the fact that instead of going out for a romantic dinner, being bought chocolates, flowers and wine and being treated really nicely, she spends all day making the house look nice for Ken, and he comes home, tells her it isn't good enough and then ignores her and goes to sleep.

Seriously. How often do we see posts about what awesome and sweet thing Ken did? Never because he only thinks of himself.

Lori is so, so bizarre. I still cant believe her and sunshine Mary's worlds have collided.

[quincygal]

Ken weighs in too under the comments. I love how they simplify that people only get divorced because they are selfish & "unhappy". Um, yeah, I don't think so. Back to enjoying my Valentine's Day. Which will not lead to divorce, sorry:(

AreteJo- you are an awesome aunt! Rock on!

[crassy]

My husband bought me nothing for Valentine's Day. Why? Because we don't observe it. I have nothing against it, and I am definitely not religious, I just don't really have a use for the day.

And I do not want a divorce.

[snuggles911]

I feel badly for Lori. Perhaps she's convinced herself that Ken's behavior is normal and women who expect more from their husbands are selfish or evil as a way of coping with her sorry situation.

Sunshine Mary has a similar post up today. Her husband had the day off and choose to spend it at the gun range rather than with her. He bought her lingerie and in her post she describes how he makes her crawl around the bedroom looking for it, apparently as some form of foreplay. WTF?

[thoughtful]

Didn't Lori and/or SSM do a post like this last year?

I guess that's their Valentine's Day tradition. Gotta do something, if your spouse is a louse, I guess.

[NotALoserLikeYou]

Didn't Lori and/or SSM do a post like this last year?

I guess that's their Valentine's Day tradition. Gotta do something, if your spouse is a louse, I guess.

I thought she wrote something last year but I'm thinking it was someone else, someone with small kids, and it may have been her birthday or anniversary? It was someone who felt entitled to some attention and by the end of the day she realized that having expectations lead only to resentment so better to just not have any.

[YPestis]

Ok, so fundies (and SSM) have often talked about building up one's husband confidence There's been essays written by fundies that accuse modern woman of tearing down men with their criticisms and nagging. Men need encouragement! Men need women to stand behind them no matter what! And now Lori is complaining that women are unreasonable for wanting their husbands to make them feel good about themselves?

So, women are the "weaker sex". They suck as leaders and workers. They are emotional and need a firm hand. But they don't "need" to husbands to make them feel good. They don't "need" self-esteem boosting exercises. No, it's the men, natural leaders, strong and rational, who rely on their women to build them up, to boost their self-confidence. If their women constantly put them down, these men will shrivel up and roll into a fetal position, so women must always, always, always remind them that they are the greatest thing ever. Hm, I never realized how lowly fundies view their men.

[lilwriter85]

I think this is probably jealousy over the fact that instead of going out for a romantic dinner, being bought chocolates, flowers and wine and being treated really nicely, she spends all day making the house look nice for Ken, and he comes home, tells her it isn't good enough and then ignores her and goes to sleep.

Nailed it. I will say that there are some women who are demanding when it comes to gifts or whether they receive gifts or not. But Valentine's Day doesn't lead to divorce.

[ILoveJellybeans]

And then when they have sex, they do it until he finishes, then he rolls over and goes to sleep leaving her unsatisfied.

[teachergirl]

That was Jacinda from Growing Home on Mother's Day. Her husband didn't do anything helpful let alone special for her and she did not want to allow herself to feel bad about it. Cause women's feeling don't ever matter in these equations.

[Childless]

If you end up divorced over a stupid holiday, then your marriage was never going to last anyway. I don't think Valentine's Day is the problem.

I'm not a Valentine's Day person. I would rather spend my money celebrating my anniversary than some arbitrary day in February. But, if my husband forgot Mother's Day, you better bet he'd get an earful. Plus, I'd make certain I had plans with friends on Father's Day and I'd conveniently "forget" about the day altogether. I don't put up with that nonsense. I don't even care if he forgets my birthday. As long as he remembers our anniversary and Mother's Day, he won't have to suffer my wrath.

[Jana814]

That was Jacinda from Growing Home on Mother's Day. Her husband didn't do anything helpful let alone special for her and she did not want to allow herself to feel bad about it. Cause women's feeling don't ever matter in these equations.

That's horrible. I bet he would get mad if she didn't make a big deal about Father's Day!

[Pam]

Sunshine Mary has a similar post up today. Her husband had the day off and choose to spend it at the gun range rather than with her.

I'm sure he just did that in order to allow her time to do something secret and special for him, as her advice for ladies for this year's Valentine's Day is " rather than waiting for your man to impress you, why not get to work doing something for him this Valentine’s Day...if he doesn’t do anything, then you can take satisfaction in his enjoyment of what you have done for him." Mighty thoughtful of him, I must say!

He bought her lingerie and in her post she describes how he makes her crawl around the bedroom looking for it, apparently as some form of foreplay. WTF?

Well yes, because his telling you what to wear and what to do is just soooooo darn HOT, and crawling around the floor looking for it is ENTIRELY THRILLING, dontcha know!!

[lilwriter85]

I haven't check out SSM's blog lately. But with her husband's history, I wouldn't be surprised if he sneaked off on V Day to fuck one of his female co-workers.

[debrand]

I haven't check out SSM's blog lately. But with her husband's history, I wouldn't be surprised if he sneaked off on V Day to fuck one of his female co-workers.

It also wouldn't surprise me if he bought the other woman candy and flowers. I am not saying that to be mean but he seems like the kind of ass who would value any other woman more than his wife.

We celebrate Valentine's Day by giving everyone in our family very inexpensive chocolates and cards so it has become a family holiday. We do this because we spent many years being too broke to go out and now that we have money, we like the rituals that we created when we were less financially secure. I even bought my best friend a small box of candy.

[GolightlyGrrl]

I haven't check out SSM's blog lately. But with her husband's history, I wouldn't be surprised if he sneaked off on V Day to fuck one of his female co-workers.

I can also imagine him visiting prostitutes.

[thoughtful]

That was Jacinda from Growing Home on Mother's Day. Her husband didn't do anything helpful let alone special for her and she did not want to allow herself to feel bad about it. Cause women's feeling don't ever matter in these equations.

Ah -- thanks. I knew I remembered reading about someone who had made the Valentine's Day=divorce equation.

[browngrl]

Oh and don't forget that sweet little flower Lori who is "always learning". She also equated valentine's day with divorce.

[Angharad Crewe]

What is so screwed up about Lori and SSM is that there is a grain of truth in their misogynistic rants. It is a good idea to not rely on other people to make you happy, to appreciate simple gestures, and to not get caught up in what society tells you to want (lavish Valentine's day presents or over the top public engagements, for example). But there is definitely a balance. I think that it is pretty clear from SSM and Lori's posts that they are neglected and most likely emotionally abused by their husbands. It would certainly explain why both of them are so bitter towards women who have husbands who do over the top romantic gestures.

I sort of understand why Lori would never leave Ken - health issues and being out of the workforce for so long - but I don't understand why SSM would stay with HHG. SSM is educated, works part time, and based on her vocabulary, she is a lot more intelligent than Lori. (Lori writes like a fourth grader.)

I have my fingers crossed that SSM and HHG are just trolling the internet. I'm hoping that HHG has always been 100% faithful to her, but they get off on pretending that he is a super alpha Casanova and posting shit about their sex life online. That is the only explanation for her need to repeatedly describe specific BDSM acts on her public blog.