The Courtship of Jessa Duggar - Part 2

[Sola]

I wonder if people like your friend actually want a long term partner? Like they've made the standard so high no one will ever meet it. So then they can say, "I'm looking for someone. It's not my fault no one has the qualities I'm looking for."

I have a friend like that too. She's 46 and has never had a boyfriend and is still a virgin. She wants a relationship, wants kids (bit late for that now), but has never dated. I get the impression that her idea of a relationship is the guy makes the first move, officially asks her out on a date, for it to be valid. Real life isn't like that. Many people just hook up and the relationship develops. My husband never asked me out, we met at uni and had a mutual attraction. Neither of us realised that the other felt the same way. It took a Christmas party and liberal amounts of alcohol for us to realise how the other felt and for us to get together. Twenty-three years later we're still going strong.

In my friendship circle many of us got with our life partner in similar circumstances. There was no official asking out on a date. But my friend seems to be under the impression thast the correct way to do that is for the man to officially ask the woman out. Like I said, she's now 46 and is still waiting for that man to ask her out.

[Incognito22]

I think if the Dugger girls were allowed to date or "date with a purpose" we would not be so hard on Ben. He appears to be a conservative, nice looking teenage boy. However, I feel with such a strong focus on NOT giving pieces of your heart away they are more likely to push this into a marriage.

I don't know them nor do I know Chad and Erin but I just get a different feeling about them. I don't feel like anyone is protecting Jessa and she is vulnerable. Thank God she's the spit fire of the family. Maybe girl can take care of herself.

[Incognito22]

Also, the chances are pretty good that Ben or someone close to him reads these blogs and he might have the upper hand in image creation.

[BornOKThe1stTime]

They're made to believe they cant accentuate their figure because it might make boys lust for them. A properly padded bra would add definition to the breast, thereby causing boys to commit a sin. Plus, you're assuming that they're even allowed to pick quality bras. If their "buy used, save the difference" mantra is still touted around the house as much as possible, it's very possible that the girls are buying secondhand bras. Which means the padding could be very thin if there ever was any.

That said, I dont think it's weird that the girls are crossing their arms. I do that just because it's more comfortable for me to keep my left arm bent, but it looks weird to have one bent arm. Therefore, my arms are crossed in front of my body quite often. It has nothing to do with being insecure, it's just what is comfortable for me.

And as someone else pointed out, it could be a learned posture as well. I know many kids who picked up that posture from those around them, and it's hard to train yourself out of a posture you normally take.

I've spent quite a bit of time with my fundie family (who are at least as fundie as the Duggars--they've openly embraced using the "rod" in corporal punishment of their children as young as early infancy). Apparently many female fundies have a horror of nipples showing. I've seen their bras and they're all of the padded kind, for "modesty". Mind you, not the Vicky's Secret push-up-and-make-cleavage kind, but the Sears lightly-padded-for-modesty ones. Then the thick bra is covered by at least two thick layers of clothes (typically a high-neckline undershirt and a loose polo-style shirt, buttoned up to the top). Under their skirts, the younger girls are always wearing "bloomers"--those biking-short type cropped leggings, and the older girls and women are in long skirts with tan-colored pantyhose and conservative underwear underneath.

[BravaAmica]

I have a friend like that too. She's 46 and has never had a boyfriend and is still a virgin. She wants a relationship, wants kids (bit late for that now), but has never dated. I get the impression that her idea of a relationship is the guy makes the first move, officially asks her out on a date, for it to be valid. Real life isn't like that. Many people just hook up and the relationship develops. My husband never asked me out, we met at uni and had a mutual attraction. Neither of us realised that the other felt the same way. It took a Christmas party and liberal amounts of alcohol for us to realise how the other felt and for us to get together. Twenty-three years later we're still going strong.

In my friendship circle many of us got with our life partner in similar circumstances. There was no official asking out on a date. But my friend seems to be under the impression thast the correct way to do that is for the man to officially ask the woman out. Like I said, she's now 46 and is still waiting for that man to ask her out.

Is your friend just as rigid in other areas of her life as well? "I must have X-experience happen in this particular order and manner for it to be valid. I do not want anything less." Or is she only rigid about romantic relationships? Does she think that your marriage isn't valid because you and your husband never officially "dated." (I had someone tell me that about my husband and I. Watevs.)

Of course, romance doesn't happen for some people. It just doesn't, no matter what you do. I'm thinking of a dear friend- and despite him putting himself out there and pursing relationships, he's never had a relationship longer than a few years. He's in his early 50s and still putting himself out there- good on him. (He did share that a lot of the guys he dates want to get too physical too fast- he likes to take things slow, physically- so he doesn't get a lot of fourth or fifth dates.) He goes out with friends, travels all over to see friends, not shy about trying new experiences or meeting new people. It breaks my heart because I know how much he adds to my life by being merely a friend- so I can extrapolate that he would add a lot to someone's life as a partner.

[Talitha Cumi]

Hey, check out my invisible wall!

[pudding]

the invisible wall made me laugh :lol:

maybe he's one hell of an entertainer!

[IReallyAmHopewell]

They've been raised to be extremely self-conscious of their breasts?

1. She may have only had them that way for a few seconds.

2. Quell nipple erections :pink-shock: :pink-shock: ? Maybe it was colder than she thought or she got hotter than she thought....... :pink-shock:

[Rachel333]

So glad I'm not a Duggar, and for once that has little to do with their fundamentalism. :lol: There are no strangers discussing my breasts on the internet as far as I know!

[church_of_dog]

So glad I'm not a Duggar, and for once that has little to do with their fundamentalism. :lol: There are no strangers discussing my breasts on the internet as far as I know!

except... now, we are! :lol: :lol: :whistle:

[nokidsmom]

I have a friend like that too. She's 46 and has never had a boyfriend and is still a virgin. She wants a relationship, wants kids (bit late for that now), but has never dated. I get the impression that her idea of a relationship is the guy makes the first move, officially asks her out on a date, for it to be valid. Real life isn't like that. Many people just hook up and the relationship develops. My husband never asked me out, we met at uni and had a mutual attraction. Neither of us realised that the other felt the same way. It took a Christmas party and liberal amounts of alcohol for us to realise how the other felt and for us to get together. Twenty-three years later we're still going strong.

In my friendship circle many of us got with our life partner in similar circumstances. There was no official asking out on a date. But my friend seems to be under the impression thast the correct way to do that is for the man to officially ask the woman out. Like I said, she's now 46 and is still waiting for that man to ask her out.

Had I waited for guys to make the first move, I would have not had my two pre-marriage LT relationships or gotten with Mr. No. In fact, I would ask guys out, sometimes it worked, sometimes not but I figured I was not going to just sit and wait around. And I knew plenty of girls who did just that.

[singsingsing]

You don't even have to actually ask a guy out to make the first move. Sometimes they're just looking for some encouragement. Risking rejection is scary. And while men actually asking women out on dates MAY be less common now than it once was, it's by no means unheard of. I've been asked out a few times, and I'm 25 and by no means do I have an active love life. If this friend is 46 and has really never been asked out, not once, then something is going on. I have no idea what it is because I don't know her, but it's not because men just don't ask women out anymore.

[SpicyCat]

As far as the crossed arms goes, I think it's 2 things. First probably a habit, second a habit because they don't have any pockets to put their hands into. Think about it, if you don't have anywhere else to put them, you cross your arms, simple as that. They may have also been taught not to put their hands in the pockets when they have them because it might pull their bottoms tighter. But given the skirt thing, I'm going for no pockets.

[mrs]

Maybe it's just me, but I tend to cross my arms if someone else crosses their arms.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

. Think about it, if you don't have anywhere else to put them, you cross your arms, simple as that.

Nope. I don't usually have pockets, I never cross my arms. I sometimes use my hands while I'm talking, but if I am not talking and I have nothing in my hands I stand with my hands at my side. I haven't looked at all the pictures again but if I remember the only people crossing their arms are the Duggars-- no one else is. I think this is a family trait. Have we ever seen them pray with crossed arms? I remember they did that on Big Love but maybe that is just a Mormon thing.

[xReems]

Mormons are the one who fold their arms while praying. As for Jessa's arm folding, eh, I'm not thinking too much about it. I have a tendency to fold my arms whenever I'm standing. Plus, on Ben's public fb page, she's also folding her arms in there too, so it could just be a habit of hers.

[EmmieJ]

Jessa is not even near baby Ben. I think she may be realizing he IS young and not really for her. They are not even looking at each other in these pics! Jessa and Ben you are no Erin and Chad!!!

In several of the photos, a Duggar brother is strategically placed between Jess and Ben. Coincidence or purposeful? Also, the Duggar boy had his arms crossed in a couple of the photos as well. Could be it was a bit chilly outside, so they had their arms crossed to stay warm. It stood out to me because none of the other (non-Duggar) people seemed to have their arms crossed.

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

Soooo... Jessa's birthday's Nov 4th. Who thinks she'll be getting a ring from Ben?

[CallmeChaCha]

Soooo... Jessa's birthday's Nov 4th. Who thinks she'll be getting a ring from Ben?

Heh. Wouldn't be very original, plus I would think she'd at least suspect it since her bro did that w/ Anna. That wouldn't be very romantic, either.

[Mela99]

Heh. Wouldn't be very original, plus I would think she'd at least suspect it since her bro did that w/ Anna. That wouldn't be very romantic, either.

Some guys just don't have the huge creative streak. My fiance gave me mine on Christmas eve. Kinda thought it was coming, but if it's what you want, day or creativity doesn't matter.

[CallmeChaCha]

Some guys just don't have the huge creative streak. My fiance gave me mine on Christmas eve. Kinda thought it was coming, but if it's what you want, day or creativity doesn't matter.

Good point. I've never been proposed to, nor do imagine how it would happen, but with josh and anna it seemed a bit "dry" (if that makes any sense).

[CallmeChaCha]

I can't seem to edit my previous post but wanted to add:

I guess I expect more from the fundies since marriage is such a huge deal.

[mrs]

Good point. I've never been proposed to, nor do imagine how it would happen, but with josh and anna it seemed a bit "dry" (if that makes any sense).

I got engaged on my birthday.

I could see it happening on her birthday. It would allow family and friends to be there without causing too much suspicion.

I really hope Ben waits until AFTER Erin's wedding.

[sunshine]

Soooo... Jessa's birthday's Nov 4th. Who thinks she'll be getting a ring from Ben?

I hope not.

[eye_browz]

I think Ben will be inspired by Erin's wedding and will propose on Christmas day. But I hope not, they haven't been together long enough. I still feel like they don't know each other.