The Courtship of Jessa Duggar - Part 2

[Lillybee]

I do wish that Jessa and Ben had a chance to talk about something other than bible verses and sermons.

[formergothardite]

LOL I remember that Josh said that he converted her to his sleeping time, but that was short-lived when they had kids. Now, she has something to do when everyone else is a sleep.

She had to be the one to change, not him. :roll: Not realizing all the little differences is one of the problems with courtship. When you are heavily chaperoned and not allowed to have conversations that are not monitored(looking at you Bates)you are not being your real self. I act differently when I'm not around my parents or in the Duggar and Bates case chaperones that will tattle to mommy and daddy, so there is no way to get to know the other person until after you marry them.

[alysee]

She had to be the one to change, not him. :roll: Not realizing all the little differences is one of the problems with courtship. When you are heavily chaperoned and not allowed to have conversations that are not monitored(looking at you Bates)you are not being your real self. I act differently when I'm not around my parents or in the Duggar and Bates case chaperones that will tattle to mommy and daddy, so there is no way to get to know the other person until after you marry them.

This, all of this.

In my experience, I had no idea until 3 years into my relationship with my husband that he is a night owl of the worst variety. And that he just normally functions on about 4 or 5 hours of sleep. He likes going to bed at 5am and waking up at 10am. Where as I go to bed at 10pm and wake up at 6 naturally.

[pega127]

How close when they be when Amy has to text Jessa asking if it's her birthday? Surely she'd know (or have noted down) when her cousins' birthdays are?

Remember, Amy is super busy and can't remember everyone's special day!

[thekate]

I imagine its harder when you have about three million cousins.

I don't know when my cousins birthdays are and I only have 8 of them. I only remember the ones who are a bit younger than me and invited me to their birthday parties, and the ones who I can remember being born.

Yes, but Amy's got something better than us to remember birthdays...Wikipedia!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duggar_family#Children

[August]

When I suspect it's near a neice or nephew's birthday, I search my email for their birth announcement.

[treehugger]

I can remember my niece and nephews birthdays - but cousins, forget it. On my Dad's side of the family alone I have over 45 cousins. I don't even know all their names. I have a bad enough time remembering the birthdays of my husband's ten siblings.

[Mela99]

Has Amy made any comments one way or another on the pro life issue? Maybe she doesn't share the family's position and they are distancing themselves ......

I'm 99% sure she's made comments on traditional marriage and abortion, she's right up there with them.

[jaynie]

In fairness, wasn't it recently discussed that Michelle got Joy to program all the family birthdays into a phone app? If MOTY can't remember them all, it seems a bit unreasonable to expect Famy to.

[marmalade]

I have 17 cousins. It starts to run together. I know that two of them have April b-days, but I do not know what days. I know that two of them were born one day apart the first week of June but could not tell you either day.

I really can't fault Amy for knowing it is near Jessa's b-day but not the exact day.

Amy has an iphone. She could program in the birthdays if she wasn't so concerned about dressing herself up as a high-rent callgirl (Holly Golightly) for Halloween...ironically, her favorite holiday.

She's wished cousins like James and Justin happy birthday before (and of course, her fave, Joy). I thought Jessa was also a fave or hers, so I think the tone is what's missing here...I think she was kind of playing around. But she really should have those b-days programmed into her phone by now.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

I do wish that Jessa and Ben had a chance to talk about something other than bible verses and sermons.

"How do you feel about [bible verse on sex]?"

"Well, I'm VERY glad you ASKED that...."

"My favorite verse is [song of Solomon X:_]"

"Wow...me, TOO!"

You could really spin some Bible verses.... :lol:

[BirthingGodsWarriors]

I used to have a ton of questions about what is ok/not ok in the fundie sex world. I'm not sure if the uberfundies are even allowed to do some of the things suggeste in this article, but it was quite an eye opener. I totally thought it was a missionary/get 'er done kinda thing. (Toys are ok! Who knew? I thought the guys would see it as a hallenge to their manhood). And then I stumbled upon this little gem:

themarriagebed.com/sexuality/sexual-play/whats-okay-whats-not

ETA: a sentence

[Rachel333]

Wow, I don't have my 20+ cousins' birthdays programmed into my phone either, so clearly I'm a terrible person. I will say that facebook helps a lot with that, but that's not an option for the Duggars.

[twinmama]

I can remember my niece and nephews birthdays - but cousins, forget it. On my Dad's side of the family alone I have over 45 cousins. I don't even know all their names. I have a bad enough time remembering the birthdays of my husband's ten siblings.

Don't feel bad, I have 3 cousins total and I have NO idea when their birthdays are. One is my age, the other two are a few years older and much older. I know their names, their husbands and kids names, but ages/birthdays nope! My husband has a zillion cousins (20ish, it's a lot to someone with 3) and I don't even know all their names let alone their birthdays.

[fullmetalheart]

I have 3 cousins total and I don't know their exact birthdays either. Round about? Yeah. Exact? Nope.

[twinmama]

I used to have a ton of questions about what is ok/not ok in the fundie sex world. I'm not sure if the uberfundies are even allowed to do some of the things suggeste in this article, but it was quite an eye opener. I totally thought it was a missionary/get 'er done kinda thing. (Toys are ok! Who knew? I thought the guys would see it as a hallenge to their manhood). And then I stumbled upon this little gem:

themarriagebed.com/sexuality/sexual-play/whats-okay-whats-not

ETA: a sentence

OMG, I used to LOVE snark reading that message board at The Marriage Bed! I would sometimes feel bad, but I'd just laugh and laugh at how insane they were. Never in my entire life has sex ever been as big a deal to me as it is to them. Before I had it, after the first time, now... it's just sex for goodness sake! Though, I definitely believe if you're happy with your sex life it's 5% of your relationship, if you're unhappy with it, it's 95% of your relationship.

[lizziesmom]

Some advice for Jessa and her sisters:

[RosyDaisy]

Some advice for Jessa and her sisters:

This appeared on my FB posted by a fundie-lite relative. My response why not get out their and find your Boaz. I never got a reply back. Oh well.....

[singsingsing]

The Boaz thing makes me laugh, but it's true, Ruth didn't really wait patiently for him, she went out and got him herself.

p.s. one of the funniest things for me was hearing fundies try to justify the Ruth/Boaz story by saying that courtship couldn't follow that model because Ruth only did what she did based on a cultural context that no longer exists. So don't do what Ruth did, because things are different now, but, for example, women can't be ministers because THE BIBLE SAYS SO. The irony burns.

[Mama Mia]

That turns up on my Facebook feed pretty regularly. I don't think the people I've seen posting it are promoting the "waiting" part as in wait for courtship, or for him to find you. They do it more as a "don't fall for assholes, there's guys who aren't jerks out there" .

[fullmetalheart]

The Boaz thing makes me laugh, but it's true, Ruth didn't really wait patiently for him, she went out and got him herself.

p.s. one of the funniest things for me was hearing fundies try to justify the Ruth/Boaz story by saying that courtship couldn't follow that model because Ruth only did what she did based on a cultural context that no longer exists. So don't do what Ruth did, because things are different now, but, for example, women can't be ministers because THE BIBLE SAYS SO. The irony burns.

What cracks me up is a lot of these fundies wear their hair in braids. Isn't there some verse in 1st Timothy or 2nd Timothy that says not do to that?

[louisa05]

What cracks me up is a lot of these fundies wear their hair in braids. Isn't there some verse in 1st Timothy or 2nd Timothy that says not do to that?

1 Timothy 2:9-10:

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

This is always thrown around in regard to modest clothing. If you ask about why the people throwing it at you have on enormous diamond wedding sets and other gold jewelry and such, you get in a lot of trouble. I know this on account of a student bringing it up at the Christian school I taught at and nearly being kicked out of school. Rule number one: do not point their blatant hypocrisy out to them.

[fullmetalheart]

1 Timothy 2:9-10:

Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

This is always thrown around in regard to modest clothing. If you ask about why the people throwing it at you have on enormous diamond wedding sets and other gold jewelry and such, you get in a lot of trouble. I know this on account of a student bringing it up at the Christian school I taught at and nearly being kicked out of school. Rule number one: do not point their blatant hypocrisy out to them.

It's amazing how they can just pick and choose Bible verses. There are even examples of women in ministry positions in the Bible, so the NO WOMEN MINSTERS!!! stuff is utter bullcrap.

[Adrienne83]

i have an idea for jessa's wedding!

I had a pair of flip flops like these for my reception!!! :lol:

And I am also from the camp of you don't have to live with someone, or have sex with them, before you are married in order for you to have a good marriage.

[erastus25]

Some advice for Jessa and her sisters:

Is this a reference to Franz Boas and Ruth Benedict???