Transgender 6 year old banned from bathroom

[Love]

The mom is sketchy to me. She had a huge internet presence but it's been pretty securely locked down. Coy has a sister who contracted RSV when they were infants. The current rumor swirling around the internet says that her parents didn't take her to the doctor when she started showing symptoms and chose to use alternative medicine instead. The sister ended up with severe, global brain damage. The mom, in particular, asked people to contribute money to buy a $40k wheelchair van for the family.

I was on a private message board with Kathryn back when Lily got sick. Actually long before that, including when she got pregnant with the triplets. (If I recall correctly, she took clomid she purchased off the internet - thus getting pregnant with multiples. She was not infertile, but wasn't getting pregnant as fast as she wanted to.) She immediately took Lily to the hospital when Lily got sick. She found her in the middle of the night, gray and not breathing. I always wondered why she didn't call an ambulance..... but she said they could get there faster than the ambulance.

Anyway, there are a lot of things 'off' about Kathryn. For one, she live-posted, on the internet, during her triplet home-birth. There were about 20 or 30 of us online at the time, all chatting and waiting for updates. It was INSANE. Its crazy enough to think having triplets at home is ok, let alone be online telling everyone about it. Everything has always seemed to be about attention with this woman. After Lily got sick, a friend was babysitting Coy and the other boy (i can't remember his name) and one of the boys fell down and hurt his head. I think it ended up that the woman babysitting dropped the baby and lied to Kathryn about it. I don't think that was a good thing to lie about, AT ALL, but boy oh boy did Kathryn call out the angry-mob. It was UGLY.

She has been the recipient of HUGE contributions over the years; high-end car seats for the triplets, wheelchairs, a van.... food cards for hospital stays etc. During Lily's initial hospital stay, Kathryn posted all kinds of incredibly sad and traumatizing pictures. A lot of us at the time couldn't understand how any parent could post something like that, if not for attention. I have been through some tough medical situations with my kids, and I've rarely taken a photo, let alone shared a photo like that with internet strangers.

I don't remember how this message board dissolved exactly, but it is no longer in existence. And it went to shit because someone thought Kathryn has Munchausen By-Proxy. And the internet angry-mob came out in full defense of Kathryn and the message board closed after that. I hadn't even thought about any of it in 6+ years.

When I saw this story, all these years later.... I initially just shook my head. There is enough evidence here, IMO, to show me that most of this situation with Coy is about attention for the mother. It makes me soooo incredibly sad.

[JenniferJuniper]

I was on a private message board with Kathryn back when Lily got sick. Actually long before that, including when she got pregnant with the triplets. (If I recall correctly, she took clomid she purchased off the internet - thus getting pregnant with multiples. She was not infertile, but wasn't getting pregnant as fast as she wanted to.) She immediately took Lily to the hospital when Lily got sick. She found her in the middle of the night, gray and not breathing. I always wondered why she didn't call an ambulance..... but she said they could get there faster than the ambulance.

Anyway, there are a lot of things 'off' about Kathryn. For one, she live-posted, on the internet, during her triplet home-birth. There were about 20 or 30 of us online at the time, all chatting and waiting for updates. It was INSANE. Its crazy enough to think having triplets at home is ok, let alone be online telling everyone about it. Everything has always seemed to be about attention with this woman. After Lily got sick, a friend was babysitting Coy and the other boy (i can't remember his name) and one of the boys fell down and hurt his head. I think it ended up that the woman babysitting dropped the baby and lied to Kathryn about it. I don't think that was a good thing to lie about, AT ALL, but boy oh boy did Kathryn call out the angry-mob. It was UGLY.

She has been the recipient of HUGE contributions over the years; high-end car seats for the triplets, wheelchairs, a van.... food cards for hospital stays etc. During Lily's initial hospital stay, Kathryn posted all kinds of incredibly sad and traumatizing pictures. A lot of us at the time couldn't understand how any parent could post something like that, if not for attention. I have been through some tough medical situations with my kids, and I've rarely taken a photo, let alone shared a photo like that with internet strangers.

I don't remember how this message board dissolved exactly, but it is no longer in existence. And it went to shit because someone thought Kathryn has Munchausen By-Proxy. And the internet angry-mob came out in full defense of Kathryn and the message board closed after that. I hadn't even thought about any of it in 6+ years.

When I saw this story, all these years later.... I initially just shook my head. There is enough evidence here, IMO, to show me that most of this situation with Coy is about attention for the mother. It makes me soooo incredibly sad.

I knew nothing of the background story, but I confess the above crossed my mind as a possibility when I heard she was investigating cheap gender reassignment surgery for her 6 year old child.

[Feberin]

Thanks for sharing Love! I am extremely curious about this mother. She just gives me a bad vibe and the more I learn about her the more that I am unsure of about her. I saw her triplet home birth story online and was shocked to find out that there were 9 hrs in between babies. I don't know about multiple births but that seems really long to me.

[Love]

I struggled with how much I should share about the mother, but then realized Kathryn has put her entire life on the web, by her own choice. So hey.... it reminds me of the fundy bloggers.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Does she have a blog?

She seems like a bit of an attention seeker, with her intentionally having a multiple birth, having triplets at home, posting so much about her kids illness, going to the news about her daughter not being allowed to use the girls bathroom....

[GiggleOfGirls]

I'm pretty sure she used to have a blog, but I'm not sure it's still around, if so. She definitely has had a large message board presence for a long time. I first became aware of her in 2005 on the Mothering.com message board. There's always something going on with her or her kids. IMO, she's either attention seeking or one of those people who just attracts crazy, weird stuff - maybe a bit of both.

[Love]

She might have a blog for her photography business. Sweet Feet Photography. I know there is a facebook page.

[Minerva]

Sorry but in this situation his thoughts and feelings kind of are irrelevant. He's a boy. As the song lyrics go, "You can't always get what you want".

Do you know how to read? He said he wanted to know when the doctor was going to get rid of his boy parts and give him girl parts. No way I believe a 6 year old knows on his own that doctors give sex change operations.

Why don't you believe that sex and gender are different? Why don't you believe that trans* people know their genders? We've explained the nature of gender over and over to you. The only logical reason for you not to believe us is if you have evidence to the contrary. Please share this evidence with us. Then share it with the medical world as it's groundbreaking and they'll want to know.

[keen23]

I'm pretty sure she used to have a blog, but I'm not sure it's still around, if so. She definitely has had a large message board presence for a long time. I first became aware of her in 2005 on the Mothering.com message board. There's always something going on with her or her kids. IMO, she's either attention seeking or one of those people who just attracts crazy, weird stuff - maybe a bit of both.

She was really active on another board I'm on as well- TWWS. I'm newish over there, and haven't had much interaction.

[paganhomeschooler]

Thanks for sharing Love! I am extremely curious about this mother. She just gives me a bad vibe and the more I learn about her the more that I am unsure of about her. I saw her triplet home birth story online and was shocked to find out that there were 9 hrs in between babies. I don't know about multiple births but that seems really long to me.

It is out of the ordinary in a standard medical based society. Hospitals generally will not let a set of multiples go that long between births. In a more natural, out of hospital experience, multiples can be 24+ hours apart. Especially back in the time before it was common for women to go to a hospital to give birth, it was not uncommon to labor a few hours or more before the subsequent baby(ies) came.

Not that I'm defending her! I have seen her birth story before. I've had 3 homebirths, so I've read quite a few homebirth stories. I think, with no other complications, I would probably feel comfortable having twins at home because I know my midwife has 30+ years of experience and has delivered twins, including breech babies. I don't think I'd do triplets or more at home, and I really doubt she would, either.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I didnt realise it was possible to deliver triplets at home. I thought that multiple births were usually preemies.

[samurai_sarah]

I get that totally, it's just that what you want and reality don't always mix ya know? Anyways I really don't care what grown ups do with their bodies. I respect other people's choice to do what they want as long as they do the same for me. My concern is with this kid possibly being brainwashed by his parents into thinking he's a girl. No way I believe a 6 year knows that doctors do sex change operations. At that age a doctor should be known as the nice man you go to for medicine when you get sick, not the guy that hacks your privates off and gives you different ones. I don't believe he came up with that on his own.

So... a child's feelings don't matter, except they do when said child is a foetus. And what grown-ups do with their bodies is their choice, except when it comes to abortion. Because you totally respect people's bodily autonomy, as long as they afford you the same respect. And you know what's best for every six-year-old out there.

You're pretty incoherent, and make no sense.

(I'm referring to this thread: http://freejinger.org/forums/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=16167 )

[paganhomeschooler]

Multiples doesn't automatically mean preemie. I think it would be irresponsible to deliver triplets at home. I really don't think my midwife, as "liberal" as she is about birth (which I use only in the sense of natural birth choices because other than that, she is very conservative Christian and not at all politically liberal) would do triplets at home. She won't deliver at home before 37 weeks. I don't remember how far along this mom was when she delivered the triplets or if she was unassisted, but I know when I read the whole thing I couldn't get over how irresponsible I thought it was to do triplets. Too much can go wrong too fast with that many placentas and cords and that much room after the first 1 and 2 come out. I have actually read many birth stories of twins being successfully delivered at home, even unassisted! (I could never do UC. I'm too paranoid for that! lol)

Good midwives usually won't deliver a preemie at home unless it's an extenuating circumstance. I only had singletons, but had I gone into labor before 37 weeks, she would have accompanied me to the hospital. She is a licensed midwife and is trained in resuscitation and renews her training I believe yearly (however often the law requires for her to keep her license), so she is able to act in an emergency, but it's better to not tempt it with preemies.

[mostlylurk]

I believe she had a team of several midwives, and she did actually go past 36 weeks with the triplets (maybe not all the way to 37 weeks - not sure).

AFA 9 hours between babies, I had a hospital birth of twins at a hospital I chose specifically because it had a reputation for being good for "natural" births. My doctor said that they had just delivered a set of twins where there were 8 hours between the babies and no complications.

[the 4th survivor]

So... a child's feelings don't matter, except they do when said child is a foetus. And what grown-ups do with their bodies is their choice, except when it comes to abortion. Because you totally respect people's bodily autonomy, as long as they afford you the same respect. And you know what's best for every six-year-old out there.

You're pretty incoherent, and make no sense.

(I'm referring to this thread: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=16167 )

A child's feelings matter but not when they want to be something they can never be and that applies to adults too. Coy is a boy, period. Genetics and biology says I'm right. People can do what they want with their own bodies except with abortion because they are making the choice for their unborn baby as well.

When did I say I know what's best for every 6 year old? I don't even know what's best for this one. I just don't think someone of that age understands the gravity of their decisions. Sure, he can say he wants to be a girl but is he prepared to take on the consequences like possible bullying? I'm not so sure he is. Besides that I just don't believe this kid came to the decision of wanting to be a girl entirely on his own and I don't believe his parents have his best interests in mind. The mother says she doesn't want him getting bullied but then she makes a big public stink about him not being able to be use the girl's bathroom. That's a great way to not draw your attention to your child isn't it? It's like saying "hey my kid is the transgendered one wearing the dress and long hair but please don't make fun, okay?" I think she's doing this all for attention and even if I'm wrong and she really does have good intentions, she's going about it the wrong way.

[Conuly]

A child's feelings matter but not when they want to be something they can never be and that applies to adults too. Coy is a boy, period. Genetics and biology says I'm right.

So you know for a veritable fact that the kid has only XY chromosomes, that she wasn't born with indeterminate genitals, and there were no unusual hormonal effects during gestation causing her brain and body to mismatch?

Or are you just assuming that every single person ever has only one type of sex chromosomes and that those always exactly pair up with external appearance and hormone production? Because that would be fairly ignorant of you, as though you are trying but failing to recall high school biology, and never got any further education in the subject.

Also, even if your statement was guaranteed to be factually correct in all situations (so not), genetics and biology aren't everything. I have two rules I follow, and they have always served me well: do unto others, and mind your own business. If other people want to take hormones or have surgery, well, that's not my business. I get no say in their hair or tattoos, so why should I get a say in their gender identity? Hell, I don't even *care*. I have better things to do with my time.

[FreeJosie]

Coy looks so sad in her TV interview; poor little sweetie.

[BlondeAgent007]

It's pretty sad when our country is more afraid of a boy in a dress than they are of semi-automatic weapons.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

This particular kid? Coy's been written about in the blogsphere for years, as a quick google makes clear (and brings up various of the misgivings other people have already posted). Nothing was ever mentioned about any actual intersex conditions even while the medical issues of the other triplets (and singleton sibs) were widely posted about. There's an article about the triplets when Coy is three and in that article Coy is written about as a boy, in boy clothes, not a mention of anything else going on.

That, combined with numerous interviews with the mom where she comes right out and says she started suspecting gender issues when Coy went for a pink blanket at the age of FIVE MONTHS, combined with various other family stress going on, and yeah, it adds up to some side-eye in my book. Most of the serious "hm, I'm not so sure about this" disagreeing comments to news articles (as opposed to "it's an abomination!" or whatever usual froth) come from people who claim to live in the area and followed the mom in the news on previous issues.

I don't think putting Coy in the news is doing the kid any favors. The whole situation is now "out" and there will be pressure to "keep with that story" in the future (whether explicitly from Mom or not) which is not helpful.

I'm still all for the unisex bathrooms.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

It's pretty sad when our country is more afraid of a boy in a dress than they are of semi-automatic weapons.

Definitely this though too. Even boys who claim boyhood should be free to wear dresses if they want.

I have a neighbor with a son who likes to wear pink all the time, he grows out his hair, occasionally wears a skirt (but more often pink tights or the like). He's a boy, but by gender stereotypes he "looks like a girl" and when he was in the paper with his dad at some antiwar protests a few years back, the vitriol was INTENSE. So many letter writers just outraged at the idea of a dad letting his son wear those kind of clothes, it was just... seriously? The kid in pink is what really is the pressing issue here?

[the 4th survivor]

It's pretty sad when our country is more afraid of a boy in a dress than they are of semi-automatic weapons.

They should be afraid of the politicians trying to take away their weapons.

[Guest Anonymous]

Clip-clop, clip-clop, over the wooden bridge. :lol:

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

A child's feelings matter but not when they want to be something they can never be and that applies to adults too. Coy is a boy, period. Genetics and biology says I'm right. People can do what they want with their own bodies except with abortion because they are making the choice for their unborn baby as well.

When did I say I know what's best for every 6 year old? I don't even know what's best for this one. I just don't think someone of that age understands the gravity of their decisions. Sure, he can say he wants to be a girl but is he prepared to take on the consequences like possible bullying? I'm not so sure he is. Besides that I just don't believe this kid came to the decision of wanting to be a girl entirely on his own and I don't believe his parents have his best interests in mind. The mother says she doesn't want him getting bullied but then she makes a big public stink about him not being able to be use the girl's bathroom. That's a great way to not draw your attention to your child isn't it? It's like saying "hey my kid is the transgendered one wearing the dress and long hair but please don't make fun, okay?" I think she's doing this all for attention and even if I'm wrong and she really does have good intentions, she's going about it the wrong way.

No longer sure if you are being willfully thick or just enjoying getting a rise out of the progressive folks on the board. Your posts are overflowing with conservative dog whistles.

[Minerva]

So... a child's feelings don't matter, except they do when said child is a foetus. And what grown-ups do with their bodies is their choice, except when it comes to abortion. Because you totally respect people's bodily autonomy, as long as they afford you the same respect. And you know what's best for every six-year-old out there.

You're pretty incoherent, and make no sense.

(I'm referring to this thread: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=16167 )

Taking positions that have zero coherence but just happen to be exactly what everyone else will disagree with. Ignoring the difficult questions. What do we call that again?

[Guest Anonymous]

We don't call it. We just go clip-clop clip-clop, over the wooden bridge.