Transgender 6 year old banned from bathroom

[valsa]

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/transg ... 15013.html

Note: Not breaking since it's Yahoo though, given it's Yahoo, you might want to skip the comments

The parents of a 6-year-old transgender girl who has been banned from using the girls’ bathroom at her Fountain, Colorado public school have filed a formal discrimination complaint with the aid of a lawyer—and are using the opportunity to speak out publicly in support of their child.

The saddest part is that the article notes that only 16 states (including the one this little girl lives in) have laws protecting trans students in schools, so if this had happened if one of the 34 states without such laws the parents might not have had a leg to stand on.

Also, totally shallow on my part but Coy is absolutely adorable.

[formergothardite]

I think I remember reading about this mother on MDC. She had a home birth with triplets. She always seemed like a great mom. I'm glad little Coy has parents who will support her even at such a young age. And yes, she is adorable.

[artmama]

I think I remember reading about this mother on MDC. She had a home birth with triplets. She always seemed like a great mom. I'm glad little Coy has parents who will support her even at such a young age. And yes, she is adorable.

Yes, that is the same person. I've known Kathryn online since the triplets were babies, and she is a fantastic and fierce advocate for her children.

I second the bit about not reading the comments. They hurt my heart, that people could be so hateful towards a little girl.

[pixydust]

How can they reverse the decision and make her use the boys room? So, this kid is more than half way through her 2nd year of using the girls room and they just want to change that? Why? It doesn't even make sense!

And yes, Coy is a cutie pie!

[Bethella]

How can they reverse the decision and make her use the boys room? So, this kid is more than half way through her 2nd year of using the girls room and they just want to change that? Why? It doesn't even make sense!

And yes, Coy is a cutie pie!

My understanding was that she could use the uni-sex bathrooms or the one in the nurses station, not that she would be required to use the boys room.

[valsa]

How can they reverse the decision and make her use the boys room? So, this kid is more than half way through her 2nd year of using the girls room and they just want to change that? Why? It doesn't even make sense!

And yes, Coy is a cutie pie!

I'm guessing the asshole parents of other children complained about it and that's why they reversed it. Because we all know 6 year old transgender girls are just evil perverts who only want to use girls' bathrooms because it gives them the chance to sexually assault other 6 year olds :roll:

[Mama Mia]

I think it was a bad call on the parent's part to pull her out of school and home school until the case is settled. It seemed like she was very happy in school and not having any issues with other children or staff or parents. I understand that using the nurses or staff bathroom wouldn't be ideal until the case is settled - but it would seem to be even more disruptive to her to pull her out entirely. And, I think, kind of sends the wrong message to Coy, who, being 6, is more likely to care about not seeing her friends everyday than having to use bathroom in the office. That would seem, to me, to make her feel like being 'different' is wrong.

[valsa]

I think it was a bad call on the parent's part to pull her out of school and home school until the case is settled. It seemed like she was very happy in school and not having any issues with other children or staff or parents. I understand that using the nurses or staff bathroom wouldn't be ideal until the case is settled - but it would seem to be even more disruptive to her to pull her out entirely. And, I think, kind of sends the wrong message to Coy, who, being 6, is more likely to care about not seeing her friends everyday than having to use bathroom in the office. That would seem, to me, to make her feel like being 'different' is wrong.

If I were in their shoes I'd probably do the same thing. While taking her out of school is disruptive to her routine, I'd be worried about the lawsuit making her the target of the ire of adults in the school (not only the school staff but parents she encountered in the school as well)

[Maggie Mae]

I'm so sick of the stupid bathroom arguments. We should just make all of our public toilets unisex already. I don't understand why so many people care at all about which bathroom people use. If you have to go, you have to go. What do people think happens in there, anyway? Have they never been in a pubic bathroom? They smell bad, people piss and shit, and hopefully wash their hands. We could remove the urinals or put them in stalls.

[Full enough quiver]

Ditto on the unisex bathrooms. You're in a stall, no one sees anyone's genitalia. People say, "well, women won't be safe in a unisex bathroom" I say you're safer. If a rapist goes into a women's bathroom, he is guaranteed to find a woman to assault. In a unisex bathroom, who's to say it won't be a man in there? Or a big, burly man could walk in at any time and stop an assault. Unfortunately, as women or transgendered people, we are vulnerable. I think I read somewhere that something like 1 in three transgendered people will be assaulted in their lifetime, and one in 5 women. This is not right. We need to be smart about safety no matter what bathroom we use. Better yet, we need to work on the culture that makes women and transgendered people afraid to take a piss.

[MandyLaLa]

I'm so sick of the stupid bathroom arguments. We should just make all of our public toilets unisex already. I don't understand why so many people care at all about which bathroom people use. If you have to go, you have to go. What do people think happens in there, anyway? Have they never been in a pubic bathroom? They smell bad, people piss and shit, and hopefully wash their hands. We could remove the urinals or put them in stalls.

^This.

Just make everything stalls and it's NBD. It's like once you enter a bathroom everyone straps naked and uses the toilet in full view, you go in the stall, you shut the door and bam privacy. When I got to go my main worry is if their's toilet paper.

[HOTW]

It used to be when kids were little they all saw each others genitals an dno issue was made of it now they are clueless and maybe th eparents are all scared that th elittle girls might notice Coy has something extra? Gee maybe they just need to forget labels, make all the bathrooms unisex and put the urinals behind a long stall wall...

[skrmom]

If I had a 6 y/o girl, I'd be upset if I know a 6 y/o boy was in the same restroom as her. This child is not being denied use of the restroom at school-he has been offered use of the staff restroom.

[ILoveJellybeans]

If I had a 6 y/o girl, I'd be upset if I know a 6 y/o boy was in the same restroom as her. This child is not being denied use of the restroom at school-he has been offered use of the staff restroom.

She is not a boy. She is a girl, in every way other than the lack of a vagina.

Even if she was a boy, is there any reason why little boys and girls cant use the same bathroom. The bathroom in my school when we were that age was unisex anyway. Its not like theyre going to go and have sex in there or anything.

[ADoyle90815]

Ditto on the unisex bathrooms. You're in a stall, no one sees anyone's genitalia. People say, "well, women won't be safe in a unisex bathroom" I say you're safer. If a rapist goes into a women's bathroom, he is guaranteed to find a woman to assault. In a unisex bathroom, who's to say it won't be a man in there? Or a big, burly man could walk in at any time and stop an assault. Unfortunately, as women or transgendered people, we are vulnerable. I think I read somewhere that something like 1 in three transgendered people will be assaulted in their lifetime, and one in 5 women. This is not right. We need to be smart about safety no matter what bathroom we use. Better yet, we need to work on the culture that makes women and transgendered people afraid to take a piss.

This. Safety in numbers is exactly why women often go in groups to the bathroom. A few years ago at a local community college, there was at least one reported rape in a women's bathroom.

[formergothardite]

If I had a 6 y/o girl, I'd be upset if I know a 6 y/o boy was in the same restroom as her. This child is not being denied use of the restroom at school-he has been offered use of the staff restroom.

Why?

[Mama Mia]

I think it's kind of strange that in some of the news articles it talks about how the parents thought Coy had gender identity issues at 18 months because her brother preferred dinosaurs and she preferred girls clothes and toys .... ummm, 18 months ???? Why on earth would anyone be making any assumptions about gender identity based on a baby preferring a certain toy or clothes ?

I'm wondering - at what point, and what age would parents generally be comfortable having their child identify as a different gender than the one they were identified at birth ? I have no experience with this and am thinking it would be very complex. You wouldn't want to start your boy Jimmy to start kindergarten as Jane if it was some sort of phase and you would have to go through changing his identity back to Jimmy --- but on the other hand if you waited and told Jimmy that he wasn't allowed to be Jane when that is who she really needed to be, that would be damaging.....Is it based on how long the child has felt this way ? How strongly they feel ? I would hope the psychologist would help them to work through if it was just the "things" associated with one gender or another that the child cared about , or it was the gender itself. It is so hard with little kids to figure out why they think the way they do.

Sorry if I used any words inappropriately. I'm just curious as to what sort of guidelines there would be with very young children and such a major decision, and how that is decided.

[FloraDoraDolly]

This. Safety in numbers is exactly why women often go in groups to the bathroom. A few years ago at a local community college, there was at least one reported rape in a women's bathroom.

At my university, there was a string of attacks in the women's restrooms. The school is located in a neighborhood bordering a skid row area whose residents can access the campus easily. You really have to watch where you're going and who else is around you. I would NEVER use the bathrooms on campus if I saw a man in there. The idea that some nice burly man might walk in and save a damsel in distress is ridiculous. It reminds me of all the Republican talk about how we need good guys with guns to prevent shootings in public places. On the flip side, I can't imagine most normal guys would want unisex bathrooms, where women can walk in on them at any time.

[valsa]

If I had a 6 y/o girl, I'd be upset if I know a 6 y/o boy was in the same restroom as her. This child is not being denied use of the restroom at school-he has been offered use of the staff restroom.

Good thing there was no 6 year old boy using the girls' bathroom- only girls.

[LeatherCouch]

I've also "known" Kathryn online for several years. I very sincerely hope that this is what Coy wants, but I am doubtful that she wants all this hooplah. I suspect she'd rather just be 6. I know Kathryn and her husband will be supportive of Coy, as they are with all of their kids, but I also think Kathryn has a need to get attention via her children's struggles.

We've had experience with a transgendered girl in one of my children's classes. Per her teachers request (via her parents, I think) I explained to my kids that she was born with a girls brain, but with a boys body. My kids totally understood how difficult that must be, they asked questions, I answered them and on life went. They shared a bathroom with her and the world didn't end. Pottying was a total non-event. Imagine that.

[valsa]

I think it's kind of strange that in some of the news articles it talks about how the parents thought Coy had gender identity issues at 18 months because her brother preferred dinosaurs and she preferred girls clothes and toys .... ummm, 18 months ???? Why on earth would anyone be making any assumptions about gender identity based on a baby preferring a certain toy or clothes ?

I haven't read anything that said they assumed gender identity issues because Coy liked girl's clothes and toys. Coy self-identified as a girl from a young age (as many transgender children do) and her parents supported her in whatever gender she felt she was. Some kids go through a phase of wanting to be the opposite gender but that doesn't appear to be the case here.

[Minerva]

She is not a boy. She is a girl, in every way other than the lack of a vagina.

Even if she was a boy, is there any reason why little boys and girls cant use the same bathroom. The bathroom in my school when we were that age was unisex anyway. Its not like theyre going to go and have sex in there or anything.

This. I wouldn't give a fuck if a boy was in the same restroom as a 6-year-old girl, but that is not the case here. This is a girl who wants to be treated like every other girl.

I was using unisex bathrooms at that age, too.

Banning someone from the bathroom appropriate to their gender is hurtful. Limiting someone's options because they're trans is discrimination.

It's none of other parents' business what a particular child has in their pants, anyway. If it was, intersex kids would have to disclose to everyone. And how is that fair? "Hey everyone, my name is Brian, and I have a condition called aphallia. It means I was born without a penis. Who wants to paint with me?" "Everybody, this is Sally! She has something very important to tell you about her clitoris." Yup, totally everyone's business.

[Renting with Raggles]

If I had a 6 y/o girl, I'd be upset if I know a 6 y/o boy was in the same restroom as her. This child is not being denied use of the restroom at school-he has been offered use of the staff restroom.

What if there was a child who was intersex in your (thankfully) hypothetical daughter's class? Where could they go to relieve themselves properly without you getting in a pearl-clutching flap?

[yetanothermeg]

My university had unisex bathrooms in the dorms. I hated it. Every time I needed to take a shit there would be some guy in there brushing his teeth or something. Call me a prude, but I didn't want a drop a deuce with a cute guy in smell/hearing distance.

That said, this child self-identifies as a girl, dresses like a girl, IS a girl except for her genitals, how do the other kids even know she is not physically a girl?

[Minerva]

My university had unisex bathrooms in the dorms. I hated it. Every time I needed to take a shit there would be some guy in there brushing his teeth or something. Call me a prude, but I didn't want a drop a deuce with a cute guy in smell/hearing distance.

That said, this child self-identifies as a girl, dresses like a girl, IS a girl except for her genitals, how do the other kids even know she is not physically a girl?

Sounds like she only started using the girls' washroom after she'd been in school for awhile. Her classmates would have noticed that, and maybe asked why.