Nathan Lawrenson's Twitter

[lilwriter85]

I'm a liberal Christian. I don't discriminate, I don't think hating on other people is cool, and so on.

I knew Nate was a Christian. But on his site, he came off as compassionate and caring. On Twitter, he comes off as an intolerant a-hole.

On the blog, he knows he has to kept certain thoughts to himself. His twitter is an outlet for him. Some of his conservative views don't bother me because there are times I can agree or partially agree with conservatives on certain subjects. I'm very supportive of gay rights and pro-choice. Nate doesn't want rights for gay people and he is ok with them being discriminated against. Meanwhile, he has to know that some people are going to discriminate against Tricia and Gwyneth. I think Tricia has probably been discriminated against for having CF. Nate might be dim on the whole likelihood of Gwen being discriminated against. When it happens, I hope he at least realizes that gay people shouldn't be discriminated against in the same way disabled people shouldn't be. I'm not wishing anything bad and I think bullying is horrible. It will happen to Gwyneth and as an adult she might face forms of discrimination in career and education that gay people might not face.

[chaotic life]

Tricia was given permission to get pregnant when she got married. That medical advice was changed when she deteriorated and was told to prepare for being listed for a transplant. She and Nate did NOT take the measures they were told to take when they were advised that at a certain PFT, pregnancy is not only unwise but in fact deadly to mother AND child. When her PFT crossed that point, she would have been told to take measures to NOT get pregnant, that her window of opportunity was closed. She choose to ignore it.

I am not suggesting that Tricia be penalized that her husband is a royal jerk (which I found out via emai before he was on twitter and while he acting so accepting and pious on the blog years ago). However, her own history of non-compliance WILL impact her ability to qualify for being relisted now. Plain and simple, there are objective criteria that transplant centers establish to approve someone to be listed at their center. Every center has general criteria and then their own facility specific criteria. CHOP doesn't list children with significant developmental and cognitive disabilities. It's harsh, but it's a well known and established fact. Every program has their own threshold for what their ethics committee feels is an optimal use of the very small supply of organs they recieve. A patient's historical complaince IS one of those criteria, as is the history of how and why she got both cancer and rejection in the first lungs, as is her ability to recover from the procedure if she were to recieve new lungs. It is NOT merely weight and PFT in the way Nate wants it to seem.

If they are unhappy with Duke's selectrion process then bloody well go get listed at a DIFFERENT center. She's an adult, not peds, she can travel to ANY adult lung transplant center in the COUNTRY. The routing of organs is based upon geography but the qualifications for listing a patient at a specific center is NOT bound by geography. I know a Cystic in NYC who listed in Denver. I know one in upstate NY who listed in Cleveland, Ohio. I have a patient in my own infusion center who listed 8 hours from home, passing up multiple centers between home and where she's been for the last two months recooperating. You can apply to be accepted and listed anywhere you WANT. You have to make living arrangements to stay local to that center for a period of time, based upon how long they typical take to get organs. However, Nate could network to find someone to accomodate them near a center that has easier critieria, faster organs, or whatever it is he seems to think they are so entitled to. I think the mere fact that he continues to fight Duke instead of looking elsewhere is HIGHLY indicative that *whatever* criteria Tricia is failing is something deadly for most centers and would be no point to apply to list elsewhere and the most likely think I can think of that would be THAT heavy of a mark against Tricia is her history of non-compliance. I know transplant recipients are rejected for relisting for FAR less noncompliance than Tricia had, and can sometimes never get rellisted for it. It's not a punishment. It's the natural consequence that if you put your ENTIRE LIFE at stake and directly defy your doctors, they aren't too keen to give you more organs and let someone else DIE when they risk you disobeying them all over again and causing a second set of lungs to be wasted, letting not only the person whose chance you bumped but yourself as well.

For example, when you are listed for lungs, every transplant center tests you weekly for nicotine. If you test positive for nicotine, there is NO explanation you can give them. Transplant listees are deactivated on the ist for THREE MONTHS for one positive test for nicotine. It does NOT matter if that nicotine made it into your system via secondary or even terteriary means. If it's in your system, it's considered non-compliance and you are removed for 3 months because that's how long they need that nicotine out of your system to reverse the damage it caused by being there in the first place. The mentality is not about punishing you. The reason is that nicotine in your system damges lung tissue, and if it's in your system when they put new lungs in, it can damage them before they can recover from the transplant and destroy them.

[flyawaystray]

Not to mention that most centers won't list people with b. cepacia. I know some centers do, but the majority do not. The criteria is strict for a reason. But Nate thinks he's above all that. They SHOULD have prevented pregnancy. Did they? No. Are Trish and Nate paying for it? absolutely. They think it was worth it and good for Trish for making the decision on what she thought was right, but Nate shouldn't complain that she hasn't been re-listed, or that she's entitled to a pair of lungs simply because needs them. A lot of other people needs organs as well. But not everyone gets them.

And I do feel bad for Trish because it must suck to be be near the end of your life, but she could have prevented this mess in the first place, and she didn't. I don't necessarily mean abortion, but they could have used condoms or something.

[already hungover]

Not to mention that most centers won't list people with b. cepacia. I know some centers do, but the majority do not. The criteria is strict for a reason. But Nate thinks he's above all that. They SHOULD have prevented pregnancy. Did they? No. Are Trish and Nate paying for it? absolutely. They think it was worth it and good for Trish for making the decision on what she thought was right, but Nate shouldn't complain that she hasn't been re-listed, or that she's entitled to a pair of lungs simply because needs them. A lot of other people needs organs as well. But not everyone gets them.

And I do feel bad for Trish because it must suck to be be near the end of your life, but she could have prevented this mess in the first place, and she didn't. I don't necessarily mean abortion, but they could have used condoms or something.

I have a great deal of difficulty understanding any worldview which holds that it is morally "better" for a disabled child to end up motherless than for a woman to have been allowed to prolong her own life by preventing pregnancy in the first place.

I feel bad for Tricia both because I think that it's pretty clear that the current situation will end in her death, and because she strikes me as the kind of person who doesn't crave the spotlight in the same way that her husband does. The woman is terminally ill, it's not an unexpected outcome, and yet Nate seems unable to give her the peace and dignity that she or anyone else deserves in the final weeks or months of life. Instead, he's on Twitter, pontificating about how shitty Duke is, seemingly having forgotten that it's the hospital that saved his wife's life once before, when she was circling the drain prior to her first transplant.

Perhaps it's because the whole presentation of the situation is so Natecentric, but sometimes it seems like he is in this relisting fight for reasons independent of Tricia's wishes or best interests. At what point does he accept that barring some extraordinary circumstance, she isn't going to get a second set of lungs? At what point is it better to face reality instead of railing against the faceless institution to which he owes the 5-year survival of his wife and daughter? At what point does Tricia say that enough is enough and decide to return home to spend what time she has left with her children? I find the fact that they're living apart from Gwyneth and their other child while waiting, likely in vain, for Tricia to be relisted to be the most tragic facet of this situation.

And while I wouldn't wish the loss of a spouse on anyone, I still think Nate is a hateful, arrogant douche and his beard looks like pubes.

[chaotic life]

What disgusts me and kills me is this. Tricia has been inpatient for FOUR MONTHS now. Duke is NOT budging on their decision to NOT list her. She languishes her last days in a hospital room while her children are with some unnamed relative, likely being shuffled between relatives honestly.

Either quit fighting a transplant center that has made their intentions clear and take her to a center that WILL give her those precious five more years you are begging for (because you don't get third transplants with CF, not ever that I've heard of), or TAKE HER HOME.

The last memories those children could have with their mother, the dignity of being with her children as she dies, it is all being DENIED to that family. Maybe Tricia is part of the fight to stay because she's desperate for those five years. However, as the person NOT sick, it's Nate's responsiblity to step in and realize that this is NOT what is best for his wife or his children. There's no dignity nor compassion in tihs behavior. It's arrogance and heartache. Take Tricia home and let her be comfortable and surrounded by those who love her. Quit leaving her life in the hands of people you TRASH on your Twitter and risk someone will take their anger at you out on her, quit causing more drama and turmoil in her life. Take her home, put her babies with her and hold her.

Yes. It sucks. This disease SUCKS. There's no getting around that. Duke is not going to relist her. They've made that clear. Y'all jumped through every hoop they set in front of you and still their answer was an emphatic NO. There is a time to dig your feet in and fight for all you have with this disease. There is also a time to stop, to lay down your armor and to comfort.

My son died in my living room, surrounded by the family that loved him, with the promise of no more hospitals, no more pain, no more treatments, no more pills. He died in peace. I worked with his siblings that our tears had to be quiet tears until he was truly gone because we could NOT upset or distress him. My son's death was full of dignity. He died in my arms, with nothing attached to him, and in no pain whatsoever.

Tricia is at the end of her life. It happens to every CFer wheither they want it or not. If she cannot get new lungs, then the battle is over. Stop fighting and denying her the last thing you CAN give her. At the end, you cannot give her life. You can only give her death with dignity. Stop fighting and focus Tricia and those babies. That's all that is left, and that is where he needs to put his energy.

Tricia didn't want to love someone. She didn't want to marry and she didn't want to have children. Her own words said that she didn't want any of that because she KNEW this time would come, and it would hurt so much to know that leaving would hurt her own family. Nate convinced her to trust and to love anyway. It IS his responsiblity to now help her understand that death is okay and not the enemy. If ever this man needed to be a MAN and lead, it is NOW, as Tricia is dying and his children have been forgotten with others. The insanity needs to stop and Nate needs to do what he promised he would do, which was to hold her until the end.

[Joan of Snarc]

I wish Nate could read your post, chaotic life.

I have no idea if it would get through to him, but it was beautifully done.

[MedSchoolMama]

Chaotic life, I'm sitting here bawling. What you just wrote should be required reading for everyone who deals with end of life care. Thank you for sharing this.

[treemom]

Wow, chaotic life, that was amazing. Thank you so much for posting that. I am so sorry about the loss of your son. But I am so impressed with your post and your strength, you are a giant compared to Nate. But I suspect you know that.

Thank you so much for sharing.

[flyawaystray]

I agree with the other posters, chaotic life. That was an amazing, eloquent post. You hit the nail on the head with everything that was said. I would want a dignified death as well, if I were in Trish's shoes. I wouldn't want to spend the end of my life in the hospital, on tubes, doing treatments, and being isolated from the rest of the world.

[lilwriter85]

I found an Nate related web find via the MWOP blog. Somehow Nate came into the topic of discussion on the comments section of one of the MWOP entries.

http://mwopblog.blogspot.com/2012/10/were-moving.html

Here are some of the comments

AnonymousOctober 9, 2012 at 9:13 PM

I am so tired of these bloggers milking their serious illnesses for money, sympathy and fame.

Also, it pisses me off that selfish fuckers like this decide to have kids in spite of medical advice not to. Not only do they generally have children who are born with a myriad of issues that cause them to suffer for the rest of their lives, they want a medal for taking care of said children.

Selfish and distasteful all around, IMO.

Jess October 10, 2012 at 12:55 AM

Thank you for saying that. I always had a bad feeling about them deliberately getting pregnant even when doctors warned them not to, and then using that pregnancy as some kind of a "miracle" story. That poor child will have lifelong medical issues as a result of their selfishness, and the mother (Tricia) nearly died carrying that pregnancy which was not advisable by the doctors for a reason. They knew that she was unable to safely carry a pregnancy to term, and they also knew that baby would be severely premature as a result, yet they were selfish and still wanted to get pregnant. I think they are also selfish to take in a foster kid knowing that Tricia's health is so unstable and that it is likely the foster child will have to be moved to yet another home. I bet they took in the foster kid just for the money anyway knowing Nathan's ways. He is so disgusting the way he exploits his wife and child for sympathy and money and now he's at it again... I feel so sorry for his wife, and wish her nothing but good health.

Responses related to above comment

SarahOctober 10, 2012 at 3:58 AM

I know him personally and I will say that is not the case. I admire his wife immensely. They are one of the most kind and giving couple I know.

Anonymous October 10, 2012 at 7:13 AM

How is he making money off of his wife's illness? He's never put an ad on his blog that I've seen - and which he could have and then would have made a lot of money. I've only see him use the blog to raise awareness and money for CF research, cancer research and the March of Dimes. I haven't read his blog in years but I did look at the Twitter photo and I agree that it was inappropriate. For the most part though, they seem to be doing the best they can in the face of a horrible situation. I am shocked that the state allowed them to foster a child not because they aren't good parents but because their situation is unstable, which is the last thing a foster child needs.

Megan October 10, 2012 at 8:40 AM

Yeah they do make money off his wife's illness. Sure they raise some money for CF, but the majority of their "fundraising" is for his wife's "trust fund" so that Nate can stay in hotels and eat out while his wife is in the hospital. Why can't he stay in the hospital and sleep on that pull out chair like other family members do??! Tricia's own mother slept on one of those chairs for months while Tricia was in the hospital prior to her transplant. I guess Nate is too good for that.

They sent letters out to church members (where his dad is pastor, and conveniently employs Nate too(yet he rarely works there hmmm) begging for them to donate to Tricia's "trust fund."

He also frequently pimps out his wife's "miracle story and birth" to national magazines, and to other churches to get paid for speaking engagements. And, yes I do feel sorry for that foster child. They are certainly in no position to offer a stable home for another child. Clearly they did it for the money, and even now when Tricia is hospitalized they only take their Bio kid along, and dump the foster kid back in some other home. Let the poor kid just have a stable home, and give up the monthly check. That would really show that they actually care about this kid's life and well being.

Anonymous October 10, 2012 at 9:25 AM

I totally agree with Megan. Has he ever really worked? All I ever see is him posting about hotels or staycations. And I am so sad for him that his wifes health has interrupted 3 or 4 of his vacations. Please. He has a cash cow and is milking it for all its worth.

I could go on and on about the foster child but the bottom line is they should have never been given a child and shame on him for the way they are handling it.

Anonymous October 10, 2012 at 10:53 AM

Not to stand up for him in any shape way or form, but I spent 10 weeks in the hospital on bed rest. The thought of my husband sleeping on the horrific chair each and every night only brought on more guilt, even though he never once complained.

Watching a loved one go through a horrific, terminal disease is incredibly stressful. I see no problem in him being able to relax and destress with a night away from the hotel and with food.

AND, in most hospitals, children would not be able to stay the night.

The fact that they were given a foster child says a helluva lot about the system.

How else would people prefer him to earn a living? Spend 40-60 hours a week away from his family?

I don't know them, I don't know how I would react in the same situation and I would never judge a family going through that.

Kate October 11, 2012 at 1:14 PM

In response to the Anonymous at 10:53am and this particular statement:

"How else would people prefer him to earn a living? Spend 40-60 hours a week away from his family?"

YES! That's what most people have to do. My 6 year old is at the end stage of his terminal condition and my husband works 60-70 hours per week. He works his butt off to provide both money & insurance for our family so that we can take care of our son (& other children). Most parents have to work even when there's a major illness in the family. It SUCKS, but that's how it often is. It is a huge blessing if they are gifted money and I don't begrudge anyone getting help when their spouse or child is in the hospital and they NEED to take time off work to be there, but yes, I do think Nate should be working when Tricia is not in the hospital. I understand that circumstances arise where people truly do need to rely on the kindness of strangers to help, but it shouldn't be something that goes on for years, in my opinion. When that happens, it appears like laziness on the part of the non-working adult & taking advantage of a situation, even if that isn't what they think they're doing.

There are several other Nate related comments there and a couple of others defended Nate.

[already hungover]

Tricia didn't want to love someone. She didn't want to marry and she didn't want to have children. Her own words said that she didn't want any of that because she KNEW this time would come, and it would hurt so much to know that leaving would hurt her own family. Nate convinced her to trust and to love anyway. It IS his responsiblity to now help her understand that death is okay and not the enemy. If ever this man needed to be a MAN and lead, it is NOW, as Tricia is dying and his children have been forgotten with others. The insanity needs to stop and Nate needs to do what he promised he would do, which was to hold her until the end.

This is tangential, but last night I was reading about the final days and death of Freddie Mercury, who was one of teh ebil fagz, a heathen Zoroastrian, and a singer of decadent worldly music. I'd expect Nate not to be a fan. The account of his illness and death that I read was so moving, and if Nate weren't so blinded by his own hate, maybe he could learn something about helping someone you love to live and die with peace and dignity.

For the last six years of his life, Mercury lived with his husband, Jim Hutton. They loved the shit out of each other during an era when gay people had even fewer rights and had to be even more secretive than they do now. When Mercury was diagnosed with AIDS in spring 1987, he told Hutton that he'd understand if Hutton didn't love him anymore and wanted to leave. Hutton would hear none of it, and stayed with Mercury until the day of his death. In his memoir, Mercury and Me, Hutton wrote:

Freddie needed to hear from me more and more that I loved him. So I got into the habit of flying upstairs and quickly sticking my head around the door. "Hey," I'd say, "I love you!" Then I'd run back down to get on with the gardening. I knew it made him feel good for a few minutes at least. Sometimes when I got downstairs again I'd look up at his window and he'd be there waiting for me to emerge outside; then he'd blow me a kiss.

I spent the evenings alone with Freddie. We would talk or watch television, or I would doze alongside him. He'd rest his frail head in the cradle of my arm and I'd gently massage his scalp.

[...]

The morning of Thursday, November 21, was a very sad day for me. It was the last time Freddie appeared at his bedroom window calling "cooee", and I knew that the end was very near. That night I took special care of him. He dozed and I lay next to him on top of the bed. He only had to elbow me gently and I'd be awake if he wanted anything.

When dawn broke I was already wide awake, quietly watching television. Freddie was still asleep, cuddled inside my arm and holding on to my hand. Every so often he'd softly squeeze it. "Do you love me?" he'd asked when he woke. More than ever he wanted to hear how much he was treasured. "Yes, I love you," I whispered and kissed him on the forehead.

Freddie Mercury died three days later, surrounded by people who loved him. When I read this, I couldn't help but think about Nate and Tricia. Nate should consider that Tricia might just want to go home and be told how much she is treasured. Unfortunately, I don't think it's a thought that he's willing to entertain. To some extent, I feel as though this is just another example of the ways in which patriarchal Christianity harms women. It almost seems like Nate's role as the man and head of the household is to make these decisions for Tricia. What does Tricia want?

Edited for final thoughts.

[desertvixen]

QFT for chaotic life.

Perhaps it's because the whole presentation of the situation is so Natecentric, but sometimes it seems like he is in this relisting fight for reasons independent of Tricia's wishes or best interests. At what point does he accept that barring some extraordinary circumstance, she isn't going to get a second set of lungs? At what point is it better to face reality instead of railing against the faceless institution to which he owes the 5-year survival of his wife and daughter? At what point does Tricia say that enough is enough and decide to return home to spend what time she has left with her children? I find the fact that they're living apart from Gwyneth and their other child while waiting, likely in vain, for Tricia to be relisted to be the most tragic facet of this situation.

This, especially the bolded.

[lilwriter85]

QFT for chaotic life.

This, especially the bolded.

I also agree with the bolded part. I hope Tricia does decide that enough is enough, I'm not trying to sound cruel. I do think Gwyneth and the foster child are kind of being neglected.

[chaotic life]

Tricia is hypoxic, severely hypoxic. She is no longer CAPABLE of making that decision. I've watched those oxygen levels fall the way her must be falling for her to even be evaluated for a new transplant. She cannot think clearly. She's talked about having NO clear memories of the days before she was put into a coma when she was pregnant with Gwen. She is not cognitively capable of saying enough and taking herself home. ONLY NATE can protect Tricia and give her love and dignity now, and he is most definitely NOT doing that.

[flyawaystray]

I agree that Nate has the foster for money. But the other stuff, I am not so sure. I've never seen them ask for money. When they do fundraising, it's usually at Silver Surfin' Spoon or something.

How far is Duke from Durham? Is it not possible for Nate to commute to Duke instead of staying at hotels and eating out?

[Cookie778]

Duke is located in Durham. However, the outer banks is about 4 hours from Durham.

[flyawaystray]

Well if I were Nate, I'd just sleep in the hospital room. I can understand eating out, though it doesn't always have to be expensive.

[lilwriter85]

I can see why some people on MWOP questioned finances in regards to Nate. Based on Megan's comment about the church, I think Nate does take advantage of people from the church. I can see the church members being pressured into giving because Nate is the pastor's son. I wouldn't be surprised if a few people have left the church of Nate. I know many people who are very generous, but sometimes they have their limits with how generous they can be towards one person. Nate didn't have ads on his blog and he didn't ask for money from online readers. I wouldn't be surprised if online readers have sent him money or gifts over the years. Once in awhile bloggers will admit to receiving gifts from their readers.

As for Tricia's trust fund and how it is spent, it is hard to determine if it is right for Nate to do certain things with the money. I can understand him wanting to stay at a hotel once in awhile. I recall someone here saying that Nate stays in extended stay hotels. Extended stay hotels are often set up more like apartments and they kitchens, stoves and microwaves. He could be buying groceries and making his meals there. I wouldn't be surprised if he eating out at times.

[indygirl76]

ONLY NATE can protect Tricia and give her love and dignity now, and he is most definitely NOT doing that.

This. He owes her this. And yet? I'm betting he holds out on his martyr routine until the bitter end. I really hope I lose that bet, but...

[flyawaystray]

Recent tweets:

NathanLawrenson â€@NathanLawrenson

Tricia is having a dilation procedure tomorrow morning to attempt to increase blood flow to her left lung. Currently, her left lung is only receiving 14% blood flow because of scar tissue in the left pulmonary artery.

Followed by:

Man Fact: runny noses and mustaches do not go well together.

Poor Trish. I hope he doesn't spread his infection to her.

[chaotic life]

It might not be a cold. That's a palliative care procedure. It may be tears.

[flyawaystray]

Oh, is it? I had no idea. He made it sound like some kind of standard thing. He did mention he had a sinus problem a few days ago, I'd assume a sinus infection because he said he also had a fever.

[lilwriter85]

Nate is whining about some Catholic commerical and the History Channel mini-series The Bible.

NathanLawrenson ‏@NathanLawrenson

Amazingly enough, there were more Biblical inaccuracies in that 30 sec Catholic commercial than in this Hollywood #TheBible series so far...

Marylynn G. Hewitt ‏@marylynnghewitt

@NathanLawrenson Didn't see even one inaccuracy. Name three for starters before making blanket statements such as that.

NathanLawrenson ‏@NathanLawrenson

@marylynnghewitt of course you wouldn't see inaccuracies. I expect none of my Catholic friends would.

NathanLawrenson ‏@NathanLawrenson

I'm watching "The Bible", but what I'm really excited about is "Vikings" at 10pm because that's one book I haven't read.

NathanLawrenson ‏@NathanLawrenson

Moses looks an awful lot like Whiplash from Iron Man 2... #TheBible #HistoryChannel

Nate is on a roll of hatred these days. I guess we can expect hate tweets about Muslims, Jews, and atheists soon.

[flyawaystray]

Don't forget teh gayz. They are ebil!!!

I wonder if there will be a correlation between his bitterness/hatred, and Trish's health.

[lilwriter85]

Don't forget teh gayz. They are ebil!!!

I wonder if there will be a correlation between his bitterness/hatred, and Trish's health.

His hating on the gayz kicked off the roll. I think sometimes hatred can give off negative vibes. There are times I feel bad because of some of my own thoughts. I think Nate's hatred might destroy him in some way at some point.