Nathan Lawrenson's Twitter

[lilwriter85]

What a horrible damn disease.

:(

I cannot imagine tweeting about eating fucking chicken fried steak while my loved one is facing what chaotic life described. WTF? I realize he might want a break from the horror of it all, but seriously I would be focused on my dying loved one. I'm pretty sure chaotic life wasn't tweeting about states she hates to visit and food she'd like to eat during her tragic ordeal.

I agree with you. He does need a break from what is going on with Tricia. I think if he going to be on twitter communicating with others, he should at least have a positive attitude towards other people. Just because he feels like crap after the event with Tricia he shouldn't a have a crappy attitude towards a friend who is excited about going on a trip for a Christian conference.

[lilwriter85]

She is going to be sad. What Tricia is going through is NOT fun.

I understand Nate's desperation. In Micah's final months, I was constantly having to balance how hard did I fight versus when did I admit defeat and let death come naturally. I landed on the side that I would fight like HELL to keep him from suffering but I would do no more to prolong his life.

The BIG dilemma that we faced was when he began to drown. I swore every day of his life I would NEVER let him drown. It's the most horrifying thing a CFer can face and it's pure torture. If Tricia is losing blood flow to her lungs, the she is suffocating but she might not be fully drowning yet. The procedure the doctors attempted is to try and decrease the discomfort she is having, which obviously failed.

When Micah began to drown, I nearly took him to the hospital. I DID put him on high dose steriods. I would have taken my own eye out if it could have stopped that drowning. Except.....Micah asked us to not take him to the hospital again, and that one final, scared little request snapped me back into focus. The steriods helped him breath but they sent his blood sugars through the roof and we had to stop them. The only thing we had left to stop the pain was morphine, a very dangerous and fatal drug to use for a CFer. I knew once we started the morphine, it was over. I knew morphine would cause a bowel obstruction so fast heads would spin, and would be directly toxic to his already dying liver. Most CFers don't have the liver issue, but the bowel obstructions are a common complication for CFers using morphine.

If Nate cannot conceded this is over, then he has not tapped into Palliative Care and Hospice for Tricia. It is IMPOSSIBLE to manage what Tricia is suffering right now without the skill of Palliative Care doctors and Hospice. Palliative measures by *her* doctors is NOT sufficient to keep her comfortable and retain her dignity. If she is not under specialized Palliative Care doctors, then she is miserable.

It was the Palliative Care doctor who was able to call me when the bowel obstruction hit and walk me through the signs of a catastrophic gastric event. I had watched Micah's food and water very carefully. I gave him every single bit of what he wanted, when he wanted it. However, as the obstruction set in, I pulled back at exactly the pace necessary to keep pace with his own body so he felt no deprevation but experienced no catastrophic event. If he had experienced one, we would have headed for the hospital one last time specifically for palliative sedation, because you cannot give enough morphine to overcome the pain of that event.

I had Pediactric Palliative Care specialists, the director of his CF center, a full Hospice team AND my own medical training to guide us.

Without those measures, Nate will NOT provide Tricia what she needs now. She's got 14% blood flow to her lungs now. She is at the very, very end of her life. I desperately pray that Nate has her at home with the appropriate specialists and her children around her now.

First of all, thank you chaotic life for doing these very informative posts about CF. I'm sorry for the loss of your son.

[chaotic life]

I don't tweet. However as my son was dying, I was actually afraid FB might suspend my account because I was using it to communicate with family and friends updates on Micah. There were a couple of pictures I posted that later I realized might fall under what FB typically deletes as disturbing, but he was NOT dead in any picture I posted, nor did he look disturbing in my opinion. He was, in fact, fighting to sit up and fighting against his oxygen, which was just classic Micah--non-compliant to the end, even for the stuff that was making him feel better.

Now, my blog posts are really emotionally gut-wrenching in those last weeks. A CF death is NOT pretty. It's NOT fun. It's pretty traumatic for everyone involved and while I was tending to all of the siblings, I was also VERY firm with them about the only behaviors and repsonses allowed to be seen by Micah. We were NOT going to stress him, scare him, or cause him to carry ANY of the burden we carried. Every question I have about theology I trampled on and damn straight told my kid he was going to heaven to be with Jesus and would never feel pain again. I wanted my son to NOT be afraid to die, and to NOT realize how devestate we were to see him die. Our grief was NOT his burden to bear.

If Nate is lashing out like that, I get he's hurting. BELIEVE ME, I get this vigil. I'm only just shy of 8 months from my own vigil. It sucks. CF SUCKS. However, lashing out in anger and hatred at everything and everything else is not the kind of distraction you want to let yourself focus on. It renders you unable to minister to your dying loved one in the way they need, and it most definitely prevents you from caring for your babies when they need you most.

[lilwriter85]

I have been following this thread and a little bit of the previous one - if someone could help me out though, was she listed again this past year and then removed? Do we know why?

Anyway, decided to go check out his instagram after the mention of his latest picture - she does look like she is trying to hold back tears. :(

Nate said a few times on twitter that part of the reason she was taken off the list was due to digestion and a weight loss problem. I recall she lost too much weight and needed tube feeding.

[lilwriter85]

I don't tweet. However as my son was dying, I was actually afraid FB might suspend my account because I was using it to communicate with family and friends updates on Micah. There were a couple of pictures I posted that later I realized might fall under what FB typically deletes as disturbing, but he was NOT dead in any picture I posted, nor did he look disturbing in my opinion. He was, in fact, fighting to sit up and fighting against his oxygen, which was just classic Micah--non-compliant to the end, even for the stuff that was making him feel better.

Now, my blog posts are really emotionally gut-wrenching in those last weeks. A CF death is NOT pretty. It's NOT fun. It's pretty traumatic for everyone involved and while I was tending to all of the siblings, I was also VERY firm with them about the only behaviors and repsonses allowed to be seen by Micah. We were NOT going to stress him, scare him, or cause him to carry ANY of the burden we carried. Every question I have about theology I trampled on and damn straight told my kid he was going to heaven to be with Jesus and would never feel pain again. I wanted my son to NOT be afraid to die, and to NOT realize how devestate we were to see him die. Our grief was NOT his burden to bear.

If Nate is lashing out like that, I get he's hurting. BELIEVE ME, I get this vigil. I'm only just shy of 8 months from my own vigil. It sucks. CF SUCKS. However, lashing out in anger and hatred at everything and everything else is not the kind of distraction you want to let yourself focus on. It renders you unable to minister to your dying loved one in the way they need, and it most definitely prevents you from caring for your babies when they need you most.

I agree with the bolded part. You did right by your son CL.

[Jinger Jar]

An FYI for anyone who has a seriously ill or dying family member and needs to communicate via social media:

[link=]http://www.caringbridge.org/]Caring Bridge[/link] is a site that allows members to do everything from blog to post a chore/meal-delivery calendar to get emotional support during a serious illness.

[crazyforkate]

chaotic life, thank you so much for adding your perspective to this thread - it can't be easy for you and it gives us a lot of insight into what's really going on with Tricia. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[lilwriter85]

An FYI for anyone who has a seriously ill or dying family member and needs to communicate via social media:

[link=]http://www.caringbridge.org/]Caring Bridge[/link] is a site that allows members to do everything from blog to post a chore/meal-delivery calendar to get emotional support during a serious illness.

I have heard about this site. I know a family who used it after their daughter was seriously injured and disabled in a car accident. It is a great site/tool for families. On the topic of Nate, I wonder if he will start blogging again when Tricia gets worse. He is sharing brief details on twitter, but some people might not be understanding everything he is saying about Tricia's condition.

[PurpleSheepleEater]

I think he's saving all the details of the last few months for his book. A lot more people will buy if they don't already know all the details of Tricia's final months. He's a shady guy and I think his motives are all messed up. I feel terribly for their little girl and if there is a foster child still involved I really wonder where that will go. The children are going to suffer most in all of this. It's sad for them, they are innocents caught up in Tricia's tragedy and Nate's ego.

[lilwriter85]

I think he's saving all the details of the last few months for his book. A lot more people will buy if they don't already know all the details of Tricia's final months. He's a shady guy and I think his motives are all messed up. I feel terribly for their little girl and if there is a foster child still involved I really wonder where that will go. The children are going to suffer most in all of this. It's sad for them, they are innocents caught up in Tricia's tragedy and Nate's ego.

The foster child is still involved. I think the child is a boy based on a recent picture Nate posted of a hat that was made for the child. The foster child is staying with either Nate's parents or other relatives. I feel sorry for the foster child and this might sound mean, but I feel the child should have been removed from Nate. But I think the state has likley checked out Nate's parents and relatives and they might feel the child is secure with them despite what is going on with Tricia. Someone here said that Nate and Tricia were also planning to adopt the child.

[PurpleSheepleEater]

The foster child is still involved. I think the child is a boy based on a recent picture Nate posted of a hat that was made for the child. The foster child is staying with either Nate's parents or other relatives. I feel sorry for the foster child and this might sound mean, but I feel the child should have been removed from Nate. But I think the state has likley checked out Nate's parents and relatives and they might feel the child is secure with them despite what is going on with Tricia. Someone here said that Nate and Tricia were also planning to adopt the child.

I agree. Their life is chaos right now and soon they will be dealing with catastrophic loss and all the emotions from that. I guess I don't understand the foster system enough to "get" why they do still have custody of a foster child. I thought that fostering was about stability and all that for children coming from less than ideal circumstances. It seems very strange to me to have a child removed from a bad situation placed with a family that is encountering so many challenges and needs to rely extremely heavily on long term outside childcare. The whole thing boggles my mind and I really wonder if it's in the best interest of a child who could be placed somewhere more stable. Not that there's a plethora of foster families that are perfect or anything but for right now I don't see how being placed in a home with a sick and dying mother is the best thing available. It's another one of those things I see as an ego thing for Nate though. Being a single dad to two children and trying to adopt one of them is sure to garner a lot of support and attention which he seems to really thrive on.

[flyawaystray]

^ I agree completely.

[sugarloaf]

What a terrible situation. I feel so awful for Tricia not having the kind of advocate she needs right now, and for the children being put through all this.

[chaotic life]

I no longer have contact with my MIL (for good reasons regarding her ongoing abuse of my spouse). However, I still keep an eye on her on FB, since she likes to create drama and send other family members after me to attack me occasionally. Her husband is dying of kidney cancer. Initially, she stopped fostering kids when he was diagnosed. Evidentally in the last four months, she has re-opened to foster kids. Her licensing agency not only knows he is dying, but he is getting worse at this time. Yet, they added two fosterchildren to the FOUR she already adopted from fostercare, knowing that her primary motivation for fostering and adopting is the money in the first place.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people foster for reasons that are not in the best interests of the children. This fosterchild has been with Nate and Tricia most of his life, as far as I can tell. This child is fully bonded with his family and especially his sister. He's not being treated differently than Gwen in this situation, this is what is happening to BOTH children as Nate is not parenting for reasons I do not understand. I don't think it's in this child's best interest to take him away from everything he's known because his fostermom is dying, especially when they were to the point they could adopt already. This IS his family. He needs to be kept in the embrace of his family just like his sister. He isn't going to hurt less if you remove him. He'll still lose Tricia. He shouldn't lose everyone ELSE he loves when he loses her.

The agency placed him KNOWING Tricia's prognosis. So, I actually hope they will allow Nate to continue with his adoption. Those kids will be what Nate needs to survive his grief soon, and those children will both desperately need Nate to get through this.

[lilwriter85]

What a terrible situation. I feel so awful for Tricia not having the kind of advocate she needs right now, and for the children being put through all this.

I also wonder if Tricia's parents have tried to be advocates for her.

[PurpleSheepleEater]

I no longer have contact with my MIL (for good reasons regarding her ongoing abuse of my spouse). However, I still keep an eye on her on FB, since she likes to create drama and send other family members after me to attack me occasionally. Her husband is dying of kidney cancer. Initially, she stopped fostering kids when he was diagnosed. Evidentally in the last four months, she has re-opened to foster kids. Her licensing agency not only knows he is dying, but he is getting worse at this time. Yet, they added two fosterchildren to the FOUR she already adopted from fostercare, knowing that her primary motivation for fostering and adopting is the money in the first place.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people foster for reasons that are not in the best interests of the children. This fosterchild has been with Nate and Tricia most of his life, as far as I can tell. This child is fully bonded with his family and especially his sister. He's not being treated differently than Gwen in this situation, this is what is happening to BOTH children as Nate is not parenting for reasons I do not understand. I don't think it's in this child's best interest to take him away from everything he's known because his fostermom is dying, especially when they were to the point they could adopt already. This IS his family. He needs to be kept in the embrace of his family just like his sister. He isn't going to hurt less if you remove him. He'll still lose Tricia. He shouldn't lose everyone ELSE he loves when he loses her.

The agency placed him KNOWING Tricia's prognosis. So, I actually hope they will allow Nate to continue with his adoption. Those kids will be what Nate needs to survive his grief soon, and those children will both desperately need Nate to get through this.

If this is the case and they have had the child since it was born then I agree with you and I do hope that he is able to adopt since this is the childs family. But if they won't be allowing an adoption then I don't understand why they don't move the child to another situation now, it just seems cruel to have a kid go though all this and the eventual death and mourning and then move them to another home where they have to mourn the loss of the family.

Fostering is complicated. This situation is ridiculously complicated. I just hope both kids are able to come out the other side emotionally intact. I really question Nate's motives because he seems like a ego maniac. I guess time will tell.

[chopstix]

Chaotic: thank you for your input and I am so sorry about the loss of your son. No parent should have to go through something so awful.

A friend I made through a message board where we were all due around the same time had a beautiful baby girl who was diagnosed with CF. She too keeps a blog about their journey.

[lilwriter85]

I also question Nate's motives. But a part of me thinks they got into fostering to expand their family since Tricia wasn't going to be getting pregnant again. There is something a bit a shady about Nate though. Maybe he isn't shady in the situation with the foster child, but something about him isn't trustworthy. Based on that comment on the MWOP blog regarding his church, I wouldn't be surprised if Nate or his dad have misused church funds for their own benefit.

Nate hasn't tweeted since Monday. Maybe he has decided to take a break from social networking. I hope he doesn't treat his friend who is going to Oklahoma like crap again.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I no longer have contact with my MIL (for good reasons regarding her ongoing abuse of my spouse). However, I still keep an eye on her on FB, since she likes to create drama and send other family members after me to attack me occasionally. Her husband is dying of kidney cancer. Initially, she stopped fostering kids when he was diagnosed. Evidentally in the last four months, she has re-opened to foster kids. Her licensing agency not only knows he is dying, but he is getting worse at this time. Yet, they added two fosterchildren to the FOUR she already adopted from fostercare, knowing that her primary motivation for fostering and adopting is the money in the first place.

Unfortunately, I think a lot of people foster for reasons that are not in the best interests of the children. This fosterchild has been with Nate and Tricia most of his life, as far as I can tell. This child is fully bonded with his family and especially his sister. He's not being treated differently than Gwen in this situation, this is what is happening to BOTH children as Nate is not parenting for reasons I do not understand. I don't think it's in this child's best interest to take him away from everything he's known because his fostermom is dying, especially when they were to the point they could adopt already. This IS his family. He needs to be kept in the embrace of his family just like his sister. He isn't going to hurt less if you remove him. He'll still lose Tricia. He shouldn't lose everyone ELSE he loves when he loses her.

The agency placed him KNOWING Tricia's prognosis. So, I actually hope they will allow Nate to continue with his adoption. Those kids will be what Nate needs to survive his grief soon, and those children will both desperately need Nate to get through this.

I agree.

I have no idea what the situation is like in North Carolina, but I do know that there is a chronic shortage of good foster homes in Toronto.

I had some involvement in a case where the foster father passed away from cancer, and had a stream of foster children visiting him in his last days. One of the doctors described it as very sad but moving, as he was obviously well-loved. The foster child in my case remained with the family.

[flyawaystray]

If the foster child would otherwise end up in the system, fine. I get that. But that child is not getting the attention he deserves. Plus, Nate will probably lose it after Tricia dies.

Also, it's extremely sketchy that Nate gets paid when he doesn't do any work. I don't know if that's illegal, and I bet the dad would vouch for him anyway. Usually people who can't work because they need to take care of a sick family member get FMLA. What Nate is doing is completely wrong. It's misappropriating church funds.

[lilwriter85]

If the foster child would otherwise end up in the system, fine. I get that. But that child is not getting the attention he deserves. Plus, Nate will probably lose it after Tricia dies.

Also, it's extremely sketchy that Nate gets paid when he doesn't do any work. I don't know if that's illegal, and I bet the dad would vouch for him anyway. Usually people who can't work because they need to take care of a sick family member get FMLA. What Nate is doing is completely wrong. It's misappropriating church funds.

I also don't know if it is illegal, but either way it still isn't right. I said it before, some church members are probably pissed. I have been looking at Nate's dad twitter and I looked at his blog the other day. I get a sketchy vibe from the dad too. In many churches, family politics/nepotism is a common thing and some people are used to it. I have a friend who liked his former church quite a bit, but the nepotism on the staff annoyed him and some of the members. With Nate, I think some church members are probably very understanding about his situation and might not care that he isn't working at much. The church seems about medium sized and Nate's brother seems to be handling some of Nate's duties.

[flyawaystray]

So the brother and Nate are on the payroll?

Recent tweet:

@NathanLawrenson

Here's the real question...if you're injured by a drone attack, are your medical bills covered by Obamacare?

Nate, you are a complete douchecanoe and rotten to the core.

[tamster59]

Andy is Nate's uncle. Sadly not uncommon in 'homemade'churches where many are related.I have seen that a few times before.The whole situation with them is interesting and sad at times to follow.

[flyawaystray]

Well I think Nate deserves all the snark, to be honest. You can be respectful and disagree with people. You can believe in religion without being an intolerant jerk. But Nate is not respectful, considerate, kind, and tolerant. He badmouths the hospital that is trying to help Trish to the best of their ability. He badmouths everyone who doesn't agree with what he says. If you're gay, if you're for abortion, if you're not Christian, you're a target. He is a bully. He is not nice in the least.

[treemom]

I agree he deserves the snark. I just feel sad for him. Probably because of Chaotics Life's posts.