"God loves ME more!"

[Cran]

It is considered a sin to withhold the necessities from those who depend on you (widows, children and the elderly, for example),s o yes, limiting their personal WANTS to a minimum and fulfilling the needs would be the right thing to do.

[pixydust]

It is considered a sin to withhold the necessities from those who depend on you (widows, children and the elderly, for example),s o yes, limiting their personal WANTS to a minimum and fulfilling the needs would be the right thing to do.

Thanks Cran, that's what I thought! I don't think that she would make the Pope very happy with her "AbigailAndBenjaminism" version of the Catholic Church!

[Kristelle]

What an irresponsible woman.

I grew up in a family of four that eventually became a family of three. We were lower middle class, so money did get tight, but I NEVER remember being hungry. My brother and I were both in activities, and when we had competitions, usually one parent would go while the other stayed home with the other child. Some of my fondest memories are traveling all over the country for baton twirling competitions: and we didn't have to spend that much on food. We might get coffee in the morning, eat something that had been packed for lunch, and then my mother and I would go out to dinner afterward. And I know there were times when money for certain things like the mortgage was an issue, but we were never, ever starving.

Here's a thought, lady: if you can't feed the kids you have, DON'T HAVE MORE.

[Loveday]

Thanks Cran, that's what I thought! I don't think that she would make the Pope very happy with her "AbigailAndBenjaminism" version of the Catholic Church!

This, exactly. And as for the 'Mommy Mary' thing, I know some young, 'traditional' Catholics who call her 'Mama Mary.' It sets my teeth on edge every time I hear it.

[SpeshulTaterTot]

The Mommy Mary thing is creepy as hell. We get it, you're Mega Catholic and adore the Virgin, but really, this is too much.

My parents both had pretty high incomes when I was growing up, money was never an issue. And while we went out for dinner quite often, my mother ALWAYS packed food when she knew we'd be out all day traveling or doing other things. Sandwiches, boiled eggs, fruit... Why would anyone pay the ridiculous prices on unhealthy food when it's so easy to just bring your own?

This is so confusing about fundie women. They declare that being a SAHM is their fulfillment, they pretend to be better at it than all those evil heathen women who go to work and (gasp!) wear pants, yet so many of them seem to suck at it. Zsu can talk about cooking only organic all she likes, she feeds her children mostly unhealthy crap and it shows. Let's not even get started on the Duggars and their TTC. If they consider this their career, shouldn't they try to be a bit better at it?

[chaotic life]

I picked up a cooler ON WHEELS at Walmart at a soccer tournament last fall for $30. I got tired of having to carry our cooler by hand and begging the kids to both carry the cooler AND help with chairs. It's awesome, just the right size for my family and CHEAP. It paid for itself in the first tournament I bought it!

[Chavymishmacoy]

You know, I am one of the only moms at the soccer field who packs their own food. We are financially comfortable right now and I still rarely buy food at a concession stand or drive through. It has to be something really special like kettle corn once in a while. Some people will never get ahead financially because of this thinking a little here a little there. How on earth can she justify fencing lessons!!!! This woman irritate me to no end!!!

Slightly off topic if any of you thrifty moms out there are interested you can make Lara bars by putting equal amounts of walnuts dried cherries and dates in a food processor They don't look pretty but tast great. You can make chocolate bars with dates nuts and cocoa powder.

[lilwriter85]

I have a question about this for the Catholics here. Can't she and her husband keep there personal level low (fewer clothes and personal possessions , no "fun" foods or eating our or whatever) while still providing for their kids? The Catholic church wouldn't expect the kids to live in poverty, too, would they?

When I was growing up, there were several Catholic priests and deacons that I knew that encouraged people to budget wisely as a way of keeping the family unit and finances strong. I remember one deacon talked about limiting your wants in order to always make sure your family was fed and the bills were paid. I don't see anything with wanting material stuff once in awhile if your budget allows it.

[lilwriter85]

Maybe I'm a mean mommy after all, but when my kids scrape their knees, they don't get toys that I can't afford - they get to pick a bandaid from my stash, ointment, and they get lots of hugs and kisses. I make sure I have funds set aside to splurge on toys on holidays and birthdays, the last day of school (they're too excited about new clothes, backpacks etc. on the first day to notice anything else), and major life events - those are things like surgery, a new sibling, etc. We can't take our older son to Walmart without the autistic tantrum from hell, so we divide and conquer - one goes to Walmart, one looks after the kids at home. He likes to go grocery shopping with his dad, and he knows now that he can get something from the dollar store OR a treat from the candy rack at checkout, but only after he picks something out for whatever other kids are at home (trying to get the sharing and thinking about others thing down). Kids need to see adults making responsible choices, and to learn that it's not okay to blow your money and starve your family or skip bill paying. Her kids don't have a hope in hell of learning how to manage money or a home.

I don't have children, but I also wouldn't buy toys that I couldn't afford if they scrapped their knees. The only time I would buy a toy or another item for a injured child, is if it is a more serious injury like a broken bone. When I was 13, I broke my ankle playing in a summer volleyball league. I remember my parents bought me a few CDs, a few books, and a couple of other things to use while I was recovering. At the time, my parents were able to afford it. If I had a kid in a situation like that, I would buy them a few things if I had the money for it. I agree with a previous poster who said Abigial could bought a small toy from the 50 cent vending machines.

[Witsec7]

I picked up a cooler ON WHEELS at Walmart at a soccer tournament last fall for $30. I got tired of having to carry our cooler by hand and begging the kids to both carry the cooler AND help with chairs. It's awesome, just the right size for my family and CHEAP. It paid for itself in the first tournament I bought it!

I love my cooler on wheels for camping. I can bungee a pile of stuff on the top and get it all to the campsite. For shopping I have one that lives in the car. The ice packs live in the big freezer.

This woman is dim. When we travelled the small person always had a playmate beside her with her stash of snacks and drinks (water). And through it all she will justify spending $20 for a toy to comfort the child with a hurt knee. What about the other kids? How did they feel when their sibling got a new toy just for having a skinned knee? And how does that add up for multiple kids over a year and all their skinned knees?

[singsingsing]

Seriously, I was never given presents or treats for scraping my knee as a kid! I got hugged, kissed, had a bandage put on it, and reassured that I'd be just fine. I could see if it was something like a broken leg or major surgery, but buying a kid who scrapes his/her knee a new toy teaches them that when you're feeling bad, you buy something new to make it better.

[lilah]

Can any one point me in the direction of the CF posts? I can't seem to find them. Make sure no hotlinking.

I read the part where she basically brags about her shitty money skills and how her husband tells her not to beat herself up. And then after she blows 100 dollars on frozen yogurt and toys and other stuff and 30 bucks left she buys red meat for meatloaf??? Abigail if you are reading this (and undoubtedly you will, most people end up doing so) last time I was very tight on funds I used this meal planning resource to plan on a dime. You can always adapt it for tastes and finances http://www.hillbillyhousewife.com/40dollarmenu.htm (for example I'm not a fan of Iced tea and I'd rather drink water, so hey money saved)

[singsingsing]

Here's the link to the post where she talks about finding out that her children have a 1/4 chance of having CF:

abigails-alcove.blogspot.ca/2007/12/help-of-holy-innocents.html

[desertvixen]

This is so confusing about fundie women. They declare that being a SAHM is their fulfillment, they pretend to be better at it than all those evil heathen women who go to work and (gasp!) wear pants, yet so many of them seem to suck at it. Zsu can talk about cooking only organic all she likes, she feeds her children mostly unhealthy crap and it shows. Let's not even get started on the Duggars and their TTC. If they consider this their career, shouldn't they try to be a bit better at it?

Thank you! I'm a single mom and I manage to cook most nights out of seven - granted, only for myself and the MiniVixen, but still. Leftovers become lunch for DV, MV gets a sandwich lunch for school until she decides she wants to get hot lunches. I am a little annoyed that the school didn't bother to figure out whether or not there were peanut allergies in the classrooms BEFORE I bought lunch stuff/snacks, but luckily I didn't go crazy on the PB and she and I will eat it ourselves.

They don't all have to be five-star gourmet chefs, but seriously - stop telling us how awesome you are when you feed your children (who are blessings) total crap, allow men in the household to get out of "feminine" chores, and in general raise a generation of helpless-in-the-kitchen-without-TTC people. My six year old isn't quite old enough to help me in the kitchen, but as soon as I feel like she can handle it, she'll be in there - as will any sons/daughters the future Mr DV and I may have.

[chaotic life]

When I was the mother of one child, and at 14 months that one child had to have testing for a bleeding disorder, I did purchase her a $20 stuffed bear. I had been eyeing that bear for a month and really could NOT justify the price for her. She desperately wanted it and I had been telling her no steadfastly. It had nothing to do with the finances and everything to do with refusing such an expensive toy for no good reasons.

However, the day they had to do her testing, they stuck her with needles and dug around in her arms for TWO HOURS. That was my lesson to always take children to a Children's Hospital for labs. However, it was also the day I decided I had a good enough reason to buy her that damn teddy bear. I figured any child who survived THAT torture, could have the bear.

Standard protocal for kids in my house (we have several special needs children so it's common for kids to have labs drawn) is that if they survive the needles (never matters if they do it with grace or with gnashing of teeth) then they get an ice cream cone. McDonald's sells ice cream cones for $1.

Scraped knees normally end up with the sufferer getting to pick the style of bandaids they want if there aren't any already in the car. It gets cuddles. It might get a toy from the quarter machines. It's never earned a child a $20 toy. I cannot imagine telling my five children no one eats because the one who scraped his knee needed the expensive toy.

But hey, what do I know. I have two fall birthday girls and I'm such a tightwad that I thought ahead and bought kits to make Waldorf dolls for them. I *could* have adjusted the budget and purchased Waldorf dolls but that's another of my fundamental over my dead body stances. I can buy the kit AND the supplies for a whooping $30 per doll...or I can find $130+++ to buy one already made.

I've made them before for the oldest child. I know I can make them quite easily. So, I'm finally getting around to make them for the younger two girls for fall birthdays. Come September and October, I won't be stressing money. I'll be cussing that I'm running out of TIME and it all depends upon me doing my part, but I'll give them amazing gifts for $30.

One year....all of my kids wanted skateboards for their birthdays. They cost like $25 each. Cheapest year of birthdays I ever got away with. They were thrilled though!

These are the lessons you MUST learn with a large family. You learn to be crafty, to pack food, to sew, to bake from scratch if necessary. I keep lots of food supplies in my kitchen. In the very back of the pantry, I keep a bag of Bismanti rice (25lb) and a huge stash of dry beans. Together, those make a complete protien. If money gets SUPER tight, that stuff never goes bad. I could feed us for at least 2 weeks on that stuff. I would have to remember to soak the beans ahead of time and utilize my extensive cabinet of spices, but my kids would NEVER go hungry! If you have busted your grocery budget that badly, skip the mealtoaf. There is only ONE type of hamburger you can buy that cheap....and frankly I'm not so convinced that tube meat is even hamburger. It channels Sinclair a bit too much for me. If you have bungled it that badly, it's time to haul out the beans, rice and the 5 dozen box of eggs!

[desertvixen]

Then, I grabbed his hand over mashed potatoes and a pot roast sandwich. "Even if it ends up just being us in the room at the nursing home. . . even if none of our children live to adulthood, it would be worth it. We're not raising kids to get something back from them. We won't be hoping for companionship in our old age, or for them to make us look good by graduating from college with lots of awards. We're just raising kids for themselves alone, for whatever life God has planned."

Those were the words that I shared with my husband. That was our "mashed potato pledge." This is where our unconditional love of our children began. I count that moment as one of the sweetest in my marriage.

They do have the kids tested at birth, at least. I just can't imagine deliberately conceiving children who might carry a disease that will kill them, especially something like CF. I agree we don't raise kids because of what we get back, but I can't imagine caring for a child with those problems, knowing that I made a deliberate decision that resulted in the illness being a possibility.

[smores]

Yeah I can't believe they're having the same dinners over two nights. It's not hard to cook up a pot of black beans and get creative...

Chaotic life, where did you get the kits for the Waldorf dolls? I would love to make one for my daughter for Christmas but haven't found a kit I like yet.

[lilah]

Here's the link to the post where she talks about finding out that her children have a 1/4 chance of having CF:

abigails-alcove.blogspot.ca/2007/12/help-of-holy-innocents.html

Then, I grabbed his hand over mashed potatoes and a pot roast sandwich. "Even if it ends up just being us in the room at the nursing home. . . even if none of our children live to adulthood, it would be worth it. We're not raising kids to get something back from them. We won't be hoping for companionship in our old age, or for them to make us look good by graduating from college with lots of awards. We're just raising kids for themselves alone, for whatever life God has planned."

Those were the words that I shared with my husband. That was our "mashed potato pledge." This is where our unconditional love of our children began. I count that moment as one of the sweetest in my marriage.

So playing genetics roulette is worth it to risk if you get a kid who's really sick, might have a very poor quality life, whose medical bills migh drain the already fragile family finances?!

Yeah she really wants to be a martyr.

[singsingsing]

And more than that, she's knowingly bringing more and more children into the world who are carriers of the CF gene. Now I'm not a fan of eugenics and I definitely wouldn't abort a baby just because I found out I was a carrier of CF, but that would be the moment I looked at my significant other and said, "Maybe next time we'll adopt."

[chaotic life]

Chaotic life, where did you get the kits for the Waldorf dolls? I would love to make one for my daughter for Christmas but haven't found a kit I like yet.

http://www.thischild.com/

They had a better selection than anywhere else I looked. I actually didn't do the kit. Since I'm making two, I bought the pattern and supplies. I then bought rainbow mohair yarn from yarn.com for the hair. One sister is going to have purple/green/blue/yellow hair. The other is going to have purple/pink/green/orange hair. I liked that better than the natural hair colors and it was cheaper than getting the mohair yarn from any doll supply company.

[lilah]

And more than that, she's knowingly bringing more and more children into the world who are carriers of the CF gene. Now I'm not a fan of eugenics and I definitely wouldn't abort a baby just because I found out I was a carrier of CF, but that would be the moment I looked at my significant other and said, "Maybe next time we'll adopt."

You know that lady could not pass a homestudy. Too much un-diagnosed crazy and not enough money managing skills.

If I were in her shoes I might persue adoption or if my husband remains opposed to it, I suppose IVF to weed out carriers of the bad genes but that's a big no-no in Catholicism.

[mockingbird]

So playing genetics roulette is worth it to risk if you get a kid who's really sick, might have a very poor quality life, whose medical bills migh drain the already fragile family finances?!

Yeah she really wants to be a martyr.

This. And, I love how the "sweetest moment in [her] marriage" is something SHE did/said. Because it's all about her.

I have had a lot of health problems (many life-threatening) since birth and I know my parents love me and everything but I don't think they would have chosen their or my life if there had been a way to know. I don't think they would have aborted but I also don't think they would have kept having more kids had it been a genetic thing. I don't see how you could choose to take the risk. If I really wanted a child and carried CF or another genetic disease, I would either adopt or do IVF to make sure the embryo you implant doesn't have it.

Yeah, we never got toys for scraped knees either :roll: Hugs and maybe you get to pick the bandaid. There were/are a lot of fast food, ice cream, candy type places on the way home from the hospital we go to so maybe something small from one of those if it was a stressful day even if that was just sitting around waiting forever (because it probably meant my mom didn't have time or energy to cook).

We only got/get the bigger presents for surgery and usually it would be major surgery. For something minor like dental things (my sister and I have both had numerous minor dental surgeries) it would be more of like, getting to eat a lot of whatever soft food you wanted which was a treat in itself, or maybe renting a movie or getting to pick what we watch on TV. My friend had a lot of health problems last year and I wanted to get her something but I stopped myself from getting a medical-themed stuffed animal because it was too weird for me, that was a "major surgery or hospital admission" level present and she wasn't there yet. LOL I do remember in sixth grade I had to have surgery on my feet to correct a bone deformity and my best friend was majorly freaking out. So I sent her an email about how it was ok that I was having surgery because I knew my family would buy me presents :dance: Don't know what this says about twelve-year-old-me. haha

[smores]

http://www.thischild.com/

They had a better selection than anywhere else I looked. I actually didn't do the kit. Since I'm making two, I bought the pattern and supplies. I then bought rainbow mohair yarn from yarn.com for the hair. One sister is going to have purple/green/blue/yellow hair. The other is going to have purple/pink/green/orange hair. I liked that better than the natural hair colors and it was cheaper than getting the mohair yarn from any doll supply company.

Thanks! I like that route better... I love the multi-colored hair ones more.

[chaotic life]

Does this family even have health insurance? Not that it will actually matter for a CFer necessarily.

Our son was adopted. He came with Medicaid as a secondary insurance. It was actually the ONE stipulation we had about adopting a major medical condition. We knew we could devote the time and energy, but we couldn't bankrupt our family.

However, because we always carried him under our primary insurance, I know EXACTLY what things cost.

His pneumatic vest? It was $14,000. It's pretty average to pay $1500-$2500 on it even with good health insurance.

His formula (he was g-tube fed, you have to have formula even if they don't have a gtube becaus they do NOT gain weight easily)? It's my understanding his formula ran us about $600/month that our insurance covered.

His daily medications? I know for a fact that our co-pay on the primary insurance was $600/month because our insurance forces us into a pharmacy that doesn't bill medicaid as a secondary and we're still fighting for reimbursement from Medicaid for that one. I know families that go BANKRUPT on medications alone. There is no such thing as a generic digestive enzyme. There are only TWO on the market, generics are not allowed and they cost a fortune.

CFers burn out the motor of a nebulizer every 12-18 months. However, they are usually under warranty for 2 years, so you only actually have to PAY for the new one every other year. The in-between year, you get a free replacement. Those run about $200 per machine. In the four years we had our son, we went through four machines. We actually just had his replaced last Christmas under warranty.

We sold his feeding pump for $200. We sold a big lot of feeding bags for $50. They cost more new. That's what we sold them on ebay for last month.

You have to give a buttload of additional vitamins. My son was on 50,000 IUs of Vitamin D DAILY. He was on 25,000 IUs of Vitamin A daily. That one at least cost less than the vitamin D. He was also on zinc, vitamin E, probiotics, and pectin. NONE of those are covered by insurance. Insurance calls them dietary supplements. Oh yes, his Source CF, the ony chewabe multivitamin specially fomulated for CFers cost us $15/month.

I know CF families who are bankrupt, lots of them. I know families that struggle mightily. Marriages OFTEN break apart under the strain of CF. It doesn't matter how devoutly Catholic you are, someone chickens out and runs away a LOT of the time.

Yes, she wants to be a martyr. However, she hasn't got a flipping CLUE what she's asking for. It's her kids who will suffer, because she WILL end up with at least one CFer if she continues to reproduce the way she is. It's not the glorious attention she THINKS it wil give her. It's raw and gritty and exhausting and hurts to the depths of your bones to watch your child suffer EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIFE.

[VaSportsMom]

I follow 2 forums using the Tapatalk app; Websleuths, where they find the bad guys and this one, where you guys find the crazies... boy, you sure struck gold with this blogger. I'm rarely speechless but Abigail leaves me staring at my screen with my mouth agape and wondering what the hell she is going on about. I come from a Fundy light family and live in an area that is heavily populated by Fundies (or Tabernacle families, as they call themselves here) but I've never encountered the level of stupidity exhibited on that blog.

As for her money "mistakes", we are secure financially but I can't comprehend her spending choices. In late July my oldest (16) played in the state baseball tournament. Each day we packed a cooler with water, Gatorade made from a powdered mix, lunch meat, chopped vegs (carrots, green peppers, broccoli & cauliflower), various fresh fruits and condiments. I threw a loaf of bread, sunflower seeds, peanuts, granola bars, goldfish crackers and Crystal Light packets in my beach bag. My husband, our other son (12), oldest son's girlfriend and I ate from that all day. On days that we played a double header our youngest son was allowed a hot dog or slice of pizza ($3 tops) from the concession stand as well. After the games the team always went out to eat with our younger son and the gf being allowed to eat with the team (we did fundraisers earlier in the season to cover team meals). My husband and I would split a sub or order a large pizza and then the left overs would be packed in the cooler the next day. Not counting the meals out we didn't spend $50 to cover food for the 6 days we played. We probably spent another $75 on meals out but that included mixed drinks on the last day and that amount could have been trimmed if we were on a budget. Considering we ate no meals at home for those 6 days it was actually less than I would have budgeted for food in a normal week.

When our youngest plays in soccer tournaments we pack our own food then as well. Even though we could afford to eat all our meals from the concession stand or grab fast food it makes no sense financially or nutritionally to do so. I just can't comprehend blowing the majority of the weekly food budget to feed our family at a sporting event that only lasts 1 day.

I'll also be the first to admit that I baby my boys for the silliest of reasons BUT my youngest is happy with a glow toy or magic kit from the Dollar Tree and my oldest is thrilled to get an app for his phone. I don't need to spend more than $2-$3 to make everything right in their world and make myself look like the best parent ever in their eyes. $20+ gifts are reserved for special occasions (holidays, birthdays or major accomplishments & emergencies) and still likely won't be any more liked than a Dollar Tree or iTunes gift card to get multiple cheap gifts. There is just no need to blow the weekly budget or starve my family in order to fix their ouches.

Abigail and her husband need some serious counseling. I know that we are a much smaller family but prices in southwest Virginia are likely comparable to those in her area and I could definitely take her budget and feed our family well with plenty left over to put aside for the future. For the $21 she spent on a Batman toy for her son I could buy the boys tickets to see the new movie with refillable drinks and a large bucket of popcorn to share.