Breaking MAXWELL news/Liz cancelled the wedding to Joe

[gustava]

Can anyone lay out a timeline? wedding/shower/times spent together??? The Lord has not laid it on my heart to see the bigger picture.

[lovemygsp]

I totally understand her backing out right before the shower. The shower was the first real step that put everything into motion. I went through this with my wedding but for other reasons. Having a shower freaked me out. I don't question why she did it. I guess its just hard to explain if you've never had that kind of experience.

I also believe that the Maxwells were within hours of all packing up and heading that way which is probably another reason she did it. It would take them at least 1-2 days to get there and we knew they were going to be there for a rehearsal thing the day before. I bet they were planning to leave Sunday morning. I don't believe the maxwomen were there for the shower. I don't think they really meshed well with Elizabeth and I doubt they would be allowed to go alone re:without steve who it seemed was still helping with the house.

EDIT: Thinking more about it, I almost bet everything that they weren't going to be leaving for TN until a day or two before as they needed all the time they could get to finish the house.

[mockingbird]

Since Elizabeth made her decision shortly before her bridal shower, I wonder if there were non-fundie family members around at the time? At bridal showers, old friends and relatives you haven't seen in years suddenly appear out of the woodwork. If they're from out of town, they might stop by for a visit before the shower. Perhaps a wise auntie or older cousin took Liz aside and advised her to take a closer look at her life and where it's headed if she marries into this family? Maybe a bunch of them got together and staged an intervention?

Or maybe there was a less-fundy relative she felt more comfortable talking to about her desire to end the engagement, who could then act as an intermediary with her parents?

I think any of these are possible theories... same with her dad wising up.

[Witsec7]

I think Elizabeth saw that celebration tree all decked out, the pile of originally wrapped gifts, the colorful paper plates and coordinated table cloth and napkins and freeked. She knew once married into the Maxwell cult she would never be able to celebrate like this again.

[Smithie]

I think Elizabeth saw that celebration tree all decked out, the pile of originally wrapped gifts, the colorful paper plates and coordinated table cloth and napkins and freeked. She knew once married into the Maxwell cult she would never be able to celebrate like this again.

I'm going with this theory.

[linnea27]

I suspect the timing was because she panicked about the idea of going to a party held in her honour, with everyone gushing over the bride, giving her gifts for her new home, etc, while she had serious doubts about the marriage. I can't help but think that if I were in that situation, going to the shower and playing the role of happy bride-to-be would make it seem OFFICIAL. It's a sort of line in the sand, like on SATC when Carrie flipped out trying on wedding dresses when she was engaged to Aidan. That Elizabeth felt the need to draw attention to the timing in her blog posts illustrates that it's a line she couldn't cross, I think. I doubt it's anything as dramatic as anyone holding an intervention.

[bionicmlle]

I think Elizabeth saw that celebration tree all decked out, the pile of originally wrapped gifts, the colorful paper plates and coordinated table cloth and napkins and freeked. She knew once married into the Maxwell cult she would never be able to celebrate like this again.

Agreed. Funny because I think that they hope that the momentum of these light speed engagements will carry the bride through a "successful" wedding. Would have scared the shit out of me at her age... but I also waited until I was almost 30 to marry.

[ladyamylynn]

Hands off John you trashy woman, Elizabeth! He's mine!

Get in line!

[Sydney Fox]

I know I'm a little late to the party, but I think I understand why it took until a week before the wedding for Elizabeth to call it off. Elizabeth has always seemed to me to be a good girl, eager to please and do the right thing. I'm the same way. I can see her going through the motions of the courtship and engagement because it's what she "should" want. He was fundie royalty and she wanted to make her parents happy by marrying him.I'm sure she fully intended to go through with it until the morning of the shower. The prospect of "forever" must have suddenly become too much for her, and she had a breakdown of sorts. This has happened to me in the past, when I have done what I thought others wanted me to do, rather than asking myself truthfully what it was that I wanted. That's my take on Elizabeth's actions. She must be hurting terribly, knowing that she has disappointed so many people. I don't think that she's hurting as much in a romantic way.

[WonderingInWA]

I know I'm a little late to the party, but I think I understand why it took until a week before the wedding for Elizabeth to call it off. Elizabeth has always seemed to me to be a good girl, eager to please and do the right thing. I'm the same way. I can see her going through the motions of the courtship and engagement because it's what she "should" want. He was fundie royalty and she wanted to make her parents happy by marrying him.I'm sure she fully intended to go through with it until the morning of the shower. The prospect of "forever" must have suddenly become too much for her, and she had a breakdown of sorts. This has happened to me in the past, when I have done what I thought others wanted me to do, rather than asking myself truthfully what it was that I wanted. That's my take on Elizabeth's actions. She must be hurting terribly, knowing that she has disappointed so many people. I don't think that she's hurting as much in a romantic way.

I agree. I think she THINKS she's hurting from a broken heart, but really what it is is some guilt (?) about letting so many people down. No telling how many guests had been invited to the shower and the wedding, and how many phone calls and endless repeats of the story must be told. She probably hasn't heard until today that it's okay not to want to marry Joseph, that his lifestyle isn't the same as hers and it's okay to not want to change her life for him. I do think her mom probably knew awhile ago that they weren't right for one another but probably kept her mouth shut. Sad, really.

[hoipolloi]

Elizabeth's narrow escape reminds me of the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale of Thumbelina or Tiny, who is being forced to marry the Mole, and live underground for the rest of her life:

“You are going to be married, Tiny,†said the field-mouse. “My neighbor has asked for you. What good fortune for a poor child like you. Now we will prepare your wedding clothes. They must be both woollen and linen. Nothing must be wanting when you are the mole’s wife.â€

Tiny had to turn the spindle, and the field-mouse hired four spiders, who were to weave day and night. Every evening the mole visited her, and was continually speaking of the time when the summer would be over. Then he would keep his wedding-day with Tiny...When autumn arrived, Tiny had her outfit quite ready; and the field-mouse said to her, “In four weeks the wedding must take place.â€

So the wedding-day was fixed, on which the mole was to fetch Tiny away to live with him, deep under the earth, and never again to see the warm sun, because he did not like it. The poor child was very unhappy at the thought of saying farewell to the beautiful sun, and as the field-mouse had given her permission to stand at the door, she went to look at it once more.

While standing at the door, Tiny is rescued & flown away to safety and forever-after-happiness by the sparrow she had befriended during the winter. I hope that Elizabeth also finds forever-after happiness, whatever that is for her.

[divadivine]

DD, God has to LAY those decisions, like peanut butter or nutella, on your heart.

NUTELLA? There was Nutella??? I'd claw someone's eyes out for Nutella!!! That's like crack in a jar. Steve-o the asshat would consider it an idol.

Reason #2345678901 why I couldn't be a Maxwell. i love me some Nutella.

<>

[Mela99]

I don't think Joe will sell the house. I think he'll go back to Mom-n-Pop and wait for Plan B.

Didn't somebody say before that Gothard wants men to have houses before they court? Smugly went out and got grandma's house before asking Anna.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I agree. I think she THINKS she's hurting from a broken heart, but really what it is is some guilt (?) about letting so many people down. No telling how many guests had been invited to the shower and the wedding, and how many phone calls and endless repeats of the story must be told. She probably hasn't heard until today that it's okay not to want to marry Joseph, that his lifestyle isn't the same as hers and it's okay to not want to change her life for him. I do think her mom probably knew awhile ago that they weren't right for one another but probably kept her mouth shut. Sad, really.

Agreed here too.

There was probably some combination of (1) the shower being a big deal that was a line to cross that really drove home the "this is forever" thing, (2) having that party setup and wondering if she'd have such a party again (or just be this at home and with her family again) and (3) seeing relatives and friends who perhaps are less fundie or living more... different lives, that really put it in relief just what she was signing up for.

And yeah, I think the guilt has gotta be huge, particularly with the house being built for her, nevermind all those beige gifts.

Remember too this family only first heard of the Maxwells in 2008. In 2008 Elizabeth was 16 and standing in front of her new car wearing jeans and a hoodie. Their family went to Disney World and swam in the backyard wearing cute bathing suits. So I suspect a lot of the family friends and relatives who would be coming to the shower are a LOT less fundie than the Maxwells. Even without any direct "intervention," just being exposed to those people maybe put it in perspective where she was going, if she already had some doubts.

Surely she's feeling terrible for letting all those people down, but she HAS to know (and will surely realize it when her head clears) that it would have been way, way, WAY worse, not to mention harder to get out of, if she'd gone ahead with the marriage to please people and THEN felt trapped.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

DD, God has to LAY those decisions, like peanut butter or nutella, on your heart. Other than that, brava!

Does he ever just slather it on like a big ol' dollop o' mayonnaise? :D

[thoughtful]

I do wish I wasn't banned over there, this is what I would post.

Gosh I'm good at this. :lol:

Very good -- but shouldn't LORD always be all-caps, for the Maxwells?

:lol:

[FundiesInMyFamily]

Since the Muncks were just at Dougie's foot fest, could someone have talked to them about Steve-o's stupendous death cult? How well perceived are they in fundie circles? Are they seen as over the top, even for fundies?

[Maude]

Unless Elizabeth and/or Joseph breaks free from fundie life, I doubt we'll ever know just what happened. It does seem odd that she would call it off only a few days before it was to take place.

[countressrascal]

I have to laugh at the last two courtship that went done in flames. I had an arranged marriage 35 years ago this Oct, it is still going strong. Yes an arranged marriage. Count and I knew each other since we were childern, both of us went against our religon (Orthodox Jews) so our parents hired a Shadcahn (Jewish Matchmaker) to find us someone that would marry a worldly Orthodox Jew, she came up with the match. Parents approved we met and three months later we were married. Funny end to the story we did not go back and join the tribe, which really pissed off his parents, mine knew it would never happen. They are glad that we are happy. It was hard at first, we were like brother and sister, then things started to jell and we fell in love about the second year and have been every since. I am not saying arranged marriages always work out but it did in my case. Our big plus was that after we got married we moved 1500 miles away from both families and my Father told him that I was on loan and if he ever hurt me, he would be there to take me home. Every time my parents come to visit at the end of the visit my Dad tells the Count that I am going to stay and that he is going a real good job. I did not know this for about a year the Count was very concerned that he would come and take me away if he did not take good care of me, it motivated him to be a good husband.

I know a number of medical professional that had arranged marriages and they are going strong, key to it is moving away from your family so you can establish your own idenity as husband and wife. Fundies don't do that.

[marmalade]

Since the Muncks were just at Dougie's foot fest, could someone have talked to them about Steve-o's stupendous death cult? How well perceived are they in fundie circles? Are they seen as over the top, even for fundies?

Oooooh, that's an excellent conspiracy theory! I bet there are plenty of people with an axe to grind with Steve Maxwell who have subsequently moved on to VF or ATI circles.

[fundiefan]

Elizabeth's post was carefully scripted and ridiculous. It wasn't her writing it at all. It was full of the 'right' things to say at the right time.

That girl may have saved herself from the Maxwell cult, but she is obviously in a cult of her own already.

Very sad. And pathetic. Both their hearts have been given, yet they are hiding behind their god and bible verses.

What could be worse than that?

[Gil]

I have to laugh at the last two courtship that went done in flames. I had an arranged marriage 35 years ago this Oct, it is still going strong. Yes an arranged marriage. Count and I knew each other since we were childern, both of us went against our religon (Orthodox Jews) so our parents hired a Shadcahn (Jewish Matchmaker) to find us someone that would marry a worldly Orthodox Jew, she came up with the match. Parents approved we met and three months later we were married. Funny end to the story we did not go back and join the tribe, which really pissed off his parents, mine knew it would never happen. They are glad that we are happy. It was hard at first, we were like brother and sister, then things started to jell and we fell in love about the second year and have been every since. I am not saying arranged marriages always work out but it did in my case. Our big plus was that after we got married we moved 1500 miles away from both families and my Father told him that I was on loan and if he ever hurt me, he would be there to take me home. Every time my parents come to visit at the end of the visit my Dad tells the Count that I am going to stay and that he is going a real good job. I did not know this for about a year the Count was very concerned that he would come and take me away if he did not take good care of me, it motivated him to be a good husband.

I know a number of medical professional that had arranged marriages and they are going strong, key to it is moving away from your family so you can establish your own idenity as husband and wife. Fundies don't do that.

I'm really glad that this worked out for you, because it could have been so dangerous. However...does it bother you at all to be treated like property? I would hope your husband would be a good husband and refrain from hurting you not because you're "on loan" from your father but because he cares for you and wants to be a good husband.

[Sprocket]

I'm really glad that this worked out for you, because it could have been so dangerous. However...does it bother you at all to be treated like property? I would hope your husband would be a good husband and refrain from hurting you not because you're "on loan" from your father but because he cares for you and wants to be a good husband.

I took it as a tongue and cheek gesture. Kind of like, "hey, buddy, she's not stuck here. If she wants out, our home is always open" thing. Before I got married, my mom (who was divorced from my dad) always told me that if and when I decided to get married, if I was unhappy or if my husband was mean to me, I never even had to call... just show up and get the key from the hiding place." She never told my husband that because she really and truly loved him like a son. One of the last things my mom told him before she died (we didn't know she was sick) was that if she could have picked a husband for me out of all the men in the world for me, he would have been the one. I don't know, I see what her father said through lenses that have been colored by my own experiences.

Sorry, my sleep meds won't kick in and I'm all hormonal and weepy at 1am. Moving right along... :whistle:

[HoneyBunny]

I left this comment on the Munck blog and it was posted:

THAT was truly brilliant. I first saw it on their blog and rushed over here to see which FJ posted it. I hope hope hope that the Maxwells read it.

[Gil]

I took it as a tongue and cheek gesture. Kind of like, "hey, buddy, she's not stuck here. If she wants out, our home is always open" thing. Before I got married, my mom (who was divorced from my dad) always told me that if and when I decided to get married, if I was unhappy or if my husband was mean to me, I never even had to call... just show up and get the key from the hiding place." She never told my husband that because she really and truly loved him like a son. One of the last things my mom told him before she died (we didn't know she was sick) was that if she could have picked a husband for me out of all the men in the world for me, he would have been the one. I don't know, I see what her father said through lenses that have been colored by my own experiences.

Sorry, my sleep meds won't kick in and I'm all hormonal and weepy at 1am. Moving right along... :whistle:

You could be right...but considering she was already kind of contracted out to the husband to begin with, it sort of loses the humor, I think. :?