United States of Bates Debut Excitement MERGED

[sdongo]

ugh this is exhausting. what i was tring to say didnt come out right on here. Keep the negative comments coming because clearly nothing I say will change how you perceived my first statment :?

I should not have used the word TAUGHT. I should have used the word EXPRESSED, as in they expressed their opinion, which i agreed with and made it my personal choice.

[Witsec7]

sdongo wrote:

Is it that odd that my parents taught expressed their Teenage daughters to try to not have SEX with every single man they dated?

Well I corrected it per your post sdongo, even though the structure doesn't work. But the fact remains do you actually know parents who told their kids to have sex with every person they dated?

riffles and structure

[lilith]

Well I corrected it per your post sdongo, even though the structure doesn't work. But the fact remains do you actually know parents who told their kids to have sex with every person they dated?

riffles and structure

Helenna and Currawong may very well become the first. I can see them telling their children that as they are animals they should seek a psycho sexual connection with every person who offers to share their energy after they reach puberty. And I can see the kids saying "Eww, gross. And can you guys please stop shagging and masturbating on the communal bed?".

[sdongo]

Actually my group of friends growing up really got around...I guess my mom didnt want me to end up like them :o

[FundiesInMyFamily]

.I guess my mom didnt want me to end up like them :o

????? Care to elaborate on that little gem?

[lilith]

Actually my group of friends growing up really got around...I guess my mom didnt want me to end up like them :o

What, she didn't want you to end up uninhibited and sexually satisfied?

[myanimus]

Actually my group of friends growing up really got around...I guess my mom didnt want me to end up like them :o

Sorry to just barge in here, I never really left just got quiet.

Anyways, I thought I got the gist that you'd mis-spoken and put your foot in your mouth right up until the whole "end up like them". Maybe you don't mean to sound like an ass but I call it as I see it.

[sdongo]

well as in end up like them i will elaborate...alot of my old friends were looking for attention in all the wrong places. They turned to drugs and sex and got into a lot of trouble along the way ( DWI, one of them had a felony...etc) My dad was a dry drunk growing up and did drugs before i was born. I was born to my parents out of wedlock. Long story short, they had rough lives and it was really hard for my parents and they only wanted better for us kids. My friends were smart and fun loving people, they just got involved with the wrong kind crowd. Mainly my parents didnt want me to start using drugs (talking hardcore drugs here) and making wrong choices. I was a very big party girl in my last 2 years of high school but never touched drugs. Seeing what they did to my dad really made me scared of them. After high school i stopped drinking, went to college, met my now husband, had a baby, and than got married! Im only 25, and im sorry that im not coming off well on here! I am a very sarcastic person and it is soo not coming off through typing. LOL.

[lilith]

well as in end up like them i will elaborate...alot of my old friends were looking for attention in all the wrong places. They turned to drugs and sex and got into a lot of trouble along the way ( DWI, one of them had a felony...etc) My dad was a dry drunk growing up and did drugs before i was born. I was born to my parents out of wedlock. Long story short, they had rough lives and it was really hard for my parents and they only wanted better for us kids. My friends were smart and fun loving people, they just got involved with the wrong kind crowd. Mainly my parents didnt want me to start using drugs (talking hardcore drugs here) and making wrong choices. I was a very big party girl in my last 2 years of high school but never touched drugs. Seeing what they did to my dad really made me scared of them. After high school i stopped drinking, went to college, met my now husband, had a baby, and than got married! Im only 25, and im sorry that im not coming off well on here! I am a very sarcastic person and it is soo not coming off through typing. LOL.

I totally get your parents not wanting you to do drugs, even not wanting you to be close to peers who did drugs.

But sex is a normal human need, and totally separate to substance use or abuse. Your friends didnt start doing drugs cause they had sex, and I don't see why your parents would assume that, especially as they had experience with substance abuse.

[sdongo]

like i stated earlier it came off the wrong way. My mom wanted us to be very careful. She didnt say we couldnt have sex but she said it would be more special if we waited till we found someone we loved. Thats how it was meant.

[sdongo]

and your completely correct, having sex does not make you do drugs.(my parents did not say that, they were worried i would get into drugs and start making bad choices concerning sex) Im talking like doing drugs got my friends into some pretty scary situations which would have not happened had they been in the right state of mind.....

[BookEater]

Actually my group of friends growing up really got around...I guess my mom didnt want me to end up like them :o

This is an example of slut shaming at its finest. You may not have meant it that way, but it is what it is.

[flojo]

This is an example of slut shaming at its finest. You may not have meant it that way, but it is what it is.

Mmm-hmmm

[bananacat]

Sdongo, you might think you're a special snowflake with amazing insight to share, but honestly we've rehashed these same topics countless times already. It's new for you but old and repetitive for us. So if you truly are a slut-shamer then you won't have much success convincing most of us. If you're just really bad at expressing yourself then you need to lurk more until you figure it out. I checked your profile and you haven't been around long. Judging by your lack of understanding I'll assume that you didn't lurk long before creating your account. If you truly have good intentions take oktobetakei as an example of someone who messed up but is now a thoughtful contributor. Don't act like a martyr. Accept that you messed up and don't do it again.

As for "turning out like them" did your parent fear you becoming a successful engineer with a steady income and independence? Because I have casual sex and that's what I became. It is a myth that women only have casual sex because we're desperate for attention. Plenty of us simply enjoy it.

[ElphabaGalinda]

This is an example of slut shaming at its finest. You may not have meant it that way, but it is what it is.

Yes. At first I thought maybe you mispoke and didn't understand what you're saying, so I was trying to be helpful. But this, this is slut shaming and not cool.

[devilsadvocate]

well as in end up like them i will elaborate...alot of my old friends were looking for attention in all the wrong places. They turned to drugs and sex and got into a lot of trouble along the way ( DWI, one of them had a felony...etc) My dad was a dry drunk growing up and did drugs before i was born. I was born to my parents out of wedlock. Long story short, they had rough lives and it was really hard for my parents and they only wanted better for us kids. My friends were smart and fun loving people, they just got involved with the wrong kind crowd. Mainly my parents didnt want me to start using drugs (talking hardcore drugs here) and making wrong choices. I was a very big party girl in my last 2 years of high school but never touched drugs. Seeing what they did to my dad really made me scared of them. After high school i stopped drinking, went to college, met my now husband, had a baby, and than got married! Im only 25, and im sorry that im not coming off well on here! I am a very sarcastic person and it is soo not coming off through typing. LOL.

Doesn't sound to me like you were SHAMING your friends at all for how they lived. You just didn't want to live that way yourself. I think that's a valid view. Even though some people on here apparently think that anything short of congratulatory back-slaps for 13 year olds who have sex is "slut shaming", I don't see it myself.

[BookEater]

Doesn't sound to me like you were SHAMING your friends at all for how they lived. You just didn't want to live that way yourself. I think that's a valid view. Even though some people on here apparently think that anything short of congratulatory back-slaps for 13 year olds who have sex is "slut shaming", I don't see it myself.

I guess it is my turn to defend my statement. Fair is fair. I don't feel sdongo was shaming her friends; she went on to explain herself, which is why I wrote, "You may not have meant it that way." However, the SPECIFIC comment I quoted was definitely slut shaming.

"really got around" + "end up like them" = something bad, shameful, "slutty"

I was not stating an opinion on a 13 year old having sex; I was calling out a comment that judged women negatively based on their number of sex partners.

Even innocent statements can be shaming, regardless if they are insidious or not. Statements like the one in question underscore and add to the pervasive viewpoint that women who do not choose the "correct" way to express their sexuality are wrong.

[ElphabaGalinda]

I guess it is my turn to defend my statement. Fair is fair. I don't feel sdongo was shaming her friends; she went on to explain herself, which is why I wrote, "You may not have meant it that way." However, the SPECIFIC comment I quoted was definitely slut shaming.

"really got around" + "end up like them" = something bad, shameful, "slutty"

I was not stating an opinion on a 13 year old having sex; I was calling out a comment that judged women negatively based on their number of sex partners.

Even innocent statements can be shaming, regardless if they are insidious or not. Statements like the one in question underscore and add to the pervasive viewpoint that women who do not choose the "correct" way to express their sexuality are wrong.

I'm sorry, I may have missed it, but where does it say we're talking about 13 year olds having sex? I know it's talking about teenagers, but does she actually say she's talking about friends when they were 13? There's a difference between a 13 year old and an 18 year old, for example. I may have missed where it's mentioned they're 13? Also "really got around" and not wanting to "end up like them" makes it sound like you are slut shaming them, so even if you're not, that's what it sounds like. So although it's probably not intentional, that's not a nice way to say it.

[EmmieJ]

As for "turning out like them" did your parent fear you becoming a successful engineer with a steady income and independence? Because I have casual sex and that's what I became. It is a myth that women only have casual sex because we're desperate for attention. Plenty of us simply enjoy it.

Here's what I am for: young women growing up feeling comfortable in their own skin, and not obsessing over being a size 0 or 2, or having eating disorders to be perfect and acceptable in society. I'm for young women being encouraged to reach their full capability - in sports, in education, in career goals, etc. I'm all for humans of all ages being given the opportunity to choose their own destinies, and not being raised to fit into only certain categories or lots in life, especially based solely on their gender.

I'm all for raising young men and women to view sex as one of the greatest pleasures we can have in life, and to treat sex with respect, and your sexual partner(s) the same. I am for urging young adults to wait before having sex -- because a little maturity goes a long way in lessening the possibility of foolish decisions, such as having unprotected sex. I am definitely all for comprehensive sex education and ready access to contraceptives for all ages.

Having sexual urges is 100% natural, for both males and females. If a person chooses to only have one sex partner for their entire life, that's their decision and I wish them well, but it's not the norm, nor should it be extolled as the ideal. It's unrealistic. I don't give kudos to someone based solely on the fact they've only had one sexual partner.

Women are sexual beings. Some people are uncomfortable with that concept. That's their problem.

[BayLee_10]

sdongo, I say this as a friend. Quit defending yourself, your parents, or your 'wait until you were married' sex life. You are never, ever going to win. Quit throwing yourself in front of the bull's eye. Do you want your flesh to be flayed? Smarten up!!!

[nomoxian]

I've been lurking somewhat on this thread and have seen it veer off into discussion about sex/drugs and ... I'm probably meshing two threads into one in my mind, but something about fat phobia.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has found streams of the show yet. All I've seen on YT are those fake ones from "dollartv" and their multiple accounts. I'm not super excited about the show, but not being able to watch it makes me want to see it more!

[smores]

I really hope tomorrow's announcement doesn't suck.

Also, nomoxian, have you tried justin.tv? I don't go there often but find my not-on-tv sports events there sometimes.

[desertvixen]

Women are sexual beings. Some people are uncomfortable with that concept. That's their problem.

This, so much.

[nomoxian]

I really hope tomorrow's announcement doesn't suck.

Also, nomoxian, have you tried justin.tv? I don't go there often but find my not-on-tv sports events there sometimes.

Checked it out but didn't see any Bates stuff... Thanks though

[homeschoolmomma1]

How exciting! the show is on and they are talking about chickens lol

Holy crap! they have a bunch of dangerous junk piles.

Why would you build a chicken coop on a hill?