File Under: When you thought Lori couldn't be any crueler...

[gingernut]

Thanks, Koala, for the links to those specific pages. Yes, quite the doting grandmother! I went skimming around her blog....this woman is evil.

[lilwriter85]

Having a 14 month old empty a dishwasher sounds a bit dangerous to me.

[amydamy]

I wonder that very thing about many of the fundy bloggers we read.

I also think it's very strange that when Lori posts about her granddaughter it is usually about some way to control her. My mom is over the moon for my kids. They can do no wrong in her eyes, and she spoils them like a Nana should. Most of the time when you hear a grandmother talking it's about how fabulous her grandkids are.

These are the posts I can find on Lori's granddaughter Emma:

On force feeding:

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/ ... -boss.html

Force feeding AGAIN:

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/ ... aters.html

Post on overeating with a giant pic. of Emma at the top:

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/ ... imits.html

On training Emma to work by making her help empty the dishwasher (at 14 months)

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/ ... -work.html

Quite the doting Grandma isn't she? :(

Baby Emma is wearing a bib that says fro best results feed lovingly in that last link.

[NjoyingNsanity]

Just a question, and this is because I'm truly worried about her little grandbaby, but has anyone ever considered contacting her local police department or CPS and giving them a link to her blog. She's practically admitting to and bragging about abusing a baby this should be reported to the proper authorities.

[lilwriter85]

Just a question, and this is because I'm truly worried about her little grandbaby, but has anyone ever considered contacting her local police department or CPS and giving them a link to her blog. She's practically admitting to and bragging about abusing a baby this should be reported to the proper authorities.

I think some FJers are probably considering that. I don't think Lori has ever said exactly where she lives. She seems to live somewhere in the L.A. are. i sometimes wonder if she lives in the Porter Ranch area.

[Handmaiden of Dog]

I'm living proof that sometimes you can't even teach yourself to like a particular food.

I have tried to like fish all my life. I ate plenty of tunafish casserole, hot tuna sandwiches, and salmon cakes growing up. I was once on a fish-three-times-a day diet for six months. I have cooked plenty of fish for both my husband and my daughter-- my husband eats fish sandwiches most days for lunch. And even now, well into my 50's, we will go out to eat, my husband will order fish and tell me to try it "It is so amazing!" and I will try it. And it tastes like fish. I hate fish. I'm not allergic, I just really don't like fish no matter how hard I try to like it.

I would be willing to bet that there is some food that Lori does not like; mussels or lamb or mushrooms or something. She just doesn't think about it too much and being the adult in charge of buying and cooking the food, she doesn't have to worry about it.

[ImNoSupermom]

I commented... probably won't see the light of day though:

My husband and I believe that all people are created in the image and likeness of God, and as such, they are to be respected as individuals with their own tastes and preferences. In our home, I work very hard to create meals that I know everyone will enjoy. If the meal contains an element that someone doesn't like, they are free to eat around it or not eat at all and be hungry. Eventually, the children learn that it is better to eat what is put in front of them then it is to be hungry. Are there foods my children don't like and refuse to eat? Of course. There are foods that I don't like and refuse to eat (avocados, mushrooms, fish, turkey) and I'm pretty thankful my husband hasn't resorted to force-feeding me. I prefer to extend that same amount of respect and courtesy to my children.

[fakepigtails73]

I'm reading some of Lori's olde posts and she's trule vile. :x

http://lorialexander.blogspot.ca/2012/0 ... bused.html

In the comments one woman is a victim of abuse and realizes that the "submission" Lori preaches is killing her in many ways, as her headship terrorizes her at home. Lori replies that even if he absues her she still must submit and that, in fact, she's not submitting enough!! Maybe that poor woman that begged for help is dead as we speak; hope not.

[Annette]

I commented... probably won't see the light of day though:

My husband and I believe that all people are created in the image and likeness of God, and as such, they are to be respected as individuals with their own tastes and preferences. In our home, I work very hard to create meals that I know everyone will enjoy. If the meal contains an element that someone doesn't like, they are free to eat around it or not eat at all and be hungry. Eventually, the children learn that it is better to eat what is put in front of them then it is to be hungry. Are there foods my children don't like and refuse to eat? Of course. There are foods that I don't like and refuse to eat (avocados, mushrooms, fish, turkey) and I'm pretty thankful my husband hasn't resorted to force-feeding me. I prefer to extend that same amount of respect and courtesy to my children.

Letting your kids go hungry doesn't seem terribly respectful. I'm no parenting expert, but framing that as respect and courtesy seems odd.

[latraviata]

Letting your kids go hungry doesn't seem terribly respectful. I'm no parenting expert, but framing that as respect and courtesy seems odd.

When they get hungry they will eat, trust me.

Do you honestly think that well fed western children can't skip a meal? Is it better to force it through their throats?

[latraviata]

My comments are stil on her FB page.

[Koala]

Letting your kids go hungry doesn't seem terribly respectful. I'm no parenting expert, but framing that as respect and courtesy seems odd.

Thank you for pointing that out. I've never known any adult to make themselves go hungry when they were served a food they couldn't stand, so why should a child? The least you could do is point them to the PB&J supplies..

[FaeT]

Her dad could already be in his 80s. She is an asshole toward her parents. She reminds of me how Jim Bob Duggar has recently bashed his deceased father. Lori has taken jabs at both of her parents because they had problems years ago. I bet she is thinks of her mom as some kind of failure. I could sort of understand some of her frustration because she was ill and didn't get the exact meals that she wanted, but I thought she was over the top and really ungrateful about it. Several of Lori's other postings indicate that she is pretty spoiled.

I keep hearing about this but I have to say, I haven't found a clip of it .. when did this happen? And what was said??

[Koala]

When they get hungry they will eat, trust me.

Do you honestly think that well fed western children can't skip a meal? Is it better to force it through their throats?

A child shouldn't have to miss a meal, and forcing it down their throats isn't the only option. Actually, neither should be an option.

I have a fridge full of yogurts, cheese, sandwich meat, and fresh veggies like baby carrots. I keep bread, peanut butter, fresh fruit and cereal as well. All healthy to fairly healthy options. When I make something my kids don't care for they help themselves to an available alternative. I am shocked by how well they choose most of the time. The older they get, the more anxious they become to try new things. They know they won't be forced, and they know they have a backup if they don't care for it, so it makes the whole thing much more pleasant.

I can't fathom making my rapidly growing child miss a meal.

[lilwriter85]

I keep hearing about this but I have to say, I haven't found a clip of it .. when did this happen? And what was said??

I think it was in February or March, the Duggars spoke at a church in Wisconsin and Jim Bob said that his father wasn't a good spiritual leader. I think someone from FJ attended that event.

[TXDuck]

Letting your kids go hungry doesn't seem terribly respectful. I'm no parenting expert, but framing that as respect and courtesy seems odd.

This is a valid point. And I do agree with you but here's a caveat. (What? With that setup you had to know one was coming. ;) ) Anyway, example:my home any dinner. There may be some dishes you don't like. You do not have to eat those. I have not to my knowledge served a dinner where one family member hated everything on the table. However, there are kids that will refuse to eat even if they are hungry if the food isn't on their "list". (I have one of those kids.) I'm not a short order cook. But I will make him a sandwich/cereal for his bedtime snack or AFTER dinner is over. Kid gets message that parents are not servants at their beck and call and still gets something they will eat even if it isn't their favorite. Son still can't disrupt dinner time because he doesn't like X but knows he will not be allowed to starve.

I'd imagine most FJers have similar views.

[Koala]

This is a valid point. And I do agree with you but here's a caveat. (What? With that setup you had to know one was coming. ;) ) Anyway, example:my home any dinner. There may be some dishes you don't like. You do not have to eat those. I have not to my knowledge served a dinner where one family member hated everything on the table. However, there are kids that will refuse to eat even if they are hungry if the food isn't on their "list". (I have one of those kids.) I'm not a short order cook. But I will make him a sandwich/cereal for his bedtime snack or AFTER dinner is over. Kid gets message that parents are not servants at their beck and call and still gets something they will eat even if it isn't their favorite. Son still can't disrupt dinner time because he doesn't like X but knows he will not be allowed to starve.

I'd imagine most FJers have similar views.

How old is he? Depending on the age you could start letting him pour his own cereal and milk, or make his own sandwich. My kids made a mess the first few times, but I let them do it because I knew they would be proud of themselves they really wanted to try. Now they can make their snack and clean up the mess with no problem. And it was all their idea. Chew on that for a while fundie lurkers.

Of course if he's a little fella he can't do it. :) You might also consider a "grazing tray" to keep in the fridge during the day. Put whatever healthy snacks he'll eat on a level he can reach in the fridge and let him munch during dinners he doesn't care for. My kids tried a lot of new foods that way. I would put one new fruit or veggie on w/ other healthy foods I knew they loved. I was usually surprised how quickly it was eaten.

[TXDuck]

How old is he? Depending on the age you could start letting him pour his own cereal and milk, or make his own sandwich. My kids made a mess the first few times, but I let them do it because I knew they would be proud of themselves they really wanted to try. Now they can make their snack and clean up the mess with no problem. And it was all their idea. Chew on that for a while fundie lurkers.

Of course if he's a little fella he can't do it. :)

See, this is why this board is useful, 3rd party perspective is good. He's 6. But I've got in so ingrained in my head that he's "my baby", it's jolting to really think about him being 6. He could definitely get his own cereal or cheese or banana.

ETA: Also, we have a rule, you don't have to like new foods but you do have to try them. Also, your food, even Satan's own mashed potatoes, has to stay on your plate. It isn't radioactive, I swear. Also, we have a whole ritual of how we have to introduce him to new food. It usually takes a few times of him just staring at it on his plate before he'll even try it. It's like he has to convince himself that it won't eat him first.

[acheronbeach]

Just as a tangent: what would you do with a child that literally only ate five or six foods? My little godson will only eat chicken nuggets, the top bits off boiled broccoli, french fries, and plain cheese pizza. He'll eat junk food too - cake, cookies, candy, chips, cheesies, koolaid, freezies. He won't drink milk, no cheese, no butter, no yogurt or similar-looking food, no plain meat, no burgers, no rice, no beans, no boiled/mashed spuds, no peanut butter, no nuts, and no veg or fruit.

He screams bloody murder if presented with food that isn't on his list. What do you do with a child like that to try and get them to eat?

[Annette]

Thank you for pointing that out. I've never known any adult to make themselves go hungry when they were served a food they couldn't stand, so why should a child? The least you could do is point them to the PB&J supplies..

Yes, that is what I was getting at. Of course I wouldn't force the meal down their throats! If I find letting kids go hungry to not be "courteous" do you really think I would find forcefeeding to be the better option? (latraviata) I think a common practice would be to provide a simple alternative like PB&J or cereal or a ham sandwich for goodness sake.

[ImNoSupermom]

Hence the reason I point out in the comment that I make something that everyone will like (so they'll eat it). If they don't like some part of the meal (like kale in the bean soup, for example) they can eat around it. I don't make them eat things they don't like, but I do think its important that they eat things they DO like, even if there's something they don't like in dish. I hope that makes sense. My kids don't go hungry, believe me. At the same time, I'm not going to cook a different meal for each person in the family. I'm fairly certain I'm not alone in that at least.

[TXDuck]

Just as a tangent: what would you do with a child that literally only ate five or six foods? My little godson will only eat chicken nuggets, the top bits off boiled broccoli, french fries, and plain cheese pizza. He'll eat junk food too - cake, cookies, candy, chips, cheesies, koolaid, freezies. He won't drink milk, no cheese, no butter, no yogurt or similar-looking food, no plain meat, no burgers, no rice, no beans, no boiled/mashed spuds, no peanut butter, no nuts, and no veg or fruit.

He screams bloody murder if presented with food that isn't on his list. What do you do with a child like that to try and get them to eat?

See above. It's a long process. We start by having new food sit on his plate a few times. Then he has to eat a "Nemo" bite. It can take several tries of "Nemo" bites before he'll really eat a new food. The whole process can take weeks. Start with a pediatrician though to rule out food allergies. Also, you have to accept when something will just never happen.

[Conuly]

Just as a tangent: what would you do with a child that literally only ate five or six foods? My little godson will only eat chicken nuggets, the top bits off boiled broccoli, french fries, and plain cheese pizza. He'll eat junk food too - cake, cookies, candy, chips, cheesies, koolaid, freezies. He won't drink milk, no cheese, no butter, no yogurt or similar-looking food, no plain meat, no burgers, no rice, no beans, no boiled/mashed spuds, no peanut butter, no nuts, and no veg or fruit.

He screams bloody murder if presented with food that isn't on his list. What do you do with a child like that to try and get them to eat?

First, cut out the junk food, or at least minimize it. If he's not eating much, what he should be eating should be predominately healthy. Or healthy-ish.

Secondly, seriously, if it's that limited and it's not a very recent thing, look into medical reasons for him to be reacting this way and get a referral for a therapist. There are clinicians who specialize in just this sort of thing.

[acheronbeach]

Secondly, seriously, if it's that limited and it's not a very recent thing, look into medical reasons for him to be reacting this way and get a referral for a therapist. There are clinicians who specialize in just this sort of thing.

I don't think it's really appropriate for me to do anything except give suggestions when it's someone else's child.

[emmiedahl]

First, cut out the junk food, or at least minimize it. If he's not eating much, what he should be eating should be predominately healthy. Or healthy-ish.

Secondly, seriously, if it's that limited and it's not a very recent thing, look into medical reasons for him to be reacting this way and get a referral for a therapist. There are clinicians who specialize in just this sort of thing.

If he has always had specific preferences, it could be a medical thing. I have one of those, discussed on the last Lori thread. The thing is, though, my toddler would not touch a Snickers bar or eat a milkshake to save his life. He eats nothing outside his little box, which is one of the big indicators that you are dealing with a biological issue.

I would make the foods he likes in healthy versions and offer just that. Broccoli tops are fine, so is cheese pizza if it has a whole wheat crust. And I would encourage "no thank you" bites, which most children will do just to please the parents unless they really have an aversion to the food. If he is getting really negative about it, I would offer choices. You can have this, or that. Or just wait until the next meal or snack. Make sure both choices are reasonable, acceptable to both the adult and the child. It gives the child the power. Most preschoolers would live on a small, limited range of food if they were allowed.

And yeah, no junk food. A healthy child will generally be willing to at least try something if they are hungry, but very few will choose carrots when they know a bag of cheetos is around the corner. Also, kids do go through phases--the Beauty and the Beast phase, the Tonka truck phase, and weird food phases as well.

I am against force feeding of all types, and I am not really fond of letting a child go hungry because it can be physically painful and highly distressing to them. But I agree that you need to nudge them toward healthy eating choices. I would avoid a power struggle over eating because the adult will not win it. I am against power struggles in general, but especially ones I cannot win.