Seewalds 18 - Spurgy and Henry

[Fun Undies]

In regards to the girls cooking and/or cleaning, I feel like it's a "damned if they do, damned if they don't" scenario.

Like if they were super-awesome-amazeballs at it, people would be like, "Oh look how cultlike they are.  Stepford wives, really.  They have no independence or critical thinking skills.  They were only taught those two things.  That's all they can do. Etc."

But if they aren't at a certain level, it's "they had one job.  Guess they're upbringing really wasn't all that, and a bag of chips, if they couldn't even learn the basics.  Etc."

Eh, can't win either way *shrug*

[Captain Obvious]

46 minutes ago, Fun Undies said:

In regards to the girls cooking and/or cleaning, I feel like it's a "damned if they do, damned if they don't" scenario.

Like if they were super-awesome-amazeballs at it, people would be like, "Oh look how cultlike they are.  Stepford wives, really.  They have no independence or critical thinking skills.  They were only taught those two things.  That's all they can do. Etc."

But if they aren't at a certain level, it's "they had one job.  Guess they're upbringing really wasn't all that, and a bag of chips, if they couldn't even learn the basics.  Etc."

Eh, can't win either way *shrug*

Sure, but there's surely a mid-point, which involves being able to reliably cook some basic recipes, knowing all the tasks involved to keep your house clean (even if you don't always bother to do them on a Maxwellian scale), knowing how to launder without wrecking your clothes. 

Since Gma Duggar did the laundry, the cleaning tasks were shared across several kids and cooking seemed to involve mostly heating/reheating processed or frozen foods, I don't think any Duggar girl, and certainly none of the boys, ever got a chance to reach that midpoint.

Except maybe for Jana, and that's only because more jurisdictions would have fallen to her after her sisters married, and because she seems a bit of a perfectionist.

[SassyPants]

1 hour ago, Audrey2 said:

Remember, for Jana, Jill, Jessa, and Jinger, especially, but also Joy, these girls became sister moms (really moms- I can't do the strike through typing on my phone) at the age of 8. Michelle pushed off six month old babies on the girls, and they were charged with their care on top of their chore jurisdictions and whatever schooling they could grab. I, too, wish the girls could cook better, but I think their homemaking skills are at the basic survival level. I think, after the laundry room meltdown, Michelle focused on two things - being joyfully available and caring for the infants until they were six months. I know there are stay at home moms, much older than these girls were, who feel overwhelmed with caring for one or two children and managing a house. I can't imagine doing this at the age of 8, then having more sibling children a few years later to care for.

---

 

Yes, you said it better than I did. They don't excel at any of these tasks because there was no time in the schedule to allow for anyone to teach such, or for them to master these elements. The focus of their house was babies, babies, toddlers, toddlers and doing the bare minimum to keep everyone alive, housed and clothed.

12, 15, 19....just too many for 1 couple to handle.

So, IMO, it all goes back to their core beliefs- beliefs that BC is evil and a woman must be 100% joyfully available and babies and more babies. It's just not realistic, and the Duggar's end product (their adult kids) prove how much their way does not work.

[Iamtheway]

2 hours ago, VeganCupcake said:

Jessa's tutorials on YouTube are still dump cooking, but at least now she uses fresh produce instead of cans. However, nobody needs a tutorial on how to throw onions, sweet potatoes, and ground beef into a pan and put it in the oven. 

Her sisters might need one ...

[Carm_88]

2 hours ago, Fun Undies said:

In regards to the girls cooking and/or cleaning, I feel like it's a "damned if they do, damned if they don't" scenario.

Like if they were super-awesome-amazeballs at it, people would be like, "Oh look how cultlike they are.  Stepford wives, really.  They have no independence or critical thinking skills.  They were only taught those two things.  That's all they can do. Etc."

But if they aren't at a certain level, it's "they had one job.  Guess they're upbringing really wasn't all that, and a bag of chips, if they couldn't even learn the basics.  Etc."

Eh, can't win either way *shrug*

They really can't. I think that some people forget how hard it is to raise other people's children when you're a child yourself. 

[WhoompThereItIs]

2 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

Hahah love those facial expressions! Jessa posted a bible quote later but that's not s interesting to me!

Elliot is AALLLL Jessa, especially that center picture!

[CinnaJen]

2 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

Hahah love those facial expressions! Jessa posted a bible quote later but that's not s interesting to me!

I am in love with this baby-he is so stinking cute!  He really looks like Jessa in this series of pics.

[Kailash]

All I can see is JimBob in the bottom left pic.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Someone needs to tell Jessa to buy a bed skirt or as some call them a dust ruffle then you don't have to worry about the dust bunnies. I was raised by a militant neat freak, it was awful, having a mother who cared more about a clean house than her kids so when I see a less than spotless house I think, a homeowner who has more important things to do.   Honestly why the hell does anyone care if Jessa has dust bunnies under her bed, or if Jill has laundry basket on her bedroom floor, of all the awful shit this family does, not living in a spotless house isn't even in the top 10.  

[Timetostoplurking]

7 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Someone needs to tell Jessa to buy a bed skirt or as some call them a dust ruffle then you don't have to worry about the dust bunnies. I was raised by a militant neat freak, it was awful, having a mother who cared more about a clean house than her kids so when I see a less than spotless house I think, a homeowner who has more important things to do.   Honestly why the hell does anyone care if Jessa has dust bunnies under her bed, or if Jill has laundry basket on her bedroom floor, of all the awful shit this family does, not living in a spotless house isn't even in the top 10.  

I agree, a mother spending all her time on the house is not ideal for the kids.  However, Ben is a professional toilet cleaner.  (Just ask JB.  Lol). Maybe he should be cleaning the house. 

[Snarkle Motion]

8 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Someone needs to tell Jessa to buy a bed skirt or as some call them a dust ruffle then you don't have to worry about the dust bunnies. I was raised by a militant neat freak, it was awful, having a mother who cared more about a clean house than her kids so when I see a less than spotless house I think, a homeowner who has more important things to do.   Honestly why the hell does anyone care if Jessa has dust bunnies under her bed, or if Jill has laundry basket on her bedroom floor, of all the awful shit this family does, not living in a spotless house isn't even in the top 10.  

Because they are on TV. I'd never judge that for a normal family and I was also raised by a militant neat freak. As my aunt used to say, keeping a clean house with kids is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing. But you'd assume that they'd clean up when TV cameras are around, although it's probably second nature to them now they don't think about it. My general assumption is whatever you feel is presentable for TV means things are much worse in private. Again, not a big deal but strange for a family that seems to pride itself on promoting women's role as keepers of the home.

[singsingsing]

4 minutes ago, Snarkle Motion said:

Because they are on TV. I'd never judge that for a normal family and I was also raised by a militant neat freak. As my aunt used to say, keeping a clean house with kids is like shoveling snow while it's still snowing. But you'd assume that they'd clean up when TV cameras are around, although it's probably second nature to them now they don't think about it. My general assumption is whatever you feel is presentable for TV means things are much worse in private. Again, not a big deal but strange for a family that seems to pride itself on promoting women's role as keepers of the home.

We're talking about a bit of dust under a bed, right? Or am I missing something?

[Carm_88]

42 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

We're talking about a bit of dust under a bed, right? Or am I missing something?

Yes, we are back on the dust bunnies. 

[front hugs > duggs]

LOL at the dust bunny conversation! I personally don't care if she cleans under her bed or not, or if dust accumulates there. However, I think people criticize because, as a stay at home wife/mom (not sure if she had SES yet when this came about), we just don't understand what they actually DO all day. I understand the more kids, the harder it gets. Our apartment can get pretty messy, but I work 40+ hours a week and feel too tired to straighten up when I get home at night. These people (seemingly) have legitimately nothing going on during the day! 

[HarleyQuinn]

12 hours ago, Kailash said:

All I can see is JimBob in the bottom left pic.

It kind of ruins the whole thing. 

[singsingsing]

I don't know, she had a toddler, now a toddler and a baby. That seems like more than enough to do all day. My mum stayed home with my sister and me for a while when we were little, and trust me, our house was never spotlessly clean and tidy - not even close! But it was never out of control, and we were well cared for and happy. 

Edit: I just want to say, I don't think it's illegitimate to comment on evidence of their lack of cleaning/cooking/sewing/gardening/whatever skills given the supposed superiority of their 'traditionally feminine' upbringing. I've thought the same things myself - what did they do through their childhood, teens and early 20s if they get married and supposedly can barely boil water and have no particular homemaking skills? I've never noticed that their houses look particularly messy, but that's just me. I'm not a very neat person myself, so I probably wouldn't notice. Thank God I don't have people filming my life... for so many reasons, haha!

[VelociRapture]

3 hours ago, front hugs > duggs said:

LOL at the dust bunny conversation! I personally don't care if she cleans under her bed or not, or if dust accumulates there. However, I think people criticize because, as a stay at home wife/mom (not sure if she had SES yet when this came about), we just don't understand what they actually DO all day. I understand the more kids, the harder it gets. Our apartment can get pretty messy, but I work 40+ hours a week and feel too tired to straighten up when I get home at night. These people (seemingly) have legitimately nothing going on during the day! 

I'm going to assume that comment came out wrong. At least I hope it did. I'm a SAHM and its the toughest job I've ever personally had. Best job too because I have the cutest boss. But it can be really tough at times.

[front hugs > duggs]

1 minute ago, VelociRapture said:

I'm going to assume that comment came out wrong. At least I hope it did. I'm a SAHM and its the toughest job I've ever personally had. Best job too because I have the cutest boss. But it can be really tough at times.

Yes I'm sorry I did not mean that at all! I thought when the dust convo originally occurred BEFORE SES was born, meaning she was home all day, NO children, meant to just be a "good homewife" and not cleaning. But again, I don't care about dust bunnies. I was more trying to see where the people criticizing the dust bunnies were coming from.

I"M SO SORRRRYYYY to all the SAHM I've offended with that comment. That was truly not my intention at all to indicate SAHM are lazy or that it's easy  

[VelociRapture]

11 minutes ago, front hugs > duggs said:

Yes I'm sorry I did not mean that at all! I thought when the dust convo originally occurred BEFORE SES was born, meaning she was home all day, NO children, meant to just be a "good homewife" and not cleaning. But again, I don't care about dust bunnies. I was more trying to see where the people criticizing the dust bunnies were coming from.

I"M SO SORRRRYYYY to all the SAHM I've offended with that comment. That was truly not my intention at all to indicate SAHM are lazy or that it's easy  

Thanks for clarifying! I figured it was likely a misunderstanding.

I was a SAHW for a year before my daughter arrived. There were times during my pregnancy that I was so tired I was barely able to get anything done - I was able to walk the dog and that was about it. So it's absolutely possible that Jessa was struggling with symptoms as well and found it tough to juggle her responsibilities at home. The dust bunny incident was when Spurgeon was a newborn - so she very well could have been exhausted from the pregnancy, birth, recovery, and caring for a newborn.

(My exhaustion was so bad that I'm actually more functional now then I was pregnant - despite having a ton more responsibilities to juggle.)

[DaniLouisiana]

15 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Someone needs to tell Jessa to buy a bed skirt or as some call them a dust ruffle then you don't have to worry about the dust bunnies. I was raised by a militant neat freak, it was awful, having a mother who cared more about a clean house than her kids so when I see a less than spotless house I think, a homeowner who has more important things to do.   Honestly why the hell does anyone care if Jessa has dust bunnies under her bed, or if Jill has laundry basket on her bedroom floor, of all the awful shit this family does, not living in a spotless house isn't even in the top 10.  

THIS!  My husband is a neat freak and I hate it!!!!!!! He has always had the whole damn garage and some of "my" patio for his projects. I get  to share every single iota of space in the house with him and he bitches and whines that my projects are "everywhere". 

When my kids were little, on no school days during the week, we cranked up the music and cleaned-for him. Our house was and has always been considerably neater and cleaner than my bio mother's homes and I'm an only so ........

Now, as I told him just this morning, he expects 2× the work with less than -3 the help. Plus my auto immune disorder and stupid doctors. 

[PumaLover]

Maybe in the early years they couldn't afford fresh fruit and veggies (it can get expensive), and over time they got accustomed to it or the kids wouldn't eat anything else? Although the obvious thing would be to grow fresh produce in a garden, and pickle or dry it for the winter. With their love of pickles that should've been easy to sell. Eating canned everything is kind of the lazy choice when you have land and a small army to plant, weed, water and pick. They boys don't seem afraid to get their hands dirty sometimes, so it's clearly a choice not to garden rather than lack of options.

I was watching season 1 of 17KAC yesterday and they, along with a friend of theirs, planted a huge garden and talked about what a great learning experience it was for the kids. Maybe it was only for that one episode though. Lol

[Carm_88]

18 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

I was watching season 1 of 17KAC yesterday and they, along with a friend of theirs, planted a huge garden and talked about what a great learning experience it was for the kids. Maybe it was only for that one episode though. Lol

Hahah that is likely. Things that they did on the show, never really seemed to last. 

[TeamDefraudinSquad]

Speaking as someone who also had controlling parents growing up, maybe Jessa not cleaning the dust bunnies under the bed is just a, "Meh, I'll do it later, because no one is here telling me I have to do it right now" sort of situation. In my experience, when you go from having your parents up your ass all day to having no set schedule to speak of (or a smaller schedule), its tempting to fall into lazy habits just cause you don't have to be constantly looking over your shoulder and holding your breath from being monitored all the time anymore. My first couple of apartments in college were trashed when I moved out of them. After awhile though, I got some space from my upbringing and thought to myself, "It would be nice not to be living in such a sty, maybe I'll deep clean my next place every month or so to keep it from getting super nasty." 

[Denim Jumper]

1 hour ago, front hugs > duggs said:

Yes I'm sorry I did not mean that at all! I thought when the dust convo originally occurred BEFORE SES was born, meaning she was home all day, NO children, meant to just be a "good homewife" and not cleaning. But again, I don't care about dust bunnies. I was more trying to see where the people criticizing the dust bunnies were coming from.

I"M SO SORRRRYYYY to all the SAHM I've offended with that comment. That was truly not my intention at all to indicate SAHM are lazy or that it's easy  

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me it was a matter of mind-numbing boredom from cleaning up the same messes day after day, to the point where I just didn't give a fuck anymore about how clean the house was, so long as I kept up with the dishes and laundry.

I imagine that, after growing up in the well-oiled chaos of the Duggar home, it must be nice for the married girls to kick back and not have to worry about shoveling sand against the tide. 

[singsingsing]

Anyone with a newborn gets a complete pass from me on pretty much anything related to chores. I figure if you're meeting your own basic needs and the basic needs of your baby and any other children you have, anything else is just a bonus.