Seewalds 18 - Spurgy and Henry

[Flossie]

45 minutes ago, Chewing Gum said:

Since Henry was a name Jessa really liked, we could just get a "Jessa first, Ben second" naming style from now on. Which I would applaud! 

My husband and I must have been doing it wrong.  When making up the list of baby names, we could each take names off the list.  The only qualification was that we couldn't keep taking all other names off the list just so our favorite was the only one left.  Since I was much more interested in the naming process, I usually went through the baby name book and started writing down names.  I'd have over a hundred and then I'd pare them down until I had five or ten names.  Then he'd look and cross of the ones he didn't like and add ones he did.  We kept passing the list back and forth until we got a name.  It worked for us.  Neither of us hated any of the names we had chosen when we went into delivery.  By the last kid it was pretty easy.

Me:  You want to keep the name we didn't use last time?
Him:  Yeah, that's still a good name.
Me:  OK, you want to look at the baby name book or do you have any names you like?
Him:  No.  Just tell me what you like.
Me:  OK, how about ______?  No?  OK, how about ______?  No again?  I have another, then it'll be back to the book.  How do you like _____?
Him:  I think that last one might be OK.  Where's it from?  Some celebrity?
Me:  No, I don't know anyone personally by that name, and I can't think offhand of a celebrity or singer that has it, although it's possible.  It's biblical.  It's kind of old fashioned, but everyone's heard of it.  Nothing unusual, and the kid won't be going through school with a dozen others with the same name.  I think it's kind of pretty.
Him:  Yeah, lets go with that.

My heart soared, because that was the name I liked the best of the bunch, but I really thought he'd like one of the others better.

Me:  We just need to decide how to spell it.  It's got two spellings.  Just as it sounds, and another that has a silent letter in the mix.  They're both common spellings.
Him:  We don't need to get fancy.  Just spell it how it sounds.

I was on a roll, because that was the spelling I preferred, too.

Me:  OK.  Then we just need to find a middle name.  If we used your mother's first name as the middle name, I think it sounds a bit clunky (MIL had an amalgamated first name).  But she hates her middle name, so we're back to the first name.  What if we used the first part of her first name?

Hubby says the babys name and the first part of his mothers first name together.

Him:  It sounds odd.
Me:  Yeah, it doesn't flow.

After a couple of minutes we'd tweaked his mothers name into something very much like her original name, it flowed nicely, and just like that we had a nice middle name on board if needed.  Took us all of five minutes.

[Chickenbutt]

Me (pregnant with first child, unknown gender) Let's talk about names.

Mr. Butt: Whatever you want

Me: How about XXXXX YYYYYY (boy) or XXXXXX XXXXXX (girl)

Mr. Butt: Yeah fine

Me (pregnant with second child, unknown gender) I am going to name the baby this XXXXXXX YYYYYY (boy) or XXXXX XXXXXX (girl)

Mr. Butt: Yeah okay fine.

Easy peasy!

[Fluffy14]

Am I the only one to think none of them have any special qualities? Nothing that should be center front in a magazine. I have seen far more good looking people than these two. Sure the baby is cute but so are other babies. I JUST LOATHE the arrogance of these two. I LOATHE the fact they parade themselves around for money. And to boot, I am a Christian( wont step foot in a church though) and find this whole thing horrible.  The reason I come on here is because, I like the snark. But another reason is to gage the outcome of the ripple affect they have on people who don't believe in God. I am horrified that they sold themselves out. I am horrified and deeply saddened that what I believe so deeply and has had a positive affect on my life where nothing else could, can be thrown about and trampled upon.  Used and abused for their own gain.  I was horrifically abused, my mind shattered. as a young child through out my late late teens. I read horrific child abuse cases and think wow, what they did to me was worse.  The only thing that saved me from suicide, or death from my abusers was the hand of God in my life despite what was thrown at me. HARD AS HELL TO HANG ON TO but I had no choice. It was the only thing that offered hope. Most people failed but there were some who had a great impact on my life.  A lot of people who did were non Christians . And  Heaven forbid, the CAtholic church at one point.   I find it awful, to deduce this "religion"  to this.  No different than Kardashians. I am grieved beyond measure at the gospel they flaunt. It is not the same gospel and does not have the power to change the deepest inner workings of the soul and spirit .  The way the Dillards fly back and forth on peoples dimes, all in the name of God. Well, the God they speak of is the God or arrogance the God of money, fame. Self love.  Every time they do some stupid dufus move I go back and do a little study in scripture online.  And if you go back and read the words of Paul the apostle he was very careful not to tarnish the gospel with the handling and mishandling of money.  HE worked a day job to support himself and his people. If he was offered money he gave back to the poor starving persecuted church.  It says he would not eat even any of their food as not to tarnish the gospel. Jesus was pissed off at the money changers going in and charging people more money for the cheapest lousy animal sacrifices.  He treated the lost, poor, promiscuous, tax collectors , murderers with gentleness love and kindness. And he was pissed off all the time at the Pharisees.   I hate what these Duggars do to people,  I hate how they treat people. I think all of you have more compassion , common sense, integrity, and love in your pinkies than any of the Duggars or fundies. They do not represent the gospel that saved me from HELL on earth. The gospel I follow was balm to a shattered mind and heart. it gave me hope to seek out help, and common sense not to trust anybody who cries out they are saved. A portion of my abuse came from inside a church whose pastor and deacons ran a porn ring. And this is why i was so ragey over the Tim Robertson thing. I actually was getting a lot of PTSD symptoms because of it.  My husband always tells me to stay away but i cant.  Its like watching an accident. Don't feel sorry for me about my past. I am doing well now. But it was and is a life long road of healing. I just hate all the cover ups, the subjugation of women, the  hate for the LGBTQ community , their political/religious and

 The stance on abortion.  I think their  lying lips, arrogance, and mishandling of the gospel is far worse than any abortion. Those babies are in a safe place. I hate the hypocrisy. I am sorry for my rant .  But only a little sorry. It is good to get it off my chest. I hate this family and everything they  do and stand for.

[singsingsing]

@Fluffy14 Don't apologize for your rant. Your anger is justified and you speak the truth.

[DaniLouisiana]

On baby names: my husband figured I carried them for 9 (+ in two cases) months, I probably "knew" their names. The only name he suggested that was rejected outright was Dierdre because its means sorrow. Kiddo was originally named after a Dr. Who companion that we both admired. This morning we had a conversation about a late in life baby girl being named either Faith Sophia or Sophia Faith, after the main characters in a favorite book series of ours. He would decide the order.

[Italiangirl]

Do you think that if of the Duggar find for some reason someone who has a deep knowing of the bible  (like they are able to tell in memory some verse and passage) they will speak to him/her or after realize they couldn't use theire usually way they go away and cose them self in the prayer closet?  

I dont know if my question is understandeble 'cause i'm tired tonight  (her in italy is 22.20)

[VeganCupcake]

I can't believe some people, like Jessa/Ben,  seem to have so much tension & disagreement over names. Why would you marry someone if y'all don't have similar taste. Also if I got married it would hopefully be to someone I am just so happy to be with that I wouldn't care about the names. To me there are no "little issues" in a marriage. If small things bother you then you have big issues because if you were actually happy with that person then little things wouldn't even affect you. 

[VineHeart137]

1 hour ago, VeganCupcake said:

I can't believe some people, like Jessa/Ben,  seem to have so much tension & disagreement over names. Why would you marry someone if y'all don't have similar taste. Also if I got married it would hopefully be to someone I am just so happy to be with that I wouldn't care about the names. To me there are no "little issues" in a marriage. If small things bother you then you have big issues because if you were actually happy with that person then little things wouldn't even affect you. 

My husband and I didn't discuss baby name ideas until we were actually ready to have children, which was after we were married. I imagine a lot of people would say the same. While our naming styles weren't on completely opposite ends of the scale, he tended to lean toward the more trendy, popular names, and I preferred recognizable but relatively uncommon names. So while each of us at one point or another suggested names that the other person vetoed, I wouldn't say it caused tension. It just meant we had to search a little harder to find something we both liked. As much as we've speculated that Ben has been the one forcing horrible names on the kids in spite of Jessa's feelings, the truth is we don't know if there was some big huge disagreement between them or if they were truly just kind of indecisive.

As far as being so happy you don't care about the names, I disagree. It isn't just about the couple, it's also about the child. I love my husband to death but if he suggested a name that I thought would honestly make our child's life more difficult, I would have had no problem saying no. It's not picking out furniture, it's naming a human being. There's more to it than just "I'm just so happy to be with you that we can name them whatever you want!"

[Flossie]

2 hours ago, Italiangirl said:

Do you think that if of the Duggar find for some reason someone who has a deep knowing of the bible  (like they are able to tell in memory some verse and passage) they will speak to him/her or after realize they couldn't use theire usually way they go away and cose them self in the prayer closet?  

I dont know if my question is understandeble 'cause i'm tired tonight  (her in italy is 22.20)

I think you're asking is:

Quote

"What would happen if one of the Duggars found themselves talking to someone who knows all of the Bible, and not just the verses the Duggars know?  Would this Duggar keep talking to the person who has a deeper knowledge of the Bible than the Duggars do?  Would this Duggar just ignore what this other person says and go along with what they've been taught, or would this Duggar go off to the prayer closet and shut the door to try to pray away the things they've just heard so they could go back to what they've been taught since they were small children?"

The girls always go out with others and would not talk too much to anyone else about their beliefs.  They would either have their younger siblings, or nieces and nephews with them and they couldn't risk exposing them to other ideas, or having one of them tell Jim Bob or Michelle about it.

The older boys seem to go out more on their own, but I think that they would either walk away because they just don't care, or they would argue for a couple of minutes and then leave while telling themselves that the person they were just talking to didn't know what they were talking about.

In any event, I think that although the idea of going to the prayer closet might seem nice if they wanted some time to themselves, no Duggar would do it voluntarily because it would also mean that somehow they had sinned.  None of them wants to be seen as a sinner after what happened to Josh.  He sinned as a teen and it was hushed up, but at the same time all the other children had to pay a price for it.  The kids had to lock themselves in their bedrooms at night.  The boys couldn't be left alone with a girl, and the parents became hyper alert to opposite sex siblings that seemed too close to each other.  The kids were encouraged to tell on each other, and if JB&M didn't want to deal with an issue, they'd pick out a scapegoat and punish that child no matter what the problem really was.

The Gothard religion says that the family should function as a unit and the children should be best friends with each other and only spend time with other children from families of the same mindset.  It stands to reason that Gothard families don't usually live close to each other, because there are really not that many of them and even then they're so insular.

Now we see that the Duggar kids are enmeshed with each other and their parents, but at the same time they're always looking for ways to stand out.  

*Josh got married first and tried to break away, but couldn't do it and returned home as a failure.  His past caught up with him and now even his family distances themselves from him on camera.

*Jana has taken over much of the childcare and the running of the household.  She says she hopes to marry and have kids someday.

*JD got a pilot's license and a won a constable position in an election that no one else entered.  

*Jill entered into a courtship with a guy handpicked by her father and got married.  They're now married with one child and another on the way and no one can seem to figure out what went wrong.  They're drifting and grifting and not getting anything done, and they both seem miserable.  

*Jessa muscled her way into a marriage with a teen and is the driving force in keeping the latest version of the Duggar family reality show on the air.  She has two kids and seems to enjoy them, but can't get the respect that Josh or Jill did from her parents.  

*Josiah overcame speculation that he might not swing the 'right way' to introduce a young lady that he'd entered into a courtship with.  She disappeared when the Josh scandals broke out.  

*Jinger married a fundy preacher recently and has almost disappeared after he swooped her off to another state to live.  

*Joy is courting a fella that her family has known for many years.

As for the rest of the kids.  Your guess is as good as mine.  They exist.  This Gothard thing is really working out for the Duggars, isn't it?

[VeganCupcake]

1 hour ago, VineHeart137 said:

if he suggested a name that I thought would honestly make our child's life more difficult

Good points. The above happened to me:( I almost NEVER get called the correct name by new people. On paper it looks like a much more common name, and spoken aloud it sounds like another common name! So I get called by one of those 2 names everywhere I go. It's extremely frustrating. 

If my boyfriend and I ever had a kid, his parents would probably tell us what we "had" to name it, lol. Probably family names. I wouldn't care because everyone in their fam has sensible, normal names. And I don't speak to my parents so they won't be a factor. 

I love family names because there's a meaning and reason behind it. I'm not a fan of picking random names cause they sound cute, ESPECIALLY for middle names. 

[HermioneSparrow]

3 hours ago, VeganCupcake said:

I can't believe some people, like Jessa/Ben,  seem to have so much tension & disagreement over names. Why would you marry someone if y'all don't have similar taste. Also if I got married it would hopefully be to someone I am just so happy to be with that I wouldn't care about the names. To me there are no "little issues" in a marriage. If small things bother you then you have big issues because if you were actually happy with that person then little things wouldn't even affect you. 

Girl, NO. If i'm pushing a watermelon out of my vajayjay I BETTER get a say on the name, I don't care if I'm happily married to Chris Hemsworth, future hubby is not naming my child an ugly ass name. It's not something "small", it's a big decision IMO.

[grandmadugger]

7 hours ago, Italiangirl said:

Do you think that if of the Duggar find for some reason someone who has a deep knowing of the bible  (like they are able to tell in memory some verse and passage) they will speak to him/her or after realize they couldn't use theire usually way they go away and cose them self in the prayer closet?  

I dont know if my question is understandeble 'cause i'm tired tonight  (her in italy is 22.20)

 

I honestly don't think the kids have a deep understanding of their faith.  They all seem to parrot their parents.  I have a feeling that JB would either try to intimidate the person if they were male.  I have a sinking feeling that was/is part of JB's issues with Jeremy, Jeremy appears intelligent and probably was asking tough questions that JB turned into a pissing match.  If it was a female I don't think JB would give them the time of day.

[Italiangirl]

Thank you girls for your answer 

[nastyhobbitses]

Regarding names: my parents were really anal-retentive about how they named me and my sister. They had a lot of requirements to fill:

-Honor deceased family members (Jewish tradition)

-Not so common that they have six other classmates with that name, but not totally out there

-Flowed well with our last name

-Flowed well when you gave the Full Name Ultimatum (ISRAEL DAVID DILLARD, GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!)

-Passed the Senator Test (Senator Spurgeon E. Seewald announced today...)

-Won't spell out anything bad in a monogram/initials (our last name begins with S, so no B first names, and names like Alexandra Sarah were out)

I ended up getting a slightly uncommon first name and virtue middle name (initials are for our great-grandfather and great-grandmother), and my sister got a name my parents thought was more uncommon, but it was pretty trendy at the time of her birth, plus a more old-fashioned middle name (initials are for our great-uncle and great-aunt).

I'm probably going to hold to the same requirements for names. It's a little morbid, but I'm a little relieved that a lot of dead/soon-to-be-dead relatives have a variety of first initials and some pretty interesting names.

[Daisy0322]

I never realized people thought so hard about naming a baby! I'm pregnant now and and one night we were laying in the couch and I said, "I really love "this name" for a girl." He said "sounds good babe would "this" be a okay nick name" I said sure and we when back to watching the movie. He only is into nick names because his first name is very informal and sounds like it's already is a nick name.

[VineHeart137]

My daughter is named after me (take that, patriarchy! :p) I have two middle names so they became her first and middle name (the first name is modified a bit, so it's not exactly the same). I don't remember whose idea it was to do that but we both loved what we came up with and it suits her, plus her middle name is the same as both of her grandmothers. Hubby and I decided we like using the middle name spot to honor family members so we'll continue that trend. I personally would prefer not to give our children the same first name as anyone in the family, including hubby and myself. I'd like them to have their own names. My husband would have liked to have given a son his name (he's a jr, so a son would have been III) so our compromise was if we have a son he gets hubby's first name as his middle name.

I think it's interesting seeing how differently people go through the process of naming their kids! I say have fun with it, as long as in the end it's something you're both happy with and isn't likely to cause any detriment to the child's life,  

[Chewing Gum]

Our kids have 3 names. One name he likes, one that I like and one mutual favorite (the first name). Took 10 weeks with the first kiddo and 10 min. with the second. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 2/17/2017 at 7:45 AM, HermioneSparrow said:

I'm very surprised how natural Jessa is with her boys, she seems very much in love with her kids.. the fact that she said she thought she couldn't love someone like she loves Spurgey, says a lot about her.. Meechelle has never ever said something like that, and also makes me mad because Jessa is probably going to lose all that joy when she has eleventy kids. 

Or perhaps realizing how much she loves these two will make her have fewer kids.  It will hopefully occur to her and Bin that having more kids than you can emotionally and financially support is a really shitty thing to do to the kids. She has to remember hiding in the bathroom just to get enough to eat, and she hopefully won't want that for her kids. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

2 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Regarding names: my parents were really anal-retentive about how they named me and my sister. They had a lot of requirements to fill:

-Honor deceased family members (Jewish tradition)

-Not so common that they have six other classmates with that name, but not totally out there

-Flowed well with our last name

-Flowed well when you gave the Full Name Ultimatum (ISRAEL DAVID DILLARD, GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!)

-Passed the Senator Test (Senator Spurgeon E. Seewald announced today...)

-Won't spell out anything bad in a monogram/initials (our last name begins with S, so no B first names, and names like Alexandra Sarah were out)

I ended up getting a slightly uncommon first name and virtue middle name (initials are for our great-grandfather and great-grandmother), and my sister got a name my parents thought was more uncommon, but it was pretty trendy at the time of her birth, plus a more old-fashioned middle name (initials are for our great-uncle and great-aunt).

I'm probably going to hold to the same requirements for names. It's a little morbid, but I'm a little relieved that a lot of dead/soon-to-be-dead relatives have a variety of first initials and some pretty interesting names.

I had several requirements

1. it couldn't be popular DS's name wasn't when we named him but it gained a LOT of popularity when he was about 5 and now it is constantly in the top 20 names, GRRR. 

2. it couldn't be weird, or unheard of not popular but not Spurgeon. 

3. It had to flow well

4. lastly the initials couldn't spell anything. Prior to marriage my initials were PMS, I had lot of things that required my initials, school, a job it was horrible, many irritated  "yes yes my initials are PMS. I know, how silly of my parents" 

 

My son's middle name is my husbands 1st name, we didn't like Jr's or naming after someone with the 1st name either. And we just liked the sound of DD's name.

[Carm_88]

Naming a child would be hard, I think. There are so many things that you have to think of and then you have to consider someone else's opinion (The Father) and if you're unlucky everyone will chime in. Plus you won't have the same experience with names; a name that he thinks is cute might be your high school bully or vice versa. Yeah, names are hard.

That being said, I don't think that Jessa and Ben put that much thought into it.

[Cass.epps]

Naming kids is probably the most difficult part of having them! (Ok, the labor part kinda sucks too.)

With my first, it wasn't too bad. I knew I wanted it to have a certain flow, I knew I wanted to use my deceased Grandmother's name for her middle name. I made a list of 10 names I liked and her dad narrowed it down to 2, then I picked my favorite. Took us a couple weeks of using it in conversation to confirm it. 

With my second, we wanted the name to have the same 2-1-3 syllable pattern as his sister. But we also had decided we wanted his name to have something Biblical in it & a song with his name in it - his sister's had both of those aspects (accidentally) and we didn't want him to not have "his song" or "his bible story." It took us 5 months to figure his out. 

Both names were uncommon when we were looking but have become more common. I've decided you just can't win in that department! 

[SorenaJ]

My future hypothetical kid is going to have 3 names. A gender neutral, a traditionally and more commonly masculine, and a traditional and more commonly feminine. That way they can get to choose. 

[FleeJanaFree]

I keep up with the Seewalds the least. Probably because I couldn't care less about guessing baby  names, which is what we've been doing here for months  anyway can somebody in the know give me a rundown on how Jessa is angling for a bigger home? Is this something she's said on the show, or social media? Thanks in advance

[devoe364]

Okay, I've been lurking for awhile now, but I'm due on Thursday, with my little boy (who has a name). I used to teach Middle School and I've coached sports for 20 years - probably dealt with a few thousand kids. Naming my son has just reminded me of the quirks of many of those kids and I often had valid reasons not to give their name to my son...

[fluffernutter]

We had three kids, all girls. We came up with girls names immediately- but always struggled with boy names! Guess we were destined to have all girls.

 

And i have a question- i've seen "prayer closet" here a few times- is this a real thing!? I have a friend who is super religious. How we are such good friends i'll never know- i'm UU on a good day and atheist most of the time. Anyway, she was talking about wanting to make a small space where her family could go and reflect, write, pray, and no joke she said about making a closet into this special place. Seeing this here made me wonder if a prayer closet is an actual place. 

2 minutes ago, devoe364 said:

Okay, I've been lurking for awhile now, but I'm due on Thursday, with my little boy (who has a name). I used to teach Middle School and I've coached sports for 20 years - probably dealt with a few thousand kids. Naming my son has just reminded me of the quirks of many of those kids and I often had valid reasons not to give their name to my son...

 

Yep a lot of the names we would throw out to each other, we'd knock down due to having a bad experience with a Joe or Peter or Emily or whoever.