Bates Family Part 15 - Bumps, Births and Babies

[nausicaa]

19 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

 

Whoever labeled Alyssa "superficial twit" has it DOWN!

 

I'll be honest, I felt like a hypocrite when I first wrote that. Because, frankly, I'm superficial. But I'd like to think I keep my twit-ness in check. So I won't ever criticize Jessa or Alyssa for wearing makeup or wanting to have nice clothes. But when you're posting selfies in which your child is incorrectly carseated but hey, you look so cute and great in your Jackie O glasses, you might want to step back and reevaluate your priorities. That picture just really gets under my skin. It really emphasizes to me how young and immature Alyssa is and how the whole system she grew up under encourages women to be young and immature and then bring children into it.

I'm beginning to wonder if Allie is just a little doll for her to dress up and pose with. The real confirmation will happen when it's time to start educating her. 

[19 cats and counting]

Part of me thinks that Alyssa is a superficial twit, but another part of me realizes that she's just like many other females her age (if my cousin, a few months older, is to be believed).  She's 21.  It is not surprising to see 21 yo females taking tons of selfies and posting them to social media.  Look up anyone you know that age's SM profiles and you'll see very similar posts.  

When I was her age, I was a wild child who followed bands up and down the eastern seaboard.  If smartphones (or digital photography) were as prevalent then as it is now, I'm sure there would have been concert and bar selfies (and SM didn't exist).  But I grew up and eventually grew out of it.  I definitely don't regret and am glad I did it when I had the chance.

What sets Alyssa (or Jessa) apart is that she didn't have the young and carefree stage of her life.  Alyssa was married and pregnant before her 20th birthday. 

[nausicaa]

9 minutes ago, 19 cats and counting said:

Part of me thinks that Alyssa is a superficial twit, but another part of me realizes that she's just like many other females her age (if my cousin, a few months older, is to be believed).  She's 21.  It is not surprising to see 21 yo females taking tons of selfies and posting them to social media.  Look up anyone you know that age's SM profiles and you'll see very similar posts.  

When I was her age, I was a wild child who followed bands up and down the eastern seaboard.  If smartphones (or digital photography) were as prevalent then as it is now, I'm sure there would have been concert and bar selfies (and SM didn't exist).  But I grew up and eventually grew out of it.  I definitely don't regret and am glad I did it when I had the chance.

What sets Alyssa (or Jessa) apart is that she didn't have the young and carefree stage of her life.  Alyssa was married and pregnant before her 20th birthday. 

Completely agree. I don't find the car-sunglasses selfie weird at all. What I find weird is that there's a baby in the back of that picture! Jessa and Alyssa needed to be young and carefree and have some time to themselves. But in their religions, the only way to escape being a child and have some freedom is to get married and then have a kid right away to prove you're not on birth control. And these babies becoming props for college-aged girls with high school maturity levels is what results. 

[MorningMist]

29 minutes ago, nausicaa said:

Completely agree. I don't find the car-sunglasses selfie weird at all. What I find weird is that there's a baby in the back of that picture! Jessa and Alyssa needed to be young and carefree and have some time to themselves. But in their religions, the only way to escape being a child and have some freedom is to get married and then have a kid right away to prove you're not on birth control. And these babies becoming props for college-aged girls with high school maturity levels is what results. 

(Just playing devil's advocate here) Alyssa does seem quite mature for her age in fundie terms. For example she seems much older than Tori and she's only a year younger.

[JillyO]

1 hour ago, 19 cats and counting said:

I guess it's better than the fake pigtails (Josie and now Meredith Duggar).  

When I was that age, my mom gave me bangs that looked like they were done with a weedwhacker.  I'll take Allie (and my nieces') hairstyles over that.

Wait a minute. Did Meredith seriously inherit the fake pigtails?

[19 cats and counting]

Think of the lyrics to Taylor Swift's '22'
We're happy free confused and lonely at the same time
It's miserable and magical oh yeah
Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines, 

I don't think everyone goes through that stage of life where they want to be young and carefree (to use Bates examples, Michael and maybe Erin).  My sister was always old at heart, and the only difference between her and my (now) BIL at 22 vs 32 is that there's kids in the picture now (she was 29 when her oldest was born).  Even as college students, they acted more like a retired couple.

But to deny your children the opportunity to be young and carefree (if they want to take it) just stunts their growth later on (see JB and Michelle Duggar, stuck in high school).  

In another world, Alyssa would have rocked event planning in a sorority or even prom committee. Jessa and Ben would have been the high school cheerleader/quarterback couple.  Tori and Carlin I could see as the loud popular girls.  Josh Duggar needed to have that stage where he could just be a frat boy (or even fuckboy) and instead took it out on his sisters (and later wife).  Maybe his sisters would have been safe if he was allowed to date like normal people do.

[BeccaGrim]

15 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

What bothered me is someone treating this as a popularity contest.  I can imagine someone in middle school taunting  "I have a greater percentage upvotes than you, nanananana!". Ridiculous.

I think I've missed something.  Is there some sort of fight going on? 

[Seren Ann]

1 hour ago, JillyO said:

Wait a minute. Did Meredith seriously inherit the fake pigtails?

I think they might even be new pigtails ! They looked brown, not blond like Josie's. Why anyone would spend money on those things is beyond me.

And wow those children have grown up in a year ! I barely recognised them.

As for Alyssa I try to keep an open mind because she's young and still trying to find herself but so far she is proving to be quite fixated on appearances. (Also I know this is out of her control but her voice has always grated on my nerves, it makes her sound so full of herself). I hope she has the maturity to take into account the car seat safety advice despite the other criticism that accompanied it. Your child's safety should come before your ego.

[QuiverDance]

IDGAF if Alyssa likes being pretty, looking pretty, making things pretty, etc.  I just hope she doesn't bow up about the car seat thing.  If I were her I would post a subsequent car selfie showing I was doing it right.  Cause she's not doing it right.  And that shit is dangerous.    

FWIW I did not rear face until 2.  I think I turned my kids at 18 months.  I shouldn't have.  Luckily I didn't get into any accidents.

[nelliebelle1197]

@QuiverDance I was only half teasing when I said Rep. Webster should talk to her about her social media. That is the granddaughter of a sitting US congressman and the DIL of the same. Alyssa needs her SM to be above reproach.

[QuiverDance]

You're right.  She is in a position of influence, and she should use it in positive ways.  Promoting child safety is definitely positive.  

[EyeQueue]

7 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

I probably do a lot of things people would judge. I have left the kids in the car to run into a convenience store a block from my house to buy milk. I have left my kids alone for 1/2 hour to go pick up lunch for us. My kids and the neighbors run back and forth to each others' houses.

But I have good safety equipment and research everything! My kids have the proper, most safe equipment I can afford and I use it correctly.

@19 cats and counting those torture "girl" hairstyles are a pet peeve of mine. Just let the poor kid's hair hang limp. Who cares?

Whoever labeled Alyssa "superficial twit" has it DOWN!

 

Same. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and if you take reasonable precautions, it should be OK. I would sometimes leave my daughter in the car when she was a toddler just to run in a convenience store really quickly. I would park where I could see her and could literally run out there in like less than 20 seconds.

We were also all about the safety issues. My daughter rode rear-facing longer than necessary, and she was also in a booster longer than most kids. We went by the NHTSB (??) suggestions, which were based on height, so she was in her booster until, seriously, almost 4th grade. She got embarrassed a lot, but that's what was recommended for the most safety (instead of just going by age/weight).

[LawsonBatesEgo]

On 5/9/2016 at 10:43 PM, 19 cats and counting said:

I wonder if Whit's troubled past was one of the reasons that marrying into a 'loving' family like the Bates appealed to her.  

(I'm not sure how loving the Bates really are, but in her situation, I can see them looking like a model family).  

I wouldn't be surprised.

My brother's wife comes from a very shitty family background. I know one of the reasons she really......objected herself immediately into "our family" was because our shiny happy family with my stereotypical loving Latina mama and my nice Dad who is very German and a bit stoic but asks about you and they were still happily married after 20+ years and had the 2.2 now adult kids and the family cats still living at home. It was a far cry from what she grew up with......but always wanted. It took me a little while to adjust to her appointing herself 'the third child' of the family but now I completely understand where her actions came from. 

[LawsonBatesEgo]

7 hours ago, nausicaa said:

Completely agree. I don't find the car-sunglasses selfie weird at all. What I find weird is that there's a baby in the back of that picture! Jessa and Alyssa needed to be young and carefree and have some time to themselves. But in their religions, the only way to escape being a child and have some freedom is to get married and then have a kid right away to prove you're not on birth control. And these babies becoming props for college-aged girls with high school maturity levels is what results. 

I agree with this.

I'm not going to get in on the front-rear facing debate because it is completely above my pay-grade because I don't have kids and don't know the first thing about car seats. 

Alyssa is basically acting like a typical southern college girl who likes fashion, makeup, jesus and Abercrombie boyfriend....except because of the culture she was raised in, said Abercrombie boyfriend is her husband and they already have a blessing.....which basically become little dolls for them to dress up. That picture is nothing I haven't seen posted by friends/cousins on instagram.....minus the baby. I have no doubt Alyssa love Allies (and I'm sure Jessa loves Spurg even if she saddled him with that name) but it is sad they never get a chance to just be 21 year old girls for a while. 

[iweartanktops]

21 hours ago, Fascinated said:

That got my goat too.  The longer one has been here, and the more posts one had before the redesign, the greater the disparity in 'reputation'. It's too bad they didn't carry over so members wouldn't come to such inane conclusions. 

I just wish people were smart enough to read posts and come to their own conclusions about a member instead of going by some fucking numbers! 

[faraway]

Regarding Whitney: I definitely believe she wanted a big happy family after her own experiences. I find her instagram posts often somewhat scary. She tends to write about being undeserving and having messed up in the past. She is 22 years old and about to be a mom of two. She is still a baby learning about life. Especially with her situation, having lived away from her biological parents, it takes time to process everything that has happened. It seems like she is blaming herself and can't believe how lucky she is for being loved. 

There was one instagram post a while ago, which was really along the lines of not being deserving and Zach loving her despite. It gave me goosebumps. I can't find it anymore, maybe it was deleted.

 

[twinmama]

5 hours ago, QuiverDance said:

IDGAF if Alyssa likes being pretty, looking pretty, making things pretty, etc.  I just hope she doesn't bow up about the car seat thing.  If I were her I would post a subsequent car selfie showing I was doing it right.  Cause she's not doing it right.  And that shit is dangerous.    

FWIW I did not rear face until 2.  I think I turned my kids at 18 months.  I shouldn't have.  Luckily I didn't get into any accidents.

As far as I know, the law in the US is rear facing until 1 year, the recommendation is rear facing until 2 years. I know a lot of people that turned their kids on their first birthday for some reason. I turned mine at 2.5 years when we were taking a looooong road trip and thought it would be safer to have them forward facing than screaming angry the entire drive.

About Allie's picture, I say the straps being a mile above her shoulders and loose is way more dangerous than a child over 1 being forward facing.

And if I was her, I would take any "you aren't doing this safely" advice and research to find out if they are correct; then make the safety of my child my number 1 priority. After that, no more car seat seflies. I don't know how anyone can get mad about being corrected about doing something unsafe. I have kids, I want them to be safe, if I'm not strapping them in correctly, I want to know! This is not a spanking or not, public school or homeschool thing. There is a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it.

[Coconut Flan]

Car seat laws are state by state in the US.  The state where I live passed a law making rear facing mandatory until age 2.  It takes effect in 2017 it seems. 

[VelociRapture]

34 minutes ago, Coconut Flan said:

Car seat laws are state by state in the US.  The state where I live passed a law making rear facing mandatory until age 2.  It takes effect in 2017 it seems. 

One of the posters defending her stated that Florida has a cutoff of one year or 20 lbs. So it's totes cool and y'all stop being haters! 

[Emkay]

Car seat issues are something I will choose to be horribly picky about due to the risk of something terrribly serious happening. I'm the annoying one in my family because I threw a (private- this person still doesn't know this is an issue for me) hissy fit when a relative put the TWO year old older sibling in a BOOSTER seat (not a high-backed, just the kind that allows a child to be a little taller just to help the seat belt fit better) in order to fit newborn twins' car seats in the family sedan. For some reason, no one else saw that as an issue?!  And the funny thing is, the solution for every one else I speak to about this is to offer to buy a car seat. Why is it MY responsibility to safely and legally restrain someone else's children? Part of the reason I don't have kids is that I know I can't afford them! 

[EyeQueue]

Would anyone mind throwing up some links where I can see Erin banging the shit out of the piano like it owes her money? I've tried to search and looked in YouTube, but can't find anything that gives the true horror that I've seen discussed in a couple of threads (most recently, the Duggers "Counting On" thread).

Thanks!

[Fundie Bunny]

2 hours ago, EyeQueue said:

Would anyone mind throwing up some links where I can see Erin banging the shit out of the piano like it owes her money? I've tried to search and looked in YouTube, but can't find anything that gives the true horror that I've seen discussed in a couple of threads (most recently, the Duggers "Counting On" thread).

Thanks!

Look at Jill and Jessa's weddings. She actually looked like she was angry at someone

[BeccaGrim]

16 hours ago, EyeQueue said:

Same. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and if you take reasonable precautions, it should be OK. I would sometimes leave my daughter in the car when she was a toddler just to run in a convenience store really quickly. I would park where I could see her and could literally run out there in like less than 20 seconds.

We were also all about the safety issues. My daughter rode rear-facing longer than necessary, and she was also in a booster longer than most kids. We went by the NHTSB (??) suggestions, which were based on height, so she was in her booster until, seriously, almost 4th grade. She got embarrassed a lot, but that's what was recommended for the most safety (instead of just going by age/weight).

Look we've all done things we're not proud of. No one is perfect (now I sound like the Duggars "We never said we were perfect.") But I hope that most of us are smart enough not to document our whoopsies on Instagram for the whole world to comment on. 

[just...sare]

15 hours ago, faraway said:

Regarding Whitney: I definitely believe she wanted a big happy family after her own experiences. I find her instagram posts often somewhat scary. She tends to write about being undeserving and having messed up in the past. She is 22 years old and about to be a mom of two. She is still a baby learning about life. Especially with her situation, having lived away from her biological parents, it takes time to process everything that has happened. It seems like she is blaming herself and can't believe how lucky she is for being loved. 

There was one instagram post a while ago, which was really along the lines of not being deserving and Zach loving her despite. It gave me goosebumps. I can't find it anymore, maybe it was deleted.

 

That reminds me of a video Ben Seewald posted of an interview with Jinger Duggar. She's talking about her sin and the ways she's gone wrong in her life. She's had an accountabilibuddy for the entirety of her adolescent and adult life. How can she possibly have put even a toe out of line? I HATE that their cult teaches them that every stray thought they've ever had about wanting a better life for themselves is branded as a sin!

[O Latin]

I think I said in another thread where carseats were being discussed that I think there are a lot of well meaning parents who just don't know they're doing anything wrong (not that that's necessarily the case with Alyssa, though). I know a woman who is a carseat safety specialist or something like that and it seems like the guidelines and recommendations change frequently. I can see that being hard to keep up with if I had kids. Especially if I was getting advice from a mother or older sister who might have outdated information. 

I remember hearing somewhere about a carseat that can be used up to 120 pounds, which struck me as odd because plenty of adult women don't even weigh 120 pounds. Are they supposed to still be using carseats?