Bro Gary Hawkins 21: Let's PRIASE the Lord

[Alisamer]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

That's got to be an eighties style hard rock band. The singer is driving a convertible and his long curly hair flies in the wind. Tadadadada, the drums, and the chorus: I have been BLOOD WASHED,BORN AGAIN , SPIRIT FILLED,And I Am, HEAVEN BOUND with the HAMMER DOWN.IAm Not Going To HELL!!!!

My brain filled in Vince Neil for that image, flying down Hollywood Blvd at night. 

34 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

  

Is he a Ron Wyatt believer, or some other Ark-loving type?

Giant Neolithic Chickpeas is a wonderful phrase, and I must find a way to work it into a conversation. I think, last time we discussed them, we also thought it was, as such phrases often are, a wonderful band name.

Did Noah use them to make Tremendous Vats of Hummus (another potential band name), or just feed them whole?

Also, if there were such things, did they make their way into other ancient mythologies?

  Hide contents

 

I'm really not sure, it's been a while (thank goodness) since I've had to print that drivel and I can't remember the dude's name. But that would be an awesome band name, wouldn't it? Maybe playing old-style middle eastern comedy usion music? Along the lines of the Brobdingnagian Bards!

I hope he made hummus.

I enjoy a chance to mention that stuff again, because it makes me giggle every single time. Giant Neolithic Chickpeas.

[postscript]

23 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

My brain filled in Vince Neil for that image, flying down Hollywood Blvd at night. 

I'm really not sure, it's been a while (thank goodness) since I've had to print that drivel and I can't remember the dude's name. But that would be an awesome band name, wouldn't it? Maybe playing old-style middle eastern comedy usion music? Along the lines of the Brobdingnagian Bards!

I hope he made hummus.

I enjoy a chance to mention that stuff again, because it makes me giggle every single time. Giant Neolithic Chickpeas.

I immediately went to Sammy Hagar singing “I Can’t Drive 55,” but most 80s hair metal bands would work. Jill Rod could writhe on the hood for the video. 

Perhaps the Giant Neolithic Chickpeas could cut the track? That sounds like a hair metal band to me. 

[thoughtful]

Fill free!

Gary is advertising/begging for FIG, David (son of Jack) Hyles' camp in we-won't-tell-you-where, GA, for preachers who were caught being naughty, where Gary, Becky and Jacob once went to donkey-sit:

Spoiler

https://www.facebook.com/groups/500556016625358/

Gary, idiot that he is, linked to the private Facebook group. Here is the open Facebook page, if anyone wants to give it a look:

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100068431953368

Edited February 17, 2023 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Gary will tell you have not to be deceived:

I assume "have" was supposed to be "how."

 

[thoughtful]

Doug needs to lay off the caffeine:

[thoughtful]

Gary is looking for more attention. I assume Becky typed this, or checked his spelling.

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Comments so far include (notice there's one from Mike Keller edited because it's a different Mike Keller) - mucis and sodimutes abound:

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Later:

Whew!

Also:

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ETA: so, it's not that Mike Keller, but he's just as much of a rigid fundie patriarch:

 

 

Edited February 19, 2023 by thoughtful
fixing formatting, correcting my mistaken impression that the Mike Keller who posted was the Rod/Duggar-connected one

[SisterCupcake]

Gary’s just mad he wasn’t invited to preach…

[mango_fandango]

Which is worse for these types of fundies: people who are atheists, those who are Jewish/Muslim/Hindu/etc, or Christians who aren’t fundie like them? Or are they all regarded the same i.e. godless heathens?

[Xan]

Gary is still pissed off about the revival.

Mostly, he seems pissed off because he thinks revival should be between a person and God -- and Gary!  If you don't have a KJB believing preacher yelling at you and getting you to understand that you'll go to hell, you won't get into heaven.  Also, those other people at the big revival are having entirely too much fun.  Gary is against fun.  He's against music and dancing and big gatherings of young people where (gasp!) women might be allowed to speak.  How will he ever keep his feelings of superiority if women are equal to him?  

I'm not sure why people are even arguing with him on Facebook.  They never get through.  Any one of them would be better off just standing and arguing with a brick wall.

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, SisterCupcake said:

Gary’s just mad he wasn’t invited to preach…

If he's jealous of anything, it would be that these people are having more success and fame than he is, and probably raking in contributions. He'd be horrified to actually be invited to preach where there are women preachers, "sodimutes," no KJV, and worldly-sounding "mucis" with the beat and the bop and the bam.

54 minutes ago, Xan said:

I'm not sure why people are even arguing with him on Facebook.  They never get through.  Any one of them would be better off just standing and arguing with a brick wall.

I love the fact that the guy who was having that argument with him in the comments from the last post decided he was "a troll unbeliever." It seems that Gary's answers were so stupid, short and incoherent, the man couldn't believe he was for real.

[thoughtful]

9 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Which is worse for these types of fundies: people who are atheists, those who are Jewish/Muslim/Hindu/etc, or Christians who aren’t fundie like them? Or are they all regarded the same i.e. godless heathens?

It's an interesting question. I would guess that tiers exist in all of their minds, whether they are conscious of it or not. But it's really hard to tell sometimes.

Jill and Gary seem to feel their only responsibility to people who aren't IFB/KJV-only fundies is to give them a tract and talk to them, once, about Jesus. That way, they don't have our blood on their hands when they get to heaven. All done!

Spoiler

Gary will sometimes say something about the town drunk and harlot just doing what they're supposed to do, like it's a part in a play, like these archetypes only exist to be bad examples, a contrast against which True Christians™️ can compare themselves. I'm not sure if that means he's given up on them, is disgusted by them, or finds them kinda handy!

Then they can dig in to their fellow FB/KJV-only fundies for dressing wrong, considering the original languages of the bible, ungodly music, skipping church, etc.

Gary answered a comment under the latest post (this guy asked Gary what "IBF" was after the previous post. Think that's his real name?):

 

Edited February 19, 2023 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

Lewis and Gary continue to kiss one another's KJVs and work one another up with conspiracies:

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The first version of Jerry's comment looked like he was challenging the KJV-only people, but then he added the BTW, about pretending, then went back to asking about non-English speaking people.

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ETA the next comment, from someone who seemed quite serious in his other comments, so

 

 

Gary, it sounds like you think people can miraculously read Elizabethan English from the moment they are saved! There's a miracle I've never heard of.

More arguments:

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Bonanza comes up, but not I Love Lucy:

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Edited February 19, 2023 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

Stop the presses! We finally have an explanation of how they know for sure that the KJV came directly from God:

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You heard it here first, folks - God knew English would be the lingua franca of our day - that's why He inspired the men who worked for King James.

This ties in with the crap that William Grady preaches and writes about, not to mention lots of other racists - that whole "white europeans were destined to lead the world" routine.

Gary's still starting new posts - he sure is hungry for attention:

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[Bluebirdbluebell]

What will they do when French becomes the lingua franca of the day?

[Xan]

7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary, it sounds like you think people can miraculously read Elizabethan English from the moment they are saved! There's a miracle I've never heard of.

Since Gary has so much trouble reading the KJV of the Bible, maybe we should wonder if he's really saved or not.  Surely he'd have better pronunciation if God had saved his soul, right?  After all, if you're saved you can understand it.  Out of all Gary's twisted convolutions regarding Christianity, this might be the most bizarre.

I guess he doesn't have much to use.  They've got "skirts only for women", "women can't preach", "there is no such thing as homosexuality", and the KJV is the only book they can use.  There are the little side notes like "modern music is evil" but, by and large, it's about the KJV Bible and controlling women.  Sad little religion there, Gar.  I can't wait until it fades away into nothing.

[thoughtful]

15 minutes ago, Xan said:

Since Gary has so much trouble reading the KJV of the Bible, maybe we should wonder if he's really saved or not.  Surely he'd have better pronunciation if God had saved his soul, right?  After all, if you're saved you can understand it. 

I think you're on to something there, @Xan ! Hey, Gary, are you sure that you're sure . . . wait, let me start again - Gary, art thou certain that thou art certain that thou art certain that thou art saved?

[thoughtful]

Gary, never mind what you don't won't to be. You're a never-was.

If y'all ca. Please helo.

Spoiler

 

Edited February 20, 2023 by thoughtful

[Alisamer]

On 2/19/2023 at 9:47 AM, Xan said:

Gary is still pissed off about the revival.

Mostly, he seems pissed off because he thinks revival should be between a person and God -- and Gary!  If you don't have a KJB believing preacher yelling at you and getting you to understand that you'll go to hell, you won't get into heaven.  Also, those other people at the big revival are having entirely too much fun.  Gary is against fun.  He's against music and dancing and big gatherings of young people where (gasp!) women might be allowed to speak.  How will he ever keep his feelings of superiority if women are equal to him?  

I'm not sure why people are even arguing with him on Facebook.  They never get through.  Any one of them would be better off just standing and arguing with a brick wall.

It's pretty funny that Gary is against a revival - when 90% of the time traveling preachers like him are only invited to churches for... a revival.

Without the concept of revival as a group church event in addition to the usual church schedule, to which you are encouraged to invite friends, neighbors, and anyone else you know, Gary would have a heck of a harder time with his grifting.

[FeministShrew]

@Alisamer Gary's against any revival that doesn't involve him, lol! These fundie travelling "evangelists" are such vain, petty, jealous little divas. 

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, Alisamer said:

It's pretty funny that Gary is against a revival - when 90% of the time traveling preachers like him are only invited to churches for... a revival.

Without the concept of revival as a group church event in addition to the usual church schedule, to which you are encouraged to invite friends, neighbors, and anyone else you know, Gary would have a heck of a harder time with his grifting.

 

3 hours ago, FeministShrew said:

@Alisamer Gary's against any revival that doesn't involve him, lol! These fundie travelling "evangelists" are such vain, petty, jealous little divas. 

One of Gary's standard routines, in his messages, is to say that he doesn't think the US or the world can have revival any more, but that, if I remember his wording correctly, "we can see little sparks here and there."

I think his suspicion of (and need to be pissy about) modern music, non-KJV bibles, female preachers, "smokestacks" and all the other trappings and beliefs of megachurches and the sort of revival going on in Asbury, far outweighs his envy. So, to him, the disapproval is logical.

I do suspect he has some mixed feelings - disapproval of the big revivals, but envy of the fame and money. Or he may even be afraid of renown that broad - I think Gary would not want to be the focus of national news reports or fame at that level. As little self-awareness as he has, I think he knows that a spotlight that big would make him look bad, and defending himself would involve a lot more work than he wants to put in.

I think he'd rather be a medium-sized fish in his tiny pond (where the tadpoles know his social security number), taking potshots on Facebook.

ETA - he's also often said that he would never want to preach to a large crowd. I think he has the life he wants - preaching to small groups who agree with him, then disappearing like the Lone Ranger, to avoid any prolonged contact with people or responsibility.

Edited February 20, 2023 by thoughtful

[AmazonGrace]

Well it sure sounds like these are the things you need for salvation:

1. nothing but the blood of Jesus Christ our saviour

2. the ability to speak and read 17th century English

If revival is not a group thing, why do you need the KJV church then?

[thoughtful]

6 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Well it sure sounds like these are the things you need for salvation:

1. nothing but the blood of Jesus Christ our saviour

2. the ability to speak and read 17th century English

If revival is not a group thing, why do you need the KJV church then?

Logical, ain't it?

The vile, racist, and thoroughly bizarre William Grady has commented on Gary's search for the lady who wants a church in Newburgh, NY:

Spoiler

 

I decided to take a look at his Facebook page (why do I do these things?).

He had a tragedy in his life less than two months ago - his son died in an automobile accident at the end of December.

I would like to be sympathetic. If there is anyone decent in Grady's family, I feel for them. But he sure makes it hard to sympathize for him.

On January 6, he used this event as a reason to post an 11-minute sermon on "Three mistakes Christians can make when grieving." I haven't watched it yet, and I really do try not to judge how other people grieve, but . . . man.

On Jan. 12, he used the news about the 6-year-old who shot his teacher to post "Perilous times..." (II Timothy 3:1)." I guess it's just a sign of the end times to him, and has nothing to do with easy access to those wonderful things called guns. 😡

By January 14, and since then, he has  been back to his usual - posting nasty things he thinks are funny or insightful, about Hillary Clinton, the Bidens (with some self-promotion for one of his books), Italian people, and Black preachers:

  

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He's mocked the Asbury revival (I may dive into the comments there at some point - he is generally mean and mocking to anyone who disagrees with him - no surprise there), and posted something I think he believes ties the earthquake in Turkey to the end days.

If anyone else wants to go down this rabbit hole, I recommend a hazmat suit for yourself, and some for the ferrets, as well.

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https://www.facebook.com/william.grady.7355?comment_id=Y29tbWVudDo2MzExODI2ODI4ODYyMDk4XzQ0MDM5NjczNDkwNjE2OA%3D%3D

 

[Zebedee]

OK folks, apropos of nothing recent here, I have finally started with the Bro Gary threads - half way through the fifth one right now. I was bored... Please tell me that the pity I feel (tempered with a lot of disgust, obviously) will be snuffed out soon. He's obviously awful, but I am still feeling a bit sorry for him. Of course, a lot of that could be because I have literally no idea what he is on about...

So, he's just about to hold a Paparazzi party (as far as I have read) and seems to be a sucker for any and all MLMs. And - while I am pissing myself laughing - please tell me he gets out of MLM scamniverse? I hate those MLM fuckers with every fibre of my being, he's just the dimwit poor target for them to fleece him for every non-existent cent he owns, I'm enraged that he doesn't just get a fucking job, but also, I'm feeling really bad for him. But, like, the sense of entitlement - but also he was home"schooled" and set up to fail - but then - argh! I mean, mums in trousers mean that kids think their mums are their dads? WTF!? It's all comedy gold, but also absolutely tragic. I'm not sure there's enough beer in Germany for this...

[thoughtful]

@Zebedee, welcome to the weird world of Bro Gary. I think he, and the churches he visits, provide some insight into the mindset of some of the IFB crowd. Keep posting!

Gary and Becky got out of Paparazzi. They also sold some sort of toothpaste and at one point Becky sold Plexus, but I think those were short-lived involvements. I don't remember the order in which all of this happened.

Becky sells Tupperware, and has for years at this point. As those companies go, at least it's not a fad (founded in 1946) - I don't really know how predatory and MLMish it is.

Gary actually wasn't homeschooled - he went to a Christian school, and may have gone to public school before that. He talks about having to get up in the morning to go to school, and about cutting class to get out of making presentations because he hated public speaking 🙄 I don't think we know if he ever graduated from high school. He says he took some courses at a bible college.

Yes, he's not bright, he's a sucker, and he was a victim of his shitty upbringing - Daddy is a self-styled preacher who is as idiotic and vile as his son, and Gary proudly celebrates the fact that his parents beat him.

Sometimes I feel like criticizing him is like shooting fish in a barrel. And then he'll say or do something disgusting and vile and bigoted, and I find I can live with my guilt.

While I'm here - there is a new comment under one of Gary's posts about revival, that is . . . well, take a look:

Spoiler

Calm down, dude.

Edited February 21, 2023 by thoughtful
riffle

[Zebedee]

Thanks @thoughtful -yes, they've done the Plexus and toothpaste already, so I've just reached the paparazzi. I read that Tupperware is moving into proper stores, so Becky might be out of luck soon! Well, unless Target is hiring Tupperware sellers, but I don't think Gary and Becky are "job type people".

13 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Yes, he's not bright, he's a sucker, and he was a victim of his shitty upbringing - Daddy is a self-styled preacher who is as idiotic and vile as his son, and Gary proudly celebrates the fact that his parents beat him.

Sometimes I feel like criticizing him is like shooting fish in a barrel. And then he'll say or do something disgusting and vile and bigoted, and I find I can live with my guilt.

It's awful really, even with JRod I find myself questioning myself about whether it is worth mocking the low hanging fruit. (I do, obviously!) Bro Gary, like the Bates, Duggars, etc is completely ignorant, but also seems so absolutely stupid that, unlike (some of) them, he doesn't have a hope in hell of ever being a better person. Not that being uneducated and a bit dim means you are hateful, at all (more the astonishing confidence...); but to be an adult proudly celebrating how your parents beat you, well, they've done a number on him too. Like I guess all the fundy parents have to their kids, it's like seeing the Anderson, Bates etc kids in 20-30 years time, minus the social media awareness. Less "cute" or "influencer babe" or whatever, more the subject of a Louis Theroux documentary. 

And, 

 

20 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

a new comment under one of Gary's posts about revival, that is . . . well, take a look

dear god, what was that quote about England and America being two countries separated by a common language?! It needs rejigging to something about two USAs separated by a common language. Bro Gary and pals, and everyone else. How? Just how? Torchard, FFS.