Bro Gary Hawkins 21: Let's PRIASE the Lord

[thoughtful]

21 minutes ago, Zebedee said:

It's awful really, even with JRod I find myself questioning myself about whether it is worth mocking the low hanging fruit. (I do, obviously!) Bro Gary, like the Bates, Duggars, etc is completely ignorant, but also seems so absolutely stupid that, unlike (some of) them, he doesn't have a hope in hell of ever being a better person. Not that being uneducated and a bit dim means you are hateful, at all (more the astonishing confidence...); but to be an adult proudly celebrating how your parents beat you, well, they've done a number on him too. Like I guess all the fundy parents have to their kids, it's like seeing the Anderson, Bates etc kids in 20-30 years time, minus the social media awareness. Less "cute" or "influencer babe" or whatever, more the subject of a Louis Theroux documentary. 

He is a glimpse of their future, for sure. Arrogant, angry, and unwilling to learn.

Gary and the churches he visits are also an insight into an older tradition, unlike some of the fundies we discuss. They really think they represent "old time religion," and, unlike some of the others, they aren't rebelling against mainstream parents or withdrawing from "the world" after having been in it (like Steve Maxwell or Lori Alexander).

They are several generations into their rigid prejudices and "us against the world" mindset. They have stories of ancestors from way back who were True Christians™️, and others who strayed from the path and were lost to "the world," or (horrors!) other kinds of Christianity.

When they rail against them newfangled churches, they think they have a leg to stand on, dagnabbit! 😁

 

 

Edited February 21, 2023 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

Gary is in another argument, under one of his days-old posts. After an amen, which Gary upvoted,  Ron posted a very long screed disagreeing with Gary and calling people out for arguing over details, (which I will spare you, but will tell you that he thinks Timothy was Paul's son). Then he posted again, and Gary answered:

Spoiler

 

I don't know why these folks argue over minutiae - clearly they all belong to the same faith - The Church of Random and Unnecessary Capitalization.

Edited February 21, 2023 by thoughtful
Murphy's Law - as soon as I hit submit, Ron's next comments popped up!

[Dana723]

On 2/19/2023 at 11:10 PM, Xan said:

Since Gary has so much trouble reading the KJV of the Bible, maybe we should wonder if he's really saved or not.  Surely he'd have better pronunciation if God had saved his soul, right?  After all, if you're saved you can understand it.  Out of all Gary's twisted convolutions regarding Christianity, this might be the most bizarre.

I guess he doesn't have much to use.  They've got "skirts only for women", "women can't preach", "there is no such thing as homosexuality", and the KJV is the only book they can use.  There are the little side notes like "modern music is evil" but, by and large, it's about the KJV Bible and controlling women.  Sad little religion there, Gar.  I can't wait until it fades away into nothing.

Heck, Gary would have trouble understanding The Cat in the Hat.  I have long theorized and others have also that a lot of people love the KJV because the language is so archaic that they can twist and turn any verse to mean anything that they want. 

[thoughtful]

3 minutes ago, Dana723 said:

I have long theorized and others have also that a lot of people love the KJV because the language is so archaic that they can twist and turn any verse to mean anything that they want.

And, in many cases, and Gary is one, they don't even know what most of the words mean.

Randall gives it the old bible college try, and Gary is having none of it:

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[thoughtful]

Gary answered another of Randall's comments, incoherently.

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Think he meant "keeping" rather than "kicking?" In any case, I'm now picturing Gary kicking his towel-wrapped bible down the street.

Or maybe, since he, as usual, left off the apostrophe and s for the possessive, kicking it "godward," up into the sky!

 

[Cults-r-us]

On 2/15/2023 at 7:29 PM, Xan said:

Gary put up a new post and look who commented!  The Hawkins world and the Rodrigues world have collided again.  It probably a sign of the Rapture or something...

Jill and Dave -- when one amen just isn't enough!

Jill, Dave and Bro Gary and Becky could double date. But probably a church potluck would be better because who would pay for dinner?

[thoughtful]

Jerry has a mystery on his hands:

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Jerry didn't share the part of the conversation that seems like Gary is supporting Catholic doctrine, so I can't tell exactly what he's talking about.

I don't know what Gary originally said to make Jerry think he is OK with Ash Wednesday and lent, but I know Gary believes in demons, which Jerry seems to think is a Catholic thing. And I'm thinking that Gary's "I do" may have been because he thinks "condone" means "condemn" (cue Mandy Patinkin), if he wasn't answering the yo-yo question.

As ever, Gary is probably being too incoherent to be understood.

[thoughtful]

He knew there was a y, he just didn't know where. And he's as incoherent as ever.

That history for you.

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[Xan]

All I can figure with that last post is that he's still trying to prop up the KJV as God's official word.  I don't think I've ever heard of any of the translators for that version of the Bible being martyred for it or even shedding blood.  Was there a rash of paper cuts?  I know there were martyrs who helped write passages but those were before the KJV.  Well, as Gary said, that history for you.

[postscript]

Whenever he says "I got a thought," I can just imagine that poor little lonely thought rattling around in his giant, empty cranium.  

I initially read "myrter" as "murder."  I've been reading too many mysteries lately. 

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, postscript said:

Whenever he says "I got a thought," I can just imagine that poor little lonely thought rattling around in his giant, empty cranium. 

Spoiler

Poor little thought  . . .

 

 

Two comments under his latest post:

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[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, Xan said:

All I can figure with that last post is that he's still trying to prop up the KJV as God's official word.  I don't think I've ever heard of any of the translators for that version of the Bible being martyred for it or even shedding blood.  Was there a rash of paper cuts?  I know there were martyrs who helped write passages but those were before the KJV. 

Maybe he is confusing the story of William Tyndale with the KJV guys. What's 80-90 years to Gary? In his mind, it all happened "decades ago - that history! It BIBLE!"

[Ozlsn]

On 2/18/2023 at 3:34 AM, Alisamer said:

which gave me one of my favorite phrases of all time. Giant Neolithic Chickpeas. 

Still one of my favourite stories ever.

On 2/20/2023 at 12:45 PM, Bluebirdbluebell said:

What will they do when French becomes the lingua franca of the day?

Wasn't French the language of diplomacy around then? 

7 hours ago, postscript said:

I initially read "myrter" as "murder."  I've been reading too many mysteries lately. 

I read that in Taggart's accent. It definitely counts as grievous bodily harm to the English language at the very least.

[thoughtful]

Some recent comments under Gary's older posts about revival (ye,s those arguments are still going on):

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Spoiler

Still no answer for Jerry who wonders why Gary sounds Catholic.

[Alisamer]

13 hours ago, postscript said:

Whenever he says "I got a thought," I can just imagine that poor little lonely thought rattling around in his giant, empty cranium.  

I initially read "myrter" as "murder."  I've been reading too many mysteries lately. 

He's murdering the English language, for sure. 

33 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Some recent comments under Gary's older posts about revival (ye,s those arguments are still going on):

  Hide contents

 

  Hide contents

Still no answer for Jerry who wonders why Gary sounds Catholic.

It pains me that people this stupid and uneducated not only exist, but think they know enough to be telling others what they should do. 

I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent and decently educated in most subjects (just don't ask me to math) and sometimes I am able to translate Gary, due to being from the same state and speaking to people with similar accents and such. But I have no idea whatsoever what the heck Bobby James here was trying to say. "If men will not step up then the rocks will women before rocks?" 

[Ozlsn]

5 hours ago, Alisamer said:

But I have no idea whatsoever what the heck Bobby James here was trying to say. "If men will not step up then the rocks will women before rocks?" 

I'm going through autocorrect options and... I got nothing. Wonder? Worry? Wander? It has to be a verb he's after (women is not a verb Bobby James, pay attention) and it feels like something he's mangled into an autocorrect fail. Rocks could also be meant to be something else - I initially thought he might be torturing Luke 19:39-41 ("if you keep quiet then the stones themselves will cry out") but that doesn't seem to quite fit either.

Best guess is he's trying to say that if men don't step up to preach mangled gibberish then competent and literate women might actually convert people by preaching intelligibly and proving half these dimwits have rocks in their heads.

[AmazonGrace]

He posted this so maybe he meant to disagree with Gary's -bad-revival-women-and-sodomites-teaching post?

Spoiler

If men don't step up rocks will worship me, and why can't women worship before rocks?

IDK autocorrect is not their friend

 

[thoughtful]

50 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

I initially thought he might be torturing Luke 19:39-41 ("if you keep quiet then the stones themselves will cry out") but that doesn't seem to quite fit either.

Actually, I think you've got it! I tried doing a bible quote search about rocks - didn't think to try "stones."

I think he's saying that, if men don't speak up (lead, preach, rejoice, whatever), then, as Jesus said, the very stones will. And I think he's adding that the women feel they have to jump in and try, before the rocks.

Maybe he meant something like:

Can you show what you  are talking about? And, if men will not step up, then, as Jesus said, even the rocks will. Women are alive and have minds; they will step in before rocks will. So men need to stand up or shut up. There are enough wet blankets around.

[thoughtful]

Someone commented recommending meditation. He spells it correctly later in the post, so this was probably just a typo, but it brings up a great mental image, of lawyers negotiating an agreement between God and humans:

@AmazonGrace, we must have posted at about the same time - GMTA. Yes, Bobby is challenging Gary, not agreeing with him. He's just every bit as incoherent.

[Ozlsn]

19 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

it brings up a great mental image, of lawyers negotiating an agreement between God and humans:

Someone definitely needs to write this, I would totally read it! 

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Someone definitely needs to write this, I would totally read it! 

Well, if you'll accept drama as a format, rather than prose, I'll give it a shot.

God's lawyer (hereinafter known as GL): Your client signed the contract knowing full well what the penalties were.
God/Jesus/Holy Spirit (hereinafter known as TPOTFFRFP, which stands for The Party of the First, First, Really First Part): I AM THAT I AM!
GL (sotto voce, aside to TPOTFFRFP ) : Ow, my ears. Relax and let me handle this. Stop setting the potted plants on fire. And no, we're not taking off our shoes.
Humanity's lawyer (hereinafter known as HL ) : Contract? There was no contract. God doesn't do that - that's Lucifer's schtick.
Humans (hereinafter known as Humans): We never signed anything.
TPOTFFRFP: IT WAS WRITTEN ON YOUR HEART!
HL: I don't think Romans 2:15 applies here. Written on a heart doesn't hold up in civil court - it's not even a verbal contract. And how could we read it? Let's see if we can come to an agreement that will avoid plunging all of these people into that lake of fire.
GL: How about just some purgatory? Is that acceptable to all parties?
Humans: Not really. Look, God, when we first met you, you didn't even have this whole Hell thing, not to mention the two other guys that are always with you now, that you claim are also you.
HL: I think that's a valid point.
GL: What do you think, God?
TPOTFFRFP : THE INVISIBLE THINGS WERE MADE KNOWN TO THEM!
HL: Romans 1:20 also doesn't hold water - or fire, for that matter.
TPOTFFRFP: AND I WILL KILL HER CHILDREN WITH DEATH!
(HL, GL and Humans back out of the room, slowly.)

Edited February 25, 2023 by thoughtful
riffle

[Xan]

Gary found a billboard that cheered him up.

[missy1228]

On 2/24/2023 at 8:39 PM, thoughtful said:

Well, if you'll accept drama as a format, rather than prose, I'll give it a shot.

God's lawyer (hereinafter known as GL): Your client signed the contract knowing full well what the penalties were.
God/Jesus/Holy Spirit (hereinafter known as TPOTFFRFP, which stands for The Party of the First, First, Really First Part): I AM THAT I AM!
GL (sotto voce, aside to TPOTFFRFP ) : Ow, my ears. Relax and let me handle this. Stop setting the potted plants on fire. And no, we're not taking off our shoes.
Humanity's lawyer (hereinafter known as HL ) : Contract? There was no contract. God doesn't do that - that's Lucifer's schtick.
Humans (hereinafter known as Humans): We never signed anything.
TPOTFFRFP: IT WAS WRITTEN ON YOUR HEART!
HL: I don't think Romans 2:15 applies here. Written on a heart doesn't hold up in civil court - it's not even a verbal contract. And how could we read it? Let's see if we can come to an agreement that will avoid plunging all of these people into that lake of fire.
GL: How about just some purgatory? Is that acceptable to all parties?
Humans: Not really. Look, God, when we first met you, you didn't even have this whole Hell thing, not to mention the two other guys that are always with you now, that you claim are also you.
HL: I think that's a valid point.
GL: What do you think, God?
TPOTFFRFP : THE INVISIBLE THINGS WERE MADE KNOWN TO THEM!
HL: Romans 1:20 also doesn't hold water - or fire, for that matter.
TPOTFFRFP: AND I WILL KILL HER CHILDREN WITH DEATH!
(HL, GL and Humans back out of the room, slowly.)

My lawyer self loves this deep deep down in my soul!

[AmazonGrace]

49 minutes ago, Xan said:

Gary found a billboard that cheered him up.

But, but, I thought the official story is that the dead will rise again.

[thoughtful]

5 hours ago, missy1228 said:

My lawyer self loves this deep deep down in my soul!

Thank you! My legal knowledge and grasp of terms is close to non-existent, so I'm glad I got some of it to sound genuine.

Sadly, since I was picturing a mediation session, rather than a trial or hearing, I didn't get to add my favorite legal cliche, which is someone barking out "Incompetent, irrelevant and immaterial," as Perry Mason and Hamilton Burger always did.

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