Prophets of Trump: Religious Grifters Preying on Trumpers

[Audrey2]

7 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:

 

Or you could have gotten vaccinated. Just saying...

[Cartmann99]

 

[Cartmann99]

I'm sure that all of you will be donating to Locke.

Spoiler

 

[smittykins]

Thoughts and prayers.

[church_of_dog]

[Cartmann99]

This clip is from her show on the media company she started after getting fired from TruNews.

Spoiler

Her website where you can watch her new show.

[Cartmann99]

His message is awful, but the auto-generated captions are funny:

Spoiler

"How many know Yahshua cannot return until Elijah comes?"

Spoiler

"Send Elijah to test the people before I return,"

Spoiler

"Satan said that"

[fraurosena]

It never ceases to surprise me how they all know what their god and satan are saying. They warn about dire consequences for the unfaithful. Yet when a tornado wreaks havoc on their church, they fail to see that this could actually be the wrath of god...

[onekidanddone]

On 12/15/2021 at 12:15 AM, Cartmann99 said:

This clip is from her show on the media company she started after getting fired from TruNews.

  Reveal hidden contents

Her website where you can watch her new show.

By man’s modification does she mean climate change?

 

[Cartmann99]

 

[Cartmann99]

 @AlmostSavedAtTacoBell, your favorites are back!

 

[AlmostSavedAtTacoBell]

1 hour ago, Cartmann99 said:

 @AlmostSavedAtTacoBell, your favorites are back!

 

Wait a minute. Wait just one too many Rod kids squeezed into one seatbelt minute!! I mention Other Derek and the Gargoyles on Melonhead Mikey’s thread and then Real Derek and Sex Demon Repeller Sharon suddenly appear on Jim Bakker again?? AND they’re talking about Kronos and Saturn and buildings that are Temples of Doom such batshittery that even Jim Bakker is all, “Hol’ up, there, ya nutters. Yer losing my suckers. Link it to Jesus, stat, before Irma in Idaho stops donating”?? Did I mention Derek’s name too many times and, like a triple Beelzebub, conjure them up? Somebody hold me. 

[Cartmann99]

I miss the days when Jimmy would eat out of a doom bucket and pretend it was good.

Spoiler

 

[AlmostSavedAtTacoBell]

3 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:

I miss the days when Jimmy would eat out of a doom bucket and pretend it was good.

  Hide contents

 

I confess I have not followed Jim Bakker so Doom Buckets bring a whole new area of questions. Is each bucket a different flavor? I see chocolate cake, burgers, and bananas on labels behind him. So for example is the burger bucket just a whole bucket of burger flavored mush or is it bags of dehydrated burgers? Once opened how long does someone in a Doom Cave have to finish off a bucket before it goes bad (or is it just indefinitely still okay to eat?) Is it ready to eat or does it require liquid? If liquid is required, will booze work? I see the bundle is 29 buckets- do you get to choose your buckets or is the bundle chosen by God? Do the buckets follow the Biblical dietary rules or do they go full heathen (and approve of eating Doom Buckets while wearing mixed fabrics and using a genuine pigskin football to play a fun game of touch football while waiting for Jesus)? I have so many questions!!!!  
 

Wait- one really important one. Hypothetically if someone eats from a Bucket of Doom, mayhaps one experience visions? For example, visions of an alien with gargoyles wearing one’s husband’s face as a mask to try to get one to use free will to do sexy times? 

[Cartmann99]

39 minutes ago, AlmostSavedAtTacoBell said:

I confess I have not followed Jim Bakker so Doom Buckets bring a whole new area of questions.

You may be interested in this thread.

1 hour ago, AlmostSavedAtTacoBell said:

Is each bucket a different flavor? I see chocolate cake, burgers, and bananas on labels behind him.

Here's an article from Vice about a man who ordered Jimmy's Fiesta Bucket. He lasted five days before giving up:

Quote

The breakfast tacos, nachos, enchiladas, and other Mexican dishes I prepared from the pail’s powdered and freeze-dried ingredient baggies were flavorless at best and vile at worst. While the bucket boasted a 30-year shelf life for the 196 servings of foodstuffs inside, it didn’t take too many test meals before I’d resolved myself to an existence of scavenging and cannibalism in the event of a real apocalypse.

 

1 hour ago, AlmostSavedAtTacoBell said:

So for example is the burger bucket just a whole bucket of burger flavored mush or is it bags of dehydrated burgers?

I'm guessing you've got separate packages for the buns and the freeze-fried mystery "meat" that you mix with water, shape, and cook over a fire made of banned books.

1 hour ago, AlmostSavedAtTacoBell said:

Once opened how long does someone in a Doom Cave have to finish off a bucket before it goes bad (or is it just indefinitely still okay to eat?)

Make your "blessings" eat what's left when it starts getting questionable.

1 hour ago, AlmostSavedAtTacoBell said:

Is it ready to eat or does it require liquid? If liquid is required, will booze work?

Booze always works, just be careful when cooking over an open flame. People tend to stare when you've burned off all your eyebrows while whipping up a batch of Doom Bucket vittles.

1 hour ago, AlmostSavedAtTacoBell said:

I see the bundle is 29 buckets- do you get to choose your buckets or is the bundle chosen by God?

I think it depends on how generous your "love offering" is to Jimmy's so-called ministry.

1 hour ago, AlmostSavedAtTacoBell said:

Do the buckets follow the Biblical dietary rules or do they go full heathen (and approve of eating Doom Buckets while wearing mixed fabrics and using a genuine pigskin football to play a fun game of touch football while waiting for Jesus)?

There's probably some not-quite-bacon-but-maybe-if-you-drink-enough topping for your burgers. Jimmy doesn't currently have any footballs or clothes for sale, so whatever your headship says to do on that front is fine.

44 minutes ago, AlmostSavedAtTacoBell said:

Wait- one really important one. Hypothetically if someone eats from a Bucket of Doom, mayhaps one experience visions? For example, visions of an alien with gargoyles wearing one’s husband’s face as a mask to try to get one to use free will to do sexy times? 

Interesting! You know how some people believe that the root cause of the Salem Witch Trials was ergot poisoning? What if Jimmy time traveled to 17th Century Salem in a DeLorean with some of his buckets?

[AlmostSavedAtTacoBell]

17 minutes ago, Cartmann99 said:

You may be interested in this thread.

Here's an article from Vice about a man who ordered Jimmy's Fiesta Bucket. He lasted five days before giving up:

 

I'm guessing you've got separate packages for the buns and the freeze-fried mystery "meat" that you mix with water, shape, and cook over a fire made of banned books.

Make your "blessings" eat what's left when it starts getting questionable.

Booze always works, just be careful when cooking over an open flame. People tend to stare when you've burned off all your eyebrows while whipping up a batch of Doom Bucket vittles.

I think it depends on how generous your "love offering" is to Jimmy's so-called ministry.

There's probably some not-quite-bacon-but-maybe-if-you-drink-enough topping for your burgers. Jimmy doesn't currently have any footballs or clothes for sale, so whatever your headship says to do on that front is fine.

Interesting! You know how some people believe that the root cause of the Salem Witch Trials was ergot poisoning? What if Jimmy time traveled to 17th Century Salem in a DeLorean with some of his buckets?

I am so very grateful for your answers. My love offering is your choice of two of the following:

One Doom Bucket of your choosing.

Any one of the Rod cds including Bud Righteous’ Debut Album, “Flyin’ High with Jesus”

An actual My Pillow. Or two. Or eighth, since Mike is practically giving them away. 
 

A knockoff Trumpy Bear because I refuse to give money to the original and it amuses me that a knockoff would probably financially benefit even in a small way the very people Trumpers love to hate.

An overly strongly scented patchouli, gardenia, marshmallow, hellfire, and Rudy Giuliani scented candle. 

The sex tape where Sharon really did use her “free will” to have butt secks with Other Derek and the Gargs. 
 

A full weekend going “commando” in Deadbeat Dave’s ladypants.

Now these are just opening offers. I am not really familiar with many of the others on FJ but I might be able to finagle something involving Bro Gary and pink weens or some kind of deviant conduct they may or may not involve tent living with Russell DeJaynes, but unless you want your own personal Deadbeat Dave I would take plenty of precautions if you choose that “adventure”. 

I could probably come up with more options but Lady Chardonnay is amusing herself at my expense. 

[smittykins]

@AlmostSavedAtTacoBell, you might also want to see this.

Good Mythical Morning’s Rhett and Link taste-test a Jim Bakker Doom Bucket 

 

[WiseGirl]

@smittykins the above Good Mythical Morning video was funny/great. After watching it though I think I'll buy a box of granola bars for the Apocalypse as I'm not counting on ovens and stoves working after it happens. I think I'll be a scavenger. 

I can't believe people buy this stuff. 

[Ozlsn]

On 12/16/2021 at 7:18 PM, fraurosena said:

It never ceases to surprise me how they all know what their god and satan are saying. They warn about dire consequences for the unfaithful. Yet when a tornado wreaks havoc on their church, they fail to see that this could actually be the wrath of god...

Yes, surely they should be taking this as A Sign that God is displeased with them?

15 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:

Interesting! You know how some people believe that the root cause of the Salem Witch Trials was ergot poisoning? What if Jimmy time traveled to 17th Century Salem in a DeLorean with some of his buckets?

And quite possibly Europe at various points in time.

[AlmostSavedAtTacoBell]

9 hours ago, smittykins said:

@AlmostSavedAtTacoBell, you might also want to see this.

Good Mythical Morning’s Rhett and Link taste-test a Jim Bakker Doom Bucket 

 

As much as I was so happy picking my user name, I kinda wish I had seen this golden brick of a video because I might have chosen “A li’l puddin’ in tha Apocalypse!” Instead that will be my new mating call. “Hey there, howsabout a li’l puddin’ in tha’ Apocalypse!” complete with a big overly eyelinered & mascaraed JRod wink. 
 

You are my people. Thank you for being such fantastic and wonderful posters. 

[church_of_dog]

4 hours ago, AlmostSavedAtTacoBell said:

As much as I was so happy picking my user name, I kinda wish I had seen this golden brick of a video because I might have chosen “A li’l puddin’ in tha Apocalypse!” Instead that will be my new mating call. “Hey there, howsabout a li’l puddin’ in tha’ Apocalypse!” complete with a big overly eyelinered & mascaraed JRod wink. 
 

You are my people. Thank you for being such fantastic and wonderful posters. 

You can always work that phrase into your location, on your profile.  😁

[Cartmann99]

 

 

[Cartmann99]

This song naturally popped into my head:

Spoiler

 

 

[Cartmann99]

For those unfamiliar with Feucht, from his website:

Quote

Sean Feucht is a husband, father, missionary, musician, speaker, author and founder of a grassroots global worship organization, and a missions organization. He is married to his high school sweetheart, Kate, and is obsessed with their four children: Keturah, Malachi, Ezra, and Zion.

His heart is to bring integrity, hope, and inspiration to every sphere of society. His lifelong quest and dream is to witness a generation of burning hearts arise across the nations of the world with renewed faith, vision, and sacrificial pursuit after the Presence of God.

You can support him by donating money or stocks.

[Howl]

It's just a matter of time 'til he takes crypto...

Also, how much does Sean pull down for these appearances.  I doubt he's doing it out of the goodness of his heart. 

Edited January 2, 2022 by Howl