M Is For Mama 8: She Really Is Awful

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

I agree. Bedtime for Baby Nova was strictly enforced for her sake and my sanity. I think children do best on a consistent schedule and sleep is a big part of that. 

Here's the latest post if anyone hasn't seen it. As others have mentioned, she's still bagging on Shiloh. By her own admission, Abbie takes everything personally and I'm going to guess that that's how she sees Shiloh's behavior. He still has a pacifier in his mouth but she expects total obedience. Poor little dude.  Abbie also makes sure to brag about a random woman telling her how great she is. Abbie uses the compliment as a backhand to complain about losing sleep the night before and an extra dig at Shi. 

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Braggie can’t go a day without Bragging on instagram. That’s why she’s Braggie!

[Zommom]

2 hours ago, Hane said:

Back in ‘78, when I had my baby, there was a big trend in favor of baby carriers instead of strollers. When she was tiny, I used a soft front-carrying carrier with a head guard. When she hit older, I used a backpack-type one with an aluminum frame. When her legs got long enough, she braced her feet against the frame and stood up straight, scaring the crap out of me (even though she was buckled in firmly. That was it: I segued over to a stroller immediately.

I love using carriers and strollers. And, I agree, she needed THREE strollers. I can’t believe I forgot about the other little ones! If just for a quiet reprieve to escape from the overload of an amusement park. It’s a great place for snacks and naps. And, of course, much safer! Plus, all the diaper bags and jackets, sippy cups, and snacks have a place to be stored. She could easily carry a baby in a ergo and still push a stroller easily.

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, SuperNova said:

He still has a pacifier in his mouth but she expects total obedience. Poor little dude.

He looks exhausted. Has the blankie, and a pacifier, and just looks so tired. 

Got to say I wouldn't be congratulating anyone on having that many quite young kids out that late - more likely wondering how any of them were still awake. 

[danvillebelle]

9 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Got to say I wouldn't be congratulating anyone on having that many quite young kids out that late - more likely wondering how any of them were still awake.

Bingo.  I wouldn't have been able to help myself, if I encountered them and saw poor Shiloh, I'd say right to her face "That baby needs to go to bed!"  menopause = no filter

I too am a member of the pro strollers club.  My boys are 20 mo. apart and my grandmother got me a double stroller when the younger one was born.  We went to the park, the zoo, the Children's Museum etc. a LOT and that thing saved me.  They rode in it till they were 4 and 2, then younger son and baby daughter rode in it until it finally gave up the ghost.  I loved that the back seat reclined all the way down, so the baby could sleep and the toddler in front could still be awake and looking at things.

ETA: that is a fucking scary picture of her in her stories where she says "I am tired of feeding the twinbies".  She looks so, so angry.  But of course she goes on to say "And someone will say give them a bottle, and I will if it comes to that, but hardisnotthesamethingasbad so for now I'll keep on truckin.'"  Of course you will, because a day without throwing yourself on the martyr mommy altar is not a day worth living, right Braggie?

She also just HAS to share that she spent "MONTHS finding deals on Patagonia jackets for all my kids last year for Christmas".  NO. ONE. CARES. 

Edited October 31, 2020 by danvillebelle

[JermajestyDuggar]

43 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

Bingo.  I wouldn't have been able to help myself, if I encountered them and saw poor Shiloh, I'd say right to her face "That baby needs to go to bed!"  menopause = no filter

I too am a member of the pro strollers club.  My boys are 20 mo. apart and my grandmother got me a double stroller when the younger one was born.  We went to the park, the zoo, the Children's Museum etc. a LOT and that thing saved me.  They rode in it till they were 4 and 2, then younger son and baby daughter rode in it until it finally gave up the ghost.  I loved that the back seat reclined all the way down, so the baby could sleep and the toddler in front could still be awake and looking at things.

ETA: that is a fucking scary picture of her in her stories where she says "I am tired of feeding the twinbies".  She looks so, so angry.  But of course she goes on to say "And someone will say give them a bottle, and I will if it comes to that, but hardisnotthesamethingasbad so for now I'll keep on truckin.'"  Of course you will, because a day without throwing yourself on the martyr mommy altar is not a day worth living, right Braggie?

She also just HAS to share that she spent "MONTHS finding deals on Patagonia jackets for all my kids last year for Christmas".  NO. ONE. CARES. 

Omg who the fuck cares about their stupid fucking Patagonia jackets?!? They live in Texas so this is probably the first time they are even wearing them. It’s not a great deal if your kid only wears the fucking jacket once! She cares so much about brand names that it reminds me of middle school. 

[danvillebelle]

BTW, they own a double stroller, there was a picture of it last year.  Apparently they can't be bothered to use it when they actually need it the most.

[anachronistic]

A neighbor kid, who’s 4, has outgrown their stroller but still needed it because they have a disability where they can walk, but can also go flop and refuse to move, or have a huge meltdown, or want to go in exactly the wrong, opposite direction. 4 months, 1 trip to the seating clinic at the children’s hospital, and one insurance company covering the enormous bill (it was at least a couple thousand dollars) they got an ‘adaptive stroller’, which is like a cross between a wheelchair and an umbrella stroller. It changed their life. All of a sudden Kid can go to the playground down the block, they can go on walks, hikes, etc. Trips to the hospital and the mall aren’t spent running after Kid. It’s incredible how much more you can do with the right equipment. 
 

Braggie would rather her children break their backs carrying their siblings than use something that *she already has* because it doesn’t fit with her image. I mean for the love of everything! And any kid young enough to have a pacifier is way too young to be malicious or evil or whatever negative attribute he is getting assigned this week. 

[SassyPants]

4 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

Bingo.  I wouldn't have been able to help myself, if I encountered them and saw poor Shiloh, I'd say right to her face "That baby needs to go to bed!"  menopause = no filter

I too am a member of the pro strollers club.  My boys are 20 mo. apart and my grandmother got me a double stroller when the younger one was born.  We went to the park, the zoo, the Children's Museum etc. a LOT and that thing saved me.  They rode in it till they were 4 and 2, then younger son and baby daughter rode in it until it finally gave up the ghost.  I loved that the back seat reclined all the way down, so the baby could sleep and the toddler in front could still be awake and looking at things.

ETA: that is a fucking scary picture of her in her stories where she says "I am tired of feeding the twinbies".  She looks so, so angry.  But of course she goes on to say "And someone will say give them a bottle, and I will if it comes to that, but hardisnotthesamethingasbad so for now I'll keep on truckin.'"  Of course you will, because a day without throwing yourself on the martyr mommy altar is not a day worth living, right Braggie?

She also just HAS to share that she spent "MONTHS finding deals on Patagonia jackets for all my kids last year for Christmas".  NO. ONE. CARES. 

I worked with a lady who has 2 sets of spontaneously occurring twins. She BF all of them until age 2. 35 years later she admits that she should have given them bottles as the entire household would have been much happier.

[Skyline]

38 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

I worked with a lady who has 2 sets of spontaneously occurring twins. She BF all of them until age 2. 35 years later she admits that she should have given them bottles as the entire household would have been much happier.

I guess it depends on the household. Triple feeding (breast,pumped,formula) my twins for the first month was the hardest thing I had to do. Transitioning them 100% to breastfeeding was a game changer. No bottles, no pumps, no mixing formula. Where ever I am, whatever time it is, I have food for them. 

I guess it might be different if my family wasn't 100% pro breastfeeding or if I had any younger children to deal with. 

But honestly, if you tandem feed, breast feeding twins doesn't take anymore time than feeding a singleton. I find all the other daily stuff harder. 

[Melissa1977]

I loved breastfeeding but I'm sure I would hate to do it for the 9th time, specially with twins. 

No mom has to be a martyr. I understand a mom who does not like breastfeeding, doing the sacrifice of for a while, to protect the immune system of the newborns, but once Abbie takes them to crowded places in the middle of a pandemic, I doubt she is really worried about their health. She breastfeeds for the same reason she does everything: to post it and to be "admired".

[JermajestyDuggar]

I hated breastfeeding my younger son until he was 2.5. But he was obsessed and wouldn’t take a bottle. Ever. If I ever had another kid, I would introduce bottles from the start. No way would I trap myself into being the only one that can feed my kid. 

Edited October 31, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[FilleMondaine]

I'm in the "what works for your family" camp. Breastfeeding-wise, I had to pump and then bottle-feed the breastmilk (My PTSD couldn't take traditional breastfeeding).  I know mothers who have important meds and used formula. I know mothers who had to go back to work and their children needed formula to be fed. I know mothers who loved breastfeeding and did it for as long as possible.

The same with strollers. I like that I grew up without one and that I am a really strong walker. We have only 1 kiddo, and preferred baby carriers and short-trips rather than naps in a stroller. (I think we rented one a time or two. I forget! It's all a blur, and we were smart about our abilities and stopped with 1 kid)

And what I read here at FJ are many wonderful mothers who breastfeed and/or bottlefeed. I also read mothers who found their healthy family balance with strollers. And a healthy balance with number of children!

tl/dr So it is so fracking sad that there are so many different ways to do it right, and yet Abby seems to choose the much-rarer and much-harder ways to do it wrong!

[SuperNova]

2 hours ago, FilleMondaine said:

I'm in the "what works for your family" camp. Breastfeeding-wise, I had to pump and then bottle-feed the breastmilk (My PTSD couldn't take traditional breastfeeding).  I know mothers who have important meds and used formula. I know mothers who had to go back to work and their children needed formula to be fed. I know mothers who loved breastfeeding and did it for as long as possible.

Thanks for sharing. It makes me feel so much better about doing the same thing for the same reason. At the time I was undiagnosed and didn't understand why I couldn't do it. On top of PTSD, I was 16 and embarrassed by all the weird things my body was doing. Plus I had no other women that I could talk to because my entire family had turned their backs on me.

The final nail in the coffin was the day I went to my post birth appointment with my (and my baby's) pediatrician. I explained my trouble breastfeeding. They sent for the lactation nurse. She was a nice lady who meant well when she said, 'don't worry honey, you'll get the ol' cow going' but I was humiliated. I ended up pumping and bottle feeding and was able to give 2 months before my milk dried up.  

All that to say that I never shame other women for their feeding choices. As long as your baby is fed, do what's best and most comfortable for you. 

[Cults-r-us]

For myself I am pleased to share these girls will never be used for that purpose again. I keep my stroller in the trunk so it is always waiting and ready to be used.

[Melissa1977]

2 hours ago, FilleMondaine said:

So it is so fracking sad that there are so many different ways to do it right, and yet Abby seems to choose the much-rarer and much-harder ways to do it wrong!

She wants to suffer and make her family suffer. Every mother of twins knows that a stroller is needed and that it is much more comfy for the babies than the car seats! An alternative is to carry the babies with actual baby carriers, and put Shiloh in a stroller.

Children at Shiloh's age can't walk for a long time. Even at Honor's age, a stroller is a good option for outings like amusement parks.

Duggars were awful, but at least they had the common sense to use 3 strollers in the same situation (2 for the twins and 1 for Joy).

[Skyline]

3 hours ago, FilleMondaine said:

I'm in the "what works for your family" camp. Breastfeeding-wise, I had to pump and then bottle-feed the breastmilk (My PTSD couldn't take traditional breastfeeding).  I know mothers who have important meds and used formula. I know mothers who had to go back to work and their children needed formula to be fed. I know mothers who loved breastfeeding and did it for as long as possible.

The same with strollers. I like that I grew up without one and that I am a really strong walker. We have only 1 kiddo, and preferred baby carriers and short-trips rather than naps in a stroller. (I think we rented one a time or two. I forget! It's all a blur, and we were smart about our abilities and stopped with 1 kid)

And what I read here at FJ are many wonderful mothers who breastfeed and/or bottlefeed. I also read mothers who found their healthy family balance with strollers. And a healthy balance with number of children!

tl/dr So it is so fracking sad that there are so many different ways to do it right, and yet Abby seems to choose the much-rarer and much-harder ways to do it wrong!

I'm friends with three other twin moms

One had hers at 29 wks, babies 3&4. She pumped while they were in the NICU and then alternated breast and bottle when they came home. She told me she hated tandem feeding so this is what worked for her.

Another had hers at 38 wks, babies 4&5. Breastfed 100% from day one. She'd ebf her previous 3 so this is what worked for her.

The third had hers at 37 wks, babies 3&4. Formula from day one. She had tried to bf with her first and hated it so this is what worked for her. 

Everyone will find what works for them. 

However, not having strollers for the twins is stupid and wrong and anyone who disagrees with me doesn't know what they are talking about. ? Obviously jk but you can pry my twin strollers from my cold dead hands. I have three ?

[Caroline]

My baby was born when my husband and I were a few months from 40.  The advantage to that is that you just don't care about what other people think.  I chose not to nurse for a variety of reasons, and my husband loved the opportunity to feed our daughter so he could help out and be with her.  We rearranged our work schedules so that  one of us was always caring for her, and my mother filled in (so lucky).  I am an organized person and need things to be as planned out as possible.  The stroller was my best friend for several years because after work I HAD to walk outdoors as I had always done, and my baby came along in the stroller in most kinds of weather.  We met lots of people that way too   Those strollers logged a lot of interesting miles.

It makes me sad to see so many young moms today who are heavily influenced by the mommy bloggers out there who seem so perfect.  I know a few who never feel like they are doing it right.  I know a few others who have to broadcast absolutely every detail of their kids' lives.   Raising kids is a wonderful personal journey, but I had the sense to know that  no one else really cared about the day-to-day experiences because they're just not that interesting to others. Some of the people I know who post the minutiea of their kids' teething, childhood illnesses, etc. sound like know-it-alls in that they think they're the only people who've experienced the travails of raising young children.   I'm glad blogs and vlogs didn't exist in great numbers back then.   I'm sure some of them provide valuable info for others, and maybe I'm just a grumpy 60 something now (although I'm really not grumpy at all !)

[Hane]

I was a breastfeeding SAHM most of the first year of my baby’s life, and planned to wean her directly to a cup (this was a big bragging point at La Leche League 40+ years ago). Then my marriage imploded and I had to get a job, so I was glad my baby had had a bottle of expressed milk once in a while and didn’t reject bottles. 
I am a huge fan of doing whatever it takes to have a happy, healthy baby and mother.

[JermajestyDuggar]

28 minutes ago, Hane said:

I was a breastfeeding SAHM most of the first year of my baby’s life, and planned to wean her directly to a cup (this was a big bragging point at La Leche League 40+ years ago). Then my marriage imploded and I had to get a job, so I was glad my baby had had a bottle of expressed milk once in a while and didn’t reject bottles. 
I am a huge fan of doing whatever it takes to have a happy, healthy baby and mother.

My MIL was in LLL back in the 70s too. She was a hippie with a fucking loom in their living room. My husband hated the itchy ponchos she made with her loom. She also liked to breastfeed her youngest while driving. My husband has a lot of crazy childhood stories. I’m sure you knew a few like my MIL in your group, lol. 

Edited November 1, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[JermajestyDuggar]

BTW, my mother in law would never do anything that unsafe today. But car seats weren’t mandatory back in the 70s and she said the baby was happiest while nursing so why not do that while driving. How things change.

[katilac]

On 10/29/2020 at 2:08 PM, SuperNova said:

Abbie's house is like a Hobby Lobby 50% off sale.  

This is perfection. hat

On 10/30/2020 at 4:26 PM, Zommom said:

She mentioned in one of her stores she doesn’t like strollers. And here, on vacation at a amusement park, she refuses to use a double stroller because she doesn’t believe in strollers?? How ridiculous! I personally hate lugging around a car seat, especially while out and about. The baby bounces and swings around, too and doesn’t rest peacefully and safely in a stroller. But, of course Abbie isn’t carrying a car seat. Her boys look like dads, honestly, with how they maneuver with the car seats, too.

I hate watching careless people swing babies around in the car seat like they're toting a freaking sack of potatoes. I call them baby buckets. 

18 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

BTW, they own a double stroller, there was a picture of it last year.  Apparently they can't be bothered to use it when they actually need it the most.

Or she carefully moves it out of the shot. 

[anachronistic]

I was thinking yesterday about how I actually agree with the ‘hard is not the same thing as bad’ sentiment. It’s true. Lots of things that are hard, aren’t bad. I won’t go so far as to say I’m grateful, but I do believe that my character was shaped in positive ways by the adversity I had to go through.

BUT. Hard isn’t the same as stupid, either. Hard is not the same as showing off. And making other people do your hard work IS bad. Being a narcissist IS bad. Ignoring government mandates and going on vacations, etc, with your family during a pandemic IS VERY BAD.

Climbing mountains is hard, not bad, but you don’t make other people miserable because you choose to do it. Staying in, not socializing at all is very hard, but it ends up with a net gain for society with less virus spread, so it is also hard, not bad. Abby consistently chooses to make things easier for herself at the expense of others is easy, AND bad. 
 

 

[EmiSue]

This whole trip they're on right now is a shit show. Abbie's, what, five or six weeks postpartum with twins, plus a toddler who's not even two, plus a 3yo, plus SIX school-aged kids, but they're all doing all the things together. The toddler and preschooler are out late, then the poor toddler is left with the newborns while Abbie takes off to skate with the older kids. She labels said toddler "very frustrated"--NO KIDDING! He's in a confined space with one parent and twin newborns, probably watching his big sibs have fun and move around. Any mobile infant/toddler would be frustrated.

I swear I'm not this judgy with other parents, but other parents I know don't do this crap. Why can't one parent stay at their lodgings with all kids who can't participate or need to sleep? Or better yet, stay the eff home. Pandemic aside, this is just bad parenting.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, EmiSue said:

This whole trip they're on right now is a shit show. Abbie's, what, five or six weeks postpartum with twins, plus a toddler who's not even two, plus a 3yo, plus SIX school-aged kids, but they're all doing all the things together. The toddler and preschooler are out late, then the poor toddler is left with the newborns while Abbie takes off to skate with the older kids. She labels said toddler "very frustrated"--NO KIDDING! He's in a confined space with one parent and twin newborns, probably watching his big sibs have fun and move around. Any mobile infant/toddler would be frustrated.

I swear I'm not this judgy with other parents, but other parents I know don't do this crap. Why can't one parent stay at their lodgings with all kids who can't participate or need to sleep? Or better yet, stay the eff home. Pandemic aside, this is just bad parenting.

I’m right there with you on not being this judgy with other parents. I’m very “whatever works best for your family” when it comes to just about every family I know. But I don’t think Braggie is doing what’s best for her family. Not even close. I think she’s doing what’s best for Instagram. And that never results in what’s best for kids.

Edited November 1, 2020 by JermajestyDuggar

[SassyPants]

16 hours ago, Hane said:

I was a breastfeeding SAHM most of the first year of my baby’s life, and planned to wean her directly to a cup (this was a big bragging point at La Leche League 40+ years ago). Then my marriage imploded and I had to get a job, so I was glad my baby had had a bottle of expressed milk once in a while and didn’t reject bottles. 
I am a huge fan of doing whatever it takes to have a happy, healthy baby and mother.

I Think the working part is why my co-worker friend with the 2 sets of twins now believes bottles would have made everyone happier. I remember times when her babysitter would call because the babies wouldn’t drink from the bottles, and were screaming in the background.