Bro Gary Hawkins 12: IT BIBLE

[thoughtful]

This morning's main service. I get that there is supposed to be some distinction between Sunday School, which, it seems, is supposed to be a bunch of readings with a brief point after each, and the service, which is supposed to have a longer homily, but it seems to me these guys are really bad at it. It just feels like two really shitty services, with only enough time for a bathroom break in between, to me.

We start with the sound of a child with a hacking cough.

They slaughter Amazing Grace, Jesus is the Sweetest Name I Know and Farther Along. Cattle could moo those songs better.

I skipped ahead.

Pastor greets everyone and asks for prayer requests. Becky asks for prayers for Gary's mom. They get a few others. The birds chirping in the background sound lovely.

Gary: "Amen - good to be in church, Amen!" Did he always start with this, or is it just his "own the libs" thing since Covid-19?

The Hawkinses sing My Lord is Taking Good Care of Me.

I skipped ahead.

The song ends by saying that the singer looks forward to going to Heaven, and Gary says "One of these days we're gonna get outta here." I'd feel the same way if I was sitting in that tent, Bro.

They sing something that starts with "Lord you deceived me, Lord you done me wrong. I been out here preaching faithfully, seems you let me all alone." Google yielded nothing.

I assume God answers, and has been there all along, but couldn't bear to listen to find out.

Luke 16:  Gary claims Jesus talked more about Hell than Heaven (not my bailiwick - is that true?).

He says that last night someone asked prayers for people who had died of an overdose. He's not sayin' they went to Hell, but that doesn't seem like a good testimony of bein' saved.

Luke:16:20-31 -  after reading about the rich man begging Lazarus for water, Gary sends his son off to get his water bottle. Symmetry - I like it.

Today's theme seems to be Hell, and how we should preach it more. He mentions Pirkle's Burning Hell again, and how it would look like a "sissy movie" compared to today films. He quickly escalates to full bellowing mode, and mostly stays there. He's so unbelievably loud.

Highlights mixed in with the usual shit:

Matthew 25:41 - Hell wasn't created for us, but for the devil and "his little group."

Your children need to know that you believe in a literal burnin' Hell. "One of the guys out in Texas last week, as we was out there, he had a prayer request in the ___ (inaudible), 'cause his boy's what 7 or 8 years old, and he's already askin' about  bein' saved and he's already sayin' he don't wanna go to Hell. You know what? It's a scary thing when you're messin' with a child."

Bad choice of words, Gary.

"Most of the preachers that can afford to be on television more 'n likely gonna be a false prophet. AMEN!"

He turns off radio preachers as they travel because he doesn't want his 12-year-old to realize that "they can go to thinkin' they're right and God's wrong."

"I'm a little bit skeered, when you send these kids off to these colleges, and they come back after about four years, and they have learnt nothing. Amen." He's horrified that they could learn about something other than the KJV.

He says that if you get confused when reading the Bible, you just haven't grown enough in the Word.

Matthew 19:20-22  Practice what you preach, Gary. Stop taking from others and give it all away.

He tells a bizarre story about a man who wouldn't get saved because he wouldn't give up his one daily beer.

He doesn't know what gold looks like and if he saw it he'd probably be skeered to death, but one of these days he's gonna walk on streets of gold.

Genesis (excuse me - "Ginisis") 7:21-24  - anybody driving by would think they were just as crazy as people thought Noah was. "They puttin' up a tent? Don't they know there's a vahris around here?"    

He says he was preaching in the streets of New York a few years back, and was told he was too loud - the mayor was mad about it, but they kept preachin'.

He adds to last nights idiocy about burning down churches (tonight he says, "burn 'em down, honey") by saying that they'll go back into the brush arbors. Had to look that one up.

He goes into some fantasy of being imprisoned and put in the electric chair, and someone throwing  his Bible away. Way to overdramatize, Gary - that's never gonna happen.

Don't hesitate to give out a tract because it will end up in the trash because "it's Gods ink, it's God's paper."

He says the Independent and Fundamental mess is a bunch of hogwash.

Gary doesn't like religion. He says that if you listen "real good" to people who speak in tongues, you realize they're "real steeupid."

He says that Baptists prefer chicken over steak because of the verse where Peter denies Jesus before the cock crows thrice. "He told on Peter, we been tryin' to get rid of him ever since. Amen."

Gary says there's no such thing as an atheist, because, when they get in trouble, they call on God. Sorry, Gary - not true.

He threw in the anti-Walmart rant again - at least it's getting shorter.

Altar call. The pastor comes up while Becky is playing and talks about the brazen altar outside the  tabernacle that represented Hell outside the , about Noah, and the dying going to Hell, then asks them to sing Almost Persuaded while they come up for the altar call, and that they should kneel even if their skirts or pants get stained.

"Come talk to the Lord - it's worth a pair of pants."

It came from pastor Hershey, not Gary, but I think we may have a new candidate for needlepoint.

They drone the hymn to sound of motorcycles riding by, very close.

 

Edited April 20, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[ignorantobserver]

I have a really stupid question : does anyone know where his little anecdote about "chicken vs steak" comes from ? Is that a real discussion in these circles ? It seems like a complete non sequitur.

[Ozlsn]

29 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

He goes into some fantasy of being imprisoned and put in the electric chair, and someone throwing  his Bible away. Way to overdramatize, Gary - that's never gonna happen.

The imprisonment part I can easily see. Keep spreading the virus, or travelling during lockdown. The rest is just the usual "Martyr Me!" wet dream these idiots have. I still like Adam Hills rant on the subject.

33 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

He says that last night someone asked prayers for people who had died of an overdose. He's not sayin' they went to Hell, but that doesn't seem like a good testimony of bein' saved.

Oh sod off Gary. Judge not etc. 

34 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

He says he was preaching in the streets of New York a few years back, and was told he was too loud

And I suspect was told he didn't have a permit. Heh.

[thoughtful]

2 hours ago, ignorantobserver said:

he incarnates every offensive stereotype about Americans, and he doesn't seem to be aware of it at all (well, I haven't seen him with a gun yet, so, that's something)

I assume he has at least one - he and someone else on Facebook had a snarky conversation last year about being careful about carrying their guns when traveling in the Godless Northeast.

Even in satire and parody, I think most authors have tried for more realism than Gary or JillRod. They are just too bizarre to be believed.

1 hour ago, wallysmommy said:

I think I would be stone drunk if I tried to listen to a GHaw sermon.  I would start with Bloody Mary's then by the end I would probably be swigging straight vodka.

I really wish he and J&D Rod wouldn't refer to themselves as Baptists.  They're an insult to true Baptists everywhere. 

I am a teetotaler, due to hating both the taste and the sensation. The one time I got as far as slightly tipsy, I fell off of my platform shoe while dancing in a gay bar with my ex-boyfriend (Gary's not the only one who matches a stereotype - I was a young adult of the 1970s!) and broke my foot.

Maybe I only get through them because I don't look at him. I play computer solitaire while I listen, then click over and check again if I hear something I want to add to my post.

Instead of booze, I have Gaps, Calculation, Spider, FreeCell, Osmosis, Forty Thieves, Pyramid, TriPeaks, and good old Klondike to keep me calm.

And I agree - Gary, the Rods, and may I add Shrader, are not like any Baptists, or any other Christians I've ever met IRL. But they're not really any sort of Christian - they attend the Church of Narcissus.

30 minutes ago, ignorantobserver said:

I have a really stupid question : does anyone know where his little anecdote about "chicken vs steak" comes from ? Is that a real discussion in these circles ? It seems like a complete non sequitur.

It may be his own invention, or something he heard from an equally un-funny friend.

My recaps, as long as they get, are mostly things that are new or said slightly differently, so sometimes Gary has built up to them in some way. But often they are, indeed, non sequiturs or weird tangents that just pop into his very disorganized mind.

 

[thoughtful]

Did some research - Pastor Hershey grew up in Eastern Pennsylvania, so that explains his vowels!

Don't know if he is distantly related to Milton Snavely Hershey, of chocolate fame, but it seems likely.

[ChickenettiLuvr]

Re: GHaw having a gun(s)

Stupid people usually have guns; crazy people always do.

Edited April 20, 2020 by ChickenettiLuvr
Forgot a letter

[Dana723]

7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He starts a final prayer, then interrupts to say he knows a doctor who tells people that come to his office for anxiety medications that they just need Jesus. Can we get that guy's license revoked?

 

I have anxiety (and depression) for which I take medication.  And I'm a Christian.  But if I go in to see the doctor about my anxiety and they say, "No, you need Jesus" then I'm walking out.  You're not my pastor or my spiritual leader; you're my doctor.  You deal with the physical body. 

[Idlewild]

@thoughtful now you see I would tune in & probably donate to hear cows mooing along to music! 
Re Gary having custody of his children. I set little store by this & certainly am not going to judge his former wife without any other facts. I was at school with a girl who lived with her dad who had full custody of her- the story being her mother had left to be with a lover. 
about 20 years later I met up with her - she was an advocate for a domestic abuse charity. She explained her mother had been the victim of DA & left under threat of her life. The father was from a rich & well connected family & it was only as an adult she felt safe to reach out to her mother. I’m not saying this is how it is with Gary but I don’t ever assume custody means better parent.

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, Idlewild said:

@thoughtful now you see I would tune in & probably donate to hear cows mooing along to music! 

I, of course, looked for video of auto-tuned mooing to add to my post. But I only found one, and the mooing hadn't been put together to make a melody.

I was disappointed.

 

[Carol]

17 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Don't know if he is distantly related to Milton Snavely Hershey, of chocolate fame, but it seems likely.

My new cuss word instead of fuck!  OMG, Snavely!

[thoughtful]

24 minutes ago, Carol said:

My new cuss word instead of fuck!  OMG, Snavely!

Isn't that a great name? It would be a wonderful thing to say when tasting especially delicious chocolate (sorry, Milton, but that would not include what your brand has become - tastes of preservatives to me, now): "Milton Snavely Hershey, that's good!"

Snavely was his mother's last name before marrying his father.

 

[AmazonGrace]

Milton Snavely sounds like a Harry Potter character.

[keepercjr]

On 4/19/2020 at 1:16 AM, Idlewild said:

Gary does know he has to have filed taxes to get his payment? I just can’t see him being competent enough. 

The IRS is trying to get checks out to everyone eligible.  But they have to know about you.  On the IRS website, non tax filers can input their information and their bank info.  Did Gary and Becky do that?  I am guessing 50/50. They will be eligible for $2900 between the 2 of them.  It will be interesting to see what they waste it on.  I can’t imagine it will be anything practical.  

On 4/19/2020 at 1:19 AM, Idlewild said:

What happened to Gary’s first wife? Is she deceased? 

As was mentioned, they got divorced.  She lives in Louisiana and has at least Facebook contact with the older 2 kids who are no longer traveling with the sideshow.  So does their maternal grandma and maternal aunt (or cousin..not sure).  She has a young son with her boyfriend or husband.  It isn’t clear to me if they are married.  Speaking of the older 2, someone commented on one of his recent videos and asked where the older son is.  His daughter replied that they are both living with their uncle, so I am guessing she means Gary’s brother.  I feel sorry for Gary’s youngest boy.  He has nobody but Gary and Becky to keep him company.  I am sure he has no friends. How could he since they are on the road all the time.  At least he had his brother till his brother wised up and decided not to travel anymore.  Maybe he wanted a job.  Who knows.

edited to add that at one point, a long time ago, gary had said that he and Becky were both victims of fornication.  And that is why they were divorced.  Take that however you want.

Edited April 20, 2020 by keepercjr

[HerNameIsBuffy]

14 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

The IRS is trying to get checks out to everyone eligible.  But they have to know about you.  On the IRS website, non tax filers can input their information and their bank info.

In our family two of have received them, two have not.  That website is saying they can't check the status on those two, despite working and filing taxes last many years.

Super annoyed.  

[PumaLover]

So I'm super far behind on Bro and I have just given up hope of ever being caught up with Jillrod (Rufus bless @wallysmommy for her spectacular updates!). It looks like they have an RV. Is it theirs? Are they borrowing it? Are they traveling with friends? I saw a couple videos where Bro was doing videos while the RV was moving. Is Becky driving? I have so many questions!

Also we received our stimulus check last Wednesday, I believe it was. We got wild and crazy with it–used some to pay down our credit card balance and some towards our bathroom remodel. But I too would love to see what Bro will blow his on! More DAD shirts? A new hat?

[keepercjr]

1 hour ago, PumaLover said:

So I'm super far behind on Bro and I have just given up hope of ever being caught up with Jillrod (Rufus bless @wallysmommy for her spectacular updates!). It looks like they have an RV. Is it theirs? Are they borrowing it? Are they traveling with friends? I saw a couple videos where Bro was doing videos while the RV was moving. Is Becky driving? I have so many questions!

 

It appears they are borrowing it for a place to stay where they are at.  Cheaper than the church putting them in a hotel room. 

My husband got his last week.  I get disability but filed taxes this year since I do some independent contractor work (teaching English to Chinese children online).  They have my direct deposit info.  Yet the website instructed me to do the direct deposit info again.  Which I did.  Today when I checked, it says they are mailing me a check later this week!  Why?!  I don't get it.  My parents get social security and the system says it can't determine if they are eligible.  Who knows when theirs will show up. 

[thoughtful]

They were staying in the vehicle in this picture, borrowed from someone in the Florida church. I'm pretty sure they never moved it. Gary said the noise was the air conditioner running.

I know the one in the picture is it, because Gary's son got Rascal the dog out of it near the end of one service.

 

[thoughtful]

Gary was live on Facebook again last night. He starts by saying that some of us have been wondering where they've been all day. I think Gary is beginning to think he holds the world together by appearing on Facebook.

The Lord opened up another door,   so they are headed to Conway, SC. We get his whole traveling itinerary, in case you want to listen.

Georgia is opening things back up on 4/24 - that's a blessing. His friend who "does this thing called Return of America" is going to get a lawyer to go to Gov. Cooper.

He gets distracted answering someone who commented, then cheering for Bro. Toby who had 16 at his meeting. So we never hear more about Return of America. Cooper is governor of North Carolina - Gary's home state (if Gary can be said to have a home).

He makes sure we know today's shirt is clean, but lists everything he's been eating lately, including "fresh, home-grown cow, made outta hamburger steak."

Gary tells us he doesn't like chocolate cake.

He don't have nothin' else till June, so pray for him.

He praises all of the people who have gone out and protested. Call your government officials and tell them we're tired of this mess, it's time to open up. "Florida must have a pretty good governor."

He yells at New Yorkers, to tell them that, if Donald Trump Jr. (he stumbles over the name - his mouth wants to say "Donald Jump") "runs for governor in November (and the Lord tarries his comin'), you'd better vote for him. You better get that idiot that's up there out, talkin' about God like he is, Amen? Donald Jump, I'm not lookin' for a preacher, I'm not lookin' for a pasture, I'm lookin' for somebody that can run the country, amen and pray that they get saved, good preachin' if I am doin' it."

Google shows nothing but vague rumors from 2017-19 for the possibility of Don Jr. running for office in NY, so I figure Gary got that from some other nut.

"Get out there and protest and tell the world you're sick of this sick socia - listen, I done lived in socialism for six weeks - I'm sick of it, Amen?"

It's not a vahris, it's the government - "this is power they takin' up, honey - power!"

Gary thanks people from the church who came out to help take down the tent, even though some of them had to "work, doin' cows."

Someone comments to tell him he should watch out for the "vowris." Mocking Bro Gary's pronunciation? How dare they? ?

Edited April 21, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[Alisamer]

On 4/19/2020 at 7:09 PM, thoughtful said:

This morning's main service. I get that there is supposed to be some distinction between Sunday School, which, it seems, is supposed to be a bunch of readings with a brief point after each, and the service, which is supposed to have a longer homily, but it seems to me these guys are really bad at it. It just feels like two really shitty services, with only enough time for a bathroom break in between, to me.

Sunday school is supposed to be separate, in groups, with discussion and more participation than the service, in my experience. 

Quote

Don't hesitate to give out a tract because it will end up in the trash because "it's Gods ink, it's God's paper."

No, it's not.

I mean I guess, in the way that anything belongs to God, it could be considered God's ink and paper - but so could Penthouse by that logic.

Ink is ink, paper is paper. Printing crappy tracts on it doesn't make it holy.

Wow Gary is dumb.

But yeah, if he wants to get groups together and avoid social distancing, go ahead. I feel bad for the kids being put at risk, but adults dumb enough to risk dying can go ahead. I just hope they don't go infecting other people!

[keepercjr]

55 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Gary was live on Facebook again last night. He starts by saying that some of us have been wondering where they've been all day. I think Gary is beginning to think he holds the world together by appearing on Facebook.

The Lord opened up another door,   so they are headed to Conway, SC. We get his whole traveling itinerary, in case you want to listen.

Georgia is opening things back up on 4/24 - that's a blessing. His friend who "does this thing called Return of America" is going to get a lawyer to go to Gov. Cooper.

He gets distracted answering someone who commented, then cheering for Bro. Toby who had 16 at his meeting. So we never hear more about Return of America. Cooper is governor of North Carolina - Gary's home state (if Gary can be said to have a home).

He makes sure we know today's shirt is clean, but lists everything he's been eating lately, including "fresh, home-grown cow, made outta hamburger steak."

Gary tells us he doesn't like chocolate cake.

He don't have nothin' else till June, so pray for him.

He praises all of the people who have gone out and protested. Call your government officials and tell them we're tired of this mess, it's time to open up. "Florida must have a pretty good governor."

He yells at New Yorkers, to tell them that, if Donald Trump Jr. (he stumbles over the name - his mouth wants to say "Donald Jump") "runs for governor in November (and the Lord tarries his comin'), you'd better vote for him. You better get that idiot that's up there out, talkin' about God like he is, Amen? Donald Jump, I'm not lookin' for a preacher, I'm not lookin' for a pasture, I'm lookin' for somebody that can run the county, amen and pray that they get saved, good preachin' if I am doin' it."

Google shows nothing but vague rumors from 2017-19 for the possibility of Don Jr. running for office in NY, so I figure Gary got that from some other nut.

"Get out there and protest and tell the world you're sick of this sick socia - listen, I done lived in socialism for six weeks - I'm sick of it, Amen?"

It's not a vahris, it's the government - "this is power they takin' up, honey - power!"

Gary thanks people from the church who came out to help take down the tent, even though some of them had to "work, doin' cows."

Someone comments to tell him he should watch out for the "vowris." Mocking Bro Gary's pronunciation? How dare they? ?

Hoo boy.  That was a lot of "Gary" for 1 video.  Obviously these people have no idea what socialism actually is.  I wonder what Gary considers good governing of the country.  My guess it begins and ends at racism, christian domination and xenophobia.  The only reason he and Becky can afford to show up at the hospital and get treatment is because of that evil Kenyan who was in the white house.  If it was up to the GOP, they would have zero health insurance.  They probably would not be getting a stimulus check either.  It still amazes me how people like him continue to vote against their own self interest. 

Also, nobody in NY actually likes the Trumps.  Jr had to realize he had no chance.  Also watching him talk sqicks me out.  I cant stand his mouth.  Or his dad's mouth for that matter.  Anyone actually believe his gf is actually into him?  I sure don't.  yuck

[griffin]

I love how thoughtful recaps Geery's vid eee ohs so i don't have to, even though they are the highlight of my day. Today, I tried to track how may times he sucked his teeth, sniffed or said "an everthang" but I lost count. 

This morning's scintillating episode included details of Bicky's tomater and cucumber sandwiches. He only likes the small cucumbers. Not the big ones. Like thoughtful said, why does he think he holds the world together by appearing on facebook? 

 

Edited April 21, 2020 by griffin
I don't mean to ridicule a southern accent, only his

[PumaLover]

Thank you @thoughtful for that recap. I am literally dying at "fresh, home-grown cow, made outta hamburger steak."

I'm impressed to hear he eats cucumbers. At least those are a vegetable and somewhat nutritious (I think botanically speaking they're considered a fruit). I hate cucumbers more than anything. I can't stand to have them in my house. Yesterday my husband accidentally bought cucumbers instead of zucchini. This is not the first time that happened. He then proceeded to peel and eat a cucumber in his Lazy Boy chair and I had to leave the room. 

Also @keepercjr said If it was up to the GOP, they would have zero health insurance.  They probably would not be getting a stimulus check either.  It still amazes me how people like him continue to vote against their own self interest. 

This is so true. I really don't get why people like him worship Trump and have him on this pedestal like he's the greatest president of all time. Mr. Puma and I get into it sometimes. He gives me crap for liking Bernie and I give him well deserved crap for supporting Trump. I'll read him news stories, like actual White House press transcripts, telling him about what the President is saying and is wrong about and he doesn't want to listen. It's like Trump has some hold over his followers where they don't care about the truth and what's right, and just blindly follow.

I REALLY don't know what I (and a lot of FJ) will do if we have to endure four more years of this shit. I seriously cannot take it.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, griffin said:

Like thoughtful said, why does he think he holds the world together by appearing on facebook? 

I think he's gotten addicted.

Nice to see the blue shirt got washed.

I love Southern accents, and always loved to hear my West Virginia relatives. I didn't get to see them often, but, because of my childhood memories of them, associate it with loving, intelligent people. But Bro Gary brings out my mockery because he is so vicious and stupid. So I'm with you on that.

Well, besides cucumbers, Gary's other pressing reason to get on Facebook again was to tell us that (if the Lord tarries his comin'), people should vote out that Democrat governor in North Carolina.

He gets this comment:

Of course, Gary encourages Michael to try to save his neighbor's child, and "pray he'd git borned agin." Later, Michael comments with the child's name - not sure if Michael is trolling, but the first name is a substance found in dairy foods - think lactose or amino (not either of those, though).

Michael, if he's sincere, needs to learn some boundaries. But he's not going to learn them from Gary, who spells out the name for Becky so she can add it to their prayer list.

Here's a surprise (not) - Gary pronounces the S at the end of Illinois. Becky, tell him it's silent, OK?

@griffin, why didn't you tell us he's planning to post a photo of the next tomato sandwich?! I can't wait!

 

[wallysmommy]

Thank you @thoughtful for my daily laugh.  I do need to know what part of WV your family was from since mine was/is from that neck of the woods.  Also, is GHaw's ex in South Louisiana?  I need to keep a lookout for the RV if he comes my way.

[thoughtful]

12 minutes ago, wallysmommy said:

I do need to know what part of WV your family was from since mine was/is from that neck of the woods

They were (I think some still are) in the Huntington area.