Bro Gary Hawkins 12: IT BIBLE

[wallysmommy]

My dad's family is/was from one of the poorest parts of the state, south of Morgantown.  Being in the poorest part of a poor state is pretty dismal at times, so that's why he bailed out and came to New Orleans.

[Dana723]

7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Conway, SC 

Whoa, way too close to me for comfort.  Although, were there not a global pandemic going on, I would get drunk and attend just for the heck of it.

4 hours ago, griffin said:

He only likes the small cucumbers. Not the big ones.

 

So my inner 12-year-old boy is laughing at that.

[thoughtful]

Gary, as promised, has shown us his sandwich:

Actually, that's a lie - Gary had already eaten his. That's Jacob's sandwich. Becky's 'lergic to 'maters, but she had the good cantaloupe, amen. Later we find out she's allergic to that, too, and watermelon.

They're staying in (he has to look up at something on the wall to find out) Lighthouse Baptist Church in Valdosta GA.

They're not going to S. Carolina - that came to an end, because everybody's so scared of the vahris. So we need to pray they'll have a place to stay.

Gary mostly talks about nothing, greets people who sign on. Becky gives Jacob some quiet instructions as he fetches them water, and does other things that sound like work to me.

Gary starts dissing that awful Democrat, Cooper, again. "Ain't no doubt he wants us to go under." (Gary, learn politics 101 - nobody wants the area they govern to go under on their watch).

He went to Walmart's again - had to, didn't want to. Burn down your church, time zones, tooth sucking, burping, snorting, yawning. At about 22 minutes in, Becky prompts him to ask for prayer requests.

At one point, he asks us to pray for Becky to be wise about what she eats, then makes his "I'm just sayin'" face. I think he's referring to her having eaten a known allergen, but, damn, Gary, heal thyself.

He also asks us all to stop fighting, being bullies and being holier-than-thou. And again, I say, Gary, heal thyself.

Pray for people with cancer and "old-timers."

Trump is talkin' about check #2 - Gary ain't gotten check #1 yet.

Pray for those missionaries in Nebraska. Becky: "Alaska."

I guess he was just trying to drum up some business by showing off a tomato sandwich. On white. With mayo. 

Now, as a palate cleanser, Roy Zimmerman:

 

[griffin]

So he was on facebook twice today.  This is a taste of what he thinks "facebook world" needs to hear when he takes twenty minutes to blather about 4 minutes of content.

(He's doin' good. They're doin' good but uh .. he hopes everyone is doin'good. He had a good day. And ... he's doin' good!)

(sniff) "I'm sorta glad I ain't in New York right now 'n Pennsylvania cuz .. (sniff) .. they're still gettin' a little bit of snow. I was afraid of that and I guess the lord just had to do what he had to do to take keer of it. Amen? ... but uh .. so .. (smack) .. but uh .. Miss Francis from Texas! Pray you're doin' good"

Someone please tell me what the hell (where we're all going)  that was?

[wallysmommy]

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!  The Lord's not in Paparazzi.  

The teeth sucking is making me crazy.  Do y'all do this kind of Rocky Horror thing where you respond to him?  I can't help myself.  

Maybe the Lord's will is for you to plant your ass and get a job during this time.  Liquor stores are open, Haymun!  So is he praising the fact that liquor stores are open?

Underclothes are essential.  Haymun!

I'm not gonna buy pants or shirt for 20 or 30 dollars.....Go down to the Goodwill and get you one.  Haymun!

Then they criticize how people will spend their stimulus check.  Amazing since they live on grifting.  HIs ringtone is Donald Trump???

Okay, enough.  I'm throwing in the towel.

[thoughtful]

Gary slipped in two more videos while I, silly thing that I am, was teaching. And I only had a three-hour workday today! He's quick.

As @griffin said, they are doin' good. Really, really good.

He been listenin' to the radio, and they already talkin' about another vahris for the wintertime.

If Joe Biden gets elected, he won't be the president - something's gonna happen, and his vice president will be president, and that will be Michelle Obama.

You heard it here first, folks.

"Socialism's what we're livin' in - for those who have received their checks, anyway."

So Gary, do you want the check or don't you?

People are dyin' of all kinds of things, like "alkeehol."

He makes sure we know that he needed to buy underclothes the other day, and that it was essential!

"This is gittin' sick'nin', not bein' able to be in church." Um, Gary, you were just in church on Sunday.

He missed having breakfast brought in to him this morning  - in Florida, Pastor Hershey's wife served them breakfast every morning.

He says a pastor recently told him that, once visiting preachers found out what a good cook his wife is, "it's hard to git rid of 'em."

People have to stop trying oblique hints like that on Gary.

He begs for gigs, sucks his teeth, etc.

[thoughtful]

Second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a little bit worse!

They are actually in a motel. Hope they don't try to pay with tracts. Becky is helping Jacob do homework, and providing Gary with words he forgets.

Oh, here's a new subject - whether the roads they were on were 2-lane or 4-lane.

He tells us how fabulous the watermelon he ate was, and Becky says he teased her by bringing it over for her to smell.

20 minutes ago, wallysmommy said:

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!  The Lord's not in Paparazzi.  

Poor Gary - he finally learned how to pronounce it, and now Becky's selling Tupperware, and he can't even remember that word.

He's used to bein' in church all the time, and now it has suddenly come to an end. But he ain't complainin.'

Gary, you melodramatic ass, you've done nothing but complain. I'd say to stop acting like it's the end of the world, but you'd love it if it was the end of the world.

He mocks the protective measures people are taking, and talks about his underclothes again. He also goes into the crap about Michelle Obama again, and this time he adds "I don't know whether she's a he or she, got no idea, and I don't want to find out. Not innerestid."

It doesn't surprise me at all that Gary embraces that stupid rumor.

"If you don't think this is skeery, you better git skeered."

Some people, some place, was puttin' a chip in people's hands with a needle.

I love it when he completely loses track of which rote chant he is doing. He starts, in quiet-preacher-voice, asking people to bring the Gospel to unsaved loved ones, then, still chanting softly, takes a turn: "all you can do is present it to 'em, tell 'em about it, and it's a skeery thing. Skeery, skeery, skeery thing."

You got it right from Gary - the Gospel is scary.

Preachers are "gettin' flustrated" about churches bein' closed.

 

 

I assume this is where political science expert Gary got his "Michelle Obama becomes president because Biden is dying" bullshit:

https://www.rushlimbaugh.com/daily/2020/04/20/the-plot-to-install-michelle-obama-in-the-white-house/

[Ozlsn]

59 minutes ago, wallysmommy said:

Underclothes are essential.  Haymun!

Yes they are, and pass the brain bleach please.

52 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

Socialism's what we're livin' in - for those who have received their checks, anyway."

Gary would love Democratic socialism, even the pitiful amount the Australian dole is is still a larger and more stable income than he has. Of course he'd find the reporting requirements onerous. 

[Bbfamteam]

Every time I read an @thoughtful recap or see one of Bro Gary’s posts I am reminded of Billy Madison. Both are woefully ignorant, both are floating through life on other people’s dime, and both randomly yell inappropriate things when everyone around them is speaking normally.  The difference between the two is that Billy actually has a few redeeming qualities (and they aren’t tooth sucking or a fondness for pink weens). In honor of the shit show that is GHaw I leave you with this...which most frequently comes to mind after reading his incoherent rants....

 

Spoiler

 

Edited April 23, 2020 by Bbfamteam
Spoiler for gif added hopefully correctly

[Idlewild]

That comment about Michelle Obama is disgraceful. Thank you for showing us your true nature Gary you odious piece of shit. 

[smittykins]

I can’t believe people actually believe that rumor.

[EyesOpen]

his Ilk really don’t like educated women, especially of color... 

Didn’t think I could get more disgusted with him, but here we are... 

much like JRod, he can always sink lower...

[thoughtful]

Gary actually did a third video last night! It's short, just three minutes to say he gets "a phone call once in a while, I think it's a lady, a woman, I don't know."

"She is so thankful we get on here and talk about politician stuff and about Walmart."

He can't tell if it's a woman or a man, from the voice (interestingly, that doesn't make him think it could be Michelle Obama. Wonder why not). They only call when he can't get on the phone. He and Becky are thankful, because it's so "incouraging." 

We do get to see some of the famous essential underclothes - a white t-shirt. Thanks, Gary.

[AmazonGrace]

Occasionally I feel bad about mocking Gary because maybe he can't help being stupid. But it never lasts long because he always comes up with something to remind me that he is also a huge racist bigot. And that's a choice.

[thoughtful]

Well, since we are looking at people's underwear, here's a tidbit from Nathan Lane, from the tour of his guest room he gave Stephen Colbert. He says his most prized possession is a pair of Eugene O'Neill's boxer shorts, which he has framed and hanging:

Spoiler

He was given them when he did The Iceman Cometh. Monogrammed, no less:

Spoiler

Who says TV is not educational?

[zeebaneighba]

I keep getting ads for pasture spraying on this thread.  Probably related to Bro Gary's pronunciation of the word "pastor."

[thoughtful]

Gary starts this afternoon's video with a repetitive weather report. It's raining, raining, raining. He says maybe "the sun'll come out tomorrow."

It was the first time I wished Gary would start singing. He could play the part - he's even a redhead!

He's in North Carolina, staying in a church. He actually complains that he has to go out to the truck to get online. Yes, he is sitting in the truck, and it looks and sounds like Jacob and Becky are working around him to actually get things done (yet again) while he brays incoherently.

It's "flustrating" that you can't go to church, for preachers who are going to lose members (and contributions, eh, Gary?).

He says that saying the church is not just the building and wanting to protect old people are just excuses to blame the spread of coronavirus on the church.

Besides snorting, sniffing and a little bit of tooth sucking, he spends most of this video tapping something.

He stops because "they hollerin' for me to come eat dinner."

 

[wallysmommy]

My theory is more people are attending online church than they did in person.  It's convenient and they can watch services from other areas even from around the world.  Gary thrives on the minority of Christians who want to hear yelling about how bad other people are.  No one will believe that Christ taught love for all when they listen to his insane ramblings.

On his crazy Michelle Obama ramblings -- I guess it was a giant conspiracy that she gave birth to daughters in a hospital.  How many people were in on that cover-up, Gary?

[keepercjr]

11 minutes ago, wallysmommy said:

My theory is more people are attending online church than they did in person.  It's convenient and they can watch services from other areas even from around the world.  Gary thrives on the minority of Christians who want to hear yelling about how bad other people are.  No one will believe that Christ taught love for all when they listen to his insane ramblings.

On his crazy Michelle Obama ramblings -- I guess it was a giant conspiracy that she gave birth to daughters in a hospital.  How many people were in on that cover-up, Gary?

I also think that Gary needs to hear people tell him how great he is (Amen?).  And of course the $$

The Michelle Obama thing... I had a conservative sort of family member tell me that yes he knows she is a woman but still posts all that man stuff.  Because he knows it upsets the liberals like me.  I don't talk to him anymore.  He is a typical MAGA nut.  Even though he is in his 60s and has parkinsons, He would vote against his own self interest to own the libs I am sure.  I was sure that he was posting coronavirus hoax stuff so I checked out his facebook page recently and was pleasantly surprised to see that he wasn't.

 

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

He says that saying the church is not just the building and wanting to protect old people are just excuses to blame the spread of coronavirus on the church.

I don't think Gary has ever been an actual member of a congregation that was focused on something other than a sole "pasture". When the priest/minister/pastor is seen as the representative of something larger then being able to see the church as not the building is, I think, a lot easier. When you're a member of a congregation you also tend to want to protect the other members of the group because you know them. Gary doesn't seem to have a long term church anywhere.

Then again Gary and his ilk thrive on perceived persecution so there's that.

And of course his income is entirely dependent on people giving him money to go away.

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

it looks and sounds like Jacob and Becky are working around him to actually get things done (yet again) while he brays incoherently.

 

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

He stops because "they hollerin' for me to come eat dinner."

I kind of get the feeling he's doing more lives with Becky's encouragement so he'll get out from under her feet. Gives her time to clean a bit, cook a bit, do some school with Jacob, have a couple of minutes where she's not the constant focus. Like a retirement project, only he hasn't worked at a job in a long time.

9 hours ago, EyesOpen said:

his Ilk really don’t like educated women, especially of color... 

He feels threatened by anyone who is more successful than him, but especially those he believes "should" be inferior to him. He's a (godawful) "preacher" at least partly so he can prove how superior he is to all those educated, well off, successful people who aren't properly Saved like he is. He has no talent as a preacher (and his Salvation story is missing quite a few important details - tell us what your prison/jail time was for Gary), he doesn't even know or understand the book he claims to follow - but he gets to feel all warm and fuzzy about being Important (and I sometimes suspect the people listening do so because they get to feel superior to him, and warm and fuzzy with their charitable donation to the Mental Giant* in front of them to boot.)

*so a long time ago some guys I know were amusing themselves one quiet Saturday night by driving around and phoning in prank calls to the local radio station (which they had on in the car, obviously.) After about an hour the host got a bit frustrated and said "Will the mental giants of [town] who keep prank calling us stop now please?" (This was about the time I was driving home and tuned in... sadly I guessed who it probably was). Didn't work, but did give us a useful phrase.

[Idlewild]

I think a lot of the whining preachers are terrified this is the end of days - namely the end of the days of people turning up to sit in a tent listening to unmitigated bollocks and then paying for the privilege.

i wonder how many people have bought Tupperware out of pity. 

[thoughtful]

Gary's been on again, spread out and jiggling one leg in a pew of the church.

Gary couldn't watch the governor's speech, but he read some comments online, and he's very unhappy that Cooper wants to keep the state closed for another two weeks.

He complains that you can't go anywhere, then that everything seems to be open but the churches. Make up your mind, Gary.

He actually didn't know why Walmart was counting people going in and out. Becky told him that they were limiting the number of people in the store. Gary doesn't believe it. He never explains that (another conspiracy theory?).

"It's more of a religious thing, I think, than anything else." He never explains that.

He says he's going to call the governor's office in the morning, and tell them that  Cooper knows he's going to be voted out in November (if the Lord tarries his comin'), so he's "bein' as mean and as wicked as he can be, and just tryin' to destroy our North Carolina."

"Don't know if you've noticed it or not, but this thing's been goin' on since the middle of March."

Yeah, we've noticed, Gary.

This time, when he tells us to burn down our churches, he yells HAYMEN and does this:

Spoiler

I couldn't resist:

Spoiler

Rambles - abortion, Jesus is the problem solver, if it's left up to the governor NC is never gonna open up, poor Job ("he had troubles, he had trials, he had heartaches, he lost children, his wife got mad at him"), advertising Tupperware, asking for gigs.

He may not be able to get Becky to come upstairs and get on Facebook, because her back is hurting her and right now she's "fixin' to cook supper." Of course it wouldn't occur to him to let her rest and go cook supper himself.

And yes, he did just have dinner. But that was late due to their traveling, and now it's almost time for supper.

BTW, for non-English speakers; calling a midday meal "dinner" is a regional thing. Where I have lived, that is called lunch, and the last meal of the day could be called either supper or dinner. But it varies.

Edited April 23, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[Idlewild]

Why on earth would limiting the number of customers in Walmart be a religious thing? I think he’s losing it.

Where I’m from (north west England) it was quite usual to hear people to refer to their midday meal as dinner, then tea later in the day ( as in a meal, not the drink) then supper was a snack before bedtime. It was considered a working class thing to say dinner instead of lunch.

When I went to university I found being invited to supper by posher friends meant dinner! Etiquette is a minefield! 

[forgetmenow]

Hey Gary, you're not being persecuted.  However, what you're doing when you talk about the Obamas, Bill Gates, etc. is called slander in the KJV and it's taken pretty seriously.

"Whoso privily slandereth his neighbour, him will I cut off: him that hath an high look and a proud heart will not I suffer." (Psalm 101:5)

And even more fitting: "He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool." (Proverbs 10:18)

[thoughtful]

2 minutes ago, Idlewild said:

Why on earth would limiting the number of customers in Walmart be a religious thing? I think he’s losing it.

Sorry if I gave that impression. Those two things were a few minutes apart. I think he meant that either the virus itself, or states staying closed was "a religious thing" (as in trying to destroy religion), but he didn't really make it clear what he meant by "it."