Bro Gary Hawkins 12: IT BIBLE

[thoughtful]

Gary went out to the truck to get on Facebook again. He's tapping again (maybe he taps all the time, and we can only hear it in the truck). Becky stayed in the church, but comments on Facebook.

Gary just got on to say God is good, and he's not worried about anything. Well, that would be nice, but somehow he keeps talking about how his gigs all got canceled.

Gary jokes that it's probably better that people can't see him, then botches the old saying about having a face for radio.

He says they have food for today, (Becky comments "we have food for tomorrow, too"), and God could come back any time, and that would be all right.

I wonder if Gary really sits around thinking the end of the world could be any minute, or just talks about it to instill fear in others and get their money.

Someone who's not even his denomination sent him money for a second time. He says he is unworthy (finally, something I can agree with).

He tries to sing, and the sound cuts out on him - thank you, Gary's phone!

He asks us to pray for DeFuniak Springs, FL, where they just had the tent meeting,because a tornado hit it. Then he manages to fuck that nice thought up by laughing and saying "I guess the Lord knew I had to get out of there, 'cause some of 'em wantin' to go on longer with the meetin', which God knew. I'd hate for that tent to be down the road somewhere." And he laughs again.

 

He finishes with a long sing-song rant about how God is good, even when bad things happen (and he lists all kinds of horrible things).

 

[grandmadugger]

7 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

My theory is more people are attending online church than they did in person.  It's convenient and they can watch services from other areas even from around the world.  Gary thrives on the minority of Christians who want to hear yelling about how bad other people are.  No one will believe that Christ taught love for all when they listen to his insane ramblings.

On his crazy Michelle Obama ramblings -- I guess it was a giant conspiracy that she gave birth to daughters in a hospital.  How many people were in on that cover-up, Gary?

I have seen a few interviews and asked some friends about this.  Most are seeing greater views on their videos than ever walk in the door. These pastors are looking at it as a blessing because they are “getting the word out”. Then there’s GHaw who thinks we are horrible for attending in our pj’s. 

[Idlewild]

@thoughtful once again thank you for unpicking the ramblings.

Like many I started out thinking Gary was a bit thick & half laughed and half felt sorry for him. I’m now coming round to the view that his is a wilful ignorance in the style of Trump- he knows what he isn’t saying is probably wrong but he’s too lazy, bigoted and narcissistic to do anything about it.

I also think he’s honed his skills of being manipulative to get what he wants.

Why on earth would he mention they have ‘food for a day’? So people would think to send a few dollars his way. I’d be interested to know what his criminal history is - I had assumed it was a drunken assault but now I wonder if it was fraud/dishonesty.

[IrishCarrie]

If I were to write a list of things that got me through lockdown and these strange times, @thoughtful and this thread would definitely be in the top five! 

Thanks guys 

[thoughtful]

11 hours ago, grandmadugger said:

Then there’s GHaw who thinks we are horrible for attending in our pj’s. 

PJs don't have pockets - pockets full of money need to walk in the church door or come under the tent to make Gary happy.

6 hours ago, Idlewild said:

@thoughtful once again thank you for unpicking the ramblings.

<snip>

I’d be interested to know what his criminal history is - I had assumed it was a drunken assault but now I wonder if it was fraud/dishonesty.

You're welcome! I find the mix of how ridiculous Gary is and how repulsive he is, not to mention the challenge of trying to figure out what he is trying to say, interesting.

His criminal history, if whatever FJ sleuth first found this is correct (sorry, I don't remember who to credit), was molestation of a minor. Ignore the fact that it says his age is 43 - if you do the math from his birthdate, it is the age he claims to be - 47. And I am guessing this is the reason he started going by his middle name, although that could have predated this:

https://www.rapsheetz.com/northcarolina/doc-prisoner/HAWKINS_WILLIAM/0174434

5 hours ago, IrishCarrie said:

If I were to write a list of things that got me through lockdown and these strange times, @thoughtful and this thread would definitely be in the top five!

Thanks! I really do it for selfish reasons - despite Gary being as evil as he is dopey, I find that recording both his idiocies and his viciousness, mocking the former and decrying the latter, is very satisfying.

I know some people have trouble with continuing with humor as a weapon when we find out something truly disgusting about someone, and I respect that - it's something that varies hugely among humans.

But, for me, it's therapeutic.

Edited April 24, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[Idlewild]

Re his criminal record- in my early legal career I can remember a weary police sergeant telling me ‘there’s some rocks you wish you didn’t look under’. 

[thoughtful]

A comment that was left on last night's truck talk, several hours after Gary finished:

Today's breakfast (warning - it's weeny gravy and biscuits!)

Spoiler

Somehow, thinking of eating that while drinking orange juice makes it even more disgusting. I guess they went out shopping again, so Becky could get White Lily flour.

This morning's video, from the truck, is also disgusting. But you knew that.

Gary gives us a tooth-sucking weather report, some Lord-praising and a description of his breakfast while he waits for people to sign on. I was right - Becky bought her flour (Gary can't remember the name of it). He proudly tells us how he got some pastors to try it, and how it looks like Pepto-Bismal when it's made with the red weens of Maine.

He tells Brother Joe to tell his wife that he did sleep inside last night. I assume that's the husband of the person who left last night's comment.

Pray for our country - it's in a big mess (just throw that in as you read - he says it over and over). He's distracted by someone using the church parking lot to turn around (scared it was a cop, Gary?).

He called Cooper's office again and left a message - same rant about liquor stores/Walmarts/Lowes being "issintial" but not churches.

You're supposed to "korintine" yourself for two weeks but he can't, because he has to go to the "laundrymat" or wear dirty clothes ("an' I jus' ain't into that"), and he has to go to the stores. "But I wanna go to church."

He keeps saying he doesn't know what he's going to do for church tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday, Gary.

He reviews where he has been having church for the last two weeks, and a little admission slips through - "Wednesday I was travelin'. Well, I did listen to a couple o' services or whatever on Facebook, but (mumbled) I was sleepin' 'n stuff."

He ain't throwin' rocks, but he heard some preacher sayin' to listen to the law, but, when the law goes against the Bible, we need to show our neighbors . . . he drifts off.

Than E. Aparre leaves a comment, and Gary asks if he's going back to the Philippines any time soon. Hey, "the Phillipino preacher" has a name!

Gary doesn't have the vahris - he'd know if he had it. He ain't wearin' no mask, because people who rob banks wear masks. Becky used to be a nurse, and she's told him some things about those masks (he doesn't specify what).

Again with the routine about how people go to (say it with me, now!) liquor stores and Walmarts' and through the drive-throughs, but then the churches get blamed for anybody catching it. I'm only reiterating that because this time he adds "God-haters and God-deniers, that's all that is. AMEN! Good preachin' if I am doin' it. Blamin' the vahris on the church-house, and our governor has done that, if you don't notice, he blamed the the church for gittin' the vahris."

The vahris will "go away with all this heat goin' around we got."

He gets this comment after a few minutes of repetitive ranting (the only new thing is that we find out that Gary had no idea people were still traveling in airplanes, including going to "dangerous places" like California):

Of course, he agrees. These guys really want it to be a liberal plot, and they try to make every bit of news they hear fit their agenda.

He tells us his plans for the rest of the day. He's gonna go do some laundry after he "lets his boy get through some schoolin'." Somehow, I can't help feeling that Gary's only role in the laundry is driving the truck. Why else would he need to wait for Becky and Jacob to be done with school? Laundry is woman's work, and Jacob is needed to lift anything heavy if Becky's back is hurting. He'll probably sit in the truck and do another video, unless he's fussy enough about his precious wardrobe that he likes to supervise. Maybe he likes to wheel the carts around.

Hope you run into Lord Daniel in the laundrymat, Gary.

Edited April 24, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[thoughtful]

Spoiler

 

 

Spoiler

I love the fact that people want to know who wrote it (they know Gary couldn't have), and the irony of his posting something mocking other people for wacky theories and fears.

So Gary, while you were posting this, were Becky and Jacob doing schoolwork, laundry, or preparing your next meal, Your Majesty?

[thoughtful]

While I was teaching (earning a living, Gar - it's a high you will never know), Gary got some pushback on his previous post:

Gary also managed to post another live, from outdoors somewhere, with lots of wind blowing.

After the weather report, waiting for people to sign on 'n' ever'thing, he asks us a sincere question. He's still not throwin' stones, he's not bein' mean.

If and when everything opens again . . . he goes off on a tangent, saying  the Democrats aren't wantin' anything to open up, they already in "preservations, or whatever you wanna call it" - I think he means "preparations" - for the next vahris, and how could they know there's gonna be another one?

OK, back to the question. Oops, we can't hear the question, because his Internet goes in and out. For once, I'm glad Gary repeats himself 400 times in every video.

Finally we get to hear it The question is "Will it be hard for people to start gettin' back up on Sunday morning, will it be hard for thim people to come back to church?"

He's worried that people will be spoiled to staying home (I bet he's more worried that they'll be spoiled to actual good preaching).

Preachers will be skeered when someone says Amen, because they've been talking to a screen.

He says that where he's "stayin' at" right now, they're having church on Sunday, but not Sunday school.

He's not bein' "gloom and doom," he's just tryin' to make us look at the facts. People aren't going to get up for church, or come to revivals.

Then he clues us in on who to blame. Anybody who has been reading Scriptures saying it's OK to stay home, then goes back to "do not forsake the assemblin' of ourselves together" is going to have people thinking "what kinda preacher do I got?"

But he's not God, he's not throwin' stones or judgin' anybody - it's jest a question, somethin' to think about:

Mid-repetitive rant, while saying he has "no idear" if God is coming soon, he notices that his phone's at 5%, and says he's "fixin' now to go plug it up."

But he starts ranting again, then says "I had a preacher tell me Wednesday night, before church, he said . . . "

And it cuts off there.

Oddly satisfying.

 

[PumaLover]

I am so curious to find out more about his crime. It looks like he actually did prison time, correct, from what @thoughtful posted? And it's a felony, so that's serious. 

This is his crime: INDECENT LIBERTY W/CHILD (PRINCIPAL)01/04/1991FELONCLASS H

He would have been about 19 at the time so I'm wondering if he was with a slightly younger teenage girl (still not great but somehow better than thinking about him doing something inappropriate with a little kid). I'm going to try to do some digging on this this weekend, and see if I can find anymore details. Too bad this all happened before the age of the internet, though, because that makes things much easier to find! 

If anyone has further info on this please share it. I know we discussed it several threads back.

I'm very interested to see him going on and on about the conspiracy theories. He does seem the type to buy into them, especially if Fox News and Rush Limbaugh tell him they're true! I didn't know about the thing with Michelle Obama. My BIL sent me a meme of her with facial hair last week because he knows I like her, and I didn't get it. I don't think he was trying to be racist because I talk shit to him about Trump and he knows I like the Obamas and Bernie.

Anyway thank you @thoughtful for all your detailed (and hilarious) recaps. Thank you for listening so we don't have to! 

[Granwych]

19 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

While I was teaching (earning a living, Gar - it's a high you will never know), Gary got some pushback on his previous post:

Gary also managed to post another live, from outdoors somewhere, with lots of wind blowing.

 

Mid-repetitive rant, while saying he has "no idear" if God is coming soon, he notices that his phone's at 5%, and says he's "fixin' now to go plug it up."

But he starts ranting again, then says "I had a preacher tell me Wednesday night, before church, he said . . . "

And it cuts off there.

Oddly satisfying.

 

The wind blowing happens whenever Bro preaches.    Does smoke come out of his ears whenever he tries to think?    

[HerNameIsBuffy]

6 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

He would have been about 19 at the time so I'm wondering if he was with a slightly younger teenage girl (still not great but somehow better than thinking about him doing something inappropriate with a little kid).

If that's the official verbiage the state should have information on how they legally define child.

[PumaLover]

Here's what I found for how to define it. I vaguely remember this from the other thread: 

If a person is 16 and at least five years older than the child in question, the person can be guilty of taking indecent liberties with children if he or she does one of the following according to the statute:

Takes indecent liberties with any child for the purpose of arousing sexual desire; or

Commits lewd or lascivious act upon a child under the age of 16.

So the other person would have been at least 14 or younger. So that's a big difference than his girlfriend being a few months younger than him. I have so many questions! I will keep looking. (Things are slow at work right now).

[Ozlsn]

50 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

He's not bein' "gloom and doom," he's just tryin' to make us look at the facts. People aren't going to get up for church, or come to revivals.

It amuses me that he thinks like this - if he was a regular member of a church he would know without needing to think about it that the congregation will return to church. Not just for worship, but for the social element of having morning tea afterwards, being able to volunteer again with fellow members - all the things that make the church a part of many people's lives, and why volunteers collect members from nursing homes to attend so they can continue to participate as long as possible. Gary doesn't get any of that - for him church is only fearing God, not the body of people who come together in love (and, OK, gossip. Social gossip!)

Having said that he's probably partly right - there are undoubtedly people who were going out of habit, and who will realise that they're actually not really into it any more and drift away. 

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Preachers will be skeered when someone says Amen, because they've been talking to a screen.

Says the man who's done how many Facebook lives recently?

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary doesn't have the vahris - he'd know if he had it. He ain't wearin' no mask, because people who rob banks wear masks.

Oh FFS. That is the stupidest reason so far. 

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Somehow, thinking of eating that while drinking orange juice makes it even more disgusting.

That combination sounds horrible. At least he's possibly getting some vitamin C?

And I still have to file the weens'n'gravy under "oh hell no" in my brain. 

[thoughtful]

Gary's phone charges fast (or maybe he borrowed Becky's). He was on again less than a half-hour later, and back outdoors.

Nope, cuts off again after six seconds. But he still got an "amen" from Jacob Kim in Korea.

 

 

 

[keepercjr]

52 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

Here's what I found for how to define it. I vaguely remember this from the other thread: 

If a person is 16 and at least five years older than the child in question, the person can be guilty of taking indecent liberties with children if he or she does one of the following according to the statute:

Takes indecent liberties with any child for the purpose of arousing sexual desire; or

Commits lewd or lascivious act upon a child under the age of 16.

So the other person would have been at least 14 or younger. So that's a big difference than his girlfriend being a few months younger than him. I have so many questions! I will keep looking. (Things are slow at work right now).

Lets not forget that he could have plead down to that charge.  I am sure that happens all too often.  Someone in N. Carolina could go to the courthouse and get the details. 

Quote

Information about criminal cases in the North Carolina court system can be accessed by visiting a public, self-service terminal located at a clerk of court’s office in any county. You can use the terminal to search for cases by defendant name, case number, or victim or witness name. Paper files for court cases may be accessed by visiting the clerk of court’s office in the county where the case is located. Copies may be made of court documents for a fee.

 

[keepercjr]

It says the offense was in Jan and the date of his conviction was in September.  He got probation and a suspended sentence.  Maybe he had a 14 year old girlfriend, maybe not.  Gary did mention he was a little wild when he was younger and didn't want to attend church (remember daddy is a pastor). 

25 years ago when I was in 8th grade, the small private school I attended moved to a new school site to a property they purchased.  It had a nice gym with a basketball court.  Our PE teacher was also a basketball coach at a small local college (this was in the SF bay area).  The men's basketball team would come to practice there after school let out.  I would see them occasionally if I stayed after school for whatever reason.  Well they only came to practice there for a few months because it turned out that one of players started "dating" one of the 8th grade girls.  I think he was a freshman so probably 18 but I don't really know.  There were only 14 kids in my class and only 4 girls.  It was no secret who it was.  I don't think anything ever came of it but we never saw those guys again.   She turned out well for herself and don't think she ever felt victimized.  She definitely didn't look 13/14 but he had to know she was in 8th grade because he was practicing at an elementary school!

[thoughtful]

Becky likes conspiracy theories, too:

Spoiler

Screencaps, just in case:

 

 

Becky found a great recipe:

 

[wallysmommy]

I hope that Jacob flies the coop RV the day he turns 18.  Can you imagine having to live in a pickup with Gary and Becky, sharing a the RV with them, or a hotel room.  There's no escape.  He can't have any/many friends because of the nomadic lifestyle and it looks like the churches they frequent are mainly elderly people.  

 

[thoughtful]

Gary has found a way to get on Facebook live from the church basement. He starts with "Yeah, y'all caught me in the bed" (and I know you want proof, so):

Spoiler

He does the entire video from this position, except for some arm-waving.

He asks his burning question again. Come May 8, Cooper will do another 'valuation, to see if it's OK to open up more. "Well, he's a Democrat, so it's not gonna be OK, amen?"

Most don't believe that the Democrats are out to destroy. "Ah bin rebuked for somethin' ah posted today." "All I have to do is open my mouth and somebody gets mad at me, but that's called life."

Not my life, Gary.

Preachers 20-30 years ago were preachin' this would happen. So, Gary, does that mean they are in on the conspiracy?

He recounts how a Baptist preacher he knows warns people that, if he is driving them down the road when the "tribble-ation" comes, they'll have to reach over and take the wheel, because he'll be called outta here (I don't know if this is the story that got cut off earlier, or a new one).

Hell will rise up for the rest of us, and anyone who isn't taken up to Heaven will be in the lake of fire. Which he immediately follows with "I'm just tryin' to be an encouragement."

He's mutilating the name of the illness in new and creative ways: "this little pandamic," "Kay-ven-19, Coe-ven-19, whatever vahris this is, vahris, I don't never - I cain't say vahris right, they say."

This one is even more incoherent than usual - I don't think he finished more than a few of his sentences. The video stops suddenly in the middle of one of his rants.

Technology is our friend.

[Indebtandinpants]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Becky likes conspiracy theories, too:

  Reveal hidden contents

Screencaps, just in case:

 

 

Becky found a great recipe:

 

This bothers me so much. Name brand cereal is kind of pricey and I always feel bad if I end up wasting part of a box, and I don’t grift for a living. The fact that she is so nonchalant about wasting food that was given to them out of kindness speaks to their entitlement. 

[Ozlsn]

@thoughtful I honestly don't know which of those two posts by Becky disturbs me more. They're both pretty gross.

And Gary is going off about people watching livestreamed church services in their pajamas, then posts an entire live video from his bed?! 

[thoughtful]

21 minutes ago, wallysmommy said:

I hope that Jacob flies the coop RV the day he turns 18.  Can you imagine having to live in a pickup with Gary and Becky, sharing a the RV with them, or a hotel room.  There's no escape.

And he seems to be doing a lot of the work. I also hope he's planning to take off as soon as he turns 18, and that Becky's homeschooling has actually done him some good.

I don't think they have an RV at this point - just the beloved pickup truck. The videos from Florida were in a vehicle that was loaned to them for that visit.

[thoughtful]

8 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

@thoughtful I honestly don't know which of those two posts by Becky disturbs me more. They're both pretty gross.

And Gary is going off about people watching livestreamed church services in their pajamas, then posts an entire live video from his bed?! 

I know - Becky manages to cover two completely different aspects of "ewwwww."

I also loved the glorious hypocrisy of Gary ranting ( excuse me, just asking) from bed about people getting out of the habit of getting up for church. There's actually been a progression, of him yawning more and more in his Facebook videos, then admitting he dozed off during livestreamed services on Wednesday, to actually posting while reclining.

I think he's afraid he won't be able to get back into the habit of dressing up and going to church.

 

[Ozlsn]

57 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

I think he's afraid he won't be able to get back into the habit of dressing up and going to church.

We can hope!