Bro Gary Hawkins 12: IT BIBLE

[PumaLover]

OK folks, I've been away from FJ for far too long. I have a child out of school and a small farm. No work at my regular jobs but I just started working a full time job where we are compiling jobs and essential resources for people who have been displaced due to Covid-19. I cannot even tell you how thankful I am to be working. I've not had a full time job since April 2012. Plus we are doing work to help other people get back to work. It is so rewarding and I hope we are actually really helping others (if anyone needs suggestions for job searches please reach out to me!)

But thank you for all the laughs. Bro and J-Rod are really all I have time to keep up with anymore and I think I'm about 40 years behind on the Rod threads. I can only hope @wallysmommy can kind of keep me in the loop.

[AmazonGrace]

Gary speaks for 11 minutes about how you need to give your money away to church, ministries and missionaries, because otherwise people doing God's work might have to get a job. 

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/3182236948487784/

 

He's left Texas, gone to Mississippi and traveling to Florida. 

He asks you to pray that they can find (= be given) a keyboard with 88 keys. 

[Idlewild]

4 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Gary speaks for 11 minutes about how you need to give your money away to church, ministries and missionaries, because otherwise people doing God's work might have to get a job. 

https://www.facebook.com/ghawkins38/videos/3182236948487784/

 

He's left Texas, gone to Mississippi and traveling to Florida. 

He asks you to pray that they can find (= be given) a keyboard with 88 keys. 

I note he starts by saying he is having a lazy day- compared with what? Other than spout shite, what does he spend his time doing? 
I can imagine he’d be terrified of getting a job that didn’t involve snorting, chewing & scratching in front of a camera. 

[thoughtful]

Update on Gary Lutrick:

[Idlewild]

1 minute ago, thoughtful said:

Update on Gary Lutrick:

And not a word for the skill, dedication & selflessness of those treating him and caring for him.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Fundy Xtians are an ungrateful bunch of bastards.  Just saying.

[thoughtful]

3 minutes ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

Fundy Xtians are an ungrateful bunch of bastards.  Just saying.

I think there's a mix:

 - totally ungrateful.

- somewhat ungrateful (I have seen a few fundies thank medical workers, in addition to the usual miracle/God/prayer talk).

- grateful, but so caught up in the magical thinking of Goddidit and prayer fixing everything that they only thank God, Jesus and people who prayed, rather than the people who actually did the work and took the risk.

 

[PumaLover]

OK folks, maybe it's just because I'm used to seeing him in button downs but he looks like he's put on weight. And I'm not trying to fat shame. He looked very unhealthy before. I'm guessing they eat a lot of fast food while they're traveling and that's not good for either him or Becky (she had health problems awhile back, right?). But I guess it's all good because Jesus. 

[Dandruff]

@PumaLoverSince this is Bro, I'm not sure whether the pic is a mirror image or he has his shirt on inside out.

It appears that he hasn't been suffering from any kind of weeny gravy shortage.

[EyesOpen]

Not one comment on his post suggesting they stop traveling for awhile or get a job. I think they’re going to struggle for the next few weeks finding ‘missionaries quarters’ or preaching gigs... they may find a few but poor Gary is going to be leaving a lot of messages that aren’t returned I think... 

[PumaLover]

@Dandruff I *think* he's got his forward camera on and it's one of those that reverses the image. I wouldn't put it past him to have it on inside out though. Trying to decide if this is snark worthy enough to change my profile pic… I really love his sneer though! 

[thoughtful]

Gary's latest video starts with his phone screaming "Whooo, hey, hey look at this - you got a text!" while we see his son Jacob standing patiently in front of a sofa, with one of those adjustable coffee tables in front of him. It looks like Jacob is starting this Wednesday evening service. He announces that "we're gonna sing, and my dad's gonna preach," then prays.

They massacre Amazing Grace. Hawkinses, if you attempt to sing a song without instruments, someone has to give a starting note - on a pitchpipe, a tin whistle, sung - something!

I skipped ahead.

 He announces another song, starts it, and his parents interrupt and make him change to When the Roll is Called Up Yonder.

I skipped ahead.

Gary comes into view, and his son leaves. Through all of the following, insert tooth-sucking wherever and as often as possible, and it will probably be accurate. Also, the camera keeps going in and out of focus.

He tells us it's good to be able to have church: "they're tryin' to take it away from us, but we're gonna have it anyway," while he swigs from a water bottle.

Pray for ________ the usual list, with lots of repetition and mumbling, and the addition of praying for the Hawkins family to get up in the morning and get into Florida on time, and get a "piana keyboard" at a good price.

He complains that music stores aren't open, and we hear Becky say she may have found one in Mobile AL.

He asks us to "pray for the Lindsey family, passed away" and the Walters/Waters (he and Becky disagree on the name) family from New Mexico, whose son died of the coronavirus - his mother and brother also have it. And, he mentions Gary Lutrick, who is "on the mend."

He's having church in a house instead of a church because he has to, not because he wants to. Sometimes he needs to be preached to, and "I do listen to messages on mah thing once in a while."

John 12:17-22 - Gary take two stabs at pronouncing Bethsaida, and never comes close. But we all need to seee Jeeesis. He takes only a view seconds to get up to full bellow mode, and rants (but he's not rebuking anybody!) about how Christians need to contact their government leaders, and we need to be afraid of splittin'  Hell right open, not the vahris. And he throws in about 400 repeats of how people need to see Jesus in you.

To prove that his preaching is not about his own ego, he yells out a story about someone on Facebook who didn't give him a gig because Gary preaches against the Santa Claus. He's on a rampage!

Spoiler

 

Gary, somebody has loaned you their living room to do this shit - please don't break their coffee table. Or their eardrums (seriously, this would be too loud in the tent, let alone a living room).

He reads something Becky found on Facebook. Ready to have your blood pressure raised (believe me, hearing Gary read it is worse, except for the fun of hearing him try to read "unique")? OK (just the part in the pink - the ending on the one Gary reads is a little different):

He starts bellowing again about dressin' like "a whore, like a whore-hopper, half NEKKID!" He ain't gonna go preach where pastures let their people dress like that. When Jesus healed an insane man, he went and PUT CLOTHES ON! GOD WILL JUDGE YOU! AIN'T NOBODY GONNA SEE MY BODY BUT MY WIFE!

Poor woman.

And if we don't like it, Gary don't "give a flip!"

OK, Gary, but I have one question - what's a whore-hopper?

ETA - I thought "whorehopper" was just a product of the many random syllables running through Gary's mind, but apparently it is an expression:

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whorehopper

 

Edited April 17, 2020 by thoughtful

[Dandruff]

20 minutes ago, PumaLover said:

@Dandruff I *think* he's got his forward camera on and it's one of those that reverses the image. I wouldn't put it past him to have it on inside out though. Trying to decide if this is snark worthy enough to change my profile pic… I really love his sneer though! 

The sneer is special but I think the utterly vacant look on his face while wearing a shirt that may be inside out is extra-special.  No pressure, though...we each appreciate Bro in our own way.

14 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

AIN'T NOBODY GONNA SEE MY BODY BUT MY WIFE!

I can live with that.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

17 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

GOD WILL JUDGE YOU! AIN'T NOBODY GONNA SEE MY BODY BUT MY WIFE!

Speaking for all women everywhere...thank you.

[thoughtful]

Gary's live video on 4/13 led to this argument on Facebook:

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

On a friendlier note:

How, exactly, does the LORD deliver a tire, without the use of humans who worked for money to pay for it?

Oh, right.

[thoughtful]

Gary is even more offensive than usual in the video from 4/13 (where the argument above was posted). He doesn't "give a flip" what anyone thinks.

He says he ain't throwin' no stones if you want to "apply" with the government (I assume he means "comply"). The virus has "more to do with the government" than people think. He doesn't know who put the nails on the church driveway in Kentucky, but he implies that it could have been a government official.

He says they're ain't no way to stay six feet away in the aisles at Walmart (he went again on the day he made this video, and I guess he got yelled at again) if you're shopping with another person.

He sees that people have given him angry reactions, and tells them to keep it up, because "it just lets me know you're wickit, scared of the guv'mint, scared of gettin' a ticket." Later he says that person should let him know who they are "if you've got the guts," so he can block them, because he doesn't want to be around anyone "who's skeered - uh, who hates God that bad."

He says "that little four-eyed, I wisht I could think of his last name or first name, whatever, it starts with an F, and he's short, got glasses on, I can't pronounce his name, he's short - he needs to be frowed out, quick."

I believe you mean Anthony Fauci, Gary, and you aren't fit to tie his shoes.

Hey, he had a new twist on the Walmart rant. Those fruits and vegetables you're gettin' at Walmart's - they came "from Chahna, where the vahrus supposed to come from, and prob'ly did come from there." The meat, too.

Back to the angry reactions (or, as he calls them, the "mad faces"): "You better hope I never find out who you are, and if you did block me, I thank God for it. You get a lot of ignorant people."

Gary, you just broke another irony meter.

He thinks that people who don't think they need to go to church are self-righteous.

Another irony meter bites the dust.

He also says that Virginia and MIchigan are the worst right now, in "pushin' us away from religion."

He slips and calls last Sunday "Easter," then corrects himself to say "not Easter - Easter is wicked," and call it Ressu-rection Sundy. We have no way of knowing if anyone who stayed home even watched church. But he was in church on Ressu-rection Sundy.

But he's not throwin' any stones.

Edited April 17, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[keepercjr]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He says "that little four-eyed, I wisht I could think of his last name or first name, whatever, it starts with an F, and he's short, got glasses on, I can't pronounce his name, he's short - he needs to be frowed out, quick."

I believe you mean Anthony Fauci, Gary, and you aren't fit to tie his shoes.

 

I honestly don't understand the point of the right politicizing Fauci.  He has tried to remain neutral and only state the facts.  I don't get it.  They HATE him. 

[Idlewild]

3 hours ago, keepercjr said:

I honestly don't understand the point of the right politicizing Fauci.  He has tried to remain neutral and only state the facts.  I don't get it.  They HATE him. 

When facts don’t suit their narrative, they turn to hate.

Gary has shown that he isn’t just a bumbling idiot we can laugh at- he is a hateful, sneering bigot whose desperation to maintain his idle lifestyle is showing. 

I see his wife is  now selling Tupperware- I think they are very much feeling the pinch financially and there is a deep fear that even when the crisis eases off, some people just aren’t going to want to go back to the way things were and others have found that they prefer the churches that were helping in the hour of need, not urging them to endanger themselves so they could continue in their subsidised lifestyles.

[AmazonGrace]

Gary be eating

Spoiler

Ok folks what a nice breakfast. Mrs Hershey cook us some homemade ? and smoke sausage eggs and homemade biscuits side grits. Good eating. Been some good Fellowship as well.
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

Food cooked by other people.

[Idlewild]

1 hour ago, AmazonGrace said:

Gary be eating

  Hide contents

Ok folks what a nice breakfast. Mrs Hershey cook us some homemade ? and smoke sausage eggs and homemade biscuits side grits. Good eating. Been some good Fellowship as well.
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

Food cooked by other people.

Why do people keep enabling this oaf? 

[thoughtful]

7 hours ago, Idlewild said:

Gary has shown that he isn’t just a bumbling idiot we can laugh at- he is a hateful, sneering bigot whose desperation to maintain his idle lifestyle is showing. 

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

Typical Bro Gary, both the inability to spell "hear," and the content (although aggravating, this is short, and it is not Gary speaking).

And another irony meter bites the dust.

 

[thoughtful]

As Gary starts yesterday's video, we see Becky's hand smoothing the top of his head. Gary also smooths it, and says "yeah, gotta make my hair look good, Amen." Now, I really do try not to focus on looks - I am a physically unattractive person myself - but I just have to show you the man who said this, and his lovely hair:

I think the pointy-headed look is actually pretty appropriate for you, Gary.

They made it to Florida, and they are going to have a tent meeting. "There are houses all around it," he says, and the local police are all for it, because it's "the Lord's work."

He tells us again how he despises Walmart (he had to go in to use the bathroom - TMI, Gary). He says they are yelling "get six feet apart!" on the loudspeaker. He still complains that you can't get "six foot apart" if people are going in both directions down an aisle.

Gary, the aisles are one-way now. From Walmart corporate, dated April 3:

Quote

We’ll also institute one-way movement through our aisles next week in a number of our stores, using floor markers and direction from associates. We expect this to help more customers avoid coming into close contact with others as they shop.

https://corporate.walmart.com/newsroom/2020/04/03/changes-to-our-shopping-process-to-encourage-social-distancing

Now, it's possible that the Walmart stores Gary has been visiting haven't done as well as they should at putting this into place, or they are not among the stores doing it (not sure why it wouldn't be all, but that's what the article from Walmart said), but I think it's more likely that Gary is an asshole - just a hunch.

Kroger is more expensive, he says, but he'd rather go where people don't scream and holler and spit and slobber at you. Gary, I don't know what's going on in the Walmart stores you visit, but the loudspeaker reminders (which I suspect are not screamed), are to make sure that idiots like you don't spit and slobber.

"As far as those people wearin' the masks, let' em wear 'em, I ain't wearin' one." "Cover up your face - I've covered mine up with a beard, amen."

He eventually remembers to get back to advertising his tent meeting, and asks us to pray that "the Lord will open up more doors here in Florida."

Brother Lindsay buried his brother, and Gary got word it was a "pretty good funeral."

They're right around the corner from the "beach, the ocean, whatever ya wanna call it," but they're not allowed to go. Poor babies - they deserve some fun on the beach after all of the hard work . . . wait, what am I saying?

 

Edited April 17, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[Dandruff]

9 hours ago, Idlewild said:

I see his wife is  now selling Tupperware

How?  Tupperware parties and pandemic would not be a good mix...

[AmazonGrace]

Where are they now:

Spoiler