Bro Gary Hawkins 12: IT BIBLE

[Ozlsn]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Oh, and as a secondary reason to pray, he mentions that his Mom is in the hospital due to her kidneys.

That shpuld probably have been reason 1 Gary, not a great time to need hospitalization right now.

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Even though this is a typical show-up of Socialism, this is to help the people to hopefully stay on their feet,  not lose their homes and their cars and their property."

So... not "socialism" if it helps me. Gah, I wish these morons would use the time to learn what socialism is and isn't.

Also if it's to help people to not lose their home and property why on earth is he expecting one? His vehicle isn't worth that much.

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He says he called Cuomo and told him God was real, and that, if he didn't repent, God was going to put him in Hell. I hope the staff who listened to that message were more amused than annoyed, but I doubt it. He said he's called a bunch of governors

I wonder just how many of these calls the staff have to deal with right now. There must be a way to get an AI to "listen" to them, make appropriate noises and hang up. On the other hand that would probably drive both the AI self-awareness and decision to wipe out humanity, so maybe not.

3 hours ago, Idlewild said:

I have to say if anything was to tempt me to breach lockdown, special guest Gary would not be it. In fact I’d probably lock myself in.

The "Hawkins Family Singing" is also not high on my drawcard list.  I'd lock myself in and wear earmuffs.

[Black Aliss]

6 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

I am now petrified and a bit fascinated that Bro. probably came within 50 miles of me depending on his route from Jackson to Florida, since the most direct route would be through Hattiesburg to Gulfport, then along I-10.  There's a heap-ton of Baptist churches in South Mississippi.  Amazing that none would welcome him.  Wonder why? 

Spoiler

 

I'm sure he called every single one of them and got

Spoiler

 

 

Edited April 19, 2020 by Coconut Flan
Animated gifs

[Walking Cat Bed]

4 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Good.  Glad someone so hateful and gross has a life partner.  

To paraphrase Kathleen Madigan, "I know nice, normal people who can't get a date, but these kind of people are all married!"

At least they're married to each other, not making normal people miserable.

2 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

I wonder just how many of these calls the staff have to deal with right now. There must be a way to get an AI to "listen" to them, make appropriate noises and hang up. On the other hand that would probably drive both the AI self-awareness and decision to wipe out humanity, so maybe not.

Too many science fiction shows/movies/books have dealt with this exact scenario and it usually ends very badly for humanity. The staff should get hazard pay.

[thoughtful]

Tonight's video at the tent revival. Lots of extraneous noise, besides that of Gary and company - barking dogs, crying children (clearly near enough to whoever was filming that they were under the tent), birds, sirens. At one point he says there are about 20 people there.

There are signs to inspire us:

When it's their turn, we get execrable singing from the Hawkins clan, then these gems from Gary, among the usual bellowed themes.

He says that the next time someone tells him the church is the people, not the building "I'm gonna tell 'em to burn the building down HAYMEN!"

He reads Isaiah 61:1- 11 - found a new mispronunciation - Gary consistently says "dossolation" for "desolation." Nothing he says afterwards has anything to do with these verses.

For absolutely no reason I can think of, he says that women can't be preachers, but they can go tell the Gospel. "I hear some preachers say that it's OK for a woman to be called a preacher, just not a pastor, well, that's OK, you can believe that, you can always be wrong, as well. Amen!"

"Corona's been here since the 80s."

"Look at Psalms chapter 34, amen, what time do the MO-squitoes start comin' out?"

"I haven't missed a service yet."

"I'm beginnin' to wonder if anybody in America's even got common sense any more. If you got the flu,  and you're sick and you've got a fever, stay home."

At the end of a long list of things God is doing, he says "He still ain't poppin' pills, Amen!" Yes, he means God is not popping' pills.

While ranting about Walmart, and how he was happy to spend more at Kroger because it's nicer, I was thinking that was easy for him to say, since he's spending other people's money. He told this story as if cued by my thoughts. In January, a pastor's wife offered to fill his truck up with gas, and he asked if they should go to a cheaper gas station. He says she told him "God's not poor, he's got plenty of money - we'll just go ahead and get it here." Just what Gary needs - enablers.

Twenty-one years ago, God operated on his heart.

John 11:43  "God is still raisin' the dead."  He mentions that Lazarus stank again.

At about 56:30, he goes off on a weird tangent, still in bellowing-preacher mode, about how he'd never touch a dead body, and how he told his wife if she ever died she'd just have to wait for someone else to come get her. He's heard too many horror stories about "pickin' up people and they're makin' a racket back there."

Romans 6:23  He mentions that he hasn't gotten his stimulus check yet.

He actually compares accepting the gift of salvation to his accepting meals from people, saying that it would be foolish for him to then offer to pay.

Gary claims he tithes to his home church. He also says he's been baptized so many times that "the tadpoles know my social security number." Gary, jokes need to make sense, too.

God told him that, when he gets to heaven, his arthurahtis will be gone.

2 Corinthians 5:17. "For quite a few years now, I have slept with the same woman." Becky: "Amen." "She got a few other personalities, but she's the same woman, amen."

He's been in an airplane once, and never wants to do it again. His wife would have to really, really be sweet to him for about two months to get him on a plane again.

Ephesians 2:8 He compares faith in God to faith that a car will work and a chair will hold you again.

Romans 10:9-10   He goes on his anti-sinner's prayer rant again.

He is willing to leave his flesh behind to go to heaven. He's even willing to leave his truck behind. He's gonna fly out of here like Superman.

"I'd rather see my family to have a name written in the Lamb's book of life than have a name in some school paper."

Gary does an altar call - I don't think anyone comes up. The pastor asks all to sing "Softly and Tenderly."

I turned off the video.

[griffin]

I love you thoughtful

[Carol]

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He's asking us to pray, because he has had all of May cancelled (I assume he means that he has no gigs, not that he will magically jump from April to June). If the Hawkins family could be a help to you, please contact him.

Oh, and as a secondary reason to pray, he mentions that his Mom is in the hospital due to her kidneys.

I think he said something like, "My mom went to the hospital with her kidneys".  I had this image of his mom walking in with her 1(2?) kidneys.  I guess like most people I try really hard to go everywhere with my kidneys, including the hospital.

This is what happens when I'm on Kronaviris day #34 self quarantine.

I love you too, thoughtful, but I am really worried about you reading and explaining Gary to us and the effect is has on your brain cells.  I'm not sure I have many left after watching any of his videos.

Edited April 19, 2020 by Carol

[Dana723]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

At about 56:30, he goes off on a weird tangent, still in bellowing-preacher mode, about how he'd never touch a dead body, and how he told his wife if she ever died she'd just have to wait for someone else to come get her. He's heard too many horror stories about "pickin' up people and they're makin' a racket back there."

I...just...what?  I have...no words...

[Idlewild]

Gary does know he has to have filed taxes to get his payment? I just can’t see him being competent enough. He rants against socialism as like most right wingers he sees it as spending others money - but he has no problem being subsidised for doing nothing. 

On the FB comments Becky says there were 25 attendees- I hope they went home thinking ‘we risked contacting a deadly virus for that??’ 

Is Gary saying he’s had heart surgery or is that his clumsy way of saying he was saved?

I'm not fat shaming but if he has heart issues and arthritis then he needs to lose some weight and cut out the fried breakfasts.

[Dandruff]

1 hour ago, Dana723 said:

I...just...what?  I have...no words...

Neither does Gary.

6 hours ago, Walking Cat Bed said:

At least they're married to each other, not making normal people miserable.

And they haven't bred (with each other).  No way of knowing if this was intentional or nature putting its foot down.

[Idlewild]

What happened to Gary’s first wife? Is she deceased? 

[Ozlsn]

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He says that the next time someone tells him the church is the people, not the building "I'm gonna tell 'em to burn the building down HAYMEN!"

Gary... incitement to arson is still a crime. And you are still an idiot.

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Corona's been here since the 80s."

*sigh* Covid-19 hasn't. See previous comment.

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He compares faith in God to faith that a car will work and a chair will hold you again.

Those are some oddly specific examples Gary has going... experience perhaps?

42 minutes ago, Idlewild said:

He rants against socialism as like most right wingers he sees it as spending others money - but he has no problem being subsidised for doing nothing. 

He doesn't see it as nothing though - in his mind he's doing the work of spreading the Gospel and all meals bought, accommodation provided, retreaded tyres obtained are payment for that work. The idea that he could work a day job and preach after hours or weekends doesn't appear to gel with him. Nor does the idea that being saved by tadpoles (hey, that's what I got out of that story!) does not actually qualify him as a preacher, or even make him a good or interesting speaker.

And for the love of music why do all these weird fundies think they need or have the ability to run a music ministry?! I mean Make A Joyful Noise Unto The Lord, sure, but don't call it a ministry or expect payment!!

51 minutes ago, Idlewild said:

What happened to Gary’s first wife? Is she deceased? 

No,  divorced. Somehow he ended up with custody of their children, which is surprising on the face of it. All but one of his kids has left though (can't remember how many).

[thoughtful]

8 hours ago, Dana723 said:

I...just...what?  I have...no words...

I know. In fact, I put the time on that one, in case anyone wanted to listen and confirm what I thought he was saying. Honestly, when he started with "I've heard too many horror stories . . . " I was braced to hear something about bodies suddenly moving, but it sounds like he was talking about bodies releasing gas. In a sermon. A church sermon. When he thinks he's being wonderfully inspiring to others.

That's Gary! Haymayun!

6 hours ago, Idlewild said:

Is Gary saying he’s had heart surgery or is that his clumsy way of saying he was saved

The latter. It's a metaphor, don'tcha know.

BTW, Gary's claiming that he tithes and has been baptized was just the prelude to his usual "that's not what's getting me into Heaven, though."  He likes to shame anyone who thinks that calling themselves a Christian, getting baptized, and doing good in the world will get them into Heaven.

It doesn't seem to occur to him that he is claiming they think that, when he has no idea. They could be as sincere in their belief that they are saved by faith as he claims to be, and just as suspicious that he is bragging about external signs of Christianity and works.

Gary's from the "I'm not perfect, I'm just a sinner saved by Grace" school of preaching. There are people who sincerely believe that, and live it - quietly. They often see it as a call from God to continue learning, growing, improving in their behavior.

But it's like a coat of Teflon for people like Gary and Jill, and incredibly well-suited for narcissists. They can rant on about how you should behave and what's wrong with anyone who isn't just like them, then fall back on "I'm not perfect, I'm just a sinner saved by Grace" when accused of being self-righteous.

There's no reaching them, no hope of their changing. God saved them once, and they think they don't need to grow beyond that.

Gary claims that being saved changed him, and that it helps him resist the temptations of the flesh from his past. But, other than giving up liquor and only sleeping with Becky, he doesn't even claim any changes or inspiration in 21 years.

 

[AmazonGrace]

Tithing means, like, giving 10 % of what  you earned to God, right?

10 % of nothing is still nothing so it's gotta be an easy deal for Gary to keep.

[thoughtful]

Are you a list soul? If so, are you on God's lost of people to save?

11 hours ago, griffin said:

I love you thoughtful

Why, thank you! 

Gary disgusts me, and makes me angry, and sometimes I need to express that directly. But mocking how ridiculous he is seems to help me, as well. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, though.

[3splenty]

We were taught that we are saved by grace alone.  However, we are also supposed to emulate Christ's behavior ("Love your neighbor as yourself."  John 10:27) and grow in our faith and as people.  We are supposed to help others and not always expect a reward.  I don't think this means showing up, bumbling through a service and expecting handouts afterward.  

[Idlewild]

The wandering ministry with musical backup is a mystery- I suspect it’s a way of involving the whole family & makes it look more like a family ministry than one lazy man’s indulgence. 
As with the Rodrigues family and indeed all these holy beggars - while people keep enabling them, they’re not going to stop.

[thoughtful]

@3splenty, you are one of the people I was referring to, who takes being saved as a starting point to work at being a better person, with Jesus as an example.

I think almost any religious tenet can be taken as a way to be a better person, or a great excuse to prey on others. I just wish that the people being preyed on would wake up and stop enabling shits like Gary.

OK, folks - ready for this morning's revival Sunday school? No? Scroll on - I can't say I blame you. ?

But if you are . . .

They begin with Leaning on the Everlasting Arms. I think I'll listen to Bob and Lillian instead, thanks.

Side note - take a puff (or have an edible) for Bob tomorrow, folks!

Pastor's greeting and prayer are audible now. He's not quite as much of an asshole as Gary (who is?), but he is pretty darned stupid and clunky as a preacher. He has an odd accent/speech pattern - diphthong vowels like the Canadian or Baltimore/Philladelphia accents, and a childlike quality, like a five-year-old telling a "and then this happened, um . . . and then this happened" story.

He wants to make sure that they know that people have been dying for a very long time (thanks, bro), and says that they offer people "the answer to death." He lists a bunch of pandemics of the past, and makes sure to say "they didn't stop the economy then" about the 1918 flu.

Romans 3:10-12 - he reads a teeny bit better than Gary, but not much. He says people are all "assessed" (I assume he means obsessed) about this virus, when they never get upset about "the flu, or Bavaria" (I assume he means malaria).

Sin is a disease, and no other religion except Christianity tells you to deal with your sin.

Of sin, he says, "You could call it the Garden of Eden virus."

James 1:13-15  The world needs truth, not the humanistic stuff the Devil and his disciples in the media put out. The world's virtue is tolerance, but they believe in absolute truth.

1 John 1:7-10  Keeping clean can help prevent coronavirus, but Jesus cleanses you and cures you of sin.

1 Corinthains 5:9-12   The church has been preaching separation for years.

He does several more readings, and connects them to the coronavirus. Unlike Gary, he does at least connect his readings to his points. I skipped some here because nothing terribly offensive or funny happens.

He takes a long time finding each reading in his Bible, and during one such wait, he hears someone sneeze and says "Pull them out of the audience (oops - you gave yourself away there, pastor - shouldn't it be "congregation?") amen" with a giggle. It gets a laugh.

When telling us that the unsaved have to deal daily with the drama of what will happen after we die, he rattles off a long list of gruesome ways people can die. Cheery!

He also describes the tortures Jesus went through, including "they filleted him." I hope he means "flayed" and just pronounces it wrong! It's 33:35, if anyone else wants to check and make sure it's not just my ears.

His final point is that "this virus thing's sort of a counterfeit gospel, we've been preachin' these things for years and years."

He starts a final prayer, then interrupts to say he knows a doctor who tells people that come to his office for anxiety medications that they just need Jesus. Can we get that guy's license revoked?

He also says "Easter" then corrects himself to say "Resurrection Sunday." Guess that's a hard habit for some of these idiots to get.

During one of the pastor's interminable page turnings, we hear Gary and Becky talking, telling their son to take Rascal out of the camper and put him in the cage in the truck, and then see him getting Rascal out of the camper. I hope Becky wouldn't allow Rascal to be in a closed vehicle in the heat.

 

[Dandruff]

10 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

No,  divorced. Somehow he ended up with custody of their children, which is surprising on the face of it. All but one of his kids has left though (can't remember how many).

The thought of Gary being considered a better parent than anyone makes me shudder.  Not sure I want to know why this was allowed to happen.

3 hours ago, 3splenty said:

We are supposed to help others and not always expect a reward.  I don't think this means showing up, bumbling through a service and expecting handouts afterward.  

Putting people's lives in danger during a pandemic probably won't win him any brownie points either.

3 hours ago, Idlewild said:

The wandering ministry with musical backup is a mystery- I suspect it’s a way of involving the whole family & makes it look more like a family ministry than one lazy man’s indulgence. 
As with the Rodrigues family and indeed all these holy beggars - while people keep enabling them, they’re not going to stop.

I doubt anyone would give a cent to these shameless grifters if they didn't bring their little waifs along.  Pity $$s.

[Idlewild]

The highlight for me is telling people not to be afraid if Bavaria!!

[ignorantobserver]

What a hilarious recap ! Americans should be afraid of Bavaria, though... these people are vicious,

[ignorantobserver]

Sorry, I am terrible at using the forum. I submitted half a sentence without noticing. Anyway, what I wanted to say : I have been reading this forum for a while, mostly out of cultural curiosity - most of the families discussed here espouse a worldview that seems completely alien to me (born and raised in Europe). To me, their ideas, customs and identity seem really strange (probably because most of them are heavily influenced by the very American Baptist tradition). Gary Hawkins seems a lot more familiar though : I recognised something in this man, I felt less lost and out of my depth listening to him (mostly reading thoughtful's recaps, to be frank, as he is a little difficult to understand). This evening, I finally understood why : he is basically a literary character, someone out of a Mark Twain novel or a cartoon. Actually, he incarnates every offensive stereotype about Americans, and he doesn't seem to be aware of it at all (well, I haven't seen him with a gun yet, so, that's something). Everything about him, his illiteracy, ignorance, intolerance, religious fanaticism paired with an absolutely embarrassing disdain for the traditions and history of the very religion he claims to defend, his taste for questionable food, his cowboy hat, lack of table manners... he is basically a really, really bad parody of something an Englishman of the last turn of the century might have thought of Americans ! Please cherish him and take good care of him : as a cultural phenomenon, he is exceptional. And he makes me laugh in these stressful times.

[wallysmommy]

I think I would be stone drunk if I tried to listen to a GHaw sermon.  I would start with Bloody Mary's then by the end I would probably be swigging straight vodka.

I really wish he and J&D Rod wouldn't refer to themselves as Baptists.  They're an insult to true Baptists everywhere.  They are nothings.  Their rules and 1/1000 baked theology is horse crap.  If they had to take a test on theology they would fail miserably.  The pastors are a bunch of misfits who wouldn't be able to get a church under an organized denomination, so they start their own.  Even if he tried to get a job, he wouldn't be hired because he would antagonize anyone he worked with who didn't meet his level of stupidity.

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, Dandruff said:

The thought of Gary being considered a better parent than anyone makes me shudder.  Not sure I want to know why this was allowed to happen.

Ok. Just some general observations that have been made about child custody disputes. If there are allegations of abuse made - whether that is against the child or against the partner - the person who the allegations were made against is more likely to gain custody than the person making the allegations, even when there is substantiated proof. There is a definite culture of punishing the person making allegations, and not one looking at what is best for the child. 

In other words I have no idea about Bro Gary's marriage, or why he was awarded full custody despite having a criminal record, not having a stable income or residence, etc. But there are quite a few reasons as to why he could have been awarded custody, and not all of them have to do with his ex-wife being an unfit mother.

[ignorantobserver]

Wallysmommy, I meant no offense, I certainly don't think these people are representative of Baptists ! I agree that Gary Hawkins and Jill Rodrigues don't seem to possess the intellectual capacity to understand any of the doctrinal points they claim to defend (and the same might be the case for John Shrader). What I wanted to say is that they have some cultural history in common with the Baptist tradition, as well as some basic ideas that are somewhat typical of this branch of Christianity (adult baptism, the rituals and ideas surrounding salvation). Remnants of this cultural origin flavor their public statements, both their ideas and the language they use. This makes them difficult to understand, at first, to someone who is not familiar with that particular tradition.  Asking someone whether he is saved seems completely nonsensical in the world where I have been raised, the idea of "conversion" as a reorientation of the individual after a religious experience (instead of a conversion of one denomination to another) is an unusual use of the word from my perspective. I have been raised in a half-lutheran, half-catholic part of Germany, with very few Christians from other denominations, therefore I had to do some research and get used to this particular tradition to be able to understand any of these blogs. Again, I am sorry if my comment felt disrespectful, it certainly wasn't meant to, I just wanted to stress the culture shock I have been experiencing !

[wallysmommy]

@ignorantobserver I really wasn't calling you out.  Your post was respectful and insightful.  I'm calling out GHaw and the Rods.  I joined a baptist church last year, after a lifetime of Church of God, Assembly of God and non-denominational church attendance/membership.  When I see GHaw put himself in the same bucket as my PhD bearing, wonderfully educated pastor I cringe.  He preaches and lives the way of itinerant preachers who held tent meetings during the awakening at the turn of the 20th century.  I live in the US Bible Belt where there's a baptist church on every corner.  There are actually at least 6 within a mile of my house.  I'm sure some of them are IFB but they are pretty low key and I haven't seen a tent pitched yet. 

GHaw is a cartoon character but he is not funny in the least.  He is an idiot of the highest degree.  Doesn't one of the exs live in Louisiana.  Just curious as to which part of the state.