Bro Gary Hawkins 11: Bro likes his food

[AmazonGrace]

Gary is a dick Ted

Spoiler

Ok folks I have only drank one soda in 32 days. They have been some hard days but have managed to hold off. As some of you know I was a Dr pepper holic. I really not sure if I miss it. I drank one a couple weeks ago and really did even get a good taste. I still have my coffee so with that it's really good without it. 
Bro Gary Hawkins

Manly men shouldn't drink girly sodas.  Manly men drink whisky and motor oil.

[scoutsadie]

On 11/21/2019 at 10:22 PM, Dana723 said:

Bro Gary is one of the most unintentionally hilarious people I've ever seen. 

Next thread title! Bro Gary 12: Unintentionally Hilarious

[Dandruff]

Do weens feed the flesh?

[mango_fandango]

18 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

Gary is a dick Ted

  Reveal hidden contents

Ok folks I have only drank one soda in 32 days. They have been some hard days but have managed to hold off. As some of you know I was a Dr pepper holic. I really not sure if I miss it. I drank one a couple weeks ago and really did even get a good taste. I still have my coffee so with that it's really good without it. 
Bro Gary Hawkins

Manly men shouldn't drink girly sodas.  Manly men drink whisky and motor oil.

Are you accusing Bro Gary of... DRANKING?? For shame!

 

[AmazonGrace]

I went back in thread 1 and found this screen shot.  I can't believe no one snarked on "don't to say thongs you don't know' 

Gary can say thongs because he knows thongs

Spoiler

 

[mango_fandango]

Ahhh, the exchange where Gary said IT BIBLE!!
 

I’ve been through Bro Gary threads recently and taken screenshots of some of my favourite moments. There are many! And I haven’t screenshotted them all...

[Black Aliss]

Okay, Gary: 

Luke 16:18 King James Version (That's KJB to you, sir) is quite clear on this point:

Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

[Granwych]

On 11/21/2019 at 8:28 PM, Georgiana said:

Dear Bro Gary:

Greensleeves is one of my favorite songs.  I have many renditions in my music library.  How do I know which ones feed the spirit and which ones feed the flesh?

I mean, obviously the very true historical rendition is a spirit feeder.  And I would suspect the one on the electric violin is a flesh song.  But the first one has the original Greensleeves lyrics, which as you know is about a teasing lover...so that's fleshy.  And the electric violin one is instrumental, so that's very spiritual.  

Then, of course, I have What Child is This in the mix as well.  Which is about Jesus, so spiritual.  But sung by Faith Hill, so flesh-ish?

And how do we sing about Jesus when the only songs in the KJB are from the Old Testament?  Please advise!

Now Georgie,  stand back and watch the explosion in Bro’s head when he tries to figure out spiritual from fleshly.

im guessing that two songs that Bro has memorized are the Armour and Oscar Mayer songs.  And even he oughtta know those songs are about flesh.

[Yogi]

I have a competitor for IT BIBLE.

The LORD is a blast, people!

Ok folks about to frying my first turkey of the year. Eating Thanksgiving dinner together with Family today because we are heading to AL for Thanksgiving. LORD is a blast. Send our oldest sister for Breakfast at Hardee's. We we're all together for the first time in a while.
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

[waltraute]

35 minutes ago, Yogi said:

I have a competitor for IT BIBLE.

The LORD is a blast, people!

Ok folks about to frying my first turkey of the year. Eating Thanksgiving dinner together with Family today because we are heading to AL for Thanksgiving. LORD is a blast. Send our oldest sister for Breakfast at Hardee's. We we're all together for the first time in a while.
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

'The Lord is a blast' is good but nothing compares to It Bible. It never fails to amuse and may possibly be the best thing quoted on FJ ever.

Also, could someone please explain send our oldest sister for breakfast at Hardee's? What?

[Yogi]

8 minutes ago, waltraute said:

'The Lord is a blast' is good but nothing compares to It Bible. It never fails to amuse and may possibly be the best thing quoted on FJ ever.

Also, could someone please explain send our oldest sister for breakfast at Hardee's? What?

I think you are correct. IT BIBLE will never be topped. But I will continue to scour his Facebook page for contenders

[scoutsadie]

8 hours ago, Yogi said:

I think you are correct. IT BIBLE will never be topped. But I will continue to scour his Facebook page for contenders

(Note that the quote is "LORD is a blast." Don't go adding no articles to Bro Gary's holly utterings, lady!)

[thoughtful]

I get it! Gary has been told he has special permission from God to preach even though he is barely able to put a sentence together. Here, he'll tell you the story, in song!

I was born with a cross to bear, I say,
Want to preach, but can only yell and bray!
But it's all right now, the LORD is a blast
But it's all right. I'm Preachin’ Jackass!
LORD's a blast, blast, blast!

I was raised to go out and preach my creed,
But my school couldn’t ever make me heed.
But it's all right now, the LORD is a blast
But it's all right. I'm Preachin’ Jackass!
LORD's a blast, blast, blast!

I was lost, and my schoolbooks were all unread,
But then God put two magic words in my head, yeah, yeah.
I grinned, and “It Bible” is all I said!
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Gimme weens, all I need is to be fed!
And it's all right now, the LORD is a blast
Well it's all right. I'm Preachin’ Jackass!
LORD's a blast, blast, blast!

Preachin’ Jackass, LORD's a blast,
Too many weens, I've got gas . . .

Preachin’ Jackass, LORD's a blast,
Too many weens, I've got gas . .

 

 

 

Edited November 26, 2019 by thoughtful
riffles

[PumaLover]

Ahhh, the exchange where Gary said IT BIBLE!!

I just have to quote this post and give glory to Bro for inspiring the title of my new mix cd! (My new car only has a CD player and I was in need of some good old country and western music).

[Four is Enough]

We are definitely in need of a "we're not worthy" emoji~~

[AmazonGrace]

It work:

Spoiler

Ok folks my Family and I are back home in NC. We have a turkey fryer and will fry you a 15-18 lb turkey for $40. Will need
3 day notice. Help us share this.
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

 

[OutoftheShadows]

$40 to just fry a turkey? It robbery! 

[catlady]

ok, folks.  so you buy your turkey; even at the local sales here of US$0.49/pound, you're spending at least $7.50; then you turn around and give Gary another $40 to cook it.  It Robbery is right! 

and I hope he has the common sense to read the instructions and do the process correctly.  he's not the brightest bulb on the christmas tree and might do something that would set the whole thing on fire.

[MayMay1123]

if brohawk fries your turkey (why anyone would pay to do this is beyond me) does that mean he gets to/wants to eat thanksgiving dinner with you? and why pay him $40 when you can buy a fryer of your very own from wallyworld for $50?

[Dandruff]

It ridiculous.  Are the fryer instructions written to Bro's reading level?  I don't know of any 8 year olds who fry turkeys.  And what sort of sanitary standards do they use?

[thoughtful]

Um, Bro --

1. It already too late for 3 days notice before Thanksgiving.

2. It not a great money-making scheme, even if people are so afraid of hot oil they would pay someone else to fry their turkey. I know frying is faster than the oven, but still, how many could you do, on Thanksgiving Day?

(I know, maybe he's asking now for Christmas, but my second point still stands)

 

I found Gary a customer! He's rather far away, though:

 

[catlady]

“With their left over oil”?  Rufus bless, I just realized that GHaw might not think to change out the oil after several hypothetical customers. Bleaghh. 

[ChickenettiLuvr]

It gross.

No way no how would I think of eating anything Bro Ghaw have snorked and hacked on.

[mango_fandango]

Ok, the next thread title should DEFINITELY be “Bro Gary Hawkins 12: IT BIBLE”. 
 

Is Gary really so desperate for money that he’s offering to fry strangers’ turkeys for $40?? Are they no longer selling PoopyFarty joory??

[AmazonGrace]

What GOD what says

Spoiler

Ok folks we have 66 books in the KJB. Let's just Preach what GOD what says not our opinions.
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

FB  commenter: 

Spoiler

The other day I heard a preacher say he thought it was OK to watch Disney movies. I don’t care what you THINK what does GODS WORD SAY

What does God's word say about spending time on Facebook?