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Florida Stories 2: The Adventures of Florida Man (and Woman)


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The Florida Man who branded himself is back in the news.

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Matthew Kyle Leatham was collared on a misdemeanor failure to appear charge in connection with a criminal traffic case filed earlier this year after the 22-year-old was found driving without a license.

When Leatham did not appear for his initial court hearing, a judge last month issued an arrest warrant. Seen above, Leatham turned himself in Tuesday at the Pasco County jail, from which he was released after about two hours in custody.

As seen above in his latest booking photo, Leatham wears his allegiance to the Sunshine State on his forehead.

 

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He didn't want to get caught at home.

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Investigators say that witnesses reported observing Cruz Humes, 22, inside an SUV that was parked outside a Publix in Coral Springs, about five miles from Cruz’s apartment in Margate, a city in Broward County.

Humes, the witnesses said, had his penis exposed and was masturbating while “watching something on his phone” around 7 PM Monday.

When Coral Springs Police Department detectives subsequently confronted Humes, he was found “with his pants and underwear off and his phone open with an adult pornography site visible.”

Pictured above, Cruz reportedly confessed to the public indecency, saying he was “stressed out” and “came to the parking lot of the Publix to masturbate.” Cruz, who works at the chain supermarket, added that he did not want to risk getting caught masturbating at home.

So he decided to do it in a parking lot at his employer.  Ok, well then.  I think getting caught at home might lead to embarrassment but this is going to cause him lots more problems.

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On 3/29/2021 at 8:04 PM, 47of74 said:

The Florida Man who branded himself is back in the news.

That website, thesmokinggun.com, is an absolute treasure chest of the outré and bizarre. 

I love the Time Waster tab where you try to match the arrestee's mug shot with their (alleged !) crime. 

Edited by Howl
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On 4/4/2021 at 6:30 AM, Howl said:

That website, thesmokinggun.com, is an absolute treasure chest of the outré and bizarre. 

I love the Time Waster tab where you try to match the arrestee's mug shot with their (alleged !) crime. 

Yeah that is a lot harder than it looks to match up the suspect with their crime, weapon, and so on.  Most times it's better just to guess.

Meanwhile here's another moran from Florida.

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Steven Moran, 35, was arrested last month for criminal mischief and booked into the Indian River County jail on the misdemeanor charge.

While Moran was “awaiting release in the booking area,” he disconnected a Logitech webcam from a jail computer and placed the device in his pocket, cops say. Moran subsequently departed the lockup upon posting $1000 bond.

Investigators subsequently identified Moran as the alleged culprit and arrested him Thursday for depriving “the County Jail the right and use of the property.” Moran, who was later was freed after posting $500 on the misdemeanor theft count, is scheduled for arraignment on May 4.

 

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On 4/4/2021 at 12:20 AM, 47of74 said:

He didn't want to get caught at home.

So he decided to do it in a parking lot at his employer.  Ok, well then.  I think getting caught at home might lead to embarrassment but this is going to cause him lots more problems.

From the link @47of74 posted:

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The complaint does not detail Humes’s living arrangements or who might possibly interrupt an onanistic endeavor. Humes, cops noted, said that he “masturbates in his car 2-3 times a week.”

No shower where he lives? :confusion-shrug:

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4 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:

From the link @47of74 posted:

No shower where he lives? :confusion-shrug:

Yeah I guess not. Course he might’ve gotten yelled at that he was clogging the pipes. 

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3 hours ago, 47of74 said:
7 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:

 

Yeah I guess not. Course he might’ve gotten yelled at that he was clogging the pipes. 

That's why methods that involve items such as a hollowed-out loaf of Velveeta are not recommended in the shower.

 

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Florida woman has an over active imagination.

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 Is there a raptor on the loose in Palm Coast?

One homeowner is questioning whether the prehistoric creatures are back after seeing a dinosaur-like animal running across her yard. 

FOX 35 viewer Cristina Ryan says her security camera captured the footage this week. 

"Any animal we can come up with that would be 'walking' at 3:40 in the morning, wouldn't walk this way," she told FOX 35 News. "Maybe I've watched 'Jurassic Park' too many times, but I see a raptor or other small dinosaur!"

 

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7 minutes ago, 47of74 said:

Florida woman has an over active imagination.

 

I watched the video and, I'll give her this much. Whatever was running through her yard was certainly weird.

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8 minutes ago, 47of74 said:

Florida woman has an over active imagination.

That's a chupacabra. :wink-kitty:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Is anyone surprised that this took place at The Villages and it was a white, 77 year old Florida Woman? 

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Investigators say Judith Black became unruly Friday evening at a Burger King near her home in The Villages, the sprawling retirement community billed as the Sunshine State’s “friendliest hometown.”

The worker told police that she explained to Black that unless her harangue ceased, she would not be able to help with the tomato issue. Then, when the employee turned her back, Black threw the Whopper, striking the worker below her neck with the sandwich.

Black, cops allege, then proceeded to tell the worker, “Shut up you black bitch.” She also allegedly used the “n” word after exiting the Burger King with her husband.

Normally, a hamburger attack would result in the alleged assailant being charged with misdemeanor battery. But since Black allegedly used racist language, the battery count was reclassified as a felony. Florida statutes allow for such an enhancement if the defendant evidences prejudice while committing an offense.

All that over a tomato.  Jesus Christ.

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3 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Is anyone surprised that this took place at The Villages and it was a white, 77 year old Florida Woman? 

All that over a tomato.  Jesus Christ.

In idle moments, I reflect on how much someone would have to pay me to live in Florida. And it would have to be tripled to live in the Villages. 

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17 hours ago, FiveAcres said:

In idle moments, I reflect on how much someone would have to pay me to live in Florida. And it would have to be tripled to live in the Villages. 

Not enough money on Earth for me someone could pay me to live in Florida.  Not enough in the fucking Alpha Quadrant for me to want to live in the Villages.  If I wanted to live in a Florida like climate I'd rather live in one of the British Overseas Territories than Florida.

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18 hours ago, FiveAcres said:

In idle moments, I reflect on how much someone would have to pay me to live in Florida. And it would have to be tripled to live in the Villages. 

The Villages is my sister's dream retirement place. She's hoping by that time most of the nasty people there will have died out, I guess.

I keep telling her that I don't think proximity to WDW and being able to drive a golf cart to Michaels is enough to offset the terrible people there. 

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I’ve visited Florida a lot. I like visiting for a week and then going home. I would never want to live there. 

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48 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

The Villages is my sister's dream retirement place. She's hoping by that time most of the nasty people there will have died out, I guess.

I keep telling her that I don't think proximity to WDW and being able to drive a golf cart to Michaels is enough to offset the terrible people there. 

I didn't know you could drive a golf cart to Michaels there. I might have to change my mind. ?

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9 minutes ago, FiveAcres said:

I didn't know you could drive a golf cart to Michaels there. I might have to change my mind. ?

Yeah I think that was the major draw for her!

Though I told her she might need a trailer for the golf cart, depending how much she buys...

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50 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’ve visited Florida a lot. I like visiting for a week and then going home. I would never want to live there. 

My sister and brother in law lived there for a couple years after having moved there from Missouri.  I went down a couple times while they lived there.  Then they moved up to Des Moines, Iowa.  Guess they didn't like Florida as much as they thought.  They wanted to be near all the theme parks but the cost of living, traffic, housing, and so on outweighed all the benefits so they moved back to the midwest.

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35 minutes ago, FiveAcres said:

I didn't know you could drive a golf cart to Michaels there. I might have to change my mind. ?

There are places around the country where you can drive a golf cart around town. Find one of those towns outside of Florida. I live in an area that allows golf carts and I admit, the teens riding around recklessly is annoying. But it’s not the end of the world. 

Edited by JermajestyDuggar
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  • 2 weeks later...

When Florida Man or Woman decides to blow off steam it usually results in them getting in some trouble.

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Angered over losing nearly $400 playing slot machines, a Florida Woman told police that she phoned in a bomb threat to a Tampa casino because she wanted to “blow off steam,” according to a criminal complaint.    

Investigators charge that Adele Belizaire, 54, used her cellphone to call the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino Tuesday evening to claim, “I left a bomb in your casino.” Belizaire, cops say, phoned in the threat while in her room at a Clearwater Beach hotel.

Since Belizaire is a member of the Hard Rock’s “Player’s Club” rewards program, her phone number was in casino records, leading to her identification as a suspect. After tracking Belizaire’s phone, police confronted her around 4 AM yesterday.

Belizaire, the complaint reports, said she became “upset” after losing “around $380...on slot machines.” Noting that she has “anger issues,” Belizaire reportedly confessed to calling in the bomb threat as a way to "blow off steam."

 

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6 hours ago, 47of74 said:

When Florida Man or Woman decides to blow off steam it usually results in them getting in some trouble.

 

Whatever happened to cleaning the garage as a way to "blow off steam?" 

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