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Florida Stories 2: The Adventures of Florida Man (and Woman)


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Jill did what? Did she give it a tract and ask it to say the sinner's prayer? Was the iguana named Daniel? Oh, you meant an actual raccoon. Never mind.

Florida mother and daughter charged with felonies for illegally accessing private student information so that the daughter could be homecoming queen https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/03/

Read to the end -- "...and a baby alligator."

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47of74

Here comes Florida Man, roaring back to life

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A Florida Man was arrested early Saturday morning after allegedly “offering to show his genitals” to “everyone” trying to enjoy a 3 AM meal at an IHOP, court records show.

According to police, Allan Ibanez, 24, entered the Clearwater restaurant and “began approaching random tables and patrons offering to show his genitals and showing them condoms.”

Ibanez, seen at right, was asked to leave by IHOP management, but he “continued to offer to show his genitals to everyone in the establishment,” a criminal complaint alleges. “This left patrons uncomfortable and wanting to leave.”

Cops who arrested Ibanez for disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor, noted that he had engaged in several instances of “disruptive behavior” earlier in the evening (for which he was not busted).

Shortly after release from jail for the genital adventures at IHOP he was arrested again for swiping gas station donuts. 

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47of74

Tsk, tsk

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As the coronavirus scare prompts panicked runs on toilet paper worldwide, a Florida Man was arrested yesterday for the 1 AM theft of some two-ply bath tissue from a neighbor’s vehicle, according to court records.

Police allege that Safraz Shakoor, 25, burglarized a Dodge truck parked in the driveway of a residence a few blocks from his Clearwater home.

Shakoor, cops say, was recorded on a Ring video surveillance camera entering the unlocked truck’s backseat and swiping “a roll of toilet paper from a 6-pack of Smart & Simple bath tissue.”

A pack of the toilet paper--perhaps the cheapest brand on the market--sells for $1 at Dollar General (though the retailer is currently out of stock, according to its web site). The product is described as “Made in the USA from 100% recycled fiber.”

If you're going to swipte paper to wipe your ass at least swipe a copy of the Art of the Deal and not Dollar General TP.

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47of74

Hey Florida man it doesn't work like that...

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A man arrested Saturday for auto theft claimed the coronavirus made him do it, cops say.

According to investigators, Alvin Rementer, 70, in late-January pawned his 2000 Chevrolet Silverado for $1500 at Pawn Depot in St. Petersburg, Florida.

Since turning over title to his wheels, Rementer has returned to the shop several times to “make statements of not possibly being able to pay for the pawn payment,” an arrest affidavit states.

While the pawn shop manager was “willing to work with him,” cops say, Rementer allegedly took matters into his own hand around 7 AM Saturday. Using a spare key, Rementer drove the truck away from the pawn shop (where it apparently was parked outside the business).

facepalm.gif.2d1ee70809737855d8ede12a1542f7d3.gif

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Ozlsn

Is anyone else watching Tiger King and thinking that it is like every "Florida Man..." story got together, did steroids, smoked meth and took off drunk driving while firing at street signs? 

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squiddysquid
11 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

Is anyone else watching Tiger King and thinking that it is like every "Florida Man..." story got together, did steroids, smoked meth and took off drunk driving while firing at street signs? 

Oh yes! Tiger king is helping us all through self isolation! :D

New season of Killing Eve starts in 2 weeks soon! If yoe don't know that show, highly recommended :)

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47of74

Florida Woman still finds a way to be Florida Woman during all this.

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A Florida Woman placed plastic Easter eggs stuffed with pornographic images and other items in the mailboxes of scores of homeowners, according to cops who say they collared the “deranged offender” last night.

Investigators allege that Abril Cestoni, 42, delivered the X-rated material over the past several days, resulting in her arrest on 11 counts of distributing obscene items.

A charging affidavit alleges that Cestoni, seen above, stuffed mailboxes with Easter eggs and a pamphlet containing “incoherent rants about local religious clergy” and “multiple pornographic images.”

After a homeowner last night called 911 to report a suspicious person placing something in her mailbox, cops pulled over Cestoni’s car. Upon being read her rights, Cestoni reportedly admitted to distributing the plastic eggs and the pamphlets. Acknowledging she had distributed obscene material, Cestoni claimed she included the images “because homosexuals are allowed to teach in the church.”

 

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Cartmann99
12 hours ago, 47of74 said:

Florida Woman still finds a way to be Florida Woman during all this.

 

Minister Jones is gay, so she leaves people porn-filled Easter eggs to protest this? :cray-cray:

 

 

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Howl
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Cestoni claimed she included the images “because homosexuals are allowed to teach in the church."

Logic. How does it work? 

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47of74

Florida Man discovers the hard way taking the Walter Sobchak approach to real life rule breakers doesn't really work all that well.

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APRIL 20--Angered that a group of golfers was violating rules on the course adjacent to his home, a 74-year-old Florida Man allegedly threatened the players with a BB gun, prompting the septuagenarian’s arrest Friday evening on six felony charges, records show.

According to cops, John Robert Orr initially shouted at the golfers for driving their cart over a bridge and onto the putting green at the 8th hole of The Conservatory course in Palm Coast. The 199-yard, par three hole features an island green and is touted as the “signature hole” of the Tom Watson-designed course.

Seen above, Orr lives in a home that backs up to the hole, though the residence is separated from the course by a cement wall and the water that surrounds the green.

One of the golfers told police that Orr yelled at them to leave the course and that “use of the golf cart in that manner was against regulations of the golf course,” according to a charging affidavit.

I wonder if he told them it was a league game?

 

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clueliss

Florida Man Story - Doodle Style (courtesy of Quinn Cummings Daughter) (click on the photo below - it will take you to the tweet and then click on the photo - there are three that wills how the whole text story here) 

 

image.png

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Ozlsn
10 hours ago, clueliss said:

Florida Man Story - Doodle Style (courtesy of Quinn Cummings Daughter) (click on the photo below - it will take you to the tweet and then click on the photo - there are three that wills how the whole text story here) 

 

image.png

OMG thank you so much for posting that. I have spent the last 90 minutes killing myself laughing at the entire doodle thread. It's been a long time since I was at uni, but apparently... not a lot has changed.

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clueliss

Florida man busted for transporting drugs in Missouri (and due to local geography I am curious as to if California = the state or California = California MO - for the record there is a location in MO for Florida MO - the geography pain here is real)

60°

Crime

By Matthew Sanders

NEW

Published April 23, 2020 12:31 pm

Patrol: 32 pounds of pot seized in Callaway County traffic stop

Missouri State Highway Patrol

The Missouri State Highway Patrol displays about 32 pounds of marijuana troopers allegedly found during a Callaway County traffic stop Wednesday, April 22, 2020.

CALLAWAY COUNTY, Mo. (KMIZ)

Missouri State Highway Patrol troopers arrested a Florida man after allegedly finding pounds of marijuana in a hidden compartment in his vehicle.

Troopers arrested Cameron Jones, 37, of Bayonet Point, Florida on suspicion of marijuana distribution and possession of drug paraphernalia, according to an online arrest report.

Patrol Sgt. Scott White said troopers found about 32 pounds in half-pound packages in a hidden compartment during the traffic stop. White said troopers stopped Jones for speeding and following too closely.

White said troopers believe the marijuana was in transit from California to Florida.

Information about charges against Jones was not available Thursday in online court records.

Callaway / Drugs / News / Top Stories

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zeebaneighba
1 hour ago, clueliss said:

Florida man busted for transporting drugs in Missouri (and due to local geography I am curious as to if California = the state or California = California MO - for the record there is a location in MO for Florida MO - the geography pain here is real)

60°

Crime

By Matthew Sanders

NEW

Published April 23, 2020 12:31 pm

Patrol: 32 pounds of pot seized in Callaway County traffic stop

Missouri State Highway Patrol

The Missouri State Highway Patrol displays about 32 pounds of marijuana troopers allegedly found during a Callaway County traffic stop Wednesday, April 22, 2020.

CALLAWAY COUNTY, Mo. (KMIZ)

Missouri State Highway Patrol troopers arrested a Florida man after allegedly finding pounds of marijuana in a hidden compartment in his vehicle.

Troopers arrested Cameron Jones, 37, of Bayonet Point, Florida on suspicion of marijuana distribution and possession of drug paraphernalia, according to an online arrest report.

Patrol Sgt. Scott White said troopers found about 32 pounds in half-pound packages in a hidden compartment during the traffic stop. White said troopers stopped Jones for speeding and following too closely.

White said troopers believe the marijuana was in transit from California to Florida.

Information about charges against Jones was not available Thursday in online court records.

Callaway / Drugs / News / Top Stories

This post was followed by an ad for weed control. 😂  The ads today are cracking me up.

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47of74

Gator road rage

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Aggressive driving is always a hazard, but officials say Florida drivers also have to be on the lookout for potentially aggressive alligators, especially around this time of year.

The Manatee County Sheriff's Office warned motorists that it's that time of year when alligators, um, fall in love but might not always be so affectionate.

A male gator measuring 9-feet-2-inches had to be removed from a roadway after it was spotted "being aggressive with traffic" on Friday.

 

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47of74

Someone needs to buy a better alias..

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Responding early yesterday to a 911 call about a domestic violence incident, cops questioned Getro Gelin, 27, at his residence in Port St. Lucie. A woman told police that Gelin shoved her to the ground and threatened her with a firearm.

After the victim said that Gelin may have hidden the gun in his Porsche SUV, cops searched the vehicle and recovered a Glock 21 pistol, a semi-automatic rifle, and a bulletproof vest.

When asked about the guns in the auto, Gelin “replied he had sold the Porsche to his cousin John Wick.” Gelin subsequently “stated he lied about the name, but that he would not reveal his cousin’s name.”

“John Wick” is the title character in a blood- and bullet-soaked movie franchise starring Keanu Reeves. “Wick” is a retired hitman with an arsenal of weapons for whom gunplay is part of his daily routine.

 

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Cartmann99
On 4/26/2020 at 10:08 AM, 47of74 said:

Maybe the sheltering-in-place is finally getting to me, but I'm disappointed to learn that the gator wasn't driving. :auto-nascar:

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PennySycamore

@Cartmann99, I'm not sure where it was (maybe not even in the US) but the cops stopped a car recently that was driving erratically at over 100 mph.  They had to use road spikes to get the car to stop as the driver refused to heed the blue lights.  Anyway, once the officers approached the car, they found a pit bull behind the wheel.  His owner was in the passenger seat and was trying to teach the dog to drive.  The guy was arrested and the dog went to a shelter where I hope he's been adopted by now.  

The dogs may have been able to put his front paws on the steering wheel, but there's no way his hind paws reached the pedals.

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?
On 4/26/2020 at 9:08 AM, 47of74 said:

We had a fun video of an animal incident here back in February. The local news covered it, but I still prefer the original video. (Hint as to the animals involved: :turkey: :turkey: )

 

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47of74
1 hour ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

We had a fun video of an animal incident here back in February. The local news covered it, but I still prefer the original video. (Hint as to the animals involved: :turkey: :turkey: )

 

They just wanted to come home with him for dinner and stay until Thanksgiving.

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47of74

Hey Florida Woman, if you're gonna put on a show for your incarcerated boyfriend at least send your son out of the room first.

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A Florida Woman is facing a felony charge after a video call with her imprisoned boyfriend turned very raunchy, prompting a criminal probe helmed by an investigator identified in court records as “Detective Assmann.”

According to a probable cause affidavit, Noelle Rascati, 32, engaged in a late-March “virtual visit” with Tathan Fields, a 26-year-old locked up in the Santa Rosa County jail. The duo’s video encounter allegedly “became extremely sexual.”

As detailed by investigators, Rascati’s virtual visit with Fields came a day before the convict celebrated his 26th birthday. In the video, Fields is wearing an orange jumpsuit and “sitting in what appears to be a jail pod.” Rascati, pictured above, was dressed in a pink bathrobe and perched on a bed in a Lake County residence.

Rascati, however, was not alone in her bedroom. As she adjusted her camera at the call’s outset, a young boy could be seen standing next to the bed. The child remained in the bedroom during the duration of 12:28 video.

 

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47of74

Another Florida Woman put on a show, this time for her neighbors.

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A Florida Woman who insisted to cops that she was allowed to go topless while cleaning out her garage--in full view of her neighbors--was arrested for indecent exposure, according to a police report.

Responding to a 911 call “reference to a exposure of sexual organs,” cops spoke with a Vero Beach resident who said that a neighbor who lives across the street pulled down her shirt “and exposed her breasts to the victim and her children.” The minors, the report noted, ranged in age from 11 to five.

At one point, the witness said, the topless woman “bent over with her top down and started pounding on her blue plastic recycling bin making sure that the victim and the kids were looking.”

Upon confronting the suspect--identified by police as Stephanie Wright, 56--“her tan tank top was tucked under her breasts and I could visibly see her breasts,” reported Deputy David Ragley.

 

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