Jump to content
IGNORED

Florida Stories 2: The Adventures of Florida Man (and Woman)


laPapessaGiovanna
 Share

Recommended Posts

One Susan Mae Sheppard, 59, who resides in (of course) The Villages tried to MacGyver her way out of a holding cell after a DUI arrest.

Quote

Sheppard was arrested October 31 on a DUI charge and booked into the Sumter County jail, where she was placed in a holding cell in the booking area. Sheppard, seen at right, gave her address as a residence in The Villages retirement community.

While in her cell, Sheppard “removed the metal wiring from her bra and proceeded to use it to make numerous scrape marks into the glass on the bottom of the holding cell door,” a corrections deputy reported. Sheppard also allegedly sought to “crawl out of a small opening in the holding cell door feet first and had to be directed to pull her legs back into the cell.”

When later questioned, Sheppard reportedly copped to damaging the cell door with her bra wire “in an attempt to escape the jail,” which she described as “scary.”

Sheppard’s harebrained plot--which would have required Shawshank-level time/commitment to succeed--resulted in two additional charges being added to her docket: attempt to escape, a felony, and criminal mischief, a misdemeanor.

 

  • Upvote 4
  • Eyeroll 1
  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here's one for those of you who had Florida Man and Woman doing it in the back of a cop car for OnlyFans on your Florida bingo card.

Quote

While seated in the rear of a Florida Highway Patrol cruiser, Summer Watkins had a brilliant idea. “Baby, we should record an OnlyFans video back here,” the 24-year-old yelled to her male companion, who would soon join her in the squad car.

Watkins and Yordan Noa, 24, were seated in the police vehicle after Noa’s BMW was pulled over early Thursday since he was driving with a suspended license. Cops planned to transport the duo to nearby Shell station in Naples where they could “make arrangements to get home,” according to an arrest report.

When Noa joined her in the patrol car, Watkins asked a cop, “What if I suck his dick back here?” The officer replied that she could not do that. Watkins, however, persisted: “Can I suck his dick back here?” The officer responded, “No.”

When the cop closed the vehicle’s rear door and walked away for a few minutes, Watkins and Noa--neither of whom was handcuffed--engaged in sexual activity that was recorded by the “prisoner compartment camera.”

 

  • Upvote 1
  • WTF 3
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

And Florida Woman found a creative way to pay for her lawyer.

Quote

Nicole Gregory, 28, was busted after a sheriff’s deputy spotted her dropping a bag that held four baggies containing the synthetic opioid. “The defendant did intend to sell said substance,” the investigator alleged.

After being collared on a St. Petersburg street, Gregory reportedly admitted that she “sells the drug for $10 per ‘bump.’” Gregory then claimed she was “selling the narcotics to make money for an attorney for a pending drug charge.”

According to court records, Gregory was arrested last month for selling methamphetamine to an undercover cop. In August, she was charged with possessing fentanyl and meth. Both cases are pending in Circuit Court.

In addition to the new fentanyl rap, Gregory was charged with four other drug counts after she was found in possession of narcotics including meth, morphine, and Oxycodone.

 

  • Upvote 1
  • Eyeroll 1
  • WTF 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Then Florida Man and Woman got frisky in a restaurant bathroom

Quote

While “being intimate” with a friend inside a restaurant bathroom, a Florida Woman broke a sink off the wall, leading to her arrest for criminal mischief, according to police.

Investigators say that Kathryn Trammel, 37, caused $500 in damages Tuesday during an afternoon encounter inside a bathroom at Irish 31, an eatery in Seminole.

According to an arrest affidavit, Trammel and a friend were asked to leave the restaurant after staff discovered them in the bathroom. “The defendant and her friend then left the bathroom and sat at the bar,” a sheriff’s deputy noted.

While not identified in the affidavit, Trammel’s friend appears to be a male. The unnamed individual, however, does not seem to have been similarly charged in connection with the sink destruction.

 

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, 47of74 said:

Then Florida Man and Woman got frisky in a restaurant bathroom

I would describe that as getting freaky in the sinky.

I'll see myself out.

  • Haha 7
Link to comment
Share on other sites

How’d that get there?

Quote

A Florida Man denied ownership of baggies containing cocaine and methamphetamine that cops found “wrapped around his penis” during a search early Saturday morning, according to arrest affidavits.

Investigators say Patrick Florence, 34, was a passenger in a vehicle stopped around 4 AM for traveling without headlights or tail lights on a Clearwater roadway. The driver, Darius Owens, 27, was subsequently arrested on DUI and marijuana possession charges.

During a search of Florence, a deputy discovered two plastic baggies “wrapped around his penis.” One baggie contained “cocaine powder and cocaine base,” while the other held a “crystal substance” police identified as methamphetamine.

Questioned about the narcotics, Florence “stated the package wrapped around his penis was not his,” reported Deputy Levi Blake. It appears Florence--who has multiple cocaine convictions--did not identify the purported owner of the drugs wrapped around his penis (or whether that individual consented to their drugs being stored in such a fashion).

Genius also had weapons and ammo in his vehicle so he’s also facing felon in possession charges. 

  • WTF 2
  • Haha 2
  • Thank You 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Got the full on Florida Man bingo here.

Quote

Prosecutors have dropped a felony charge against the Florida Man who allegedly walked into a Waffle House with his dog and, brandishing only “finger guns,” announced a robbery that netted him a handful of napkins, according to court records.

Edward Rodriguez, 28, was arrested in mid-October following a bizarre incident at a Waffle House near his home in Madison, a city 55 miles east of Tallahassee.

Cops say that Rodriguez walked into the restaurant around 8 PM and said, “Get on the ground, ya’ll are getting robbed.” He then added, “I’m high and drunk, I need napkins.”

After Rodriguez, pictured above, was given some napkins, he drove away from the Waffle House. Police subsequently identified Rodriguez as a suspect and questioned him at his residence. Rodriguez reportedly “admitted to being at the Waffle House to get some napkins” and stating that he “was going to rob the place,” investigators noted. Rodriguez, however, claimed that “the people must’ve taken it the wrong way.”

  He went into the Waffle House with a SpongeBob shirt on, and was accompanied by a small dog. 

  • WTF 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Connecticut woman wanted to be Florida woman so bad that she left her kids alone at home. 

Quote

A Connecticut teacher left her two children at home alone while she vacationed with her boyfriend in Florida, according to investigators who say the woman told the minors to stay out of sight in the residence’s basement and “just eat candy” for dinner.

Kerry Caviasca, 36, was arrested Saturday on reckless endangerment and risk of injury charges in connection with her three-day trip to the Sunshine State in late-November. Caviasca is free on $5000 bond in advance of a January 25 Superior Court hearing.

Police began investigating Caviasca after her ex-husband reported that she had left the children, ages 9 and 11, alone in a Watertown residence.

As detailed in an arrest affidavit, Caviasca’s former spouse provided cops with a series of incriminating texts she exchanged with her children while she was out of town.

This is the point where if I was her ex’s attorney I’d be in court demanding the custody be revisited post haste and take it as high up the chain as needed if the judge was an asshole about it. 

Edited by 47of74
  • Upvote 5
  • I Agree 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Florida Man + Waffle House gives us the expected result

Quote

Cape Coral police officers arrested a man at a Waffle House on Wednesday after they received calls about a disturbance.

When officers arrived, they said they heard a man identified as 28-year-old Martin Jose Alvarez yelling expletives at the staff about how his bacon was cooked.

Officers said Alvarez screamed, “You better cook the f****** bacon right!”

 

  • Eyeroll 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah I want to see how Florida Man proposed to go fishing in this case too

Quote

A drug suspect found with fentanyl and a bag of hypodermic needles told Florida police that he used the syringes “for fishing,” according to an arrest report.

Police responding Saturday afternoon to a 911 call about a suspicious person encountered Eric Bennett, 30, on a Vero Beach street. An officer described Bennett (seen above) as “visibly intoxicated on an unknown substance.”

Asked about large bulges in the pockets of his shorts--and whether he possessed any weapons--Bennett replied, “I have hypodermic needles for fishing.” He then removed “a plastic bag with syringes inside” from a pocket and placed the works on the hood of a squad car.

Bennett also handed over a cigarette pack containing a baggie with fentanyl. “I don’t want to go to jail,” said Bennett, whose occupation is listed as landscaping in court records.

 

  • Upvote 1
  • WTF 1
  • Thank You 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

From the if Netflix featured people jumping off a cliff Florida Man would want to try it files

Quote

Cops say Christopher Singleton, 41, was driving an unregistered Ford F-150 late Friday evening when he was pulled over on a highway in Wildwood, a city about 50 miles from Orlando.

During a subsequent search of the truck, police found a Crown Royal satchel containing three bags of marijuana, a tube of THC wax, and a baggie with 3 grams of psilocybin mushrooms.

Singleton, cops report, said the “shrooms” were “Psilocybin Mushrooms to hallucinate,” adding that he “saw them in a show on Netflix and wanted to try them.” The show that purportedly turned Singleton on to mushrooms is not identified in the police report (though the documentary “Have a Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics” and the more trippy “Cocomelon” are likely suspects).

 

 

Edited by 47of74
internets hiccuped
  • Upvote 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Florida + alcohol + airport = interesting police chase

Quote

An intoxicated passenger who was barred from boarding an airplane at Orlando International Airport rode away from the gate on a motorized suitcase as a police officer on a bicycle followed behind her, court records and newly released video shows.

“We’re going to have a bike pursuing a suitcase in a minute,” an Orlando police officer said as he tried to catch up to the passenger, who was driving a scooter-like electric vehicle mounted to her luggage.

Chelsea Alston, 32, was later accused of battering the police officer and causing more than $1,000 in damage to his patrol car, court records allege. If convicted, she faces up to five years in prison for each offense.

Alston, who has entered a plea of not guilty, was travelling from Orlando to New York in April when a Southwest Airlines gate agent refused to let her board because she appeared to be intoxicated, officials said.

Not sure if she's a Florida resident or if she was just a temporary Florida woman.

  • Upvote 1
  • Haha 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

A lawyer from Florida is in trouble with the law after they were called to the bar to deal with her.

Quote

After she was refused service by a bar manager, a drunk Florida Lawyer went into the restroom and then emerged “unclothed and completely naked,” according to police who charged her with disorderly conduct.

According to an arrest report, Kelly Elkins, 49, entered the Beach Lounge in St. Pete Beach around 2:15 AM Friday, but was “intoxicated to the point the manager refused to server her.”

Instead of departing, Elkins “walked into the restroom and then came back out into the bar unclothed and completely naked.” When Elkins, seen at right, refused the manager’s requests to get dressed, cops were summoned.

Upon arriving at the bar, a Pinellas County sheriff noted that Elkins was still naked and had to be repeatedly told to get dressed. But the attorney would only put on a hoodie, which she did not zip up. Elkins, the cop reported, claimed she was too tired to put on her pants.

And likely with the bar too once they get wind of her arrest.

  • Upvote 1
  • WTF 1
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Quote

Instead of departing, Elkins “walked into the restroom and then came back out into the bar unclothed and completely naked.”

So, my husband discovered this joke recently and thinks it is so funny that he's told it to me twice. This is the joke without embellishment.  

Naked woman walks into a bar and orders a drink. 

Bartender stares at the woman. 

Naked Woman: "What's the matter.  Never seen a naked woman before?"

Bartender: "Sure I have. I'm just wondering where you keep the money to pay me for your drink."

Husband: Anticipates that hilarity will ensue.  

Me: SRSLY?

  • Upvote 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, 47of74 said:

A lawyer from Florida is in trouble with the law after they were called to the bar to deal with her.

I knew a very dear woman, not well, but well enough that she told me her story.  She was bipolar and for a long time an alcoholic who binge drank when she was in the manic phase of her illness.  

Although a successful professional,  she'd been arrested twice for drunk and disorderly (one time breaking store windows in a business district in the middle of the night)  and several times had to be admitted to a mental health facility when that mania turned to profound depression.  When I met her she had been sober for many years and her bipolar was being successfully treated.  Being sober also allowed her to recognize the signs of impending mania, and take actions to keep things on an even keel.  

When I read about instances like this woman in Florida, I always wonder if there is some underlying bipolar or other disorder and the person is self-medicating with alcohol.  I mean people get drunk, drunk drunk and REALLY DRUNK, and they don't do anything as crazy as the episode described, especially those with a functioning professional life. 

  • Upvote 3
  • Thank You 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, 47of74 said:

Elkins, the cop reported, claimed she was too tired to put on her pants.

While I have never even been tempted to take off all my clothes in a restaurant, I can totally understand being too tired to put on your pants. 

  • Upvote 7
  • I Agree 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Florida man behaves like a jackass.

Video released of Martin Hyde threatening SPD officer's career

Quote

SARASOTA (SNN) - SNN has obtained the body camera video from Congressional candidate Martin Hyde's traffic stop last week.

Hyde was pulled over on Valentine's Day for going 57 mph in a 40 mph zone, but that's not why this interaction is getting a lot of attention.

"Hi how are you doing sir? I'm Officer Beskin with Sarasota Police Department. I've got you on audio and video recording. The reason I pulled you over is I observed you going 57 in a 40 and you were texting on your phone while you were doing that," the officer tells Hyde in the body camera video. 

From the beginning of the traffic stop, Martin Hyde tries to bring in a supervisor.

"I'll just call the chief, how's that," Hyde asks the officer.

"You go right ahead, sir," Officer Julia Beskin responds.

"You know who I am right," Hyde asks. 

"Yes sir. I do. Can I see your license and registration," the officer asks. 

"You're going to do this," Hyde questions. 

"Yes sir," the officer answers. 

It appears in the video that Hyde gives the officer his license.

"I still have a job to do sir," Officer Beskin tells Hyde. 

"Yeah, for now," Hyde said.

For some reason, he doesn't hand over his registration, at least not right away.

"I'm asking if you have your registration," said Officer Beskin.

"You're making career decisions! Why are you doing this," Hyde asked.

"Sir, because you were speeding and you were texting," said Officer Beskin.

"Says who," asked Hyde.

Officer Beskin then goes back to her vehicle. She writes three citations: one for speeding, one for texting while driving, and one for refusing registration.

When she returns with the tickets, Hyde does not seem to be any more cooperative.

"I called your supervisor. I just spoke to your boss," said Hyde.

"Ok, do you want your paperwork," asked the officer.

"Is it your Russian immigrant status that makes you talk to people like this," asked Hyde.

The officer is heard calling in for a supervisor. She then tries to read Hyde the citations.

"I'm not interested in hearing anything you have to say. I'll wait for the supervisor," said Hyde.

Hyde finally presents his registration, but the officer tells him he has already been cited for not having it. Further aggravating the congressional candidate.

"You're talking to a congressional candidate," said Hyde.

Minutes later, the sergeant arrives.

There's still visible tension between Hyde and Officer Beskin.

"I've lived here for 25 years," Hyde tells the sergeant. 

Beskin tries to ask the sergeant a question when Hyde interrupts her.

"I don't have any interest in listening to you, young lady," said Hyde.

"I was talking to my sergeant. Sergeant, if you don't mind could we take this off the road and over onto the sidewalk," asked Officer Beskin.

SNN also obtained the body camera video from the sergeant, who spoke to Hyde one-on-one as well. 

"She thought she was on a big power trip. Guess what? She's been there 7 years; she ain't gonna make 8. I'll make sure of it. She ain't," said Hyde.

We requested a comment from Hyde in light of the video. He provided SNN with the following statement: "I have advocated publicly for SPD and it’s officers on many occasions over the years and I remain a supporter of theirs. I have apologized to the officer for my comments as I regret them."

Please follow the link above if you prefer to watch the segment from SNN.

  • Upvote 1
  • WTF 1
  • Thank You 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/23/2022 at 2:45 PM, Cartmann99 said:

Florida man behaves like a jackass.

Video released of Martin Hyde threatening SPD officer's career

Please follow the link above if you prefer to watch the segment from SNN.

Could've been worse.  Could've been like this Florida Man who stripped down to his birthday suit and proceeded to drop a deuce on his neighbor's glass front porch table.

Quote

Meet Kenneth Clark Carlyle.

For unknown reasons, the Florida Man, 64, walked “fully naked” up the driveway of his next-door neighbor and proceeded to defecate atop a glass table on the victim’s porch, according to police.

Carlyle, cops say, was captured relieving himself in broad daylight “on two separate angles of the victim’s home security video footage.”

When officers arrived at the Clearwater crime scene, Carlyle was spoken to “through the door of his RV camper and he was still visibly naked and highly uncooperative.”

And like so many Florida men this ain't his first go round with the law.  He was previously busted last year for DUI and reckless discharge of firearms.  If it hadn't said Clearwater I would've pegged this as having happened in The Villages.

  • Upvote 1
  • WTF 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Saw this in my email this afternoon.

FLidea.thumb.png.403930549907cb8fcf8b06b1a37b7f12.png

LOL.  Yeah, for me to move to DeSatan land and run for office you'd have to;

  1. Help me sell my MN condo.
  2. Buy me a house like the vacation rental my mom had in Ft. Myers in 2019.
  3. Pay me a fuck of a lot of money.

Yeah, I don't see these people doing that for me. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Florida Man requested police test his illegal substances to make sure they were what he was told they were.

Quote

According to investigators, Thomas Colucci, 41, dialed 911 last night and requested that a sheriff’s deputy be dispatched to his residence in Spring Hill, a Tampa suburb. Colucci explained that he needed someone to “test the methamphetamine” he had just bought.

When deputies met with Colucci, seen at right, he explained that he purchased the meth from a man at a local bar. But after using some of the drug, Colucci became concerned that the substance was bath salts, the synthetic stimulant.

Cops say Colucci described himself as an experienced drug user who “knew what it should feel like” upon ingesting meth. So he allegedly provided deputies with two small baggies containing a crystalline substance, expecting that the contents would be tested by law enforcement.

A field test of the material provided by Colucci showed that it contained meth, according to the Hernando County Sheriff’s Office. As a result, Colucci was arrested on a felony drug possession charge and a pair of misdemeanor drug paraphernalia counts.

Yeah, he's in a bit of trouble now legally.  And yeah, this ain't the first time a Florida Man has asked the fuzz to test his meth to see if it was real.  Along with an Iowa woman who requested the law make sure her meth wasn't infected with COVID-19.

  • Eyeroll 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Florida man tried to make off with a Seal Team 6 vest

Quote

A contractor working at the Navy SEAL Museum was arrested yesterday for allegedly trying to steal a ballistic vest that was worn by a member of the team that raided Osama bin Laden’s Pakistan hideout.

Cops allege that Kendall Rust, 30, was working inside the museum in Fort Pierce, Florida when an employee noticed that he was “acting suspiciously.”

When Rust later packed up his tools and began to leave, the female employee told cops she “noticed a navy seal ballistic artifact was missing from the room Rust was in.”

Apprised of the item's disappearance, a museum official confronted Rust, who reportedly copped to swiping the vest “because he wanted to take a picture of it.” Police recovered the vest from Rust’s toolbox, according to an arrest affidavit.

Uh...he couldn't have taken a picture of it at the museum? 

  • Upvote 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Justice arrested in Florida

Quote

A Florida man named Justice was arrested after he was caught stealing from the business that employed him.

24-year-old Justice Xavier Montanez was arrested after police were dispatched to the Miami Walgreens store that he worked at on Friday.

According to authorities, the store manager informed them that Montanez was captured on surveillance video taking customers’ discarded receipts and issuing cash refunds to himself for items on those receipts.

Police say Montanez conducted 68 fraudulent refunds between February 12th and March 24th, totaling $1,826.13 in stolen funds.

 

  • Upvote 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share




  • Recent Status Updates

    • Bluebirdbluebell

      Bluebirdbluebell

      I highly recommend Not the Good Girl's Youtube channel. She is making great documentaries about cults.
      · 0 replies
    • BlackberryGirl

      BlackberryGirl

      Ohh jeeze, GrandBerry6 just came to me, snuggled his face in my neck and barfed, all over me. In my neck, in my hair, on my face, down inside my nightie all over the front of my nightie. Ohh FUCK! Bath, washed hair, cleaned sofa. Good times, good times.
      · 2 replies
    • Scrabblemaster

      Scrabblemaster

      I danced through my living room feeling awesome. From time to time I do this. Maybe wine is involved. Good music is definitely involved. It is awesome. I recommend it to you. With or without wine.
      · 2 replies
    • Hazelbunny

      Hazelbunny

      After a few months of trying to decide what kind of new computer to get and my brother telling me a Mac would be the best decision I could ever make and my sister telling me that would be the worst and I ought to stick to Windows.... I now have a used Mac. I am trying to get used to it. Not easy, but the Magnifying program is a lot better than the Windows one (that was the ultimate reason for my decision) and FJ works a lot better than on my 10-year old Laptop, too!!  
      · 0 replies
    • WannabeHistorian

      WannabeHistorian

      Y'all, holter monitors suck. And naturally the palpitations that caused this test to be ordered are remarkably absent today. 
      I'm off to go work out in the hopes that triggers it. T minus 10 hours till I get this thing off. 
      · 4 replies
    • 47of74

      47of74

      Fuck Fornicate.  Glad I got in to see this place before the world went to shit.
       
      · 0 replies
    • PreciousPantsofDoom

      PreciousPantsofDoom

      I frigging hate the toilets at this worksite. Specifically the door locks. Stupid little knoblet that isn't clear if it is locked or not. Door opens right off the main hallway and the toilet is just far enough from the door that I can't just hold the door shut in case I've got the lock wrong. I mean really people, how hard is it to design this? I just want to pee in private with no anxiety. Apparently that is too much to ask for. 
      · 1 reply
    • 47of74

      47of74

      First thing I'm doing when I get to the hereafter is finding the ancestors who moved to the US in the first place and asking them what the fuck they were thinking moving here in the first place.  Along with giving them an epic the reason you suck speech hopefully in the presence of God and the Lord Jesus Christ Himself to all of them for condemning their descendants to living in a shithole.
      · 0 replies
    • feministxtian

      feministxtian

      Its STILL snowing. Its not like I don't have a million things to do and need to take crap to the dumpster. 
      · 2 replies
    • Chocolate Lover

      Chocolate Lover

      Do any of you play Dyson Sphere Program?   For those who don't know what it is I'd suggest Googling it, because there's no way I could do it justice. 
      There's always just one more thing to do before I turn off.  Blink!  And it's 2 hours later.  
      · 0 replies
  • Recent Blog Entries

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.