Dillards 71: YAAAAAY

[NotQuiteMotY]

Oh, this coffee discussion is killing me. I've had to go off it temporarily and I can't even have decaf. I've spent most of the last decade of my life with a two-cup-a-day habit...

[feministxtian]

24 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I think you have to have a certain type of humor to find something like this funny.  My kids and DH and I would all do something like this and we would just laugh, it isn't meant as mean, or spiteful its just our way of being silly. Just know that I'm guessing with @feministxtianit is probably just their "weird" family dynamic/humor, it comes from a place of love it just sounds horrible. 

Sick humor became a coping mechanism a long time ago. Its easier to joke about "stabbing" my husband when I'm injecting him in the gut with a 1/2" long needle or in the back of his arm. By joking, I am able to put aside the fact that i'm causing him pain and discomfort. It's easier to tease my daughter about being a "gimp" than focusing on the 13 lbs of stainless steel and titanium she has holding her right hip/pelvis together. It's easier to tease #1 son about going in the Army instead of the Air Force, but it takes the focus off his 2 tours in Iraq, TBI and other issues. See? The sick humor serves as a way to deal with other painful realities. If I spent all my time focusing on all the shit, I'd be in much worse shape than I am now. What some consider mean/hateful is, in our family, really fucking funny. 

I've said before I was never the "warm and fuzzy" mom. I was the mom who told the kid, if they were crying about some boo-boo to go back outside since they weren't bleeding profusely, had bones sticking out of the skin or had lost consciousness. I was the one, who, when a kid bonked their head on something, I'd ask if they broke the something. They'd laugh and say "mama, that's silly" and that was the end of the drama. 

We all have rather acidic senses of humor...truth is that we'd die for each other, but we'd talk shit about it first. Yes, my kids can be brats and/or monsters and/or royal pains in my ass....BUT...they're MY kids. God help anyone who fucks with one of them. You do not want to face the wrath of the rest of us. That's been proven quite a few times. 

Our facebook conversations get pretty wild...and honestly, many of my friends WISH their children would talk to them like that or they could talk to their children like that. When girlchild was here, her biggest "beef" with me was "Mama, you're the reason I got hooked on classic rock...it's ALL YOUR FAULT". My response was to tell her it wasn't classic rock when i was growing up. #1 son is a devout Jimmy Buffett fan...and he blames me for the hundreds in concert tickets he blows. My response? Rolled eyes and a shrug. #2 son is a helluva guitar player...he wondered if I'd "disown" him because he'd picked up bass guitar. Of course I told him "damn skippy I'll disown you...bass players are generally not fit for humanity" followed by loud laughter. 

 

 

[VelociRapture]

@singsingsing Yeah I still get anxiety, but I definitely feel it’s more manageable now that I’m mostly avoiding caffeine and alcohol. I still get flares of anxiety, but I thankfully haven’t had a real panic attack since very early this year. I miss having caffeinated and alcoholic drinks sometimes, but taking care of my health and being able to care for my family definitely takes priority for me.  

I think starting Synthroid this summer might have played a role in it getting a little worse. I can’t really complain though since the medicine has worked pretty well otherwise. I’m actually able to eat a normal amount of food without putting on a little extra weight each time and hopefully this will help prevent any future pregnancy issues. 

@Playagirl It is interesting. Alcohol used to loosen me up just enough to be able to relax around other people. It still does that to a certain extent, but it’s also sparked anxiety and panic attacks lately. I was ok drinking at a wedding a couple of months ago, but I got bad anxiety after having only one glass of wine during our anniversary dinner last month. I think I have to be extremely relaxed and calm prior to having anything. If I’m already a little anxious or stressed it just makes it worse. I have a 2 year old, so I’m pretty much always stressed out these days. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

@feministxtian I'm sorry you and your family are having such health issues, and we all have different ways of coping, and in my semi trained opinion this is a pretty healthy way to deal with the less pleasant things. 

I AM a warm and fuzzy mom, I'm the huggy kissy, I love you, you're amazing, I'm proud of you, all that kind of stuff mom, but I'm also snarky AF and very sarcastic and always have been. My husband is the same way and this has passed on to our children. We didn't always cuss at our kids or allow them to swear back, but as they've grown into young adults we've shifted from a parent/child dynamic to more of a parent/child/friend dynamic. Our oldest is 21 our youngest is almost 19 so we don't have to be parents 24/7 anymore and it allows for a more goofy relationship where we can say things like fuck off off or fuck you. It's only been the last 2 or 3 years that we've changed this dynamic so it is very different from having younger kids. 

@HerNameIsBuffyI'm not sure how old you are but if you have younger kids I can see where this would be hard to take as a parent. I would have lost it if my 12 year old daughter said this to me or I said that to her, but at her age now, it is VERY different. My daughter said to me when she was about 13 that I was a horrible friend, and I told her "Good because I'm not your friend, I'm your mother. You don't need me to be your friend right now, you need me to be your mother."  she was a little upset and asked if I didn't want to be her friend, I told I did very much, when she was older, but I would be a horrible mother if I tried to be her friend now and that she would understand this more when she was older. Now at almost 19 she does as she's told me I'm glad you were my mom and not my friend because I think I'd be a horrible person right now if you had been.  

[singsingsing]

9 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

@HerNameIsBuffyI'm not sure how old you are but if you have younger kids I can see where this would be hard to take as a parent. I would have lost it if my 12 year old daughter said this to me or I said that to her, but at her age now, it is VERY different.

Really? I'm 30 years old and I can't imagine telling my mother to 'fuck off' (or her saying that to me). I don't care how people talk to each other in private if they're all cool with it, but it can't be a surprise that others might have a different reaction, can it? Especially if it involves offensive slurs (not you, @allthegoodnamesrgone). Again, say whatever you want to each other in private, but I don't need to see that shit here.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

20 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

@HerNameIsBuffyI'm not sure how old you are but if you have younger kids I can see where this would be hard to take as a parent.

My kids are all in their 20s.  like @singsingsing said... I also don't care how people treat each other if they're all fine with it.

but to keep putting it out publicly people who find it off putting may comment.

[Palimpsest]

Yes, some families just talk to each other like that.  It doesn't sound nice or loving though.

I had next door neighbors like that at one point.  Three generations in one 3 family house.  Elderly parents (who owned the house), son, his wife, and their 2 pre-teens, and daughter and her series of partners.  Examples, not verbatim but close:

Quote

Son's wife:  Bobbeeeee!!!  Come in for dinner!

Bobby (aged 8 or 9): unintelligible response.

Son's wife:  Don't you f'ing swear at me you little bastard!!

 

Yes, well.  Where do you think he leaned to swear.  And another,

Quote

Son to elderly father:  Dad don't do that or I'll hit you with the f'ing hammer and kill you!

Me - reaches for phone to call 911, peeps cautiously out window, only to find them happily engaged in a woodworking project.

Gah!  They were really unpleasant to live next door to but presumably loved each other.

Cautionary tale though.  I was so desensitised by the OTT nasty language that I nearly didn't pick up the phone when I heard a horrible fight and somebody did yell "Call 911!"  I thought it was just a little spat as usual.  As it turned out the daughter's partner was high on something and was beating the shit out of her- and her father and brother who were trying to intervene.

[onekidanddone]

On the subway platform a short exchange between mom on her phone and her little boy who wanted attention:

Boy: "Mom mom mom look at (what ever it was years ago and I can't remember exactly he was going on about)

Mom: "Can't you see I'm on the phone! Shut the hell up and be polite".

Yea it really went like that.

[AussieKrissy]

On 12/24/2018 at 5:51 AM, SillyDillys said:

I am an organ donor and I have the organ donor sign on my drivers license. My mom hates it because she thinks if I were ever to get into a life or death situation the doctors would not make a good effort to save my life ? Thanks mom for planting that seed in my head.

I remember this kind of thinking and conversations happening when I was a kid (overhearing adults). In retrospect it must have been around the time that organ donation was starting to be pushed in the media and therefore became dinner table topics after the news at 6pm. 

I am forty.

Maybe this is just a left over belief of your Mother's from this time period. I was raised with donation as a topic of conversation (obviously) For my parents it was a new thing to be scared and skeptical of.

I recently read a sad but lovely story about a young child (6 or 7 ish) coming home from school  and talking about how he had learnt about organ donation and wanted to be one. His parents didn't believe in donation. They lost him not long after and they honoured his wishes to donate his organs. They are now advocates and leaders in organ donation promotion and awareness. 

Can't lie, bawled my eyes out when I read it. Amazing and horrific story all in one.

[feministxtian]

2 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Our oldest is 21 our youngest is almost 19 so we don't have to be parents 24/7 anymore and it allows for a more goofy relationship where we can say things like fuck off off or fuck you. It's only been the last 2 or 3 years that we've changed this dynamic so it is very different from having younger kids. 

My kids are 36, 31, & 28. Its a totally different dynamic when they're grown. I've said before that my kids are just like me. Same profane, weird ass sense of humor, twisted outlook on the world, sarcastic as hell. They, individually and together, can make me laugh so hard I about wet my pants. They've become incredible adults. I've loved them ferociously since the moment of their births. Maybe that's why we can joke and cuss and fuss...they know there's nothing they could do to make me stop loving them. 

[TheMustardCardigan]

In my family growing up, cursing *at* someone (i.e. 'fuck you') was considered incredibly rude, but cursing in general was not a big deal. As younger kids my brother and I knew we were not allowed to use certain words. Once we were teens it was no big deal to use the occasional curse word though.

[SilverBeach]

Some folks think performing oral sex on your partner in public at an amusement park is post-worthy. Not surprised that fuck you greetings are acceptable, even in jest. Not to me. It may not always be sweetness and light, but damn, I don't want to get cussed out by my family. Then again, I don't affectionately refer to my girlfriends as bitches either. I have friends that do but they don't refer to me like that because they know I don't like it. Some folks have a hard edge that is off-putting to some of the rest of us, if it works for them, fine. But I don't care for it and caution must be exercised so that banter doesn't slip into verbal abuse or become hurtful to more sensitive persons. 

[HurricaneBells]

4 hours ago, feministxtian said:

What some consider mean/hateful is, in our family, really fucking funny. 

Haha yes this is my family! My poor partner was completely horrified when we starting joking about stepping on toes and kicking footballs after my uncle had 3 toes removed due to serious health problems. My grandmother eventually had both of her legs amputated in her 80's and my dad would say on the daily "dont worry mum we will have you back on your feet in no time". We are sarcastic and we are real but its just how we show our love and cope with life's shit.

In motherhood, its nice to know there are others like me and that it wont have a negative effect as he gets older LOL... you give me hope @feministxtian!

 

[SilverBeach]

It's so easy for sarcastic families to overlook that not all family members will appreciate that mean and hateful sounding shit. And frankly, sometimes more sensitive family members are "teased" with this shit in an intentionally hurtful manner. You don't know how a child will be affected when they get older. I find humor about amputations just unbelievable. I wouldn't want to be shown this type of "love", and there are better ways to cope with life. Different strokes for different folks.

BTW, I don't equate "real" with sarcastic and mean. Many perfectly "real" families don't talk to each other in a harsh and denigrating manner. 

[SillyDillys]

2 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

I remember this kind of thinking and conversations happening when I was a kid (overhearing adults). In retrospect it must have been around the time that organ donation was starting to be pushed in the media and therefore became dinner table topics after the news at 6pm. 

I am forty.

Maybe this is just a left over belief of your Mother's from this time period. I was raised with donation as a topic of conversation (obviously) For my parents it was a new thing to be scared and skeptical of.

I recently read a sad but lovely story about a young child (6 or 7 ish) coming home from school  and talking about how he had learnt about organ donation and wanted to be one. His parents didn't believe in donation. They lost him not long after and they honoured his wishes to donate his organs. They are now advocates and leaders in organ donation promotion and awareness. 

Can't lie, bawled my eyes out when I read it. Amazing and horrific story all in one.

My moms 52, so she is definitely in that bracket of organ donation fear. Like I said, she's a worry wort. But then again she grew up in poor household one out of nine kids. Wondering where money was coming from as both of her parents didnt work and lived on welfare with no health insurance, so I cant say that I blame her.

[BernRul]

2 hours ago, TheMustardCardigan said:

In my family growing up, cursing *at* someone (i.e. 'fuck you') was considered incredibly rude, but cursing in general was not a big deal. As younger kids my brother and I knew we were not allowed to use certain words. Once we were teens it was no big deal to use the occasional curse word though.

There's actually some research that goes with this. Hearing cursewords has little to no impact on a child. So if an adult says "that fucking sucks," in front of a child, it's unlikely to negatively impact that child. However, hearing  curse words directed specifically at them ("fuck you" )  or  slurs (I'm not going to actually say them, you guys know what I mean) does have a negative impact. I always thought that was interesting. 

[EmmieJ]

2 hours ago, TheMustardCardigan said:

In my family growing up, cursing *at* someone (i.e. 'fuck you') was considered incredibly rude, but cursing in general was not a big deal. As younger kids my brother and I knew we were not allowed to use certain words. Once we were teens it was no big deal to use the occasional curse word though.

I never once heard my dad curse, nor even say "oh crap".  He would say dag nab it or doggone it.  My mom said damn once.  Her go to was oh fiddle sticks!  We kids weren't allowed to tell one another to shut up.  We could say, " be quiet please"  So I go away to college and am initially shocked at the frank way my roommates talked.  Loosened up a bit, but it was my employment at a construction company that really turned me into a cusser.  I do swear like a truck driver at times, but usually in the car, and I never did in front of my parents.  My son demanded I put a quarter in the swear jar every time I cursed and he made some decent money off me.  I watch my words when I'm out in public, and I don't like it when strangers curse in front of me.  I think that's rude.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

6 minutes ago, EmmieJ said:

We kids weren't allowed to tell one another to shut up.  We could say, " be quiet please" 

Same rule in my house growing up.  Telling someone to shut up is still as rude as swearing at them to me - I never allowed my kids to say it either.

Along with no name calling and no swearing at someone.

general swearing ... I’m far too comfortable with it in private but like you I consider it very rude to hear strangers cursing.  

 

[BachelorToTheRapture]

Most of my family will say things like "fuck you and the horse you rode in on" to one another as a joke. Never to my mom or my little sister as they wouldn't take it well at all. When my brother and I pass each other in our cars we flip each other off with a big grin. Means hello. I think part of why none of us curse at my mom as a joke is because she's so sensitive, part is because she doesn't do it to us, but the biggest reason is that she has had screaming swearing fights where she curses at us (my dad and me in particular) and means it. With those who do we know it's a joke, but we avoid it with my sensitive sister and my crazy mom. I dont think my family has sworn at my husband like that although they're fairly close, but he also doesn't do any of that with the rest of us so I think they realize he wouldn't like it. The swearing with him is more about games ("I'll fucking destroy you", etc.). I can't imagine any of his family talking to each other like this, they're much more polite.

Overall I think whether you use swearing, mean words etc. to communicate positive feelings really depends on each person's personality and the individual relationships, and it shouldn't necessarily be everyone or no one in a family.

[Peaches-n-Beans]

... my sister and I regularly answer the phone saying "What's up ho?" or "how ya doin' bitch." To one another, always in jest though and if it's something serious we need to talk about we never say that to one another. I mean we can always tell we're joking, and we're both adults now too. 

[singsingsing]

Derick's latest:

Spoiler

What's 'not true', Derick? If you do have a problem with child molesters, now might be a great time to man up and assert your position on this issue! Come on, set yourself apart from Jim Bob and the Duggars. Be brave, take a risk, say, 'I don't support child abuse'!

[nickelodeon]

LBR, Derick is probably saying it's "not true" that he "bullies teens online" on the grounds that it's only "bullying" if you do it directly; he only publicly talks shit about teens behind their backs!

And then he's couching it in vague language to cover his child-molester-sympathizing asscheeks.

[HarryPotterFan]

1 hour ago, singsingsing said:

Derick's latest:

  Hide contents

What's 'not true', Derick? If you do have a problem with child molesters, now might be a great time to man up and assert your position on this issue! Come on, set yourself apart from Jim Bob and the Duggars. Be brave, take a risk, say, 'I don't support child abuse'!

Oh he supports equal rights? Fantastic that he’s finally come around on same sex marriage!!! And that men and women are equal! 

[JordynDarby5]

10 hours ago, feministxtian said:

My kids are 36, 31, & 28. Its a totally different dynamic when they're grown. I've said before that my kids are just like me. Same profane, weird ass sense of humor, twisted outlook on the world, sarcastic as hell. They, individually and together, can make me laugh so hard I about wet my pants. They've become incredible adults. I've loved them ferociously since the moment of their births. Maybe that's why we can joke and cuss and fuss...they know there's nothing they could do to make me stop loving them. 

 

9 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

It's so easy for sarcastic families to overlook that not all family members will appreciate that mean and hateful sounding shit. And frankly, sometimes more sensitive family members are "teased" with this shit in an intentionally hurtful manner. You don't know how a child will be affected when they get older. I find humor about amputations just unbelievable. I wouldn't want to be shown this type of "love", and there are better ways to cope with life. Different strokes for different folks.

BTW, I don't equate "real" with sarcastic and mean. Many perfectly "real" families don't talk to each other in a harsh and denigrating manner. 

 

15 hours ago, feministxtian said:

You need to understand that our family runs on coffee, sarcasm and assorted sick jokes. We laugh our asses off about it...it's not like we actually mean 99% of what we say, there's time for that sort of thing and there's time for joking and messing around. It's like when I call #2 son. He figured out that M O M equates to 666 on the phone key pad...so...his usual greeting to me is "Hello Satan"...it's funny! His ringtone for me is the imperial march from Star Wars and mine for him is Carry on Wayward Son. #1 son's ringtone is Point of No Return and #1 daughter's ringtone is "The Bitch is Back". 

We have oversized and rather strange senses of humor. Its how our family operates. I'm sorry if it bothers you but for us it's hysterically funny. I guess you wouldn't approve of me talking about how I have to "stab" my husband when it's time to replace his insulin cannula or glucose monitor. And, guess what, I don't really give a shit. 

That's so my family! We're very sarcastic, joking and snarky with each other. Its fun for us and funny. And just us. My mom loves to tell the story of being out to lunch with her grandmother and she zinged her grandmother with a really good one. The lady at the next table was so horrified that a granddaughter would talk that way to her grandmother. Mom's grandmother just laughed and remarked 'Who do you think taught her that?'.  Its just the way we are. Its in the blood. Mom, Dad, Brother, Grandparents, great-grandparents, uncle, me. It may look on the outside that we're just insulting each other or being rude. But some how people just see the words and not the laughing that comes afterwards.    

[HarleyQuinn]

"Not true" what a compelling argument.