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Dillards 69 : Write Your Own Joke Here


HerNameIsBuffy

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2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

My mom made perfect soft boiled eggs...I've tried and never mastered it.  I crave them sometimes but haven't had a good one since she died.

I've always been on the struggle bus when I try to make soft boiled eggs. Then I bought this egg cooker and it makes them perfectly.

https://www.amazon.com/Dash-Rapid-Egg-Cooker-Scrambled/dp/B00DDXWFY0/ref=sr_1_5?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1541796271&sr=1-5&keywords=egg+cooker

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I’m a pretty boring cook, mostly grilled meats and salads or raw veggies, but I used to make this when I was married:

 

cheater chicken pot pie

- leftover chicken (preferably from a Costco or deli rotisserie)

- 1 cup frozen mixed veg

- 1 can cream of chicken soup

- 1/2 cup milk

- salt, pepper, garlic powder 

- 1 cup Alber’s corn meal

- 1 cup flour

- 1/4 cup sugar

- 1 tbsp baking powder

- 1 tsp salt

- 1 cup milk

- 1/3 cup vegetable oil

- 1 egg

- 1/2 cup melted butter

- honey (as much as you like, or leave out completely)

 

Yank as much meat off the chicken as you can and cut into cubes. Mix together soup and first half cup milk until blended and add chicken and frozen veg. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, and garlic powder, mix well, and pour into casserole dish or ramekins. Combine other ingredients in a bowl and pour over chicken and soup mixture. (If you have any left over, pour into muffin tins and cook alongside.) Bake At 400 degrees for ~25 minutes and serve when toothpick inserted into top comes out clean. 

 

I’ve tried making it exactly once since I left my ex, and it was how I learned that baking at altitude really DOES call for extra attention. It did not bake properly AT ALL, and I haven’t tried it since. Probably for the best, where my waistline is concerned. ?

Edited by justodd
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So, at the risk of sounding like a jerk, my mom was the queen of Campbell’s soup screwing up food.

The first time I tasted unadulterated velverta Mac in college I thought i was in heaven. My mom used one box to feed four people. How? Boils another box of macaroni and add Campbell’s cheese soup.

We also had “slops” which is as great as it sounds: egg noodles, browned ground beef, and diluted Campbell’s tomato soup.

There were other bastardizations, but, those stand out. Even 20+ years later, I still get a thrill from undiluted MAC n cheese.

Edited by monkeyrocks71
I can’t type
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8 hours ago, Iamtheway said:

I don’t think I have ever heard of a food in Sweden made with canned soup. Except soup. 

So there is no can involved, but this is the ”recipe” for the lunch I ate while reading this thread. 

1. Putt the kettle on.

2. Get frozen peas, bell peppers and corn mix from the freezer and pour a decent amount into a bowl.

3. Get instant potato mash powder and measure enough for one portion.

4. Get salt, dill, garlic powder, pepper and butter.

5. Once the water is boiling pour it over the vegtables to unfreeze them.

6. Mix the potato mash powder with the spices, water and butter in a second bowl.

7. Drain vegtables and put them in the mash.

8. Optional: Sprinkle with dried onion.

There you go, 3 minute meal. I eat this a lot when I work from home since it only involves some hot water and stirring. I actually think it tastes pretty nice. 

Thanks for the instant vegan meal idea!

*subbing olive oil for butter

Edited by Skeptic
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11 minutes ago, ViolaSebastian said:

I've always been on the struggle bus when I try to make soft boiled eggs. Then I bought this egg cooker and it makes them perfectly.

https://www.amazon.com/Dash-Rapid-Egg-Cooker-Scrambled/dp/B00DDXWFY0/ref=sr_1_5?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1541796271&sr=1-5&keywords=egg+cooker

When I was a toddler (possibly younger) my mother used to soft boil and egg, empty it in a dish and add salt..... As I got older I ate a lot of soft boiled eggs. To this day, I love a runny egg yolk with lots of salt on it. 

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I grew up eating this. Macaroni, ground beef and canned tomato soup, all cooked of course...ugh, I don't think I could stomach eating it today, even without the ground beef.

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I took this directly from my family cookbook, all errors are in the recipe we use. We only have this for special occasions, because it's basically a pan of heart attack, but damn is it good. Most duggar recipe my family has, hands down.
  Cheesy potatoes:
Ingredients:
2 pounds frozen hash brown potatoes
1 tsp salt
1/4tsp pepper
2/3 cup chopped onion
2 cups (8 oz) shredded cheddar cheese
3/4 cup butter, melted (divided)
2 cups sour cream 
1 can cream of chicken soup
2 cups cornflakes
Directions:
Thaw potatoes. Combine potatoes, salt, pepper, onion, and cheese in large mixing bowl. Combine 1/2 cup melted butter, sour cream, and soup in medium bowl. Pour over potato mixture and mix gently. Pour into 3 quart buttered casserole. Combine 1/4 cup melted butter and cornflakes in small bowl. Sprinkle over potatoes. Bake in preheated oven for 45-50 minutes. 
We make this one for new year's! We call it Texas potatoes.
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STOP with the soft boiled egg talk. It's getting my gag going. When my GD asks for a "soupy" egg,  I always deflect to a waffle or pancake.

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9 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

STOP with the soft boiled egg talk. It's getting my gag going. When my GD asks for a "soupy" egg,  I always deflect to a waffle or pancake.

The Amish call them dippy eggs. 

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My most Duggar worthy recipe is taco soup. Lots of cans, but really tasty. I meal prep on Sundays (make 3 recipes with 4 serving size each, packed in single serve Pyrex dishes so I have no excuses for getting takeout lunch/dinner). Taco soup is one of my go to recipes when I have limited meal prep time.

In a Dutch oven, brown one pound of ground meat of choice (or soy chorizo if vegetarian). You can add diced bell pepper and onion, but I wouldn’t make this recipe if I had time to dice vegetables.

Add one can of diced tomatoes (undrained, I prefer petite diced), one can of whole kernel corn (undrained), one can of black beans (drained and rinsed), one can of refried beans, and one packet of taco seasoning (or use Alton Brown’s taco seasoning recipe if you’re feeling fancy).

Stir everything together then add water and stir until smooth and soupy. I think I usually add two cans full of water. Bring to a simmer to heat through. Simmer for 15-30 minutes if you want to pretend you are actually cooking.

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So Derick is what, 30 years old and has had one job at Walmart for a year or so?  And is the best hubby ever?

Edited by Ilovebrownies
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3 minutes ago, Ilovebrownies said:

So Derick is what, 30 years old and has had one job at Walmart for a year or so?  And is the best hubby ever?

And he's a professional student. Don't forget!

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3 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

And he's a professional student. Don't forget!

I wonder how much he'd make on a tell-all?

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You have all inspired me to do a deep dive into my recipe files to find a Duggar style recipe.

I probably made this for the last time about 40 years ago. 

Chicken Pot Pie

2 cans Veg All    15 oz drained

1 can chicken     10 oz drained

1 can cream of chicken soup

Shake or two of ground pepper

2 ready prepared pie crusts

 

Mix the vegies, chicken, soup and pepper until blended.  

Lay first pie crust in an oven safe 9 inch pie pan and pour in filling.  Cover with second pie crust, crimp edges to seal, cut a slit or two to let steam vent.

Put in a preheated oven at 375 degrees F, cook 55-60 minutes until crust is golden brown and filling is bubbling hot.

Let cool for a bit before cutting into wedges and serving.

Edited by Lurker
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9 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I wonder how much he'd make on a tell-all?

his tell all would be poor me bullshit. I wouldn't buy it. You probably wouldn't be able to tell what's real and what's not just his victim card.

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Oh, tuna noodle casserole from the first hospital I ever worked at! Comfort food extraordinaire!

Tuna

flat egg noodles

mushrooms, mushroom soup

bread crumbs

a bit of shredded cheese

frozen/thawed peas.

 

OMG I'd go back there tomorrow for a big dish of that!

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My Duggar-esque recipe: Macaroni and cheese (made with Velveeta), sliced hot dogs, and frozen chopped spinach mixed together and baked until browned. If you want to get fancy, add a bit of chopped onion, seasoned salt, and pepper. Haven't made this in decades, it was a go-to when I was a struggling new college graduate on a serious budget.

Edited by SilverBeach
This is my 3,666 post! Uh-oh......
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I HATE warm tuna dishes. Passionately.
My mom grew up Catholic and had fish Fridays every week. She made her childhood fish Friday tuna gravy on toast for us until all 3 of us refused to eat it! (i guess it would be tuna shit on a shingle, but I only learned that on FJ recently)

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So I actually love “shit on a shingle” and it’s the only way to redeem thanksgiving turkey in my eyes. I won’t touch the bird on thanksgiving day, but give me leftover shredded turkey, simmered in gravy, and poured over toasted crusty bread, and I’m happy girl. Works with roast pork, beef, or chicken - any roast beast with gravy. I’m also a big fan of creamed chipped beef on toast (or biscuits).

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10 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

In case anyone forgot (How could you) Wreck is still a douche.

 

You know, I wonder if this dude has thought about the ramifications of changing his age to 49?  i.e. what happens to his pension, and does he need to repay what he has gained?

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4 hours ago, justmissedquiver said:

Derick would not know whether to be disgusted or jealous.

Jealous, really truly very jealous. 

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37 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

My Duggar-esque recipe: Macaroni and cheese (made with Velveeta), sliced hot dogs, and frozen chopped spinach mixed together and baked until browned. If you want to get fancy, add a bit of chopped onion, seasoned salt, and pepper. Haven't made this in decades, it was a go-to when I was a struggling new college graduate on a serious budget.

If the Velveeta wasn't too thick that sounds yummy.

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-1lb. Ground turkey

-A can of tomato soup

- 1/2 cup picante 

-1tbsp taco seasoning 

- tear up 6 flour tortillas and mix in

sprinkle with cheddar when serving 

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I know I'm well past the "cool whip" discussion, it's absolutely the worst product imaginable. I HATE it with a passion, and part of it is that my father LOVED it and refused to ever let us have real whip cream. He's part of the reason that I'm passionate about plating food and you will never be served buffet style in my house if I'm serving a full dinner.  Whipped cream looks nice when served. Cool whip looks like hot garbage because it has to be spooned out of a plastic non-recyclable container and it sticks to the spoon and doesn't dollop nicely. 

He also enjoyed the worst desert known to mankind, which he refused to call anything but "green "stuff"". I know it has a real name, and it's just instant pistachio pudding and cool whip. It's the laziest, most midwestern thing you can imagine. People get super fancy with it and will add "mini marshmallows" ... it's not good. Also canned fruits can be mixed in. I just can't. GAG.

I don't even hate pistachio pudding, I just don't get why people need to mix it with cool whip and random things from their kitchen and call it a salad. Just serve the pudding and call it a desert! 

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