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Dillards 69 : Write Your Own Joke Here


HerNameIsBuffy

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My workplace owns a war time cookbook, published by Nazi Germany in 1943 for civilians of occupied Baltic States. I've always wanted to copy some recipes and try them at home just to know how they taste. In written form they sound inedible (granted, it's war time and front line, so most of the recipes call for same four or five ingredients).  
 

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All this talk of runny eggs made me hungry so I had runny eggs & toast for breakfast. It was delicious!!!!!!!!!

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12 hours ago, Cheetah said:

I don't understand why people would eat the fake stuff, honestly.  

Real whipped cream separates quickly (a bit of cream of tartar will stabilize it). I love cool whip, it is part of my four-ingredient lemon pie, which I guess is Duggar-esque but it is so good..

1 hour ago, Granwych said:

That's one form of egg that I could never bring myself to eat...any runny egg.

Looking at them makes me gag. This is how my DD like them. I like my eggs hard. I'm questioning if she is really mine, haha!

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I grew up on 50s Duggaresque poverty/convenience foods (my mother would tell horror stories about having to peel potatoes and snap the tips off green beans) and then "learned to cook" in the '70s, so it's been a long learning curve lol.

Here's a gem from my '70s-era boyfriend, might be a Duggar contender:

 

Shred a head or two of lettuce. Brown ground beef in chili or taco seasoning, if you're feeling healthy drain the grease. Add to lettuce with chopped onion, chopped tomatoes, half a ton of shredded cheddar cheese and a couple of cans of drained kidney beans. Liberally douse (drench) in French dressing--it has to be the gooey orange kind "with the chemicals or else it doesn't taste right." Can customize--we made it without meat for the vegetarians and without tomatoes for me (allergic). Yum

50 minutes ago, AlwaysExcited said:

My workplace owns a war time cookbook, published by Nazi Germany in 1943 for civilians of occupied Baltic States. I've always wanted to copy some recipes and try them at home just to know how they taste. In written form they sound inedible (granted, it's war time and front line, so most of the recipes call for same four or five ingredients).  
 

This made me think of the Guernsey Potato Peel Pie and Book Club (think that was the name of the book, definitely the name of the pie).

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I have a story about how I stopped eating eggs when I was 5.  It's a little gross so I'm putting it under a spoiler for those of you who are squeamish -

Spoiler

I think I wasn't a big fan of eggs already but we had someone come out to our kindergarten class from a farm to talk about the egg-laying process and chickens and all that.  I really don't remember details except that she showed us some eggs that had gone wrong like double-yolked eggs and eggs that were just all blood.  After that I wouldn't eat eggs at all if you could tell what they were (I still ate baked goods containing eggs).  I think it took about 10 years until I would touch an omelet, then gradually added scrambled, and finally about 5 years ago (in my mid 40s ) I started liking hard-boiled sometimes.  I still can't stand fried or soft-boiled but I think that's more about the texture and flavor than being grossed out any more.

 

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All this talk of congealed salads reminds me of this disgusting stuff my kids had at school called Beetle Cap.  I can't remember much about it but it was capped by a big dollop of mayo.   All of my girls found it absolutely vile and would not eat it at all.  I think they may have rather eaten actual beetles than that crap.  

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24 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

All this talk of congealed salads reminds me of this disgusting stuff my kids had at school called Beetle Cap.  I can't remember much about it but it was capped by a big dollop of mayo.   All of my girls found it absolutely vile and would not eat it at all.  I think they may have rather eaten actual beetles than that crap.  

You made me google.  I found something called 'beetle hat' and it's by far worse than anything posted here.

Also, not a meal.  Especially for children.

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43 minutes ago, PennySycamore said:

All this talk of congealed salads reminds me of this disgusting stuff my kids had at school called Beetle Cap.  I can't remember much about it but it was capped by a big dollop of mayo.   All of my girls found it absolutely vile and would not eat it at all.  I think they may have rather eaten actual beetles than that crap.  

Wychling doesn't eat mayo, jello, gravy, or much else of a variety.  And names definitely matter when it comes to food.

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I agree, congealed is not a word that should be used to describe food!

My mother makes those 'funeral' potatoes if we're having a big group in and they all love them, me, I can't stand them, but, then I'm not a big potato person.  She never made them when I was younger, it's a recent addition to her buffets.

My mom wasn't big on using cream of soups growing up either, but, there was one meal and now I make it, usually once a winter on a cold snowy day, is a chicken & rice bake. 

Cream of Mushroom, Cream of Celery, French Onion soup packet, some real onion and very finely chopped celery, pepper, mixed together, combined with cooked rice, saving a little to put over the chicken, which is laid on top, cover and cooked til the chicken is done (350 & about an hour depending on how thick the breasts are), uncovering the last few minutes so the top browns.

LOL nothing redeeming about it, no real colour, not too much texture and soooo not good for you, but damn I love it!

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I'm not known for turning down very many foods, but Waldorf Salad is a crime against fruit and nuts and no one will ever change my mind.

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In non-gross food news I am making cranberry orange muffins today.  Mini, regular, and jumbo.  Most of my family is very excited.

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4 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

I probably should let a good New England Yankee explain about marshmallow fluff,  bu they're one of the key components of a Fluffernutter sandwich which is bread spread with peanut butter and Fluff.

I remember the TV ads: ? Marshmallow Fluff, with lots of peanut butter! ?

We had a Jello recipe book.  My mother would put fruit in if people were coming over but, to her credit, never made one of the true abominations.  I used to read the book.  Some of the recipes looked so awful that I couldn't believe that anyone would prepare or eat them, ever.  It was pretty funny to read and look at, though.

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We went to the farmers’ market in Asheville once and bought something called “Amish peanut butter.” So good, so light and sweet... I finally looked at the ingredients and it had marshmallow fluff in it! 

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I just opened up an email from "Taste of Home" magazine with a Cranberry Fluff offering.  WHipped cream and, I'm guessing, cranberry sauce.  Gotta check it out.

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Ingredients

4 cups fresh or frozen cranberries

3 cups miniature marshmallows

3/4 cup sugar

2 cups diced unpeeled tart apples

1/2 cup halved green grapes

1/2 cup chopped nuts

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup heavy whipping cream, whipped

Directions

Place cranberries in a food processor; cover and process until finely chopped. Transfer to a large bowl; add marshmallows and sugar. Cover and refrigerate for 4 hours or overnight.

Just before serving, stir in the apples, grapes, nuts and salt. Fold in whipped cream.

Nutrition Facts

3/4 cup: 264 calories, 12g fat (6g saturated fat), 27mg cholesterol, 80mg sodium, 38g carbohydrate (30g sugars, 3g fiber), 3g protein.

Originally published as Cranberry Fluff in Taste of Home October/November 2002

 

Follow along as we show you how to make these fantastic recipes from our archive.

 

For your dining pleasure--more "fluff-ish recipes available.

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I'm not much of a cook myself, but we made this for one of my cousins' weddings:

Cheesy Corn

1-48 ounce can of corn

1-package of Velveeta cheese

1/2 stick of butter

A couple tablespoons each of water, milk, and sugar

Combine in pot on low heat. Cook, covered, stirring occasionally for 3-4 hours.

I tried it, but I was a very picky eater at the time and didn't enjoy cheese or corn, so, yuch, but everyone else loved it.

I might be misremembering some of the measurements.

One of my cousins (not the one who was getting married) affectionately referred to this as "a heart attack on a spoon"

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4 hours ago, JesSky03 said:

My mother in law makes that pistachio dessert where its the pudding mixed with cool whip and put on some type of crust (calls it "green dessert"). I like pistachio so the first couple times it was okay, but my husband loves it so my mother in law keeps making it for every get together. The last several times I have declined having some and so have others so it sparked a discussion on if everyone liked it or if she assumed everyone liked it simply because my husband likes it so damn much. It was decided that some of us were getting sick of it and would prefer some variety but when the next get together came around there it was. The dreaded green dessert. 

My MIL makes this jello dish with walnuts and celery. The first few times I could eat it even though I thought it was disgusting, but she is constantly making it and assumes everyone should love it if they just give it a chance. Now just seeing it makes me nauseous. I politely avoid it. She recently started telling me a story about how she kept bringing it to her husband's family gatherings and only she would eat it, but someone gave it a chance and now it is a favorite dish. I wish she would not try to force food on me.

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3 hours ago, PennySycamore said:

All this talk of congealed salads reminds me of this disgusting stuff my kids had at school called Beetle Cap.  I can't remember much about it but it was capped by a big dollop of mayo.   All of my girls found it absolutely vile and would not eat it at all.  I think they may have rather eaten actual beetles than that crap.  

PennySycamore,was a Beetle Cap..a Flying Saucer???What my Elementary school called mashed potatoes,covered with cheese,and then a slice of fried bologna???A friend I worked with called them "BeetleCaps".like I said at my Elementary school in Florida ,it was "Flying Saucers"...I actually used to eat it.Hell would freeze before I'd eat it,now.

Okay,I have a few recipes.I prefer not to eat them anymore,but I used to make them.

One) A pound of ground beef browned.Chop up raw potatoes into squares,combine raw potatoes,with meat,add enough water to cook the potatoes.You may need more water.Cook for about 25 minutes until you have the consistency you want.Mr Melon calls it "Hamburger Hash",He adds ketchup,and he loves it.You can add whatever you want,ketchup,A1 steak sauce, Heinz 57.

Two) 1 pound ground beef,browned.About 5 or so potatoes,peel and slice.One can cream of mushroom soup.One soup can of milk.Layer,beef,then poatoes,cover with the milk and mushroom soup mixture,season to taste,then bake at 350 for about 30 minutes or so,covered.Uncover and check after 30 minutes.

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2 hours ago, beepy13 said:

Congealed should not be a word ever used to describe food...

Ditto "log" or "surprise"

In the 50s jello was considered a healthy "protein" dessert, and if you added canned fruit, you were a really great nutritionist mom. Hard to believe now that congealed neon-colored sugared liquid meat was considered a health food, but it was. And then in the 60s we ate tons of gelatin because it was supposed to make our fingernails strong and gorgeous.

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2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

In non-gross food news I am making cranberry orange muffins today.  Mini, regular, and jumbo.  Most of my family is very excited.

Reading that is making me hungry. Yum. 

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I just had a banh mi for lunch.  It was sooo good.  (I was on a really low calorie diet for 3 months and now I'm trying not to go too crazy but enjoying a little more freedom).  

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19 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Unpopular opinion:  I can't STAND pistachios. 

May I have yours? Please.

18 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Entrance will be yours momentarily ... if anyone else wants in let me know!

Me, please @HerNameIsBuffy.

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