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Dillards 69 : Write Your Own Joke Here


HerNameIsBuffy

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Maybe my theory is off the wall but I think that Derick and JB Duggar had a major rift over money and Derick started getting interested in researching laws, especially when the Duggar sisters filed a lawsuit against  their county. I have a theory that Derick is motivated to become a lawyer, perhaps, to intimidate JB and threaten to sue him for money. 

JB let Derick and the Golden Daughter Jilly muffin live in his mansion properties until, suddenly, something changed. Derick picks fights on Twitter constantly so I would not be surprised if he has picked big fights with JB. 

JB treats all the other kids very well because they’re all under his thumb. 

Derick brazenly complained on Twitter “We thought they’d help more” regarding Sam’s birth. I believe JB keeps all of the money from the shows in a Duggar family trust and that JB pays Josh from it. I think Derick wants to sue him on behalf of Jill for that, as well. 

Also, I think Cathy is helping them out financially- not JB Duggar.

Jill attends Cathy’s church, and started wearing pants likely after bonding with MIL more. I know the nose ring, pants, and them going to Cathy, the pants-wearing career woman’s church, pisses JB off.

Don’t get me wrong I hate Derick but I see a war between Derick and JB.

Edited by luv2laugh
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Unfortunately it appears that there aren't many Jill-type recipes in our family's recipe repertoire. There are some weird and very simple meals, but they either don't involve opening a can or end up involving a lot more seasoning/fresh herbs than acceptable.

So I decided to post a recipe that comes close to Jill's preferences in the sense that it is a travesty of another country's cuisine. It is a family favourite and I have to make it every time there is a family gathering.

 

Recipe for MEXICAN (yes, that's how we call it)

First of all, I would like to apologise sincerely to the entire nation of Mexico and anyone even remotely affiliated to Latin America.

Secondly, let's get started.

Make pita bread using flour, water, yeast, some oil and salt. Why pita bread? Because my mother was born in Israel, that's why :fryingpan:

Dice vegetables and prepare on a plate - tomatoes, spring onions, bell peppers, cucumber.

Dice some cheese (preferably young Gouda, Tilsit cheese or something equally mild), pour in small bowl.

Open a can of kidney beans, pour in small bowl, add a sprinkling of cumin and stir.

Open a box of sour cream. Do not pour in small bowl, but do add a small spoon.

Brown minced beef, add pre-made "Mexican" seasoning. If the cook is SweetJuly, add about 50% less than recommended on the packaging to keep things bland. Add water, let simmer until done.

Take pita bread, burn fingers cutting it open while still hot, let it steam off a little, then fill with the prepared ingredients to taste. SweetJuly recommends using only meat, cheese, sour cream, tomatoes and, if you are being adventurous, some spring onions. Eat like a falafel/shawarma sandwich.

 

Edited by SweetJuly
no, we don't keep kosher :)
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I don’t think I have ever heard of a food in Sweden made with canned soup. Except soup. 

So there is no can involved, but this is the ”recipe” for the lunch I ate while reading this thread. 

1. Putt the kettle on.

2. Get frozen peas, bell peppers and corn mix from the freezer and pour a decent amount into a bowl.

3. Get instant potato mash powder and measure enough for one portion.

4. Get salt, dill, garlic powder, pepper and butter.

5. Once the water is boiling pour it over the vegtables to unfreeze them.

6. Mix the potato mash powder with the spices, water and butter in a second bowl.

7. Drain vegtables and put them in the mash.

8. Optional: Sprinkle with dried onion.

There you go, 3 minute meal. I eat this a lot when I work from home since it only involves some hot water and stirring. I actually think it tastes pretty nice. 

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Here's one we had a lot as kids and I make occasionally. 

Beef and beans

Take 1# of ground beef. Brown in fry pan with some frozen diced onions and peppers.  When beef is cooked, drain off fat.  Add large can of baked beans.  Add spices to taste...I use garlic powder, fresh ground pepper and whatever else I find in my spice cabinet that sounds good to me at the time.  Heat thoroughly and serve. 

I slather mine in ketchup, hubby likes it plain. 

 

Super easy and only one pan!

 

 

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Here's a recipe that some friends and I made up (I'm sure it's been done before, though, so I'm not claiming copyright - lol) in 1985:

Good Shit

2 boxes Kraft mac-n-cheese (the kind with the powdered cheese)
2 cans of tuna (drained)
2 cans of Veg-All (drained)
 

Make the mac-n-cheese according to package directions. When it's done, dump in the tuna and veggies. Stir. Eat. Best served with cheap beer. lol

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11 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Sounds like a shitty way to live... lol

Well, since I want to live, it's what must be done- 

8 hours ago, SorenaJ said:

How are you avoiding carbs? Milk contains carbs, bananas contain carbs, oranges, beetroot, blueberries, apples, legumes, carrots, tomatoes, red pepper, leeks, onion, cauliflower, heck even broccoli contains carbs. 

No milk.

Fiber is a carb, but a decent carb, as are whole grains. Many fruits contain fiber, so that boosts their nutrition factor. 

A carb is not a carb- 

 

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Here’s mine, dinner and dessert:

Scrambled hamburger—

cook some white rice

brown some ground beef, season to taste, drain when done

crack open some canned beef gravy and add to the beef

arrange white rice on plate, add beef-n-gravy on top

California jello—

16 oz cottage cheese, any type

8 oz cool whip (I think 8 oz; the standard-sized container)

one packet sugar-free orange jello mix (don’t make the jello, just use the powder; also, it must be sugar-free, the regular won’t set correctly)

at least one can mandarin oranges, drained (I use 2 cans)

put everything in large bowl and stir until well-blended; chill at least 30 minutes

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1 hour ago, HarleyQuinn said:

 

 

Hi Derick, why are you so obsessed with this topic? Why can't you let it go or just shut up about it?

Why is this such a big deal to you? Just asking, Derick....

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56 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

 

A carb is not a carb- 

 

This is like the start of an Emily Dickinson poem.

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40 minutes ago, SweetJuly said:

Hi Derick, why are you so obsessed with this topic? Why can't you let it go or just shut up about it?

Why is this such a big deal to you? Just asking, Derick....

He probably flirted with someone he didn't realize was trans and has been in rage mode ever since. 

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Here's a recipe my friend made for me in high school to add to the FJ cook book:

Make Easy Mac pasta, but throw away powder cheese packet.

Add can of tuna fish.

Add mayo (so sorry to mention this word at such a sensitive time).

Add lemon juice.

Stir together and eat.

Question if this person was indeed a friend after all.

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2 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Here's a recipe that some friends and I made up (I'm sure it's been done before, though, so I'm not claiming copyright - lol) in 1985:

Good Shit

2 boxes Kraft mac-n-cheese (the kind with the powdered cheese)
2 cans of tuna (drained)
2 cans of Veg-All (drained)
 

Make the mac-n-cheese according to package directions. When it's done, dump in the tuna and veggies. Stir. Eat. Best served with cheap beer. lol

I do this with tuna and frozen peas. And a little curry powder added  if I feel fancy

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3 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

In case anyone forgot (How could you) Wreck is still a douche.

 

I'm surprised Derick isn't jumping at the chance to do that himself, since he's so desperate to relive his past glory days.

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13 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

Kind of like our Vegemite it  is also an acquired taste.  Generally if people are not raised with it, they hate it. 

it's all in what you are raised with I suppose.

My in laws just got back from Australia and NZ ( 3 week vacation! They loved it!) . I  told them to try Vegemite.  They brought me back a jar.  I was so not expecting it to be just like beef bouillon!  Salty and beefy. I had no idea. I guess I'll use it in soup. 

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I took this directly from my family cookbook, all errors are in the recipe we use. We only have this for special occasions, because it's basically a pan of heart attack, but damn is it good. Most duggar recipe my family has, hands down.

  Cheesy potatoes:

Ingredients:

2 pounds frozen hash brown potatoes

1 tsp salt

1/4tsp pepper

2/3 cup chopped onion

2 cups (8 oz) shredded cheddar cheese

3/4 cup butter, melted (divided)

2 cups sour cream 

1 can cream of chicken soup

2 cups cornflakes

Directions:

Thaw potatoes. Combine potatoes, salt, pepper, onion, and cheese in large mixing bowl. Combine 1/2 cup melted butter, sour cream, and soup in medium bowl. Pour over potato mixture and mix gently. Pour into 3 quart buttered casserole. Combine 1/4 cup melted butter and cornflakes in small bowl. Sprinkle over potatoes. Bake in preheated oven for 45-50 minutes. 

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3 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

In case anyone forgot (How could you) Wreck is still a douche.

 

Jeremy also liked a tweet about that story.

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2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Well, since I want to live, it's what must be done- 

I apologize - I in no way meant to insult or demean you for what are obviously healthy choices. I misread your post as a temporary "fix" for good bloodwork results. ❤️ 

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My mother didn't do cream of crap, but my MIL did, so Mr PPOD and I eat this once in a while.   (I actually thought it was vile the first time he made it, but now I doctor up my portion with shredded cheddar on top and a ton of hot sauce and it's decent.  Mr PPOD always has his plain.  He does like other things to be flavourful/spicy ,but this is his comfort food and should apparently taste like you have the palate of a bland 1970s 9 year old raised on spaghettios and rice a roni ?)

Drain 2 cans of tuna (Mr PPOD gets the water packed chunk style for this. He also squeezes the shit out of the can so the tuna is completely drained, and then scrapes every last shred out if those cans because he's a bit OCD.)

Open a can of cream of shrimp soup. Put it through a sieve and pick out all the actual shrimp.  I thought this was just his issues with weird textures, but we tried leaving them in once and Ew! Gag! Those things are hideous. Like gellified bits of watery cardboard. 

Plop the strained soup into a saucepan with the drained tuna. Heat it up with a little milk to thin it to sauce consistency. Serve over pasta. 

If you are Mr PPOD and feeling really down, serve this with a glass of root beer.  Sit far away from Mrs PPOD who can't even stand the smell of root beer.  

Oh, and I loathe Marmite, but my parents loved it.  Whoever mentioned the toast soldiers with Marmite brought back such memories of me as a small child looking balefully at a plate of Marmite soldiers next to my boiled egg at breakfast. I'd eat the egg and nibble round all the crusts and then be malingering for ages hoping my Mum would let me get away without eating the Marmited bits.  It was just too salty for my liking. 

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17 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

I apologize - I in no way meant to insult or demean you for what are obviously healthy choices. I misread your post as a temporary "fix" for good bloodwork results. ❤️ 

No insult taken or apology needed. I do wonder why of all the problems that my very aged parents have, I got all of them. Overall though I am very healthy with the modifications made. Older age is not fun.

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6 hours ago, Flossie said:

I got one that I've made in the past.  Take two cups of elbow noodles and cook them, then open a can of Cream of Mushroom or Cream of Chicken soup.  Add the soup to the hot noodles, no extra water needed.  To make it into a sort of entree, add some browned hamburger or some chunked chicken.  Just throw in anything that strikes your fancy.  You can grate some cheese over the top when serving.  

I make the same thing but it's tomato soup. Hamburger/ground chicken browned, macaroni noodles, tomato soup poured on top of the hamburger to heat it (No water though), strain the macaroni, put it in a container, put the browned hamburger + tomato soup in there. Stir, add a shit load of cheese until it looks like knockoff hamburger helper. Add any vegetable that you fancy that day or that lone red pepper that's hanging out at the bottom of your fridge.

Saddest part is that's not the worst. In university one of my go to's was Kraft Dinner (Boxed mac and cheese) add shredded cheese, wieners, and broccoli. #healthy #looktheresveggies :P

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15 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

@AussieKrissy Cool Whip is a fake whipped cream type thing, far superior (IMO) to real whipped cream which I happen to think is vile.

I'm not sure it's technically considered a food, and I'm sure I couldn't pronounce most of it's ingredients, but I do love it's creamy goodness on holidays.

https://www.kraftrecipes.com/products/10265/baking-desserts/cool-whip

(It is most delicious scooped out of plastic container when no one is looking and licked off spoon or even fingers...so I hear.)

So cannot agree lol.  I love fresh whipped cream.

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