Kendra, Joe and Garrett Duggar, Part 10

[Greendoor]

@Carm -  yes, per the Old Testament, 40 for a boy and 80 for a girl. 

[Rachel333]

What we don't know is if they're actually following the 40/80 days rule.

[SweetJuly]

We don't know for sure, but I could imagine that they follow the 40/80 rule. It's a nice and clear instruction from the Old Testament, just the thing fundies like. Plus, the 40 days at least line up with the medically recommended recovery period after childbirth.

I do know they say that under normal circumstances you can resume sexual relations as soon as you feel like it, but many women are probably not there yet 40 days after delivery. In a normal, healthy relationship between equals it should be possible to discuss this openly with your partner.

However, if you are a fundie woman who is raised to be joyfully available whenever headship demands it, you might actually be very grateful for the 40/80 rule: It saves you the embarrassment of having to explain distateful birth-related "women matters"* to your husband, and you don't need to hope he is understanding enough to let you rest and recover if you're not feeling ready again.

 

* that's not how I personally see it, just trying to put myself in the shoes of a fundie man

[Irishy]

I’ve had very positive birth experiences. Four natural births all in hospital. In Ireland all babies are delivered by midwives in hospitals, unless there’s an instrumental delivery or high risk pregnancy. 

I found staying on my feet helped me feel in control, and only getting on the bed to push. Gas and Air takes the edge off the contractions. Do you have this in the US? Maybe known as Entonox?

I found that contractions really do hurt and you’ve gotta find your own way of dealing with that pain. But pushing feels good. Your body takes over. Moo like a cow, allow yourself to be taken over by the urge. You don’t need anyone to tell you when. I felt instant relief once each baby was out. Like the labour never happened!

[Gillyweed]

On 7/12/2018 at 1:26 AM, potato said:

I actually had a dream the other night that Joe and Kendra had already announced pregnancy #2 and I was FURIOUS.

I'm actually suprised there aren't more irish twins in the fundies that promote no birth control and leaving it up to god. I know quite a number of non-religious people who've ended up with irish twins (I assume it was on accident, but for all I know some of them might have been planned). One family that attends the camp I work at had a 2 year old, 1 year old, and 3 month old. I have no clue how they made it through the early years.

(Irish twins are two babies born within 12 months. )

[mollysmom]

I'm an Irish twin. So is my brother & sister. 

(Parents didn't believe in birth control)

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

@chaotic life Are you talking about Kendra? I saw no indication that her mother tried to prevent her from receiving an epidural or that she was anything but calm and supportive. I’m confused by your comments. 

[just_ordinary]

3 hours ago, JemimaPuddle-Duck said:

@chaotic life Are you talking about Kendra? I saw no indication that her mother tried to prevent her from receiving an epidural or that she was anything but calm and supportive. I’m confused by your comments. 

Thanks for asking. I was confused too. Her birth looked perfectly normal and not traumatic in any way to me!?!?! If that is going to be me in a few weeks I will consider myself lucky.

I know a lot of people who decided to take the pain instead of the epidural because they felt that it made it easier for them to feel in what stage they were and such. Everyone as she pleases. I will definitely opt to have all the options and decide as it goes.

[Kaylo]

[mention=12073]chaotic life[/mention] Are you talking about Kendra? I saw no indication that her mother tried to prevent her from receiving an epidural or that she was anything but calm and supportive. I’m confused by your comments. 

I thought the same. In fact, I thought her mom was a really good birth coach. She was calm but not annoying, she talked about facts, potential problems, and solutions, and she did it confidently. She was the kind of birth coach I would have wanted.

[SapphireSlytherin]

My nephews are Irish twins. Nine months apart.

I think my sister-in-law is a fucking (no pun intended) idiot.

[beepy13]

22 minutes ago, Kaylo said:

 

I thought the same. In fact, I thought her mom was a really good birth coach. She was calm but not annoying, she talked about facts, potential problems, and solutions, and she did it confidently. She was the kind of birth coach I would have wanted.

 

^Agreed. Seemed like she gave actual facts and tangible things to try doing.

Michelle, on the other hand..."We are so excited for this blessing and just pray that God gives Miss Kindra a healthy baby and delivery as she transitions into this new season of life."

[JemimaPuddle-Duck]

1 hour ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

My nephews are Irish twins. Nine months apart.

I think my sister-in-law is a fucking (no pun intended) idiot.

I have two friends with kids ten months apart. They’re not idiots. Things happen. 

[AliceInFundyland]

Agreed with all above. If I were 19, and quivering for the Lord, and had a history of passing out from pain I believe I’d want Mom Caldwell to advise me. I’m sure she had a huge hand in telling Kendra to have the hospital birth. Go Mom.

[bekkah]

6 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

Agreed with all above. If I were 19, and quivering for the Lord, and had a history of passing out from pain I believe I’d want Mom Caldwell to advise me. I’m sure she had a huge hand in telling Kendra to have the hospital birth. Go Mom.

It’s weird to me that Kendra and her mom will be pregnant together at least once or twice more. 

Kendra seemed perfectly fine with it. Her future sibling will be older than it’s nephew.  

 

But that mom did amazing with coaching. She knew what to do and made sure her child picked safety over stupidity. 

[seraaa]

On 7/9/2018 at 3:50 PM, mydoggoskeeper said:

My grandmother gave birth to 10 kids naturally. None of them particularly long labors or needing of medical intervention.  

My mother had a total of 4 hours of labor for two children, both with no pain meds.  She walked out of the hospital each time, granted 3 days later because it was 30+ years ago, in her pre-preggo jeans.  She has always maintained that she couldn't complain and the worst part about it was wanting to push and having to wait for the doctor.  

My sister started having contractions, walked home from a friends house, took a shower, ate some dinner, then went to the hospital. She was in the hospital for 3 hours, pushed for 30 minutes and gave birth naturally.  She was in her skinny jeans in a week and ran a marathon 5 months later.   She was in her mid 30s.

Yeah, certainly not possible for all women, especially the weight loss but the women in my family have had relatively easy, non-scary births.  

Your family is blessed, my goodness

[VelociRapture]

9 hours ago, just_ordinary said:

Thanks for asking. I was confused too. Her birth looked perfectly normal and not traumatic in any way to me!?!?! If that is going to be me in a few weeks I will consider myself lucky.

I know a lot of people who decided to take the pain instead of the epidural because they felt that it made it easier for them to feel in what stage they were and such. Everyone as she pleases. I will definitely opt to have all the options and decide as it goes.

I think that’s a pretty solid plan going into labor and delivery. You can research all you want and wrote a really intricate birth plan, but you never know how labor will be for you until you’re experiencing it. It’s always good to take a flexible approach.

Best wishes to you and your family! I hope you have an easy and straightforward delivery and that you and your baby are happy and healthy!

[QuiverDance]

On 6/13/2018 at 6:16 PM, justmy2cents said:

Michelle had Jill about 16 months after Jd/Jana were born by c-section and then went on to have a ton more kids. I just don't  see Joy intentionally controlling the spacing at this point. We shall see though!

I am one of those people who didn’t wait a full year after my first was born by C-section.  My kids are 18 months apart. I got pregnant again as soon as I stopped breastfeeding. It was so difficult for me to conceive the first baby that I wasn’t even thinking about preventing, and my husband (at the time... we are both married to other people now) was on board with just seeing what happened. What happened was we got another baby!!! I’m so glad though. 

[just_ordinary]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I think that’s a pretty solid plan going into labor and delivery. You can research all you want and wrote a really intricate birth plan, but you never know how labor will be for you until you’re experiencing it. It’s always good to take a flexible approach.

Best wishes to you and your family! I hope you have an easy and straightforward delivery and that you and your baby are happy and healthy!

Thank you! We are both beaming with joy and very nervous the faster my due date approaches.

[mango_fandango]

I can imagine having sexytimes a few weeks or so after birth (depending on how well I felt and how the birth went of course), but being actually pregnant again? Fuck that noise. An 18-month gap, fine. Nine-month gap? Nope.

[OhNoNike]

I second being flexible with your expectations going into birth.   I had no specific plans - thought I’d try to go without an epidural but was sure to say I’m not trying to be a hero and no one asks in a job interview if your mom had an epidural, so was going with the flow. I ended up with two non dramatic deliveries (and I totally got the epidurals).  I think really strict birth plans set you up for disappointment because so many odd things can happen. 

Like with Jill’s delivery with Israel- she had such specific plans and then he reportedly turned transverse and everything went sideways (pun intended).  

[JordynDarby5]

44 minutes ago, OhNoNike said:

I second being flexible with your expectations going into birth.   I had no specific plans - thought I’d try to go without an epidural but was sure to say I’m not trying to be a hero and no one asks in a job interview if your mom had an epidural, so was going with the flow. I ended up with two non dramatic deliveries (and I totally got the epidurals).  I think really strict birth plans set you up for disappointment because so many odd things can happen. 

Like with Jill’s delivery with Israel- she had such specific plans and then he reportedly turned transverse and everything went sideways (pun intended).  

If only there was a way for Jill to possibly have known Israel turned transverse. Maybe have been able to see him still in the womb. Nah, something like that doesn't exist.   

[bal maiden]

On 7/13/2018 at 2:19 PM, Irishy said:

Gas and Air takes the edge off the contractions. Do you have this in the US? Maybe known as Entonox?

 

Some of the more ‘progressive’ hospitals have it. Not many, when I did my research. There was one hospital that I could find in the affluent, urban, forward thinking part of CA that I lived in that had it. They still wanted you with an IV in, on your back, on a bed to give birth though. I moved back to the UK when I found out I was pregnant with my second, and had another water birth with gas and air for free (thanks, NHS!), rather than give birth under the US system of maternal and infant care. 

[ViolaSebastian]

3 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

I can imagine having sexytimes a few weeks or so after birth (depending on how well I felt and how the birth went of course), but being actually pregnant again? Fuck that noise. An 18-month gap, fine. Nine-month gap? Nope.

I once heard a woman on the radio telling the story about how she had sex three days after her c-section because her husband was going to deploy. I knew military wives were something else in the strength department, but damn. Both with the sex and being a solo parent to a three-day old after a c-section. 

[nastyhobbitses]

2 hours ago, OhNoNike said:

I second being flexible with your expectations going into birth.   I had no specific plans - thought I’d try to go without an epidural but was sure to say I’m not trying to be a hero and no one asks in a job interview if your mom had an epidural, so was going with the flow. I ended up with two non dramatic deliveries (and I totally got the epidurals).  I think really strict birth plans set you up for disappointment because so many odd things can happen. 

Like with Jill’s delivery with Israel- she had such specific plans and then he reportedly turned transverse and everything went sideways (pun intended).  

There's a British comedy writer who was an NHS OB/GYN before he made the move into comedy writing, and in his book about his experiences as a doctor, he said something like "having a detailed birth plan is like stating how you want the weather to be". 

[pandora]

17 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

My nephews are Irish twins. Nine months apart.

I think my sister-in-law is a fucking (no pun intended) idiot.

You can have whatever opinion you'd like about Irish twins, but it takes two to tango! I find it strange to blame just the woman for a decision that a man had a say in as well.