Lori Alexander 47: Frugal ... Sort of ... For a rich person

[Escadora]

7 minutes ago, dairyfreelife said:

You have your life experience and seem unwilling to consider other views that are not yours. I advise you to go back to thread one of Lori's and learn. Lurk around the site too. 

This is actually really important. When I joined FJ I'd already been on the site for a couple of years just reading threads and learning about the intricacies of fundamentalism as they apply to different religions, countries, families, and individuals. When I joined I realised that even two and a bit years of just lurking was nowhere near enough looking around for me to be able to contribute in any meaningful way, so again I kept quiet until I was sure that I'd either be able to discuss the important things here with some semblance of knowledge, or to enjoy the snark and join in in a way that was both true to myself and appropriate for the forum. 

I'm still fucking up occasionally. I try not to dwell on it (but hooray for generalised and social anxiety I guess), but when a post you think is benign/fits in with the general viewpoint gets over 10 downvotes from people you've come to respect, the very worst decision you can make, I've found, is to dig your heels in and be sure that you're right without first questioning your opinion. 

Sometimes other people are wrong. Sometimes you are wrong. Sometimes it's not a case of right or wrong, but of opinion and the important thing to remember there is that it's okay to agree to disagree (but that absolutely does not apply to this example because suicide is NOT a sin, and you are wrong both with doctrine - unless you can prove it - or for trying to heap more negativity on suicidal people).

You do not always have to be right and have the very last word for your contributions to be valid and worthwhile. Just, for heaven's sake, be willing to learn from the wealth of experience and knowledge that people here have to offer you. 

@Krissy, I'm talking to you, specifically. Do what Lori claims to do but does not. Be open to learning, to new knowledge. Be open to the idea of evidenced, theological discussion with people who won't agree with you right away and take time to reflect upon it. We don't know you, your life experience, or what exactly you could have to offer us in return, but at least the people here on FJ - as has been proven so many times before - are willing to engage with Fundamentalists individually (and sometimes leading to their  - the fundie's - betterment), even though that's not the purpose of the site. 

... alternatively, join in on thread drift. There's so much good conversation on this site, and input from experienced and knowledgeable people about so many things. Not everything has to be heavy and serious all the time. So many people here are funny and offer insights into their lives that can help you with your own. And even if you can't relate to anyone here at all even just a little bit, that doesn't mean they're not worth your time to try and give a chance to anyway.

Don't be like Lori. 

FJ is not a clique. There are friends here, sure, it'd be weird if there weren't, but I've been in thoughtful discussions with some people on some threads whilst we're also downvoting each other's posts in another thread. It happens. It can be so easy to look at a username and avatar and be grumpy about a downvote, but we're all people here, who stand for different things and believe different ways because of our different lives and that's the whole fucking point!

This is probably as close to a hand-holding you'll get on FJ. If I were you I'd take some time to listen and improve, but if nothing else can you please put down the stick and stop beating the dead horse? 

 

 

 

[polecat]

2 hours ago, feministxtian said:

My abusive shithead X STILL blames me for all sorts of shit, 21 years after our divorce. He's still a fucking psychotic asshole. 

Abusers really don't change. I'd guess it happens, yes, but it's got to be vanishingly rare. I couldn't find a single study on how many abusers actually do correct their behavior, nor statistics on how likely it is to happen. 

I'm glad you're out.

(Yes, I know that all people can change, and that includes abusers, but my guess is that the attitudes underlying abusive behaviors tend to be deeply entrenched and virtually impossible to root out without professional help and a real desire to change. Which, how likely is that?) 

[EowynW]

6 minutes ago, Krissy said:

So we hate Lori because she oppress women, doesn’t let them speak their opinions (she deletes them), puts tons of women down, makes them feel like she knows everything even if another has a valuable thought, am I getting everything? 

Well you think people who commit suicide commit the ultimate sin (nowhere in scripture) that all women should stay home (nowhere in scripture) and that abused women should just wait out their abuse at the hands of their evil husbands until their husbands magically get themselves on the right path, a fact which isn't backed by behavioral studies and counselors everywhere. You're doing a really good job of putting others down yourself with your (un)valuable opinions. 

[Escadora]

45 minutes ago, Krissy said:

So we hate Lori because she oppress women, doesn’t let them speak their opinions (she deletes them), puts tons of women down, makes them feel like she knows everything even if another has a valuable thought, am I getting everything? 

I don't hate Lori. I hate what she teaches. I hate what she believes. I hate what she's done to her children and encourages other women to do to theirs. I hate how she treats animals. I hate that she's hit her husband and is proud of it/not sorry for it. I hate how she views women and encourages husbands to feel about their wives. I despise everything that she stands for, but that pitiful, spiteful woman isn't herself worth an emotion of mine as valuable as hate. 

Now, to address the rest of your post:

Your thoughts on suicide aren't valuable, so that's off the list.

No one's deleted your posts as far as I'm aware (but I could be wrong. I'm sure your posts would only have been deleted if they infringed very heavily on the TOS), in fact we're engaging with them.

You're free to share your shitty beliefs, downvote and argue all you like.

You're also free to leave at any point and members here probably won't badmouth you to other people. 

You know what? Maybe you have a point in that you're being put down. Maybe also look at what you've written, to whom you've written it, and take a minute to ponder over why it is that people aren't using their nice words. 

So... cutting to the chase, whilst you may be trying to make the point that FJ operates in a way similar to Lori (we're on the same page here. don't think you're sneaky, everyone can see that's what you're trying to say), that simply isn't true, but feel free to delude yourself if you so wish. 

 

[polecat]

1 hour ago, Krissy said:

If it’s preached as ok people will just end their lives instead of doing Gods work in living a holy life or finding joy in this life. For people who do believe in the Bible you can’t talk solely about depression but about their salvation too and the account they are going to give to God when their life is over. 

People aren't just going to randomly die of suicide because they hear that it might not be a grave sin anymore. 

Best illustration I've heard: If you're in a burning building with no way out but the window, which is many stories above ground, what are your choices? Stay in the burning building, or jump? The people that jump aren't actively choosing to kill themselves. They're terrified, hurting and see literally no other option at the moment they do so. 

Depression -- and other mental illnesses -- can NOT be "fixed" by prayer alone. And talking/preaching about it definitely doesn't put the idea in people's heads.

[Carol]

9 minutes ago, Krissy said:

So we hate Lori because she oppress women, doesn’t let them speak their opinions (she deletes them), puts tons of women down, makes them feel like she knows everything even if another has a valuable thought, am I getting everything? 

Yes, most of that is true except many of us don't hate her.  What you left out is that she doesn't have an empathic bone in her body.  Do you?  Asking for a friend.

 

[Koala]

15 minutes ago, Krissy said:

So we hate Lori because she oppress women, doesn’t let them speak their opinions (she deletes them), puts tons of women down, makes them feel like she knows everything even if another has a valuable thought, am I getting everything? 

Do you see your comments disappearing?  Have you been banned from this site?

Surely you didn't expect to waltz in here saying that those who commit suicide have committed the "ultimate sin" (which you have yet to substantiate), and have everyone give you likes and head pats. 

What you are seeing is reality.  Yes, you can say what you want here.  Yes, people are going to tell you upfront if they think it's bullshit.

You have clearly stated that this is not your group, and given your views on abuse and suicide, I totally 100% agree with you.  

You don't seem given to critical thinking, and that's something FJ members tend to pride themselves on.  

I have heard of a chat room...I believe there's an application, and I'm certain you'd fit right in...

 

[Petronella]

14 minutes ago, Krissy said:

So we hate Lori because she oppress women, doesn’t let them speak their opinions (she deletes them), puts tons of women down, makes them feel like she knows everything even if another has a valuable thought, am I getting everything? 

Y’know, multiple times I’ve answered your questions thoughtfully, and your responses have been either childishly ungracious, non-sequiturs, or nonexistent. Your behaviour is haughty and rude, and people are responding to that in the natural way. That’s not at all analogous to Lori’s behaviour.

As for suicide, we all seem to share the same goal: to help people not do it. Your way, of adding yet another accusation of fault to someone badly hurting, seems less effective than love and support.

[ladyicantxplain]

15 minutes ago, Carol said:

Yes, most of that is true except many of us don't hate her.  What you left out is that she doesn't have an empathic bone in her body...

 

I can speak for myself: I do not "hate" Lori.  I hate things that HURT women, especially things that have the name JESUS attached to them that HURT women (something Jesus would NEVER condone.) 

I'm done sweeping things under the run that hurt women, and that's one reason I'm not involved in Lori's "ministry sites" anymore.  

Lori also feels called to "expose false teachings and false women teachers" - well, I agree.  It's just that she doesn't appreciate it when others expose HER "false teachings"...

I can enjoy the aptly-named snark here far more than faux-Christianity any day.

I'll take intelligent debate over ass-kissing (although I like the term,  leg-humping; it's really growing on me).  

 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Suicide the ultimate sin!  What bullshit is this?  Says who!??

being a judgemental idiot, maybe that's the "ultimate sin"

Get a red letter bible, if you must, and read only the red letters .  That way the little fundy minds will do a lot less damage. I will never darken a church door again but I still try to live a life Jesus would be proud of and would never insult another human by telling them what to believe or how to live like that Lori thing does.

BTW if someone needs help don't tell what to do ask them how can I help and go from there.  Sermon over.  I hope Lori gets what she deserves.

[usmcmom]

@Krissy, I'm interested in just how you define "ultimate" as in The Ultimate Sin. If it means "unforgiveable" to you, then that would not be in line with scripture:

Quote

Mark 3:28-30: "Truly I tell you, all sins and blasphemes will be forgiven for the sons of men. But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven, but is guilty of an eternal sin.

Scripture tells us that the only unforgiveable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Lori, however, believes it is something else. (Divorce, maybe?  Someone can help my memory, I'm sure) All snark aside, I really would like to hear your opinion on this. 

As for your reception here; I have seen very few people receive the backlash that you are getting. We are a pretty open-minded and patient bunch. Just yesterday I saw (once again) somebody apologize for possibly offending somebody. The response was basically "No big deal.  It's all good."  Most of us know how to express ourselves well and try to make amends when we don't do such a good job. 

It does seem like you came in looking for a fight; your comments have had a condescending tone to them practically from the beginning. You have taken responses from others and run with them in any direction that makes you look like a victim. I've seen that trick before - from Ken Alexander - and those kinds of childish antics are never going to go over well here.  

Perhaps you have some great insights to offer but you might consider whether you really want to continue interacting with such a chip on your shoulder. Nobody dragged you into this forum and forced you to talk to us. You freely joined, just like the rest of us; yet you act like a sullen teenager who's been forced to sit with people she disdains. You invited yourself to this party and it has an open door policy. 

[polecat]

37 minutes ago, Krissy said:

So we hate Lori because she oppress women, doesn’t let them speak their opinions (she deletes them), puts tons of women down, makes them feel like she knows everything even if another has a valuable thought, am I getting everything? 

Speaking only for myself, I don't hate Lori. I do hate many of the things for which she stands, however. 

I hate that she kicked her cat so hard that she broke her foot.

I hate that she beat her toddler for four hours because the child dropped raisins and didn't promptly pick them up.

I hate that she told a woman to "hit harder" even though the woman had already hit so hard that she thought she'd broken her child's arm.

I hate that she publicly and frequently mocks her infertile daughter, often passive-aggressively, often directly. 

I hate that encourages women to stay with abusive men because "they might change." (Spoiler: They do not.)

I hate that she tells her grandchildren that snakes will eat them if they complain about anything. 

I hate that she flicked her babies in the face while they nursed.

 

I can't understand anyone who would defend half the things this woman does. 

[SuperNova]

33 minutes ago, polecat said:

Best illustration I've heard: If you're in a burning building with no way out but the window, which is many stories above ground, what are your choices? Stay in the burning building, or jump? The people that jump aren't actively choosing to kill themselves. They're terrified, hurting and see literally no other option at the moment they do so. 

Thank you for saying this. I grew up with multi-generational abuse. It was simply a way of life. When I met and married my abuser, abuse was already old hat to me and just the way things were. I literally couldn't see any way out. I was stuck with no education, no money, my family disowned me, and I was married to an abuser. I felt that life just wasn't worth living. I made several unsuccessful attempts to end my life. Eventually my hopelessness, not courage, allowed me to leave. When I left, it felt like striking out into the desert with no food or water. I was sure that there was nothing better but figured that at least I would die at my own hands rather than my abusers. Surprise! I lived and found a life worth living for. Please no sad faces. I share to give a living example of the above reference and maybe help someone see things a little clearer and hopefully with a little more sympathy.

So many people don't have a happy ending. Suicide becomes the permanent solution to temporary problems. The hurt doesn't die though, it just moves to the loved ones who have to live knowing that someone they cared about was utterly hopeless and hurting, and hiding it well. On top of that lifetime of pain, imagine being told that your loved one will now suffer for eternity. @Krissy, calling you heartless doesn't even begin to cover your callousness. 

[formergothardite]

4 hours ago, Krissy said:

Lori believes she’s following the Bible

No, she doesn't. If her focus was on following the Bible, the whole Bible, she would not delete Bible verses that showed she is behaving unbiblically and block the people from responding to her. Lori acts like parts of the Bible terrify her and she won't allow people to share those verses because it might force her to admit she too sins. 

There is also that Ken admitted when he was here that she doesn't follow the rules she teaches. If Lori truly believed that what she taught was the only way to follow the Bible, she would follow those teachings herself. 

Even Billy Graham states that suicide is not the unpardonable sin.

https://billygraham.org/answer/is-suicide-the-unpardonable-sin/

ETA: even if suicide was a sin because it is murder, it still wouldn't be an unpardonable sin. 

[SilverBeach]

9 hours ago, Krissy said:

It’s probably the same thing with Lori she doesn’t know better but too old to change 

Nope. Lori is unkind and unempathetic. 

[Alisamer]

24 minutes ago, polecat said:

Speaking only for myself, I don't hate Lori. I do hate many of the things for which she stands, however. 

I hate that she kicked her cat so hard that she broke her foot.

I hate that she beat her toddler for four hours because the child dropped raisins and didn't promptly pick them up.

I hate that she told a woman to "hit harder" even though the woman had already hit so hard that she thought she'd broken her child's arm.

I hate that she publicly and frequently mocks her infertile daughter, often passive-aggressively, often directly. 

I hate that encourages women to stay with abusive men because "they might change." (Spoiler: They do not.)

I hate that she tells her grandchildren that snakes will eat them if they complain about anything. 

I hate that she flicked her babies in the face while they nursed.

 

I can't understand anyone who would defend half the things this woman does. 

Quoting because I agree 100%. She abuses people. She abuses animals. She abuses children. She married someone she didn't love because he made good money, and then tricked him into letting her stay at home full time. She knowingly hurts her loved ones. She knowingly hurts other women. She lies. She is a hypocrite. 

Yet, she claims her ways are God's ways. 

The Ultimate Sin is my fave Ozzy album. After reading that phrase a zillion times here I might go listen to it again. 

[SilverBeach]

Unfortunately, Lori and the things she stands for are one and the same. Like with Trump. I hate them both. Rottten to the core. I hate anyone who hurts the innocent, sorry not sorry.

[SilverBeach]

2 hours ago, EowynW said:

Is krissy a lori leghumper?

She has to be, or she is doing a damn good job imitating being one.

[Escadora]

11 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

She has to be, or she is doing a damn good job imitating being one.

At this point, I kinda hope she is a leghumper who's come over here specifically to try and white knight or something equally as unlikely to work. Because what would be the point, otherwise? To come on over to FJ just to defend Lori's spending habits and argue about suicide? 

Where, exactly, is the victory in that? Lori's certainly not going to thank her for it (I don't think she's physically capable of feeling gratitude).

Boggles the mind, really. 

 

[delphinium65]

3 hours ago, Krissy said:

It is the ultimate sin. 

Sweetie, take your 'ultimate sin' bullshit and shove it. Your god is a monster, and doesn't deserve worship, if he even exists. I haven't seen that proven yet. 

[usmcmom]

Krissy interacts with us in a way that is very similar to the interaction style of Ken and Lori when they respond to their "haters."  She's passive aggressive, adopts a self-victimizing attitude, responds condescendingly and deflects.  She's been studying the Alexanders WAAAAAAYYYY too thoroughly....or she is one of them. 

*looking for paranoid emoji now*

[Briefly]

11 hours ago, Curious said:

That sounds like lovely yarn.  Have any of you tried the "roving" yarn before?  When yarn goes on sale I will try to pick up a few single skeins of yarn that I haven't used before.  Since my husband has to go with me and put up with me going up and down the aisles several times while I'm making decisions (and time can really get away from me), I try to involve him so I asked him to pick a yarn he liked.   He picked a really bright variegated yarn that was kind of shiny.   I made a hat for myself out of it and when I was working with it, I kept thinking it had a different texture.  I finally looked at the label and it was listed as "roving."  

It's machine wash/dry (basically my only requirement in yarn) and it worked up really nicely.  I probably wouldn't use it for anything but hats though because it's a smallish skein and it'd be too expensive to make anything else with it.

I think roving is wool?  I have not tried it because of my wool allergy.

I admire people that can both knit and crochet. I love to crochet but I like to watch knitting.  I just don't have the desire to knit, but one of these days I might actually try it.

I guess that we didn't learn our lesson yet, since Krissy left. Yet she's still posting.

[Imrlgoddess]

SaH Parents fall into two broad categories for me:  those who are making the best out of their situations & those who are exploiting an idea.  There are many families who make it work however well because it's the best fit for their lives.  They talk about it & make the choice together.  There are others who demand.  They hide behind religion or sheer will & force it with no regard for their partner or children.  Selfish people exist & they exploit whatever, where ever they can.  

As far as abuse goes, an abuser will find his or her open door, but there are some relationship practices that make it easier to open.  Thus far it's mainly been a discussion on the physical.  Mental & emotional abuse are sneaky & easy to hide.  It's a talent for someone to gaslight another so well they never see it coming & they second guess every move or thought they make.  It's easy to hide behind "innocent" little statements like, "oh s/he's just much smarter than me, lol, I'm such a ditz."  "Oh, I screw everything up unless s/he checks after me, s/he really keeps me on track."  "S/he don't mean it, s/he's stressed/a mean drunk/angry with someone else...."  The list is endless.  My first husband never actually hit me.  But when we fought, we FOUGHT.  I was a shell of a person, truly believing that I was stupid & somehow unworthy.  It didn't matter how hard I worked, or how many books I read, or how clean the house was...I was never good enough.  He left me.  I never would have left him, but I damn sure let that door slam when he walked after a decade of misery.  My only regret is allowing myself to be told I had to marry him because we were living in sin.

On to Lori & her crappy message.  I have lived my entire 40 years in a series of unfortunate/unpredictable/unavoidable events.  My mother didn't know her 70's era IUD would fail & produce a small, sickly child.  As a SaHM, she didn't ask for her 49 year old husband to have 2 near fatal heart attacks that left him totally disabled.  She didn't anticipate having to work full time & be dirt poor the entire time she had children at home.  I made a stupid choice to marry a selfish, lazy, arrogant man & was foolish enough to gamble on bad birth control.  Me joining the military didn't solve our problems.  After that, being a single mother taking in just enough to survive wasn't ideal but it was better than the nightmare I'd lived.  My current husband didn't ask to get saddled with a dying family business.  He didn't anticipate landing in the hospital most of last year.  I am eternally grateful to simply have a house to live in because we almost didn't.  If I had ever followed any of that monsters advice at any point, I'd be an uneducated, financially broke & emotionally dead fool.  In roughly 20 years of being married to someone, I've been at home with my daughter for a total of 18 months, because I was never lucky enough to not work.  Because of allll this, I have a low tolerance for ungracious & selfish people.  

I was not taught to hate when I was Catholic, actually my mother told me to hate was sinful.  So, no I don't hate Lori.  I find her to be willfully ignorant & highly ungrateful.  I've been reading through her various posts for about a year & not once has she made reference to how fortunate she was to have a father who gave her an education.  Not once has she mentioned how she personally, passionately loves & appreciates her husband & all he's done for her.  She has *NO CLUE* what frugality actually is.  The free clinic would appall her.  I can guarantee she has no idea what Section 8 means.  She & her husband don't believe poverty is widespread & more prominent than their level of wealth.  I know this because he told me so himself--he flat out said impoverished communities are the exception.  She herself has done entire write ups putting down female military & civil service workers.  IMHO, she is the poster child for ungrateful people. 

I'm not touching the suicide bits. It's taken me 2 days to calm down enough to type this much out.

@Krissy I don't think you're dumb.  I think you're naive & possibly brainwashed.  

[Briefly]

4 hours ago, squiddysquid said:

No, Lori deletes people quoting scripture that she doesn't like, she is fully aware and picks and twists verses to fit what she likes

She also deleted a suicide hotline number, knowing full well that one person involved in that discussion was suicidal.

Beside being monstrous, doesn't the bible also state that you can't go to heaven when you've committed suicide?

I don't think it is actually mentioned in the Bible, but I have heard it described as being the one sin that we can't repent for because we're unable to repent if we are dead.  I think that might have been from a Jewish friend but I'm not sure if that was an actual belief of just her opinion.

[Escadora]

Just now, usmcmom said:

Krissy interacts with us in a way that is very similar to the interaction style of Ken and Lori when they respond to their "haters."  She's passive aggressive, adopts a self-victimizing attitude, responds condescendingly and deflects.  She's been studying the Alexanders WAAAAAAYYYY too thoroughly....or she is one of them. 

*looking for paranoid emoji now*

I think one thing's for sure. Krissy isn't Lori.

Lori's too much of a coward to come and confront FJ directly, because she knows she'd get torn to pieces here. Plus there's been no effort to engage on Lori's pet topics of spanking, frugality, or poop. Unless I've missed it. 

I also don't think it's Ken. I think Ken's way too sexist to have his username be one so easily assumed to be female (or maybe that's a me-bias. I saw Krissy and thought woman automatically). Although saying that, maybe he'd assume we'd think that and decide to double-bluff us. Ooh, conspiracy. 

Seriously, though, I don't think her eldest daughter has the time to come here and defend her mother like that. I think her youngest is too overwhelmed with the children to bother. I'd really like to think that all of her children have better things to do than to come here and fight a losing battle, and that their spouses do too. But, who knows?

I think Krissy's either a leghumper or a shit stirrier. 

Or both.

Probably both.