Lori Alexander 47: Frugal ... Sort of ... For a rich person

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

@EowynW That is a great link re why don't they leave!  Thanks, I'm sure it's a real help for people who don't understand. I was standing in my kitchen looking at my bottle of anti depressants and knew I was not the problem.  So I said fuck the church and everyone else and walked out the door.  Luckily I had resources and a good work ethic.  I wish for empowerment for all women and children and I truly despise the church.  I had to do some bad things to that man to get him to leave me alone and don't regret a damn one of them.  OK rant over.

[Koala]

 

4 hours ago, fluffy said:

Her whole life is riddled with conflict and conflict with supposedly likeminded believers. I can't believe that she publicly called a woman from her own church "a scoffer." In Lori's world, if you don't agree with her, you're going to hell. Lori doesn't really get along with ANYONE. This is also the church where Ken threatened to shout out his disagreement during a sermon. When a fangirl questioned them about that plan, they claimed it was just a joke. Yeah right. 

Not to mention the fact that fully 50% of her screeds focus on the scripture that women are to remain silent in church and never teach, she's pissed that she's not allowed to teach. She recently compared herself to male pastors who preach "the truth." It's another major blindspot she has for herself. No other women should have ministries, but somehow that view excludes herself. 

 

They are so disrespectful of their church families.  The way they trash them on social media is absolutely shameful.

It's funny that Lori says, "I was forbidden to teach wifely submission at the big Calvary Chapel near me..."

It seems like literally just yesterday that that she furiously scribbled a notebook doodle that looked something like this-

Great question, Lori.  Why?

I guess you're just a scoffer who wants to twist the word of God.  It's a good thing Calvary Chapel doesn't care a lick what you think!

[Curious]

3 hours ago, Briefly said:

But if it does involve yarn, be warned:  it's extremely addictive.  It also takes over your life, living space, etc.

My husband does not understand the concept of a "stash."   Unfortunately, for him/in his mind, virtually all my hobbies require some amount of a stash to be fully functional.   I have a ton of yarn.  I get it, it looks like I just buy yarn when it's on sale and I don't really *need* it, but I can't count the times I've wanted to make something for a friend or whatever circumstance and I can pull the yarn out and use it.   

I was trying to get my yarn stash down a little because I hadn't been crocheting as much since I took up more coloring/drawing type activities (which is another whole level of stash, plus the material I have, etc).   A couple months ago, I had him drag out ALL my yarn and I rearranged it and figured out what I had so I knew what I should buy if I was going to add to it.

Then both Joann's and Michael's have been having really good sales, so I've been buying yarn, but using it right away.  In the last 3 months, I've made 3 full size afghans (2 for gifts and 1 for my husband), 3 or so baby blankets and a few hats.

Yesterday I got a flyer from Joann's saying it was the FINAL DAY (big letters at the top) of their BOGO on this yarn I had just made a baby blanket out of and really loved working with.  So I asked if he would please go after work and get me 6 skeins.  I wanted to see how it looks with a double strand because all the varieties are really pretty.  So he did that and informed me that the sale (BOGO) actually ends today.   I felt bad because he already doesn't get home until after 7pm due to his commute so I don't think to send him on "after work" type errands for me.

I woke up this morning and had a new flyer that not only had FINAL DAY again, but 20% off on top of it.   I messaged him when I got it at like 2am and told him how pissed I was about it and then in parentheses, I said I wouldn't mind having a few more skeins of that yarn.  I fully expected him to tell me no after I just got 6 skeins last night and I was fine with that. 

When he saw the message he asked which yarn I wanted.  I basically said I didn't care, but I'd like to have enough to make a couple baby blankets and a few single skeins to make hat, booties, socks, mittens, etc out of since it would be really nice for those items.    He came home with 10 more skeins.

Our loveseat is now home to yarn until I get a few more things made because I literally have no room in any of my yarn storage totes.   The 10 skeins came to something like $34 so that's $70 worth of yarn normally.   How can a yarn person pass that up?

The yarn is Lion Brand Cupcake.  It's a 3 weight and comes in a very generous 590 yards per skein.  It only takes 3 skeins to make a nice size baby blanket (I use a g hook usually), where it usually takes 5-10 skeins depending on yardage to make the sizes I do.

 

I see Lori left the gate open and we had a sheep wander in.  I hope she continues to read even if she has stopped posting.

3 hours ago, EowynW said:

I knit and am learning crochet. Crochet makes me head heart tho. 

I'm the opposite.  I would LOVE to get better at knitting, but I lose patience because I can do a project in crochet that would take me a few days at most.  Knitting it would take me months.  My grandma taught me to knit when I was a kid, but she never taught me some of the important things because she would just do them for me (cast on, pick up dropped stitches, cast off, etc).  Once she passed away when I was 15, I didn't have anyone to help me learn those other things so I ended up learning more crochet since that is what my mother did.

I've picked up some needles and a book and I've watched some videos and for whatever reason, it just doesn't click with me.

I'm sure there are plenty of people that would answer crocheting questions if you have them.  Just post in the yarn arts forum (in the craft club) or shoot me a PM.  There are also TONS of great videos on youtube for crochet.  I was looking for a new stitch recently because I was sort of tired of using the same 2 patterns for every single blanket (baby and adult) that I make.    I've found a couple new ones to add to my "go to" list which I really enjoy.

 

[desertvixen]

In agreement with @TeddyBonkers and @feministxtian on the military being a different world...but even so, nowadays a lot of military wives ARE working - at least the ones I come into contact with.  Some of my soldiers' wives do stay home, but I have several with 4 or more kids, and at that point it makes some sense.  Not to mention all the wives who do childcare out of their home (a sisterhood that has aided me numerous times)!

@Krissy, the safety net that your husband and you have (military benefits, educational benefits) does not exist for a lot of Lori's readers.  Like the woman who was giving her husband an allowance for "chew" when they didn't have enough food in the fridge to get through the week.

Quote

Krissy says:

I believe the state of the culture of needing two incomes could turn around if more women stayed home. It’s really about supply and demand

Doubtful.  Stuff isn't just going to magically get less expensive.  Also, who's going to do what those women have been doing?

[fluffy]

22 minutes ago, Koala said:

Great question, Lori.  Why?

I guess you're just a scoffer who wants to twist the word of God. 

You said it, sister! In the chatroom, she's back on her kick that women are not created in the image of God. I don't know where she gets this garbage or why she's so intent on teaching misguided theology. Her hatred of women knows no bounds. What really gets me is how intellectually stunted she is and how utterly lacking in curiosity she is. Her one hobby is being bossy. Some poor woman was trying to explain the role that translation played in the Bible and how "man" and "mankind" stand for what we might now say is "humankind." That was too abstract a concept for Bossy Pants. Lori has the most literal and limited mind of anyone I've ever known. She brags about not reading books. Lady is dumb. 

[EowynW]

2 minutes ago, fluffy said:

You said it, sister! In the chatroom, she's back on her kick that women are not created in the image of God. I don't know where she gets this garbage or why she's so intent on teaching misguided theology. Her hatred of women knows no bounds. What really gets me is how intellectually stunted she is and how utterly lacking in curiosity she is. Her one hobby is being bossy. Some poor woman was trying to explain the role that translation played in the Bible and how "man" and "mankind" stand for what we might now say is "humankind." That was too abstract a concept for Bossy Pants. Lori has the most literal and limited mind of anyone I've ever known. She brags about not reading books. Lady is dumb. 

Hahahaha and ken tried so hard to convince me that she absolutely did NOT BELIEVE THAT. Many people tried so hard to tell her the word for man there men HUMAN but the stupid bitch refused to listen  

 

Could you share a screenshot? 

[fluffy]

3 minutes ago, EowynW said:

Hahahaha and ken tried so hard to convince me that she absolutely did NOT BELIEVE THAT. 

 

Could you share a screenshot? 

[feministxtian]

9 minutes ago, desertvixen said:

Not to mention all the wives who do childcare out of their home (a sisterhood that has aided me numerous times)!

That was my thing for years! When I was married to my X, a friend of mine (a Navy wife) worked as a waitress at a local restaurant and I'd keep her little boy. But, see...we stayed "home" so I lived a different life than most of the wives. My parents were down the road, ALL my friends were local, and I had different choices in terms of staying home/working/education than most of them had. Once Hubs and I got hitched, we lived a "non-Navy" life for the most part. So, I've sorta seen both sides, military and non-military life and now I'm a happy-ass civilian living that civilian life...I haven't set foot in a commissary since my mother's funeral. It's too far to be convenient anymore so we live the local's life here in sin city even though there's a pretty damn big AFB here in the very NE section of the city. 

[fluffy]

6 hours ago, ladyicantxplain said:

Her sphere of influence is too large if even ONE of these women is in an abusive relationship.

I definitely agree with you. Here's a post that illustrates your point. The tragic thing is that a number of women who read her are married to violent men. It's heartbreaking. 

 

[desertvixen]

@feministxtian, the commissary on Nellis is not bad, but it's not the best I've seen.  The BX is handy now and then.

To be honest, I rarely use the commissary here because I work on the other side of post and it's not convenient.  I need to run over that way soon...

[Demonfan]

I don't understand why Lori hates women who work. Is she trying to justify that she didn't work? Does she really believe the hateful things she writes, or, is it to attract the attention of men? I believe that she loves the men that give her positive attention. They are all horrible misogynists, but she doesn't care because  she doesn't have to live with them. I don't know, she lies a lot. She also doesn't live in a way that even remotely resembles what she preaches, so there's that. My husband and I are fortunate to be in secure jobs that pay very well. What Lori and her ilk don't understand is how expensive it is to get to be in such a position. Years of college and graduate school, all of the accessories needed for success. I am in no position to understand what a stay at home mom on a shoestring budget is going through, and I would never presume to advise her. The fact that Lori who knows nothing about it either but acts as an authority? It's just ego. Lori Alexander is a horrible person.

[feministxtian]

3 minutes ago, desertvixen said:

@feministxtian, the commissary on Nellis is not bad, but it's not the best I've seen.  The BX is handy now and then.

To be honest, I rarely use the commissary here because I work on the other side of post and it's not convenient.  I need to run over that way soon...

I live on the west side and we're planning to move back down to Mountain's Edge area (south of Russell) so there's no point in trekking across town. Once a month I'll head to the WinCo in either Henderson (Galleria Mall area) or up Tropical and Decatur. 

[usmcmom]

42 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

That was my thing for years! When I was married to my X, a friend of mine (a Navy wife) worked as a waitress at a local restaurant and I'd keep her little boy. But, see...we stayed "home" so I lived a different life than most of the wives. My parents were down the road, ALL my friends were local, and I had different choices in terms of staying home/working/education than most of them had. Once Hubs and I got hitched, we lived a "non-Navy" life for the most part. So, I've sorta seen both sides, military and non-military life and now I'm a happy-ass civilian living that civilian life...I haven't set foot in a commissary since my mother's funeral. It's too far to be convenient anymore so we live the local's life here in sin city even though there's a pretty damn big AFB here in the very NE section of the city. 

Completely unrelated to anything being discussed here but your mention of Sin City made me think of my son's first visit to Vegas. 

During one phase of his training - post boot camp - his unit went there for some training and they stayed on the Air Force Base. First, I was a very naive mom and was ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN he could not pull any shenanigans. I mean, he was nineteen, underage...nobody was going to let him into all the casinos and strip clubs (stop laughing!!). Not only did he later tell his dad "Man, this military ID is GOLD here. I can get in anywhere!," he also told us about the daily apologies. 

Each morning, these Marines got cussed out by their superiors because the Marine Sergeants had to meet with the Air Force officers and apologize for the hell-raising these Marines had pulled on the previous nights. Seven mornings - seven apologies. It seems the language got more and more colorful with each reprimand to the unit. 

Marines and Sin City - a pretty dumb mix. My son just told us he was planning a Veterans Day meet-up with his veteran buddies...in Vegas. 

My first thought: "Oh he'll be a lot more sensible this time now that he's older and more mature."  Heh. Right.....

Bakc to our regularly scheduled snarking. But thanks for the memory. I love to hear my son tell a story. He makes me laugh. 

[Sarah92]

 

is a  slouchy beanie and a twisted infinity scarf that I crocheted a while back. It's my winter gear. I can't knit because my hands won't cooperate and I keep using a crocheting motion when I use the needles. Oh well. And the second picture is a very rough attempt at embroidered earrings. I decided to do them on a whim with little planning. Definitely rough but I plan to get a pattern drawn and tighten up my stitching. They are very light though for how large they are. 

On the subject on abused wives, one of the most dangerous times for them is when they're are planning to leave. So just up and leaving isn't always an option. http://www.thehotline.org/help/path-to-safety/. Safety plans can save lives. 

On the subject of Lori's followers, I suspect that she bought a lot of those likes and follows. She also have relatively low engagement and actually allowing for discussion would probably increase her views and create a more solid community. At FJ for example, people talk and discuss beyond Lori or the thread topic. I get a real sense of community here even with disagreements. On Lori's page there's none. Very little back and forth with almost no engagement from her.

She also has little real biblical content beyond her favored verses. I wouldn't be surprised if people initially liked one or two of her posts and never came back after seeing just how incompetent she is to be a teacher. 

Spoiler

 

[feministxtian]

2 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

Marines and Sin City - a pretty dumb mix. My son just told us he was planning a Veterans Day meet-up with his veteran buddies...in Vegas. 

My first thought: "Oh he'll be a lot more sensible this time now that he's older and more mature."  Heh. Right.....

Yeah...no. Vegas causes otherwise stable and rational people to lose their marbles. I think all those billboards and marquees on the strip are sending out beams to scramble tourist brains. 

And yep, military IDs of any sort are solid gold here. I was at a store and the cashier saw my military ID in my wallet while I was getting my debit card out and she took another 10% off whatever it was I was buying. LOTS of military love here. We looked at an apartment today that waives the security deposit for military/retired and waives the application fee for over 55 (hubs is over 55). I'm like SOLD!!!! 

[usmcmom]

1 minute ago, feministxtian said:

Yeah...no. Vegas causes otherwise stable and rational people to lose their marbles. I think all those billboards and marquees on the strip are sending out beams to scramble tourist brains. 

And yep, military IDs of any sort are solid gold here. I was at a store and the cashier saw my military ID in my wallet while I was getting my debit card out and she took another 10% off whatever it was I was buying. LOTS of military love here. We looked at an apartment today that waives the security deposit for military/retired and waives the application fee for over 55 (hubs is over 55). I'm like SOLD!!!! 

And you deserve every bonus and perk offered to you. Thanks for your service!!

[Frog99]

36 minutes ago, Demonfan said:

I am in no position to understand what a stay at home mom on a shoestring budget is going through, and I would never presume to advise her. The fact that Lori who knows nothing about it either but acts as an authority? It's just ego. Lori Alexander is a horrible person.

I think that’s what aggravates me about her. You can’t mentor someone without a personal relationship and Lori doesn’t build relationships. She sits in her little corner of the Internet spouting off what she believes to be true. Her “how-to” posts minimize the realities of many of these moms, and the women who comment “this was so encouraging” aren’t the ones struggling. When a struggling mom does comment or reach out for more information, she either responds with a canned response, ignores, or deletes. 

[Hisey]

8 hours ago, EowynW said:

Your bias is clearly showing. Obviously you believe only men can handle providing and women are best left tending the home. 

Yea I just don't believe men exist to provide comfy lives for their wives and I'd never tell my son he needs to kill himself at a job so "she can stay home." Grown adult women should be willing to do what needs to done in order to stay afloat same as men. 

Your privilege is showing, and it reeks.  This society needs two incomes because inflation is skyrocketing & wages are stagnating. It was nothing to do with women working. And *newsflash* NOT ALL OF US WANT TO STAY HOME IN THE KITCHEN. 

 

Many men do find it a hard burden to carry. But they aren't allowed to speak up in this "men provide culture" that makes up conservative Christianity. They are humans just like us and are no more designed to bust their asses 80-90 hours a week trying to stay afloat than we are. They need rest, family time, hobbies and rich rewarding relationships the same as women. 

Things are not always as they seem, Eowyn.

When I married, I had saved some money of my own, from my job. I've been lucky in investments, and that money has grown while I've been a SAHM.

I grew up in an abusive household and simply could not bear to leave my kids with people I didn't know. I have issues with trust. Plus, I actually wanted to be with them all day -- I like being around children -- and my husband wanted me at home, too. He'd had a SAHM and saw the value in it. 

I knew I would be able to contribute financially to our household with the money I had saved when I was young. And I have. Whenever we've had a financial crunch, those funds have helped us out.

If you saw our family, you might think I was "selfish" because my husband works hard. But he works hard because he wants to. He has some anxiety issues about money and will overschedule himself for work whenever something triggers his anxiety.  For example, our oldest is leaving for college. Although she got a scholarship which greatly reduces any financial stress, he has been overscheduling himself (he does shift work) out of anxiety. He is a man in his fifties and I vastly prefer to have less money and have him care for his health.

So, on the outside, a hardworking hubby and a SAHM. But the true story is a SAHM with some financial resources and the luxury to choose to stay home, and who -- more than anything --wants to keep her husband safe and well.

So our story is complex. Other people's stories are complex, too. Sure, there are lazy women who could care less if their husband is breaking his back. Those couples shouldn't be married. But things are not always as they seem on the surface.

I do understand your anger since you are coming from a culture that undereducates men and then forces them into years of manual labor. Just remember--things are not always as they seem. Some men want their wives raising their kids full time, and wouldn't have it any other way. Some couples agree to this, and both are happy with the situation.  Some families have kids who especially need a parent at home (my own kids were among this group). Plus, some people see value in having a mom at home (though I'm not saying it's the best or only way, far from it). Some people can afford this luxury, the same way some people can afford nice cars or long vacations. So it's not always clear why people make the choices they do.

[EowynW]

I apologize, @Hisey I had realized earlier I hadn't put as much thought into my original post as I should've.

[Hisey]

No problem. I think I understand where you are coming from. A culture that expects a man to work himself to death is wrong.

If a couple is in financial trouble, and the wife refuses to work because of a misguided idea that she has to "stay at home" then that is clearly wrong and certainly unloving.  I get the feeling you see that more in fundie circles. Because I don't see that in my area. Mostly I see women who are glad when they have the chance to go back to work, or who are frustrated when they can't find a job.

Staying at home is a luxury that does buy you many good things . . . protection from childcare workers who are crappy, being able to nap with your baby in the middle of the afternoon, not having to worry about childcare in the summers and after school. . . stuff like that. 

[feministxtian]

13 minutes ago, Hisey said:

If a couple is in financial trouble, and the wife refuses to work because of a misguided idea that she has to "stay at home" then that is clearly wrong and certainly unloving.  I get the feeling you see that more in fundie circles. Because I don't see that in my area. Mostly I see women who are glad when they have the chance to go back to work, or who are frustrated when they can't find a job.

My husband's x-wife was like that She quit working when she got pregnant...quit a very good job. Then she bitched, complained and had shit fits over that they didn't have much money. She also spent them into bankruptsy (sp) by blowing insane amounts of money they didn't have and opening charge accounts without him knowing about it. 

I was married to a man who thought that he had to control ALL the money and would bitch about me paying a doctor's co-pay for myself or the kids. 

So, neither one of us were particularly trusting when it came to finances. Hell, we had separate bank accounts for years...it's just been in the past year that we've put the other's name on our accounts and made them both joint. It's only taken 20 years! And, that's why staying home was never an option for me after we got married...He had problems trusting I wouldn't live above our means and I had trouble trusting that he'd be there financially when I needed him to be. We've FINALLY worked that out...

[KnittingOwl]

7 hours ago, Briefly said:

I don't knit, it looks interesting but I stick with crochet because i do know how to do that. It's not hard, it can be tedious and it can take a while to learn.

 

But there are a lot of non-wool yarns available, acrylic, cotton, linen, silk, various natural blends.

I’m the opposite: I can knit, but I can’t really crochet. I’ve tried crocheting, but I don’t have the hang of the tension or using one needle. 

I just picked up the prettiest silk/linen blend. It has some texture instead of just being soft silk. I’m looking foreward to starting a beaded cowl with it. 

[SweetLaurel]

4 hours ago, feministxtian said:

was married to a man who thought that he had to control ALL the money and would bitch about me paying a doctor's co-pay for myself or the kids. 

Yeah, and I'd dread when the kids out grew their shoes.  I get that.   He always insisted I work - always.  As soon as I had a baby, he'd be nagging at me to get back to work, and if I was between jobs, he was frantic and nag nag nag nag till I found another one.  Of course when he got laid off he sat in the garage for 16 months but....  LOL!   I mentioned that to Lori once - and well, we didn't love God and his ways, of course and I didn't pray hard enough and win him without a word.   Ummm.   She has no clue how other people live or their dynamics from her little McMansion dream house.   

[Curious]

5 hours ago, KnittingOwl said:

I’m the opposite: I can knit, but I can’t really crochet. I’ve tried crocheting, but I don’t have the hang of the tension or using one needle. 

I just picked up the prettiest silk/linen blend. It has some texture instead of just being soft silk. I’m looking foreward to starting a beaded cowl with it. 

That sounds like lovely yarn.  Have any of you tried the "roving" yarn before?  When yarn goes on sale I will try to pick up a few single skeins of yarn that I haven't used before.  Since my husband has to go with me and put up with me going up and down the aisles several times while I'm making decisions (and time can really get away from me), I try to involve him so I asked him to pick a yarn he liked.   He picked a really bright variegated yarn that was kind of shiny.   I made a hat for myself out of it and when I was working with it, I kept thinking it had a different texture.  I finally looked at the label and it was listed as "roving."  

It's machine wash/dry (basically my only requirement in yarn) and it worked up really nicely.  I probably wouldn't use it for anything but hats though because it's a smallish skein and it'd be too expensive to make anything else with it.

[Krissy]

16 hours ago, Loveday said:

I hope you don't have daughters. If you do, please tell us that you'll fund THEIR college educations as well, if they choose to go.  If your answer is no, then you're right--this is definitely NOT the group for you. 

I do have a daughter. She was given up for adoption but her adoptive parents kicked her out as a teen which is when I first came into her life. I did teach her to stay home with her kids. She complained a lot about staying home and it did make her incredibly unhappy. Her husband worked on and off at subway, day labor, and whatever else he could find. She also had 3 kids before she was 21 and her husband was extremely abusive she would not leave him and would often threaten to stop talking to me if I didn’t support her marriage to this loser. Which is when I first learned about Lori Facebook and teaching. I did started saying to my dd you know maybe some online classes isn’t a bad idea then very wealthy LDS business man gave her a 30,000 a year job and trained her himself to do graphic design. She has no college degree but she did get her GED so I really believe this job was what started giving her confidence because soon it was my husband says I should quit my job to clean the house instead of I’m going to do what my husband says no matter if I agree or not. We started talking divorce him again. After the last time he hit her she was strong enough to call the police and have him arrested. That’s when she left for good. 

Shes now married to a tv news producer and she is a marketing manger for young living. 

So yes I do support my daughter through trial and err like every other parent out there. Even through all my missteps she still turned out great.