Lori Alexander 47: Frugal ... Sort of ... For a rich person

[EowynW]

6 hours ago, KnittingOwl said:

I’m the opposite: I can knit, but I can’t really crochet. I’ve tried crocheting, but I don’t have the hang of the tension or using one needle. 

I just picked up the prettiest silk/linen blend. It has some texture instead of just being soft silk. I’m looking foreward to starting a beaded cowl with it. 

I just started my first beaded project last night. I am so excited about it.

37 minutes ago, Curious said:

That sounds like lovely yarn.  Have any of you tried the "roving" yarn before?  When yarn goes on sale I will try to pick up a few single skeins of yarn that I haven't used before.  Since my husband has to go with me and put up with me going up and down the aisles several times while I'm making decisions (and time can really get away from me), I try to involve him so I asked him to pick a yarn he liked.   He picked a really bright variegated yarn that was kind of shiny.   I made a hat for myself out of it and when I was working with it, I kept thinking it had a different texture.  I finally looked at the label and it was listed as "roving."  

It's machine wash/dry (basically my only requirement in yarn) and it worked up really nicely.  I probably wouldn't use it for anything but hats though because it's a smallish skein and it'd be too expensive to make anything else with it.

I have seen them but haven't used them. Some people in my spinning group have bought them and respun them finer. It's so hot here there isn't much use for bulky yarn. 

[polecat]

12 hours ago, Koala said:

I had kind of wondered if there wouldn't be some conflict between her and her sisters, or maybe her and her aunts.  I can see one of them having enough of whatever crazy shenanigans Lori is up to, and (being under a lot of extra stress) calling her out.  

The thing is-  Lori never hears anyone else.  She honestly thinks she knows it all, so (sadly) it won't do any good. 

Something about casting your pearls before the swine...I think that's the verse that applies here.

They're going through something uniquely awful. As someone earlier said, the mother-child connection is primal. So Lori's antics, which may be just this side of tolerable any other time, might well be beyond intolerable just now. 

Losing your mother is like an amputation, and that's not something you just "get over." When you're in the midst of it, it's a completely mind-numbing, heart-wrenching blur. 

[Loveday]

44 minutes ago, Krissy said:

I do have a daughter. She was given up for adoption but her adoptive parents kicked her out as a teen which is when I first came into her life. I did teach her to stay home with her kids. She complained a lot about staying home and it did make her incredibly unhappy. Her husband worked on and off at subway, day labor, and whatever else he could find. She also had 3 kids before she was 21 and her husband was extremely abusive she would not leave him and would often threaten to stop talking to me if I didn’t support her marriage to this loser. Which is when I first learned about Lori Facebook and teaching. I did started saying to my dd you know maybe some online classes isn’t a bad idea then very wealthy LDS business man gave her a 30,000 a year job and trained her himself to do graphic design. She has no college degree but she did get her GED so I really believe this job was what started giving her confidence because soon it was my husband says I should quit my job to clean the house instead of I’m going to do what my husband says no matter if I agree or not. We started talking divorce him again. After the last time he hit her she was strong enough to call the police and have him arrested. That’s when she left for good. 

Shes now married to a tv news producer and she is a marketing manger for young living. 

So yes I do support my daughter through trial and err like every other parent out there. Even through all my missteps she still turned out great. 

I'm glad she got out of that abusive situation and is all right now.

[Krissy]

16 minutes ago, Loveday said:

I'm glad she got out of that abusive situation and is all right now.

Me too. He’s a perfect man for her and she deserves the best. He even moved states just so she could further her career. He’s very careful in how he handles her. He does have a degree in psychology so I have full confidence he’s going to know how to help heal her in a professional way. The rest of us stumble through it all because we don’t know any better but he was a blessing. 

It’s probably the same thing with Lori she doesn’t know better but too old to change 

[EowynW]

15 minutes ago, Krissy said:

Me too. He’s a perfect man for her and she deserves the best. He even moved states just so she could further her career. He’s very careful in how he handles her. He does have a degree in psychology so I have full confidence he’s going to know how to help heal her in a professional way. The rest of us stumble through it all because we don’t know any better but he was a blessing. 

It’s probably the same thing with Lori she doesn’t know better but too old to change 

People who sabatoge their own birth control know better. 

[Loveday]

13 minutes ago, Krissy said:

 

It’s probably the same thing with Lori she doesn’t know better but too old to change 

Lori and I are the same age; actually, I'm a few months older than she is. I've changed a lot in the past few years--my outlook on life, my political views, my methods of interacting with others. We're never too old to change. But you have to want to change. Lori does not want to change. She does not want to learn, she does not want to recognise that she might be wrong about a single thing. She is Lori, The Godly Mentor. She will never change, but not because she's too old. Read her blogs and it will all become glaringly obvious: she's mean, she's selfish, she's abusive, and she's a hypocrite. 

 

5 minutes ago, EowynW said:

People who sabatoge their own birth control know better. 

Bingo. 

 

[polecat]

1 hour ago, Krissy said:

It’s probably the same thing with Lori she doesn’t know better but too old to change 

I don't think anyone is ever too old to change, but according to those wiser than me, "overcoming abusiveness is a decades-long process — not declaring themselves 'cured.'" 

And she isn't showing even the first sign of being willing to change: acknowledging what she's done. 

Other signs: 

• Quote

   

   

  • Admitting fully to what he has done
  • Stopping excuse-making
  • Making amends
  • Accepting responsibility and recognizing that abuse is a choice
  • Not declaring themselves “cured,” bur rather accepting that overcoming abusiveness is a decades-long process
  • Demonstrating respectful, kind and supportive behaviors
  • Not blaming their partner or children for the consequences of their actions
  • Changing how they respond to their partner or former partner’s anger and grievances
  • Not demanding credit for improvements they’ve made

   

  1

  Source

In a perfect world, she'd see what she's done, express legitimate remorse and a desire to ully reconcile with the people she's hurt, and then move forward towards healing herself and making amends with her victims (especially her children). 

Sadly, I don't think that will ever happen -- not because she can't change but because she won't. 

[Sobeknofret]

10 hours ago, Hisey said:

If you saw our family, you might think I was "selfish" because my husband works hard. But he works hard because he wants to. He has some anxiety issues about money and will overschedule himself for work whenever something triggers his anxiety.  For example, our oldest is leaving for college. Although she got a scholarship which greatly reduces any financial stress, he has been overscheduling himself (he does shift work) out of anxiety. He is a man in his fifties and I vastly prefer to have less money and have him care for his health.

So, on the outside, a hardworking hubby and a SAHM. But the true story is a SAHM with some financial resources and the luxury to choose to stay home, and who -- more than anything --wants to keep her husband safe and well.

This is true of our family as well. He works outrageous hours because it helps keep his anxiety at bay. I'm a SAHM right now, building my own business, so hopefully I can contribute in a solid way to our finances, but he's never going to change. It's hard to accept for me, but it is what it is.

[Curious]

54 minutes ago, Sobeknofret said:

This is true of our family as well. He works outrageous hours because it helps keep his anxiety at bay. I'm a SAHM right now, building my own business, so hopefully I can contribute in a solid way to our finances, but he's never going to change. It's hard to accept for me, but it is what it is.

I think this is a bit different than the women who post on Lori's blog/social media that their husband is working 80+ hours a week at 3 different jobs JUST so they can be SAHMs and have a ton of kids that they can't afford, even with their husband putting in that many hours.

Why bother to have kids if the father is going to have to work so hard, such long hours that he never gets to see them grow up or spend any quality time with them? (rhetorical, not directed at you @Sobeknofret or @Hisey)

Being married to a workaholic or someone that works because they enjoy it or whatever is not the same thing as *expecting* your spouse to be the sole financial support while you stay at home and let your daughters raise their siblings.

[Sarah92]

Lori is so overdramatic. Not a single feminist has told me that I shouldn't keep my house clean lol. Housekeeping is just a thing everyone should be doing for sanitary reasonings.

Lori, no where is the Bible does it say a husband can't help clean a house or that he's only supposed to work. No where unless you're taking a single verse out of context. Helping others do things is part of serving others. If a man wants a lot  kids he better be helping out at home. 

[Hisey]

57 minutes ago, Curious said:

I think this is a bit different than the women who post on Lori's blog/social media that their husband is working 80+ hours a week at 3 different jobs JUST so they can be SAHMs and have a ton of kids that they can't afford, even with their husband putting in that many hours.

Why bother to have kids if the father is going to have to work so hard, such long hours that he never gets to see them grow up or spend any quality time with them? (rhetorical, not directed at you @Sobeknofret or @Hisey)

Being married to a workaholic or someone that works because they enjoy it or whatever is not the same thing as *expecting* your spouse to be the sole financial support while you stay at home and let your daughters raise their siblings.

Absolutely! That’s my point. You can’t assume every SAHM is one of the “selfish” variety. 

There’s no way in hell I’d let my husband kill himself at a job if I could help out. We stopped at 2 kids for that very reason. 

I just read a fascinating book about a man born into Hasidism (who eventually left.) His wife was adamantly against BC but after 5 kids he put his foot down, and said he’d stop sleeping with her if she refused BC. Only then did she agree. Before that, she sais she’d feel “naked” without being pregnant or having a babe in arms. I think that is the type of woman Eowyn referred to. I think they exist more in fundy circles.

[ladyicantxplain]

14 hours ago, fluffy said:

You said it, sister! In the chatroom, she's back on her kick that women are not created in the image of God. I don't know where she gets this garbage or why she's so intent on teaching misguided theology. Her hatred of women knows no bounds. 

As long as she keeps suggesting to her readers and followers that God designed ONLY males with authority, these women will have to fight their own sane minds to actually BELIEVE what the Bible says for themselves!  These "suggestions" are dangerous: if a wife is not discerning enough, or mature enough in her own Christian faith to gain her own understanding of what the Bible REALLY says about women (and not just the pet verse in Genesis 3:16, which is NOT prescriptive for believers today who are REDEEMED from the Curse), the woman is literally in bondage to her own mind/thoughts in her marriage!

Thus, if a woman is married to an unkind, imbalanced, authoritative kind of man, the wife taking Lori's "suggestion" that she has "less" authority in the world than her husband, blindly obeys not her husband, but rather blindly obeys evil and falls into deception.  

Lori gets this garbage from her "head" (who went to seminary where the garbage was taught).  There are seminaries where this crap isn't taught, but they employ women ministers of the Gospel, so Lori hasn't been willing to receive anything from them.

The perverted view of scripture being taught in the chat room works ONLY in marriages where both people are inherently kind.  If there is any evil present in the home, the prescription of "Gothard's Umbrella" being taught in the chat room will actually make matters worse.

It is a subtle, disguised, "Churchian" form of misogyny that harms women who really think they are "standing for the truth."  It is heartbreaking that she is still posting these lies.

 

[saintmom]

But oh my gawd did I die laughing at the "chat room application"....seriously, what the actual fluck is that nonsense?

 

[polecat]

27 minutes ago, Hisey said:

Absolutely! That’s my point. You can’t assume every SAHM is one of the “selfish” variety. 

There’s no way in hell I’d let my husband kill himself at a job if I could help out. We stopped at 2 kids for that very reason. 

I just read a fascinating book about a man born into Hasidism (who eventually left.) His wife was adamantly against BC but after 5 kids he put his foot down, and said he’d stop sleeping with her if she refused BC. Only then did she agree. Before that, she sais she’d feel “naked” without being pregnant or having a babe in arms. I think that is the type of woman Eowyn referred to. I think they exist more in fundy circles.

Yes, I agree that they exist more in fundy circles, but there's a good reason for that. Girls are raised to ONLY be a mother and wife. They are given horror stories of all the terrible, horrible, no-good very bad things that can happen to working women (who are, of course, outside the "umbrella of God's protection.") They are told horror stories of marriages that are destroyed because of willful working women (those darn feminists!) My goodness, for a large chunk of them, they're told it's not even safe to move out of their father's house if they're not married. 

If fundies raised their girls like other people do, they'd never get the pliable, submissive type of woman they want. They begin to brainwash them from birth. 

My gosh, we see Lori doing it to adult women and many of those women eating it up. Can you imagine what this does to a developing child's brain, especially when it's her parents telling her these things?

[SuperNova]

Spoiler

"If a wife is being extremely abused..." According to Lori, what is the line between abuse and extreme abuse? Every single time this comes up I wonder where she would tell others to draw the line. The thing is, no matter how badly a woman is being abused, she never does. There's always another woman she's mentored who's had it worse. This fictional woman stayed and her husband turned his life around and she saved his eternal soul. Hooray.

"Extreme abuse" is like a mirage in Loriland, that is to say it doesn't exist. Lori wants women to be martyrs and lay their life down for their man no matter what but she can't out and out say it. It's incredibly clever and manipulating to frame it the way she has. So many of her followers already compete in the self sacrifice olympics. If you think you're being extremely abused perhaps you hate god and his ways. Women in abusive relationships tend minimize their abusers behavior and be hesitant to make a move, Lori helps them stay right where they are.

[Krissy]

3 hours ago, polecat said:

I don't think anyone is ever too old to change, but according to those wiser than me, "overcoming abusiveness is a decades-long process — not declaring themselves 'cured.'" 

And she isn't showing even the first sign of being willing to change: acknowledging what she's done. 

Other signs: 

• Source

In a perfect world, she'd see what she's done, express legitimate remorse and a desire to ully reconcile with the people she's hurt, and then move forward towards healing herself and making amends with her victims (especially her children). 

Sadly, I don't think that will ever happen -- not because she can't change but because she won't. 

I’ve read a lot of these articles including studies that state where abusive men/women  do stop abusing with time and unfortunately that wasn’t the case with my daughter. Even to this day he still blames her for everything which is maddening for me. 

Lori believes she’s following the Bible so seeing what she does as abusive just isn’t going to work. Unless her kids confront her or her husband leaves she may not change. She also has a brain tumor? People are going to be hard pressed to blame her themselves, she’s not functioning like a fully capable person. 

[lilwriter85]

On 6/3/2018 at 10:41 AM, Curious said:

I think this is a bit different than the women who post on Lori's blog/social media that their husband is working 80+ hours a week at 3 different jobs JUST so they can be SAHMs and have a ton of kids that they can't afford, even with their husband putting in that many hours.

Why bother to have kids if the father is going to have to work so hard, such long hours that he never gets to see them grow up or spend any quality time with them? (rhetorical, not directed at you @Sobeknofret or @Hisey)

Being married to a workaholic or someone that works because they enjoy it or whatever is not the same thing as *expecting* your spouse to be the sole financial support while you stay at home and let your daughters raise their siblings.

 

On 6/3/2018 at 11:45 AM, Hisey said:

Absolutely! That’s my point. You can’t assume every SAHM is one of the “selfish” variety. 

There’s no way in hell I’d let my husband kill himself at a job if I could help out. We stopped at 2 kids for that very reason. 

I just read a fascinating book about a man born into Hasidism (who eventually left.) His wife was adamantly against BC but after 5 kids he put his foot down, and said he’d stop sleeping with her if she refused BC. Only then did she agree. Before that, she sais she’d feel “naked” without being pregnant or having a babe in arms. I think that is the type of woman Eowyn referred to. I think they exist more in fundy circles.

I don't think alll SAHMs are selfish and I get that some people are just workaholics or enjoy working extra hours. A friend of mine who is a nurse does home care nursing work on the weekends because she likes her work. 

I do think some of Lori's fangirls come off as a selfish. I've mentioned this before, but there was a fangirl who said she was a single mom to two sons for eight years. She never said if she worked during those eight years. She said that she had gotten married and that her new husband was working multiple jobs so she could be at home with her two sons. Maybe, the new husband was always a workaholic before meeting her. But, she just gave off the vibe that she was only with him for financial support and she seemed to have no concern about him not spending much time with her kids or her.

There have been other fangirls who stress about how important it is that they be at home and they encourage husbands working multiple jobs. I remember one fangirl claimed that in the past that "dads worked side jobs just so moms could stay at home". The fangirl from her FB pic didn't look all that old. I was curious if she grew up fundie and knew families who did the same thing and thought it was common.

I know some non-fundie people who work or have worked second jobs to pay off debts or during other hard times like one spouse lost a job. My cousin and her husband took down second jobs refereeing youth and high school sports games and weekends waiting tables. They did to pay off student loans quicker. My cousin stopped working her second job once she became pregnant with their first child. Her husband still refs youth soccer and youth basketball during those seasons. They don't mind it because most of the games are on Saturdays and on those days she and their daughter attend and then they picnic or go out to eat afterwards.  Not all second jobs caused huge strains.

The sad thing is that Lori doesn't really give a shit that some of her fangirls' husbands are working themselves to death because of the importance of the mom staying at home when some of these families keep having kid after kid. She was never in their situation. She and Ken will be off in Wisconsin this summer hanging around while her kiss ass fangirls are dealing with money worries and kids who don't see much of their fathers.

[feministxtian]

37 minutes ago, Krissy said:

Even to this day he still blames her for everything which is maddening for me. 

My abusive shithead X STILL blames me for all sorts of shit, 21 years after our divorce. He's still a fucking psychotic asshole. 

[squiddysquid]

1 hour ago, Krissy said:

Lori believes she’s following the Bible so seeing what she does as abusive just isn’t going to work. Unless her kids confront her or her husband leaves she may not change. She also has a brain tumor? People are going to be hard pressed to blame her themselves, she’s not functioning like a fully capable person. 

No, Lori deletes people quoting scripture that she doesn't like, she is fully aware and picks and twists verses to fit what she likes

She also deleted a suicide hotline number, knowing full well that one person involved in that discussion was suicidal.

Beside being monstrous, doesn't the bible also state that you can't go to heaven when you've committed suicide?

[EowynW]

2 minutes ago, squiddysquid said:

No, Lori deletes people quoting scripture that she doesn't like, she is fully aware and picks and twists verses to fit what she likes

She also deleted a suicide hotline number, knowing full well that one person involved in that discussion was suicidal.

Beside being monstrous, doesn't the bible also state that you can't go to heaven when you've committed suicide?

No it doesn't. Your salvation isn't dependent on how you die. 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

I was brought up being told suicide was the ultimate sin. There was no way back into God's grace following that.  That was a Church of England teaching in the 1970's. Things may have changed since then , of course.

[Krissy]

20 minutes ago, Seahorse Wrangler said:

I was brought up being told suicide was the ultimate sin. There was no way back into God's grace following that.  That was a Church of England teaching in the 1970's. Things may have changed since then , of course.

It is the ultimate sin. Some pastors preach different and without fail someone afterwards kills themselves. Makes me angry 

1 hour ago, lilwriter85 said:

 

I don't think alll SAHMs are selfish and I get that some people are just workaholics or enjoy working extra hours. A friend of mine who is a nurse does home care nursing work on the weekends because she likes her work.  My mom had a friend who became a widow

I do think some of Lori's fangirls come off as a selfish. I've mentioned this before, but there was a fangirl who said she was a single mom to two sons for eight years. She never said if she worked during those eight years. She said that she had gotten married and that her new husband was working multiple jobs so she could be at home with her two sons. Maybe, the new husband was always a workaholic before meeting her. But, she just gave off the vibe that she was only with him for financial support and she seemed to have no concern about him not spending much time with her kids or her.

There have been other fangirls who stress about how important it is that they be at home and they encourage husbands working multiple jobs. I remember one fangirl claimed that in the past that "dads worked side jobs just so moms could stay at home". The fangirl from her FB pic didn't look all that old. I was curious if she grew up fundie and knew families who did the same thing and thought it was common.

I know some non-fundie people who work or have worked second jobs to pay off debts or during other hard times like one spouse lost a job. My cousin and her husband took down second jobs refereeing youth and high school sports games and weekends waiting tables. They did to pay off student loans quicker. My cousin stopped working her second job once she became pregnant with their first child. Her husband still refs youth soccer and youth basketball during those seasons. They don't mind it because most of the games are on Saturdays and on those days she and their daughter attend and then they picnic or go out to eat afterwards.  Not all second jobs caused huge strains.

The sad thing is that Lori doesn't really give a shit that some of her fangirls' husbands are working themselves to death because of the importance of the mom staying at home when some of these families keep having kid after kid. She was never in their situation. She and Ken will be off in Wisconsin this summer hanging around while her kiss ass fangirls are dealing with money worries and kids who don't see much of their fathers.

I don’t know if it’s selfish or what is considered Godly in their culture even our own culture. People value hard working men or women. They get a lot of positive reinforcement when they are married to godly hard working men so to them it’s a reenforcement of their values.

Also these women are having a lot of children and most have no education. How are they suppose to afford quality daycare while bringing in a minimum wage? Or nice clothes and a working car? 

[dawbs]

23 minutes ago, squiddysquid said:

*snip*

Beside being monstrous, doesn't the bible also state that you can't go to heaven when you've committed suicide?

Nope.  Dogma and tradition do, in some areas, but nowhere in black and white (or, more importantly, red letters) in the bible itself.
I've heard pastors tell suicidal people this in hopes it will keep them from committing suicide (not sure it's effective so much as it's just adding guilt to illness), I've heard it said as people who believe it to be true, and I've heard it flatly denied...but overall it's a matter of theological discussion, not of accepted point.

[Krissy]

7 minutes ago, dawbs said:

Nope.  Dogma and tradition do, in some areas, but nowhere in black and white (or, more importantly, red letters) in the bible itself.
I've heard pastors tell suicidal people this in hopes it will keep them from committing suicide (not sure it's effective so much as it's just adding guilt to illness), I've heard it said as people who believe it to be true, and I've heard it flatly denied...but overall it's a matter of theological discussion, not of accepted point.

It is a sin to murder. The problem is you do have people who find no joy in this world and will take an idea like this and run with it. Therefore ending their life. I’ve read near death experiences of people who have lived through a sucide attempt and they describe darkness and regret not the bright light like others who haven’t almost died from sucide. God sees my body and life as a gift from him it would be a horrible way to show appreciation to him. God gives so many blessings that I would hope it would give pause to others battling that feeling. 

If it’s preached as ok people will just end their lives instead of doing Gods work in living a holy life or finding joy in this life. For people who do believe in the Bible you can’t talk solely about depression but about their salvation too and the account they are going to give to God when their life is over. 

I do get highly upset when I’ve heard preachers preach it’s not a sin and someone does the unthinkable. Mark Driscoll comes to mind right off the top of my head. That guy killed himself after reaching out to him. The whole incident could have been prevented if that pastor took the guy more seriously

[Evangeline]

21 minutes ago, Krissy said:

It is the ultimate sin. Some pastors preach different and without fail someone afterwards kills themselves. Makes me angry

Oh my God. STOP.  Just stop. Unless you can produce a source for such a ridiculous claim, you need to shut up. 

Also, Lori is a shitty person. Defending her is therefore shitty. Stop being shitty.