Lori Alexander 47: Frugal ... Sort of ... For a rich person

[EowynW]

I am so tired of hearing "why don't they leave." So here you go. Educate yourself. 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/cryingoutforjustice.com/2016/07/08/why-didnt-you-leave/amp/

I really do think staying at home while your husband busts his ass at a bodybeating job or two is selfish. Maybe it's different for husbands in white collar jobs with really good pay, but I just cannot imagine my husband being sole breadwinner when I see the toll his job takes on him. I just can't do it. I never will be able to do it. I never want to do it. Do they really think men *want* to be gone 5-6 days a week breaking their bodies for their family? My husband doesn't. He does it because right now it's what's necessary, but it isn't what he wants to do. He dreams of a day where he can work part time and I can work part time and we make it. And I think that's a grand idea for us. 

[fluffy]

2 hours ago, Lgirlrocks said:

I’m very surprised that she gets so few likes on her post considering the amount of people that fallow her. I believe she has over 34k followers. If you look at her post from last week she didn’t even have 400 and most post weren’t even 100. 

I have been loosely tracking the like votes too, and I notice she sometimes gets very few "likes" for how many followers she has. It's even more dramatic in the chatroom, where she averages about 800 members and often gets somewhere between 10 and 30 likes on something and normally closer to ten. She's been posting "polls" in the chatroom to encourage involvement and lots of women will vote on something (as in what caused the most problems in your marriage - family? money? etc.), but there are lots of women who never participate. I think her sphere of influence is much smaller than we sometimes fear. I'm sure it chaps her hide. 

[Krissy]

On 6/2/2018 at 8:58 AM, EowynW said:

I am so tired of hearing "why don't they leave." So here you go. Educate yourself. 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/cryingoutforjustice.com/2016/07/08/why-didnt-you-leave/amp/

I really do think staying at home while your husband busts his ass at a bodybeating job or two is selfish. Maybe it's different for husbands in white collar jobs with really good pay, but I just cannot imagine my husband being sole breadwinner when I see the toll his job takes on him. I just can't do it. I never will be able to do it. I never want to do it. Do they really think men *want* to be gone 5-6 days a week breaking their bodies for their family? My husband doesn't. He does it because right now it's what's necessary, but it isn't what he wants to do. He dreams of a day where he can work part time and I can work part time and we make it. And I think that's a grand idea for us. 

My husband was just a regular enlisted airmen when we first married and everyone on our street alone stayed home. He was busting his butt working and on call just like everyone was and no one felt their wives were selfish 

He is older now and retired from the military and holds a white collar job but attends full time school on top of it for the GI bill money. He takes a lot of pride in telling people how much he works and can have a stay at home wife. Some men find meaning in it. In other cases it’s a status symbol of how well one person is doing. But by the time our youngest is moved out he will quit and we will travel in an rv full time. 

I want my boys to be able to provide the same life for their wives so we will be funding their colleges. 

I believe the state of the culture of needing two incomes could turn around if more women stayed home. It’s really about supply and demand. 

Not every man finds it a stressor or see providing as negative. It’s good you and your husband have similar views on it but it’s not a broad brush

Ok well this is obviously not my group so I’m done. Have a great life everyone and God bless. 

[EowynW]

Your bias is clearly showing. Obviously you believe only men can handle providing and women are best left tending the home. 

Yea I just don't believe men exist to provide comfy lives for their wives and I'd never tell my son he needs to kill himself at a job so "she can stay home." Grown adult women should be willing to do what needs to done in order to stay afloat same as men. 

Your privilege is showing, and it reeks.  This society needs two incomes because inflation is skyrocketing & wages are stagnating. It was nothing to do with women working. And *newsflash* NOT ALL OF US WANT TO STAY HOME IN THE KITCHEN. 

 

Many men do find it a hard burden to carry. But they aren't allowed to speak up in this "men provide culture" that makes up conservative Christianity. They are humans just like us and are no more designed to bust their asses 80-90 hours a week trying to stay afloat than we are. They need rest, family time, hobbies and rich rewarding relationships the same as women. 

[SilverBeach]

26 minutes ago, Krissy said:

I believe the state of the culture of needing two incomes could turn around if more women stayed home. It’s really about supply and demand. 

Supply and demand of what? Nah, it's about the high-ass cost of living. And wanting to fund those college educations you talk about. Or perhaps have food, clothing, transportation, and medical care. Do you only think males should be college educated? And what if you future daughter-in-laws don't want to stay home? Will you judge them?

Women, mothers or not, have always worked. Some make more money than their husbands. Some men enjoy domesticity. There's nothing magical about being a SAHM, their kids don't turn out any better than anyone elses. People should be allowed to be individuals and not follow rigid gender roles based on genitalia. 

In case you haven't noticed, we don't really like Lori much here. Please read the forty-six preceding threads and you will see why. 

[SilverBeach]

14 minutes ago, EowynW said:

They are humans just like us and are no more designed to bust their asses 80-90 hours a week trying to stay afloat than we are. They need rest, family time, hobbies and rich rewarding relationships the same as women. 

Yes! Mr. SB is still one of the hardest working men I have ever met, after spending twenty-five years working in a hellish steel mill while his lazy ass wife refused to get a job. He's in good health, despite some long lasting effects of working in the mill, but I still encourage him to rest and relax more since he is in his sixties now. He is a very talented indivdual, wears many hats, and is much in demand. He also loves helping people, and has a hard time saying no sometimes. So I plan as much down time for us as possible, as well as encouraging him to spend time drawing and playing the guitar, which he enjoys. I like knowing that financially and every other way, we have a partnership. 

[ladyicantxplain]

1 hour ago, fluffy said:

I have been loosely tracking the like votes too, and I notice she sometimes gets very few "likes" for how many followers she has. It's even more dramatic in the chatroom, where she averages about 800 members and often gets somewhere between 10 and 30 likes on something and normally closer to ten. She's been posting "polls" in the chatroom to encourage involvement and lots of women will vote on something (as in what caused the most problems in your marriage - family? money? etc.), but there are lots of women who never participate. I think her sphere of influence is much smaller than we sometimes fear. I'm sure it chaps her hide. 

There are SO many women in the chatroom who lurk and never comment.  Every now and then they come out of hiding.  Her sphere of influence is too large if even ONE of these women is in an abusive relationship.

[Loveday]

1 hour ago, Krissy said:

 

I want my boys to be able to provide the same life for their wives so we will be funding their colleges. 

 

I hope you don't have daughters. If you do, please tell us that you'll fund THEIR college educations as well, if they choose to go.  If your answer is no, then you're right--this is definitely NOT the group for you. 

[Lisafer]

30 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

Yes! Mr. SB is still one of the hardest working men I have ever met, after spending twenty-five years working in a hellish steel mill while his lazy ass wife refused to get a job. He's in good health, despite some long lasting effects of working in the mill, but I still encourage him to rest and relax more since he is in his sixties now. He is a very talented indivdual, wears many hats, and is much in demand. He also loves helping people, and has a hard time saying no sometimes. So I plan as much down time for us as possible, as well as encouraging him to spend time drawing and playing the guitar, which he enjoys. I like knowing that financially and every other way, we have a partnership. 

It sounds like you have a great partnership with your hubby! My husband busts his ass 40-plus hours a week, physically and mentally demanding work, to provide for our family. I work part-time outside the home, take care of the kids and the house. I'm quite feminist in theory, but from the outside we look very traditional. It's what works right now. I get frustrated sometimes because I'm not bringing in more money. I like making money! But my health isn't great and we can't afford paid childcare, so it is what it is. 

[feministxtian]

At one time, my husband worked three jobs...his regular civilian job, Navy Reserve duty and delivering pizzas. I was working full time and going to school full time. Neither one of us came from money (his mother was widowed when he was 13 and she never remarried and my parents were blue collar working stiffs). Life has kicked us in the teeth more than once...but we refuse to stay down...I realize that not everyone can do that, it isn't easy to keep scratching and clawing, it's exhausting mentally and physically...and there comes a time when you are so tired of it all you choose to stay where you are. People tell you to do this or do that to "get ahead" and don't realize you've already done that but...

I've been homeless and I've been comfortable...it's a fucking roller coaster ride. Your worth is not connected to your bank balance or home or cars...

And @Krissy if it wasn't for ME working, my husband would have DIED...literally. 

[SilverBeach]

4 minutes ago, Lisafer said:

It sounds like you have a great partnership with your hubby! My husband busts his ass 40-plus hours a week, physically and mentally demanding work, to provide for our family. I work part-time outside the home, take care of the kids and the house. I'm quite feminist in theory, but from the outside we look very traditional. It's what works right now. I get frustrated sometimes because I'm not bringing in more money. I like making money! But my health isn't great and we can't afford paid childcare, so it is what it is. 

It sounds like you have a great partnership too! Your contributions are extremely valuable. I remember working, taking care of a house and kids, and it is not easy at all. We are at a different phase of life than you, and nothing wrong with working part-time, Mr. SB's first wife refused to even do that, after the kids went to school. I've had a good career and have assets now so everything doesn't have to fall on him. Don't be hard on yourself, especially with health issues. 

[fluffy]

I suspect a large part of her life is consumed by chaos and rage, even if only internally. She tells herself it's because she's the most pious and the rest of us hate her (i.e. Gods) ways, but maybe it's just because we hate her ways. She needs to stop roping God into this. For someone who purports to spend so much time studying Christ, her life sure doesn't show it. 

[Petronella]

Just want to add a bit of balance and say that if a partner is financially able to stay home and wants to, that’s fine too! That can be a really good life, for the individual, the working partner, and the kids, if any. But there are many, many factors that affect this, and Lori’s “this is how everyone MUST live at ALL TIMES or they are SINNING” commands are ridiculous.

The key, as always, is choice. Krissy is arguing that she and her neighbors liked not working, as if her personal experience is sufficient to define options for all others. She seems to think that disagreeing with Lori’s “all women must stay home” means instead standing for “all women must work.” But it doesn’t! Standing against Lori means “let everyone make their own damn choices in their unique circumstances!”

[fluffy]

Her whole life is riddled with conflict and conflict with supposedly likeminded believers. I can't believe that she publicly called a woman from her own church "a scoffer." In Lori's world, if you don't agree with her, you're going to hell. Lori doesn't really get along with ANYONE. This is also the church where Ken threatened to shout out his disagreement during a sermon. When a fangirl questioned them about that plan, they claimed it was just a joke. Yeah right. 

Not to mention the fact that fully 50% of her screeds focus on the scripture that women are to remain silent in church and never teach, she's pissed that she's not allowed to teach. She recently compared herself to male pastors who preach "the truth." It's another major blindspot she has for herself. No other women should have ministries, but somehow that view excludes herself. 

 

[TeddyBonkers]

@Krissy, I hope you are still here and reading, because I do want to reach you. I know where you are coming from- a lot of the military wives I know don't work either, because we are moving every 2 years or so. Could that be a reason why a lot of the wives are SAHMs? No one will hire someone who's just going to up and leave.  (that's the situation I find myself in.)

On to privilege. I grew up pretty poor. I started working (for a paycheck) at 12.  Am I in a better place now? Yes, thanks to what my parents taught me and continuing frugality. In my experience, when you grow up in want, it sticks with you. My mom will eat the food that my kids don't eat off their plate. I will eat leftover supper for breakfast the next day. I don't care if it's red beans and rice, I'll eat it for breakfast.

If Lori wanted to be 'authentic' about wanting to help her readers who may not be as privileged as she is, she wouldn't be putting up pictures of expensive makeup. She'd be telling the stories about how when she was living in a mobile home, and how she made Ken lunch to take to work every day so he didn't have to eat out. (Side note, I still make Mr. Bonkers breakfast and lunch to take to work every day.) She'd be telling about how she stretched her grocery budget but still kept it healthy.

[SilverBeach]

34 minutes ago, Petronella said:

The key, as always, is choice.

YES it's the bottom line. And the well-being, and input, of both partners should be considered when making that choice.

[Briefly]

20 hours ago, Frog99 said:

I admire the talent in this group for knitting and crocheting- that kind of creativity is out of my league for sure. Such beautiful work shared here!

How funny that Lori, who doesn’t travel, was away for a week with family and still managed to make multiple posts, respond to comments, and delete. 

I don't knit, it looks interesting but I stick with crochet because i do know how to do that. It's not hard, it can be tedious and it can take a while to learn. But I don't find it difficult.  But we don't all have to have the same hobbies!  Find one you like. But if it does involve yarn, be warned:  it's extremely addictive.  It also takes over your life, living space, etc.

Someone mentioned Tuesday Morning.  They frequently have yarn, but I happen to be beyond extremely allergic to wool and I have tried, but never found any non-wool yarn at Tuesday Morning.  Which is sad.  But there are a lot of non-wool yarns available, acrylic, cotton, linen, silk, various natural blends.

[EowynW]

I knit and am learning crochet. Crochet makes me head heart tho. 

[Briefly]

3 hours ago, Krissy said:

My husband was just a regular enlisted airmen when we first married and everyone on our street alone stayed home. He was busting his butt working and on call just like everyone was and no one felt their wives were selfish 

He is older now and retired from the military and holds a white collar job but attends full time school on top of it for the GI bill money. He takes a lot of pride in telling people how much he works and can have a stay at home wife. Some men find meaning in it. In other cases it’s a status symbol of how well one person is doing. But by the time our youngest is moved out he will quit and we will travel in an rv full time. 

I want my boys to be able to provide the same life for their wives so we will be funding their colleges. 

I believe the state of the culture of needing two incomes could turn around if more women stayed home. It’s really about supply and demand. 

Not every man finds it a stressor or see providing as negative. It’s good you and your husband have similar views on it but it’s not a broad brush

 

Ok well this is obviously not my group so I’m done. Have a great life everyone and God bless. 

OK, so if she flounced then she obviously thinks she got our attention and we will all mend our wicked ways! Or not,   Yes, I do think she is still reading here.  I also think she could be a troll. Or if she really believes all the stuff she posted, then I do feel sorry for her because the real world is hard! Her comment about the state of the culture, supply and demand - I work because I need to supply the money to buy the groceries we demand and the bank demands that we pay the mortgage.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

Most people work because they have to.  If you don't work you don't eat.  Work can be fun and fulfilling and the paycheque is critical too.  Lori is the devil in drag.

No offense to all the drag queens out there who are loved by me.

[EowynW]

"Fill it with children."

[feministxtian]

What @Krissy doesn't seem to get is that the military lifestyle is a WHOLE different animal than the civilian world. Yes, most wives stay home...the normal reasons are, lack of education (young enlisted are under 25 and got married either pre- or post-boot camp), being stationed in the ass end of hell where there are few opportunities (the townies have the jobs to make $$ off the military), being pregnant, lack of child care opportunities. 

In the civilian world, life is MUCH different. You don't have the housing allowance or availability of base housing, commissary/exchange privileges, cheap/free medical care. 

@Krissy you have no clue of the differences between military and civilian life...so STFU. 

[Koala]

3 hours ago, fluffy said:

I suspect a large part of her life is consumed by chaos and rage, even if only internally. She tells herself it's because she's the most pious and the rest of us hate her (i.e. Gods) ways, but maybe it's just because we hate her ways. She needs to stop roping God into this. For someone who purports to spend so much time studying Christ, her life sure doesn't show it. 

Set limits, she says?  Hmmm....

http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/07/are-setting-boundaries-on-others.html

Lori Alexander:

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There are many people writing and talking about boundaries they set for their spouses, friends, and relatives. This, for some reason, never seemed right to me. 

 

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Setting boundaries for anyone but yourself or your children seems wrong to me since we can't control anybody else's behavior. It seems like it is another way of saying you are trying to control someone else

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Then comes in the problem of NEVER becoming a "doormat," since doormat is a dirty word today.

You see, the problem I have with the word boundary and doormat is that neither of these words are in the Bible.

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He was mocked, beaten, and crucified on a cross. Was he not being a doormat for the world? Aren't we called to be like Him?

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What about being called to be a "living sacrifice?" What about denying ourselves and giving ourselves to others? What about generosity and a servant being called the greatest of all? All these just don't seem to fit in with the so called"boundaries" people are setting up for others in their lives or the fear of being a doormat.

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Setting boundaries for others seems like psycho babble to me and not biblical at all. All this stuff about not being a doormat seems the same. If we insist on setting boundaries for others and not being a doormat, we will ALWAYS be unhappy 

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When I don't need things to go my way and get things my way, the more joy I have. We are called to give our lives away and boundaries and not being a doormat just don't seem to fit into the biblical definition of being a godly servant for Christ.

Sorry, Lori.  Setting limits isn't found anywhere in the Bible.  Do you think Jesus would have hung up someone very close to him?  It seems like you did that because you didn't want to learn from others, or you were afraid of becoming a doormat.  I guess you just don't care about being a godly servant for Christ.  Or maybe you just don't have a soft, teachable heart.  Such a shame.

*Seriously, though.  I am betting either someone from the church, or someone in the family had enough of Lori's shit and called her out.  Good for them.*

[polecat]

@Krissy, I've no idea if you're still around or not, but if you are: You might not realize that you're painting all of us with that broad brush, assuming we're all alike or have the same beliefs or same viewpoints. We do not. We are an extremely diverse group. 

Regardless of where we come from, we are all united by our dislike for dogma like Lori's not because we personally hate her (although hey, maybe a few of us do, and what of it?) but because we have seen where those teachings take people. We've seen the hurt, heartbreak and abuse they can cause. We examine her beliefs and teachings, pull them apart, use reasoning and logic and studies to disprove them, and we support people who've been harmed by them. 

You don't have to like any of us or stick around on this particular thread, but instead of waltzing in and shitting all over us for what you perceive we're doing wrong, maybe next time spend a little time learning more about your fellow posters and the topic before you condemn us and flounce.

 

9 minutes ago, Koala said:

*Seriously, though.  I am betting either someone from the church, or someone in the family had enough of Lori's shit and called her out.  Good for them.*

I think the exact same thing. 

And I'm ridiculously pleased that someone actually stood up to her. It probably doesn't happen nearly often enough.

[Koala]

I had kind of wondered if there wouldn't be some conflict between her and her sisters, or maybe her and her aunts.  I can see one of them having enough of whatever crazy shenanigans Lori is up to, and (being under a lot of extra stress) calling her out.  

The thing is-  Lori never hears anyone else.  She honestly thinks she knows it all, so (sadly) it won't do any good. 

Something about casting your pearls before the swine...I think that's the verse that applies here.