Lori Alexander 46: She Sure Is Highly Edumacated

[Lgirlrocks]

I am in no way defending Lori. Growing up in the 90’s in a conservative Christian home spa king with an implanent was the norm. The kids I went to church with got spanked that way too. Some with paddles, belts, and switches. My parents were spanked growing up and felt it did them good so they spanked us. I watched spanking fail over and over again. Did Lori ever stop and think that this isn’t working? I’ve been hitting my child for more than an hour and they are doing the same thing? 

As some have mentioned here spanking is lazy parenting. I learned more from failing than I did from being punished. 

[Frog99]

I don’t see mental illness as an excuse. To me, it’s a way to understand why people do the things they do and how early experiences and exposures shape us.  The brain is so complex and so interesting (to me). 

There are some new treatment modalities for psychopaths that are showing some success- this article (long) discusses some of that along with a lot of information about psychopaths: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4059069/

Here is another: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0160252717300523

Lori can’t be diagnosed based on her internet persona, obviously, but she does make for an interesting case study. 

Regarding the question about Lori and her parenting practices impacting adoption by Alyssa and Jon (I used to do that work)- I would have to explore it with them. I would hope that their parenting would look much different and I would seek to educate as needed in child development and ways of understanding behavior and managing without spanking an infant (and dumb Lori, infancy is birth to 12 months) or even a toddler. If they said they planned to parent the same way as Lori and Ken, I would deny them. I can’t speak for others though. Some might be caught up in the appearance of their lifestyle and Alyssa’s sweetness. 

And regarding the cats- why is she getting rid of them now? Only one son lives in CA, along with one set of grandchildren. Same with her sister in law or whoever. And don’t the cats spend most of their time in the garage? Lori is probably giving them away out of retaliation to someone. Her opening completely negates any warmth in her statement. 

 

[Liza]

9 minutes ago, Lgirlrocks said:

Mad some have mentioned here spanking is lazy parenting. I learned more from failing than I did from being punished. 

@Lgirlrocks    What did you learn from falling?

[SilverBeach]

6 hours ago, Curious said:

No honey, y'all are a bunch of youngins. I remember going to the theater to see Star Wars when it first came out...and I was 13 at the time.

I was 21. Going to see Solo tonight with Mr. SB.

[SilverBeach]

The thought of Lori alone with any child is frightening. Her children that leave their own kids with her must agree with her cruelty, although they were victims themselves, they should really protect them from this heartless monster. I never felt that my job as a parent was to break my child's wll. How about loving them, helping them reach their maximum potential, and being a responsible citizen, to start? Nobody ever broke Lori's will! 

This witch will beat children until she is too old to do so. I hope somebody calls the authorities on her one day. She is my number one smite fundie because of her dangerous meanness. Not a kind bone in her body. Mut go look at kitty pictures now.

[molecule]

I was 13 when I saw Star Wars in the theater, too. I'm glad I'm not the only golden oldie around here. 

[Free Jana Duggar]

7 minutes ago, molecule said:

I was 13 when I saw Star Wars in the theater, too. I'm glad I'm not the only golden oldie around here. 

I was 7, so not too far behind.  I can remember "Grease" as well. 

[Liza]

                                    I will just leave this here.   (2min).

[Loveday]

26 minutes ago, molecule said:

I was 13 when I saw Star Wars in the theater, too. I'm glad I'm not the only golden oldie around here. 

I was 19. Saw it so many times that year it was ridiculous.    I can still quote the entire film as I'm watching it; because of that, I generally have to watch it alone now.  

[Lgirlrocks]

1 hour ago, Liza said:

@Lgirlrocks    What did you learn from falling?

I failed a lot in my dating life in high school. Made stupids mistakes that if I had been punished for thinking about doing them it wouldn’t have taught me not to do them again. When I was five my mom was curling my hair and told me not to touch the curling iron while she left the room to get hair spray. Of course I climbed on the counter, stood up to reach it on top of the fridge, and touched it. If she had hit me and said don’t touch it wouldn’t have stopped me from touching. I almost always obeyed. When my mom returned to the kitchen and saw I touched it she simply told me that she didn’t want me to touch it because it was really hot and would burn me like it did. When I was a little bit older and going to ride my bike my mom told me to wear elbow and knee pads. She never usually made me wear them. When I told her I didn’t want to she said fine but don’t come crying to me when you hurt yourself. As it happened, I fell off of my bike and skinned my knee and shin pretty badly. I was so ashamed and didn’t want to get in trouble that I hid. My mom eventually found out and helped me get cleaned up. If she had punished me for telling her no before I went out on my bike or made me wear the pads I wouldn’t have learned to be careful and listen to my mom. 

[polecat]

11 hours ago, fluffy said:

Warmth is not her calling card. I guess she's making *some* effort. 

She kicked the cat so hard that when she missed and hit the wall instead, she broke her toe. Just about any rehoming situation has to be better than continuing to live with her. 

I also have a kid who is severely allergic to dogs (as in, hives all over his face and body and breathing difficulties) when he's anywhere near one. So, I can also empathize with people who need to get rehome pets due to allergies. Yeah, most people's allergies aren't as severe as my kid's, but at the same time, allergies can worsen at the drop of the hat and with little warning.

1 hour ago, molecule said:

I was 13 when I saw Star Wars in the theater, too. I'm glad I'm not the only golden oldie around here. 

I saw it when I was five. First movie I ever saw in a theater!

[IntrinsicallyDisordered]

1 hour ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

I was 7, so not too far behind.  I can remember "Grease" as well. 

Star Wars was my first movie theater experience but I was only about 6 weeks old and slept through the whole thing

I think the first movie I remember seeing in the theater was Return to Oz.  It was amazing and terrifying and I would still rather face Mombi than Lori.  What an absolute monster she is.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

I grew up with several kids (fundie and not) with parents who believed that beating/spanking was A-OK, Because you needed to break a child's will so they would do good and grow up to obey and be good people.

So the parents spanked/ beat for everything, every minor infraction, every side look, sometimes for nothing at all.  I saw a father backhand and then bitch slap his son when the boy took a few seconds too long to do what the dad asked.  The dad said "when I tell you to do something, I mean now, not a minute from now."

I had a close friend whose father was a prophylactic spanker -- as in he absolutely knew his son was thinking about planning to do something wrong,  And  even if not thinking about it right that moment, he might think about it in the future and the dad wanted to show the son what he'd get if he ever actually did the thing.

These parents went on with the spankings/beatings year after year well into the teen years and high school

I cannot remember a single instance where the spanking worked.  Several of the boys were minor juvenile delinquents, Their reasoning being if they were going to get beaten for nothing, they might as well get beaten for something. Most of them said they just defiantly stood there while getting hit and refused to admit they were wrong.  One of my friends at 16 wrenched the belt out of his father's hands and hit his dad across the face, exactly like the dad had done.  Interesting that stopped the dad from ever hitting my friend again.

It wasn't just boys who were spanked, Girls tended to be spanked/beaten by their mothers, usually on the butt.  The favorite instrument being a wooden spoon or tattered fly swatter -- that ripped plastic really stings and then the moms used the wire handle.

My friends just couldn't believe that my parents were non hitters. They were of the lecture after you did something awful/ loss of privilege.  Actually this didn't happen all that often as they didn't have all that many rules to break. My mother was queen of "The Look".  If you got "the Look" you knew you were mighty close to the lecture/ privilege loss so you usually stopped or at least went somewhere she couldn't see you.

TL;DR  I sincerely hope none of the people I knew who were spanked as kids did the same to theirs but realistically I'm sure some of them did.  Lori mentions she was spanked growing up, and she continued the legacy. It's hard to break the cycle when what happened to you happened to so many others that it seems normal.  And then people like Lori, the leghumpers and many, many others advocate it.

[SweetLaurel]

My very first memory is climbing out of my crib - and my sister was born when I was 20 months old so it was before that because she got the crib - and hearing my dad's voice and being utterly terrified and trying to figure out how to climb back in because I knew what was going to happen.   A few years later I remember my dad coming in the bedroom, beating us all and my mom asking him after if he really hit the baby with the belt and he said, "he has on two diapers, it didn't hurt him."    Both my brothers 'spanked' aka beat their kids, my sister and I never laid a hand on ours.   I've never understood people who laugh and say, "I got spanked and deserved it" or "I grew up decent because of it."  To me, it was simply trauma and I still can't stand adults who yell, because I'm always uncertain what they might do - the fear runs deep.   Lori is a monster.  

[Lgirlrocks]

10 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I grew up with several kids (fundie and not) with parents who believed that beating/spanking was A-OK, Because you needed to break a child's will so they would do good and grow up to obey and be good people.

So the parents spanked/ beat for everything, every minor infraction, every side look, sometimes for nothing at all.  I saw a father backhand and then bitch slap his son when the boy took a few seconds too long to do what the dad asked.  The dad said "when I tell you to do something, I mean now, not a minute from now."

I had a close friend whose father was a prophylactic spanker -- as in he absolutely knew his son was thinking about planning to do something wrong,  And  even if not thinking about it right that moment, he might think about it in the future and the dad wanted to show the son what he'd get if he ever actually did the thing.

These parents went on with the spankings/beatings year after year well into the teen years and high school

I cannot remember a single instance where the spanking worked.  Several of the boys were minor juvenile delinquents, Their reasoning being if they were going to get beaten for nothing, they might as well get beaten for something. Most of them said they just defiantly stood there while getting hit and refused to admit they were wrong.  One of my friends at 16 wrenched the belt out of his father's hands and hit his dad across the face, exactly like the dad had done.  Interesting that stopped the dad from ever hitting my friend again.

It wasn't just boys who were spanked, Girls tended to be spanked/beaten by their mothers, usually on the butt.  The favorite instrument being a wooden spoon or tattered fly swatter -- that ripped plastic really stings and then the moms used the wire handle.

My friends just couldn't believe that my parents were non hitters. They were of the lecture after you did something awful/ loss of privilege.  Actually this didn't happen all that often as they didn't have all that many rules to break. My mother was queen of "The Look".  If you got "the Look" you knew you were mighty close to the lecture/ privilege loss so you usually stopped or at least went somewhere she couldn't see you.

TL;DR  I sincerely hope none of the people I knew who were spanked as kids did the same to theirs but realistically I'm sure some of them did.  Lori mentions she was spanked growing up, and she continued the legacy. It's hard to break the cycle when what happened to you happened to so many others that it seems normal.  And then people like Lori, the leghumpers and many, many others advocate it.

A lot of parents have that mind set of it worked for me it will work for my kids. My dads father left when he was 8 and my dad was convinced if he dad handy left my dad wouldn’t have gotten into the trouble he did. His mom didn’t spank only his dad. He beloved if his dad had been around to spank him it would have kept him in the straight and narrow path. My dad was a very nice person and never punished in anger but if he warned you and you didn’t listen you got spanked or grounded. 

[Hane]

When I was little, I was so allergic to dog dander that I went into anaphylaxis. One time, the dog was nowhere around—I I just picked up its halter and lost my ability to speak. Fortunately, I outgrew the allergy.

A normal person would have said, “We love our cats, but unfortunately we have to find them new homes because so many of our family members suffer from extreme allergies. Do you know anyone who would welcome these sweet kitties?”

[PennySycamore]

@Curious,  when Buffy first came out, I was turned on to it by my teenage daughters.  Same with X-Files.  I was 22 when Star Wars premiered.

 @IntrinsicallyDisordered,  we took our newborn daughter to The Return of the Jedi as our house was hot and the movie theater had AC.  She slept through the whole thing.  

@SweetLaurel,  sometimes I wish we could use two icons to express our feelings about a post.  I sent love, but I also wish I'd marked it sad.  Your  story is heartbreaking. 

 

[Koala]

Those poor cats are well rid of Lori.   Honestly, I am glad she is giving them away, and they'd probably be better off in a "pound", than in a mini-mansion w/ some shrew who's trying to kick them hard enough to break her own toe.  

For those of you who might be interested in preventing cat allergies, Lori has a simple piece of advice- Don't eat college food.  For real.  

Quote

 Since the boys left home and ate college food, they have both developed an allergy to cats. They never had that when they were home eating my good, healthy food. 

In that post, she explains that her children NEVER had allergies growing up:

Quote

None of my children had allergies or asthma growing up.  

And that her son had severe allergies growing up:

Quote

When Steven was young, he was very allergic to poison ivy.  Every spring his face would swell up like a balloon and he looked terrible.  Everyone thought I should take him to the doctor for cortisone shots.  I didn't want that. 

In another post she writes:

Quote

Starting when our son was around three years old, he would get poison ivy every summer.  We had it in our backyard somewhere and he would swell up like a balloon. He could barely see through his eyes. 

Her daughter writes:

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I had chronic, painful earaches until five years old. Until finally, a wonderful, God-sent osteopath was able to diagnose me with a milk allergy. 

So her kids kind of did have allergies when they were growing up, but it's much more fun to pretend that all of their allergies came from consuming evil college food.  

Hell, allergies and asthma didn't even exist when Lori was growing up.  Truth!  It wasn't even a thing!

Quote

When I was growing up, I can't remember anybody with allergies, asthma, or autism

And you know if she can't remember them, they didn't exist!  

[Liza]

In the first post below, Lori says "meet my newest grandchild" (Instagram, May 2018).  In the second post, Lori says "this is not my grandchild. (Facebook, May 2018).   Two separate sites, identiical picture and yet in one case it IS her grandchild and in the other it is not???

 

One is from Facebook and the other from Instagram.  They look identical to me.

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

I was 15 when Star Wars came out.  Rather than go with my friends, my Dad insisted on going with me.  He loved it!  Me...not so much. 

Re: Lori's cats
Maybe it's because I've had a cat for 50 years of my life (obviously not the same cat  )
Maybe it's because I currently have 3 cats.
Maybe it's because I'm childless and they are "my children".  
But why is it an issue with a SIL, two sons, and a grandchild being allergic?
It's not as if she or Ken are allergic.  And it doesn't sound like they do that much entertaining.  Can't the allergic folks just take meds when they visit LoriKen?

[PennySycamore]

@Liza, Lori's answer to Karen Franz make not a damn lick of sense.  Why would a photosharing site have a picture of Lori holding any baby?

[polecat]

18 minutes ago, Tim-Tom Biblethumper said:

snip
Re: Lori's cats
Maybe it's because I've had a cat for 50 years of my life (obviously not the same cat  )
Maybe it's because I currently have 3 cats.
Maybe it's because I'm childless and they are "my children".  
But why is it an issue with a SIL, two sons, and a grandchild being allergic?
It's not as if she or Ken are allergic.  And it doesn't sound like they do that much entertaining.  Can't the allergic folks just take meds when they visit LoriKen?

1

It depends on the severity of the allergy. I won't allow my son to visit *anyone* with a dog. His allergy is literally life-threatening. Just taking meds before a visit isn't going to cut it. But at the same time, two of my kids have mild allergies to our cavies, and because those are easily contained and easy to minimize, it's not an issue. (And either way, I would NEVER ask or expect someone to get rid of their pets for his sake.)

The responsibility for this isn't on the people with the allergies. I can almost guarantee they didn't ask Lori to get rid of her pets. She is using them as an excuse. She *kicks it, ffs. How much do you think she loves those cats? They're better off at "the pound" than living with her.

[Liza]

In the first post below, Lori says "meet my newest grandchild" (this is May, 2018).  In the second post, Lori says "this is not my grandchild?  (note both shots are from this month, May 2018).

I am totally confused.  Is she lying or did I miss something here?

[polecat]

eta: hunted up the post in question -- I think she was referring to the image of the child she used on her blog post rather than her FB picture. But I won't swear to it. 

37 minutes ago, Liza said:

In the first post below, Lori says "meet my newest grandchild" (Instagram, May 2018).  In the second post, Lori says "this is not my grandchild. (Facebook, May 2018).   Two separate sites, identiical picture and yet in one case it IS her grandchild and in the other it is not???

 

One is from Facebook and the other from Instagram.  They look identical to me.

She has to be confused. This is clearly a photo of her, not a photo from a photo sharing site.

[Liza]

@polecat   She has to be lying because she made two different comments on different sites.  On facebook, no it is not my grandchild and on iinstagram, welcome to my newest grandchild.   She cant be that confused can she?