Lori Alexander 46: She Sure Is Highly Edumacated

[Pink Muffin]

Thank you @Koala for all the quotes from Lori, she sure is an horrible, horrible excuse for a human being. And she sure is an abuser, too bad her leghumpers will never see her true colors.

The claim that she hit her infant´s just once when they bit her while nursing, I call bull poo on that one. No way is an infant going to stop a behavior after one hit because he/she wouldn´t understand what he/she was doing wrong. Only after several swats would a baby "understand" the connection between bite and the swat.

1 hour ago, Koala said:

However, for children under one year old, the Pearls recommend a "small, 10 to 12 inch long, willowy branch {stripped of any knots that might break the skin}, about 1/8" in diameter is sufficient." I made one of these to see what it felt like. {You should try it to in order to see how harmless it is before criticizing the Pearls.} I used it on Ken and he could barely feel it.

Since she made one "willowy branch" she probably hit her children when they were under one year old. The callousness to hit a baby!

About the beating of a 18 month old having a tantrum and only needing one beating to stop the child having more tantrums, I call bull poop on that one too. But of course the child would eventually stop the tantrums since they would lead to a beating that lasted for hours.

Those tantrums at 18 months are important for a child´s development and I would like to know how the beatings have affected her children.

[squiddysquid]

Is she the one who said to pull your babies hair too when they accidentally bite you while nursing (again WTF) or was that the Pearls?

I think you're right about Ken's story about the drunk 135 pound woman beating her husband. That sounds a bit too much like Lori.

And on top of beeing physically abused by his wife I can only imagine his christian patriarchy colleauges when Ken goes to work the next day with marks on his face: "Your tiny ass wife did that?" ridiculing him.

Which is messed up in and of itself but not am unsusual reaction. Now that would hurt Ken's maly man ego as well and we can't have that.

I'd say they're both the type of people who tolerate anything as long as they look picture perfect to the outside world. If that facade crumbled because Lori left visible injuries though, he'd probably consider divorce.

[Hane]

My infant daughter clamped her gums down hard on my nipple ONCE, and I let out quite a squawk! I startled her so much that she never did it again.

In a very old (I think 1950s) edition of La Leche League’s book “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding,” I remember a writer saying that she firmly told her little biter “You may NOT!” and taking him away from the breast till he got the message. Wisdom of old, Lori.

[Evangeline]

I always suspected that the "tantrums" Ken references and his assumption that all women are occasionally "out of control" were 100% based on Lori. I've assumed the tantrums were physical because why on earth would a person have so much to say about pinning a woman to a wall and "disciplining" her? Lori is a spoiled child and this is why both of them believe women are emotional, selfish, tantrum-throwing, out-of-control hot messes. Because Lori is those things. 

But, she's not ABUSIVE, y'all. Of course not. How could you even suggest such a thing? 

[Koala]

18 minutes ago, Pink Muffin said:

Since she made one "willowy branch" she probably hit her children when they were under one year old. The callousness to hit a baby!

She did.  She flicked her infant's cheeks, and *I believe* she has admitted to hitting them as young as 6 months.

Here she admits to hitting her 8 month old:

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One of our children, when they were about eight months old, began squirming like crazy when trying to change their diaper. I would say "No" and give a little smack on the behind.

In another post, she writes:

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 Several swats on their hand when they were crawling

Babies (generally) begin to crawl around 6-10 months.

[squiddysquid]

A lactation expert told us once when breastfeeding hurts it's usually because the baby isn't latched on to a big enough area. Apparently both the babies nose and chin should touch the breast if latched on correctly. According to her that's why baby nostrils are a little more on the side compared to an adult - so they don't suffocate while feeding

She showed us how to take the tip of your little finger to the corner of the babie's mouth to release the vacuum (DO NOT pull! )

Guess when you never had teeth and just got them, you'd accidentally bite, takes some getting used to

(Or when you're REALLY hungry... Who hasn't burned their tongue on too hot food beacause you just couldn't wait?)

[Koala]

In one post, Lori quotes Michael Pearl's advice on what to do if your child is getting out of bed at night:

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 "If he {disobeys}, spring into the room with your little switch and pop him on the bare legs one or two times.  

She continues:

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One of our children did this very thing and this method worked beautifully for us.  It took one long evening to accomplish this but he always stayed in bed after this and fell asleep.  He knew he wasn't going to win this battle

Which begs the question- how many times was this child hit in that "long evening"???

[Hane]

This crap about hitting squirmy babies during diaper changes? Talk about manufacturing a conflict where none exists! Don’t changing tables have safety belts? Wouldn’t it be easier to hand the baby a small toy as distraction? But what the fuck would I know—I just did what worked.

(Anybody else remember “The Tale of Three Hobbits” from the Yuku days? In that blog, a young mom mentioned getting her squirming baby under control during diaper changes after “several spanking sessions by Mommy and Daddy.” One of us called CPS on her, and they showed up and found nothing amiss. The husband white-knighted her (I think it was on her own blog, not here) and got quite snippy with me when I suggested “just give the kid a squeaky toy to hold, dammit—it works better.”)

[Koala]

In the comments of another post she writes:

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I will give you an example of one of these times. We told them to pick up their raisins. They refused so we spanked them and told them to pick up their raisins and they still refused. We would tell them several more times to pick up their raisins but they wouldn't so we spanked them.

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They were bawling their eyes out the entire time

This was one of the incidents that she claims to 4 hours.  But remember, she's not a violent person.  

[SuperNova]

1 hour ago, luv2laugh said:

“Alyssa received the most spankings”.

Wow, Lori. Do we need to know that?

It's common for abusers to make statements like this. It is meant to convey the sense of control that they are able to maintain over others. Abusers use this to "impress" people with their ability to turn situations to their advantage and have the upper hand. They see it as a positive. 

[squiddysquid]

You know, we've talked about this here before; wether Lori is a malignant narcicisst or a psychopath.

After all those stories I'm leaning towards psychopath.

 

[teachergirl]

Susan Bradrick also advocated spanking an infant who wiggles during a diaper change. I weep for the adults who grew up with that and their children now who are probably experiencing that.

[Koala]

46 minutes ago, Pink Muffin said:

The claim that she hit her infant´s just once when they bit her while nursing, I call bull poo on that one. No way is an infant going to stop a behavior after one hit because he/she wouldn´t understand what he/she was doing wrong.

Agree.  She's recounted that story multiple times.  In this version she attributes babies with the ability to know right from wrong.

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When any of my 4 children bit me when I was nursing, I flicked them on the cheek one time fairly hard. Sure, it hurt a little and they cried but they never did it again. A little pain never hurt anybody. In fact, pain is a great motivator to chose to do right instead of wrong. 

 

[Koala]

Side note- someone once confronted her about the Pearls hitting their 4 month old.

Reader (quoting the Pearls' book):

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One of our girls who developed mobility early had a fascination with crawling up the stairs. At four months she was too unknowing to be punished for disobedience. But for her own good, we attempted to train her not to climb the stairs by coordinating the voice command of "No" with little spats on the bare legs. The switch was a twelve-inch long, one-eighth-inch diameter sprig from a willow tree." 
 

4 months.  

Lori replied:

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A little smack on the leg isn't considered child abuse. We did that with our children so they learned quickly when we said "no" we meant it and they obeyed. 

In another comment she writes:

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I looked in the book and the child climbing the stairs was 5 months not 4 and most babies don't get teeth to bite until at least 4 months. I wouldn't call a 5 month old an infant anymore. They definitely are smart at that age. 

[squiddysquid]

One of my little bunnies was really curious as a baby and would follow me EVERYWHERE. You'd be amazed how fast such a tiny bunny can be.

It was cute, but also dangerous because just as I'd try to close a door he'd already stick his head out to the frame. I'd kneel down and turn him around but as soon as I got up - same scenario.

So when I had my hand on the door handle I'd gently use my big toe to push him back a little and make rhat beeping noise trucks have when they go backwards.

Apparently a little too gentle. This became his favourite way of getting pet. Gentle toe strokes over his back... I'd sit somewhere and he'd boop my big toe with his nose: "Pet me!"

After we had some long talks - don't jugde, I swear they understand much more than you'd expect - he eventually got it. Don't have kids but if a baby bunny gets that a toddler most certainly would too.

[feministxtian]

My youngest was a royal pain during diaper changes...he'd flip over and try to crawl away. Solution? Belly boops and tickles on his feet. Goober would shove his feet in my face for more tickles. I'd also use "the pinchy crab" explained somewhere else here...it became a game! He figured out that diaper changes were when mama would tickle him and he'd laugh (not that I didn't do that at other times too). He also thought that mama grabbing his foot and pulling him back was a game too. 

He was the WORST for diaper changes. No changing table though, I'd just pull up a convenient part of the floor or furniture. Towel under butt and off we'd go! I had a changing table with my first...didn't use it much after she got mobile so with the rest of them I didn't bother having one. 

Kitties get a gentle nudge with a foot. Silly things then decided that rubbing themselves all over feet was the thing to do. These days they think toes are their personal play toys...and I love being barefoot!

[Koala]

Lori Alexander:

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We had to spank all of our children, some much more than others. Our youngest was a pleaser and probably got only several spankings when she was young. We had another child that was very strong willed and needed quite a bit of spankings.

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Our children exhibited some ugliness at a very young age

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I told her she must take a wooden spoon or some other object and spank him on his bottom hard enough so it will hurt.

Lori says:

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No marks, no bruises

Ken admits:

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I can only remember creating a bruise on one child

Ken says:

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There is nothing particularly spiritual or non-spiritual about spanking a child

Lori says:

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A few swats on a bare bottom to have obedient children is not harsh but very biblical.

But hey, Lori is "not violent in any way", right?  She has just spent HOURS blogging about hitting her children, and now we know she hit her husband too.  She's no abuser, though....

Right.

[usmcmom]

My first baby cried every time I left the room. He started this at about five months when I'd have him in a swing or his infant carrier/carseat. I wonder how Lori would have handled that.  I guess she would have smacked the baby before she left the room? Keep returning and smack him multiple times? Okay, I'm making myself sick thinking about it  

Anyway. My solution (I didn't want to "wear" him in a sling)? I went to Walmart and bought a cheap umbrella stroller and pushed him from room to room with me as I cleaned house, took a shower, whatever. He was happy as a chubby little clam after that. I wonder if this is why he talked so early. I mean, since he was right there with me all the time, we might as well converse; right?  

[Evangeline]

1 hour ago, Evangeline said:

But, she's not ABUSIVE, y'all. Of course not. How could you even suggest such a thing? 

I'm getting some WTF reactions so I want to make abundantly clear that this part was 100% sarcasm. Lori is absolutely an abusive bitch! 

[squiddysquid]

Another story, the baby bunnies again. Once heard a strange "plonk, plonk" coming from my kitchen. We have open bottom cabinets and they were tipping over those huge tomato sauce jars.

Don't ask me how since those jars were heavier tham they were, so in other words a dangerous activity for tiny bunnies.

So we took some painted cardboard and blocked the cabinets off. Easy.

Have the pearls ever heard of baby gates? Because I think that's the normal method to keep babies off the stairs...

 

[PennySycamore]

Causing pain in a baby by flicking their cheeks while they're nursing to get them to stop biting might just not stop biting.  It may cause them to go on a nursing strike, ie temporary weaning.  Moms and babies can often work (and it is work!) through a nursing strike, but not always.  Some babies don't go back to the breast.

@Hane, The Womanly art of Breastfeeding was published in 1958.  The very first manual was called The Course by Mail, was in loose-leaf format, and was published in 1957.  The Founding Mothers realized that this early effort was inadequate so they immediately got to work on a revision and expansion.  I met a Leader from New Jersey at the 1999 International Conference that had a copy of that very first edition.  The WAB is now in at least it's 8th edition.  The saying "no" advice is still in there as is unlatching the baby by inserting a finger at the corner of the baby's mouth.

[Koala]

Lori:

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Even children under 1 year old are disobedient and chose to disobey their parents

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 for children under one year old, the Pearls recommend a "small, 10 to 12 inch long, willowy branch...

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Babies are very smart and can manipulate their parents if their parents let them.

Reader:

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 It is never OK to strike a baby, for any reason.

Lori:

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It is called training them. 

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I couldn't reason with them about any of these things, you can't with a baby, but a little bit of pain solved every single problem almost immediately.

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Even a 5 and 6 month old can be trained to know right from wrong.

 

[Loveday]

12 minutes ago, Koala said:

Lori:

Okay, that's all the quotes I am going to quote for now.  I literally feel sick.

I want to click on one of the emojis for your post, but none of them expresses exactly how I feel about all these god-awful quotes.  Well, maybe the green-faced 'disgust' one, but it's still not strong enough. Sometimes I think we need a special one just for Lori's worst moments (which are legion). 

[Hisey]

1 hour ago, Koala said:

In one post, Lori quotes Michael Pearl's advice on what to do if your child is getting out of bed at night:

She continues:

Which begs the question- how many times was this child hit in that "long evening"???

And how old was the child? A three-year old would understand right away that getting out of bed=being hit. And 18-month old would just be hurt, surprised and outraged at being hit, and it would take a "long evening" before he understood.

[Black Aliss]

On 5/24/2018 at 8:36 AM, Alisamer said:

I doubt she'll forget it's an "adopted child." I think she's more likely to be the sort to blog incessantly about how "grateful" or "ungrateful" such a child is, and about how Godly Lori herself is for being willing to accept such an unfortunate child (as she shares way too much about the child's beginnings) into her life. Every time she gives a gift or makes a salad for the kid it'll be some great act of charity.

My mother was an angry, nasty, judgemental fundie just like Lori. When people asked her how many grandchildren she had she'd reply "5 real ones, 2 step grandchildren, and 2 adopted ones." Then she'd usually add proudly, "I treat them all as if they were my own grandchildren." Which was a lie, but whatever.  The mixed-race adopted one may have gotten a card on his birthday just like the others, but she was also the recipient of my mother's racist stereotyping.