Dillards 54: Fantasyland Where Reality Isn't Required

[front hugs > duggs]

UK friends, please correct me if I'm wrong in my understanding. However, my husband has former schoolmates back in England who seem to be a bit careless with sex, with the thought process being, "If we get pregnant, the government gives us allowance and sometimes even a home so what's the big deal?". He has several (non-religious) Facebook friends who have 3-4 kids by their 30's, sometimes with multiple partners. Meanwhile, we feel like we can't even have kids yet because we can hardly financially support ourselves, let alone children.

[mango_fandango]

It’s not as simple as all that since the benefits changes. Certainly most don’t think like that, most people want to be financially secure and earning their own money first. Of course, sometimes circumstances change that (eg contraceptive failure or similar) but mostly people want to be financially secure. Of course tabloid newspapers like to make you think you can have eleventy billion kids and get lots of money for it, but since the government changed the benefits system it’s different. I don’t know what exactly happens now. And of course most people who need benefits don’t abuse the system, and genuinely need it, and certainly can’t live a comfortable life on them. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

27 minutes ago, BabyBottlePop said:

Abortions will continue regardless of legality. That's why, since I don't see social services changing to help people access birth control and other services in the near future, it's needed to protect women. 

People forget the number of women who died or were maimed attempting a back door abortion. Why would that change if abortion was outlawed now? 

two movies that really effected my pro choice stance were dirty dancing and cider house rules. both those movies really solidified my resolve for legal safe abortions.    

[Kittikatz]

To all those people who love sweet and salty treats have you tried Cola and Chip Cupcakes? Or Dorito and Mountain Dew Cupcakes?

Spoiler

https://www.thedailymeal.com/recipes/coca-cola-potato-chips-cupcakes-four-rivers-barbecue-recipe

https://tramplingrose.com/2014/06/16/mt-dew-doritos-cupcakes/

As for illegal abortions being irrational and not happening often I'm calling bullshit. My mother was a nurse before she married my father and she remembers when abortions were pretty much illegal here. She talked about the women who tried at home abortions coming into the ER on a fairly regular basis, and of a network of sympathetic doctors who would risk their licenses and jail time to preform abortions because their patients were so desperate that they felt failing to provide abortions on demand was the equivalent of doing harm to those patients. 

In our high control (anti-abortion, anti-sex-ed, anti-sex-before-marriage etc.) religious community, many of the gardens had certain herbs growing in them. The men and some of the true believer types of younger women seemed to have no idea what they were or what they did, but some were herbal abortifacients, and if someone got pregnant and the situation was one where they didn't want to or could not proceed with a pregnancy, they'd generally be offered some pills made with the dried and powdered herbs. As far as I know, these herbs worked, although at least one woman had to go to the hospital because she was hemoraging. The community and the hospital just thought it was a bad miscarriage. And this went on even after abortion became legal - probably because the social cost the women in my community would have endured if it became known outside a few people that they'd had an abortion would have been astronomical. 

Weirdly, I found almost the same recipe I'd seen used growing up in the official 1887 and 1901 versions White House Cookbook under the name Hunter's Moon Pills with the description that they were a "great comfort to women who had need of such an item". Everyone I hear some anti-abortion person droning about traditional family values, I just want to bop them over the head - hard - with that book. 

[candygirl200413]

One of my sorority sisters told me how her mom's best friend had a backalley abortion a few months before roe v wade and died and I've always been pro-choice (not sure about my personal self but I would want the choice just like everyone with a uterus should) and that story especially stuck with me for years and will more than likely continue too. So with orange fuckface and Pence trying to take it away it makes me disgusted.

[Georgiana]

So which shirt is worse: Sam's "I survived Roe v Wade" or Caleb Schrader's "I'm special, I was born at home." shirt?

Is it worse to suggest your mother would have aborted you, or that you're better than other newborns because you were born (dangerously, in Caleb's case) at home?

Also, the "Does that suggest your mother wanted to abort you?" discussion reminds me of possibly the best 3 minutes of Da Ali G Show:

 

[FundaMental]

54 minutes ago, front hugs > duggs said:

UK friends, please correct me if I'm wrong in my understanding. However, my husband has former schoolmates back in England who seem to be a bit careless with sex, with the thought process being, "If we get pregnant, the government gives us allowance and sometimes even a home so what's the big deal?". He has several (non-religious) Facebook friends who have 3-4 kids by their 30's, sometimes with multiple partners. Meanwhile, we feel like we can't even have kids yet because we can hardly financially support ourselves, let alone children.

As someone who lives in the UK, I can tell you that it's an unfortunate reality. The majority of those on benefits do not abuse it, but some do. Unfortunately young people tend to get that extra boost of funding, especially if they have children, which is understandable but not when people are having those children to get benefits. There is an issue in this country with people refusing to get jobs simply because they can't be bothered, not because they have medical reasons why it would be difficult. Benefits are now becoming harder to receive and people are paid lower amounts, which helps stop benefit scroungers, but certainly doesn't help people with real disabilities and issues that make working difficult. Disability benefits have become more and more restricted as time has gone on. If you're interested in seeing what the average group of 'benefit scroungers' is like, there's a programme called 'benefits street' which gives you a good idea.

People who want to prepare financially before having children do not receive the same kind of care from the government. It's like how the naughtiest child in the classroom gets the most attention from the teachers. Sigh.

[Ivycoveredtower]

21 minutes ago, Georgiana said:

So which shirt is worse: Sam's "I survived Roe v Wade" or Caleb Schrader's "I'm special, I was born at home." shirt?

Is it worse to suggest your mother would have aborted you, or that you're better than other newborns because you were born (dangerously, in Caleb's case) at home?

Also, the "Does that suggest your mother wanted to abort you?" discussion reminds me of possibly the best 3 minutes of Da Ali G Show:

 

I think Sam's shirt is worse at least Caleb's shirt holds a shred of truth he was born at home. Sam shirt is just lying. 

[libgirl2]

1 hour ago, Kittikatz said:

To all those people who love sweet and salty treats have you tried Cola and Chip Cupcakes? Or Dorito and Mountain Dew Cupcakes?

  Reveal hidden contents

https://www.thedailymeal.com/recipes/coca-cola-potato-chips-cupcakes-four-rivers-barbecue-recipe

https://tramplingrose.com/2014/06/16/mt-dew-doritos-cupcakes/

As for illegal abortions being irrational and not happening often I'm calling bullshit. My mother was a nurse before she married my father and she remembers when abortions were pretty much illegal here. She talked about the women who tried at home abortions coming into the ER on a fairly regular basis, and of a network of sympathetic doctors who would risk their licenses and jail time to preform abortions because their patients were so desperate that they felt failing to provide abortions on demand was the equivalent of doing harm to those patients. 

In our high control (anti-abortion, anti-sex-ed, anti-sex-before-marriage etc.) religious community, many of the gardens had certain herbs growing in them. The men and some of the true believer types of younger women seemed to have no idea what they were or what they did, but some were herbal abortifacients, and if someone got pregnant and the situation was one where they didn't want to or could not proceed with a pregnancy, they'd generally be offered some pills made with the dried and powdered herbs. As far as I know, these herbs worked, although at least one woman had to go to the hospital because she was hemoraging. The community and the hospital just thought it was a bad miscarriage. And this went on even after abortion became legal - probably because the social cost the women in my community would have endured if it became known outside a few people that they'd had an abortion would have been astronomical. 

Weirdly, I found almost the same recipe I'd seen used growing up in the official 1887 and 1901 versions White House Cookbook under the name Hunter's Moon Pills with the description that they were a "great comfort to women who had need of such an item". Everyone I hear some anti-abortion person droning about traditional family values, I just want to bop them over the head - hard - with that book. 

I have had Mountain Dew Cupcakes but not with Doritos. 

My husband always thinks I'm odd because I love to have for breakfast an English Muffin with a spicy veggie sausage pattie, cheese and jam. I also like to have syrup on my eggs and sausage. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

2 hours ago, FundaMental said:

The majority of those on benefits do not abuse it, but some do.

My SIL/BIL would fall in to the "some do" category. It irritates the fuck outta me. Neither will work, both force their 14 & 15 year old sons to "care" for them so the boys can get free "carer" camps and free admission to everywhere they go. They're perfectly capable of letting their benefits lapse, but they're, quite frankly, lazy.

For those not aware, these benefits also include a "motability" allowance, which -- in my BIL/SIL's case -- includes a new car (for her) or a new scooter (for him) every few years. It also covers insurance and maintenance on the vehicle.

 

[seraaa]

3 hours ago, FundaMental said:

As someone who lives in the UK, I can tell you that it's an unfortunate reality. The majority of those on benefits do not abuse it, but some do. Unfortunately young people tend to get that extra boost of funding, especially if they have children, which is understandable but not when people are having those children to get benefits. There is an issue in this country with people refusing to get jobs simply because they can't be bothered, not because they have medical reasons why it would be difficult. Benefits are now becoming harder to receive and people are paid lower amounts, which helps stop benefit scroungers, but certainly doesn't help people with real disabilities and issues that make working difficult. Disability benefits have become more and more restricted as time has gone on. If you're interested in seeing what the average group of 'benefit scroungers' is like, there's a programme called 'benefits street' which gives you a good idea.

People who want to prepare financially before having children do not receive the same kind of care from the government. It's like how the naughtiest child in the classroom gets the most attention from the teachers. Sigh.

While I'm sure some people like this do exist, I wouldn't call it an endemic problem. The number of people who set out to have children because they don't want to work is tiny in comparison. The vast majority of the benefits and welfare bill goes to people who are in need. 

Shows like Benefits Street aren't, imo, representative.  

[Jellybean]

I have a motability car. It has hand controls and a hoist for my electric wheelchair. Public transport is improving, especially in London, where I live, but having a car so I can be driven to hospital for appointments and emergencies, and having that freedom of someone being able to drive me is a huge help. I’m enormously grateful for the scheme (they resell the cars after three years and there’s huge demand for ex-motability cars, as they are usually well cared-for and often have low mileage).

[ElToro]

3 hours ago, FundaMental said:

The majority of those on benefits do not abuse it, but some do...... If you're interested in seeing what the average group of 'benefit scroungers' is like, there's a programme called 'benefits street' which gives you a good idea.

I think it's a little disingenuous to leave it at 'some do'. Benefits overpayment is currently (latest figures) estimated at 1.1% (up from 0.8% due to inclusion of figures for benefits mistakenly overpaid by the gov-rather than fraudulently claimed) So yes, 'some' do. But not really a significant amount (by the way, at the same time, 1% was also underpaid to those due it.)

And IIRC Benefits Street was filmed in one of the most deprived wards in the UK. So not really all that average. The 'average' benefits claimant is actually a working family on a low income. 

[BabyBottlePop]

4 hours ago, candygirl200413 said:

One of my sorority sisters told me how her mom's best friend had a backalley abortion a few months before roe v wade and died and I've always been pro-choice (not sure about my personal self but I would want the choice just like everyone with a uterus should) and that story especially stuck with me for years and will more than likely continue too. So with orange fuckface and Pence trying to take it away it makes me disgusted.

I counter protested at a Planned Parenthood once and talked to two older men who were the clinic escorts. Both escorted because of their memories of people dying from back alley abortions.

[Kelsey]

5 hours ago, FJismyheadship said:

So YOU GUYS are the reaspn I bought a milky way in the seventh grade om a field trip to the fair and it was deep fried!!!!

 

FOR SHAME!!!!!!!!

 

That was the most disappointing chocolate bar.

I dont like American Cadbury Cream Eggs. A few years ago, a friend of mine sent me some candy from England.  THOSE Cadbury Cremes were amazing. The ones here suck.

I've never seen them in the USA. I tried them in Canada 

[SapphireSlytherin]

@Jellybean - did you see that the new Elizabeth Line will be barrier-free throughout its length?  

The used motability cars are generally very nice, but my SIL trashes hers. She doesn't ever clean it out, and frequently scrapes it along brick walls/hedgerows/bollards/other cars, and--- most recently--- a bus. 

My FIL, who could easily make use of a motability car - can't get one! So frustrating!

[mango_fandango]

Call the Midwife is good for covering serious issues. There were two episodes (that I remember) that involved back alley abortions, they resulted in horrible consequences for the women. One woman had eight kids already and couldn’t cope with the idea of a ninth, and another was a teacher (this is from when female teachers weren’t allowed to be married, and she’d had an affair with a married man). IIRC both women survived but it was touch-and-go. 

Nobody loves abortions. What these idiot fundies don’t realise is that overturning Roe v Wade won’t eliminate abortion entirely, far from it. Abortions have been around since ancient times. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

1 minute ago, mango_fandango said:

Call the Midwife is good for covering serious issues. There were two episodes (that I remember) that involved back alley abortions, they resulted in horrible consequences for the women. One woman had eight kids already and couldn’t cope with the idea of a ninth, and another was a teacher (this is from when female teachers weren’t allowed to be married, and she’d had an affair with a married man). IIRC both women survived but it was touch-and-go. 

Nobody loves abortions. What these idiot fundies don’t realise is that overturning Roe v Wade won’t eliminate abortion entirely, far from it. Abortions have been around since ancient times. 

oh I love that show. haven't watched the current season but I always catch up on the Netflix. the episode where the woman had the eight kids was really heartbreaking   watching everything she went through and she lived but just barely. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

1 hour ago, ElToro said:

Benefits Street

And I'm off... down that YouTube rabbit hole of shows about Benefits in the UK. And somehow that got me into a show about Poundland... What's next? Who knows...

(I love Poundland so.much. And Primark. And Tesco. sooooo homesick now)

[mollysmom]

On 3/27/2018 at 10:17 PM, Ivycoveredtower said:

 

this line really messed with my mind

Having never dated any girls except my mom and sisters, it was super special to go out to a few restaurants during this time and share in many special memories

 

Wait! WHAT??!!??!! WHAT??!! 

[Ivycoveredtower]

1 minute ago, mollysmom said:

Wait! WHAT??!!??!! WHAT??!! 

yep can't make that shit up. that is a direct quote from David's side of the story on their website.  he also asked Priscilla if she'd be willing to die for the cause of Christ as part of his wedding proposal.  David is a special kind of weird.

[SapphireSlytherin]

11 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

David is a special kind of weird fabulous.

FTFY

[mollysmom]

24 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

yep can't make that shit up. that is a direct quote from David's side of the story on their website.  he also asked Priscilla if she'd be willing to die for the cause of Christ as part of his wedding proposal.  David is a special kind of weird.

Wow!! Wow! Hmm...it's a Friday night. I don't have to work in the morning. I'm single. Guess whose blog I'm reading until I have to poke my eyeballs out??

[FundaMental]

1 hour ago, ElToro said:

I think it's a little disingenuous to leave it at 'some do'. Benefits overpayment is currently (latest figures) estimated at 1.1% (up from 0.8% due to inclusion of figures for benefits mistakenly overpaid by the gov-rather than fraudulently claimed) So yes, 'some' do. But not really a significant amount (by the way, at the same time, 1% was also underpaid to those due it.)

And IIRC Benefits Street was filmed in one of the most deprived wards in the UK. So not really all that average. The 'average' benefits claimant is actually a working family on a low income. 

Of course not, when I say it's representative I don't mean that it's what the average 'benefits street' looks like, but rather what the problem can lead to when it gets out of control.

I grew up in a very middle class area, but went to a school just outside of it (about 40 mins away) which was in a very working class area. Unfortunately a large percentage of those living there were on benefits, most of which did not need them (unfortunately a lot of those children could be referred to as 'chavs' a not so nice word). 

It's not some sort of national issue, I've just had experience going to school in an area with a large percentage of unemployed people - it seems like more of a problem when you're that familiar with it. 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

9 hours ago, 2manyKidzzz said:

@SamiKatz Not pro Peeps, no Cadbury Creme Eggs? I’m sure you are a fine person otherwise!!!, lol...Peeps are a love or hate thing it seems to me. 

I love yellow peeps, all this candy talk is making me jonesy for chocolate...must go now and eat the head off my choc bunny.