Dillards 52: Making Life Look Complicated

[nokidsmom]

30 minutes ago, Nowyn said:

I try not to. 

And you would need the rescue ferrets. 

[Nowyn]

Just now, nokidsmom said:

And you would need the rescue ferrets. 

I need them anyways. Send them to my deathbed which is the one I am lying now and dying!

[AtlanticTug]

Guys, you are being awful to Derick. Here we are, having railed against him for not having a job and he is  TRYING so hard. To be a writer, an author even. Of a most wonderful book that has been in the making for a couple of decades. He needs our and Jesus' encouragement to go forth and publish this masterpiece, even if only as an e-book, to serve as a thank you for each and every one of us who has watched this wretched show for all these years.

On a more serious note, Jill reminds me very much of a dear friend of mine. She is also the golden child but totally different circumstances - her parents had a very acrimonious divorce when she was 10, her only other sibling is a total disaster at life, and she has singlehandedly kept the peace between the parents and some semblance of family ties for the sake of the third generation of kids. She is a great person with a big heart and a huge people pleaser. But the way she gets through the day is through a combination of wilful blindness and lying to herself. She absolutely could not cope if she stood up and said "you know what, my brother is an asshole / I hate my job and have for years / my boyfriend has been draining my mental energy and happiness and I'm too nice to send him packing, etc, etc." EVERYTHING is hunky dory and Instagram posts the likes of Jill's. But inevitably when something does fall apart - for example, she exited a years-long relationship with an emotional vampire, or when she decided to leave her high paying, demanding job to work in academia, suddenly she would lay it all out and spend hours with her closest friends opening up about just how depressed and anxious she had been, about how she could no longer get up in the morning if something didn't change, etc. If I didn't know her better and hadn't been friends with her for over a decade I'd honestly be like WTF, you put on such a happy front. But that's all it is, a front. And people like this often don't even realize what they are doing in the moment...it isn't like they get up and say "today I have to force a smile and post something OTT on Instagram to fool everybody and convince myself that my husband's shit doesn't smell like roses." They just automatically fall into this trap of living in denial until they inevitably snap. I feel sorry for Jill because when that day comes it will be damn hard and will catch her by surprise.

As much as we hate Derick, it's Jim Bob that's responsible for most of the evil here. Michelle too, but that woman has checked out so long ago that I'm not sure there's anything happening in the space between her ears at all.

[luv2laugh]

I will flat out admit it and say people think my marriage is -the- happiest ever based on Instagram and FB. No it’s not. It’s a room-mate situation basically and I have serious chronic pain. I am miserable and some days a shower feels like running a marathon. Only 3 close people know the truth. I love my husband too much to leave but have been in serious depression over some disappointments over the years. I only say this so people know that yeah speculating is interesting but social media is usually always a front to make us and the people like me be able to hit the pillow going “Awe that’s sweet Kate commented ‘Where is this?! You guys have SO much fun together.’ “  Oh, yeah I guess we did that day... It’s an escape.

 

@Firebird Without posting again I totally agree with you. Jill never posts pics of her and Jessa hanging out or their same age-range kids together or vice versa...

[Firebird]

@Ms. Squishels

 I get the impression that Jill was never very close to her siblings in her age range. It always appeared that her siblings didn't reciprocate her exuberance for socializing with them. Her younger siblings always treated her like she was their mom.

[nastyhobbitses]

14 minutes ago, Firebird said:

@Ms. Squishels

 I get the impression that Jill was never very close to her siblings in her age range. It always appeared that her siblings didn't reciprocate her exuberance for socializing with them. Her younger siblings always treated her like she was their mom.

Yeah, I've gotten that vibe. Jessa and Jinger are besties and Jill is kinda the third wheel in that dynamic, Jana is too busy running the household/personality-incompatible to be Jill's bestie, Joy is Jill's daughter, and then yeah, younger kids also see her as mommy, not as a sibling or friend. 

I joke that Jessa and Jill hate each other, but I don't think it's hate so much as just being very incompatible personalities. Jessa is practical, kinda snarky/dry in her sense of humor, and fairly blunt. Jill is more dreamy and people-pleasing. I could see Jill finding Jessa a bit cold/snobby, and Jessa having little patience with Jill's exuberance and over-cheerfulness. It's like a cat and a golden retriever. 

[Hisey]

58 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

whoa I hadn't heard about the three cent rule that's nuts. obviously the older girls at least seem to have had debit or credit cards we saw Joy pull one out when she was buying that new dress for her date with Austin. If Derick did write  a book I think he'd focus on all that the Duggar's/TLC did to him. he's a very self centered person so I doubt we'd hear about the lost girls. 

Jim Bob could easily have given her that credit card for the show. People lend their cards to their teenagers all the time. My own daughter has a credit card in her name, but it is linked to my account (and I pay all the bills). Whipping out a card means nothing.

As for debit cards, my kids had them at age 8! It's how they pay for stuff that I won't pay for (candy, makeup, horrible processed foods, etc)

[Ivycoveredtower]

14 minutes ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Yeah, I've gotten that vibe. Jessa and Jinger are besties and Jill is kinda the third wheel in that dynamic, Jana is too busy running the household/personality-incompatible to be Jill's bestie, Joy is Jill's daughter, and then yeah, younger kids also see her as mommy, not as a sibling or friend. 

I joke that Jessa and Jill hate each other, but I don't think it's hate so much as just being very incompatible personalities. Jessa is practical, kinda snarky/dry in her sense of humor, and fairly blunt. Jill is more dreamy and people-pleasing. I could see Jill finding Jessa a bit cold/snobby, and Jessa having little patience with Jill's exuberance and over-cheerfulness. It's like a cat and a golden retriever. 

Okay so I found the pic of Derick JIll Jessa Ben and kids from DEC so I guess they hang out some but I find it odd that it's Derick who is always posting about Jill's family. Jill doesn't post much about her sibs or parents unless it's joy that seems to be Derick's job. 

 

[luv2laugh]

14 minutes ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

Okay so I found the pic of Derick JIll Jessa Ben and kids from DEC so I guess they hang out some but I find it odd that it's Derick who is always posting about Jill's family. Jill doesn't post much about her sibs or parents unless it's joy that seems to be Derick's job. 

 

Probably to give fans the appearance that the family doesn’t have an issue with Derick. I found the Grandpa JB pic w/ Sam on Derick’s account interesting too. They’re going to have family get togethers but I bet they’re awkward and some might not talk (they are with my extended dysfunctional family holiday parties). It seems like Derick is picking fights over the family’s money and I now think he was being literal when he said he quit the show. Most people only leave shows because of money. I think he made Jill quit to piss off JB as she was a fan favorite (or at least was mine). She also didn’t wear pants and pierce her nose until the moment she left the show and that says a lot to me.

[fluffernutter]

So two thoughts I've had while chewing on all of this the past few days- first, DWreck's claim of having to pay for the hospital bill reminded me of Josie's epic medical bill. Who in the world paid for that? TLC? The Duggars? Do these folks even have insurance? 2nd thought- when the dullards first got married they portrayed a pseudo-normal life. Him trekking off to the office job, her handing him his lunch every day and making him a nice meal when he came home. Why did he quit? I had always assumed it was because he wanted to quit (do mission work, grift, rant on twitter, make fun of children, etc). But what if jim boob was pressuring him to quit? He had a normal job at a normal company. Doesn't really fit the Duggar style of job choices. But that doesn't explain why he wouldn't then simply choose to get back into accounting. I doubt we'll ever know the truth. 

[SassyPants]

3 hours ago, Georgiana said:

I’ve been doing research.  On the reddit thread someone pointed this out, and I think it bears mentioning here: Derick is playing REALLY hard and fast with words. He’s saying things that are TECHNICALLY true, but leave the wrong impression. 

When he speaks of “volunteering”, he is talking SPECIFICALLY about Izzy’s birth. Izzy’s birth was the last episode of 19 kids. So what does this mean? 

It could mean that Jill was already bound to a contract, and that technically only Derick volunteered (he blocks a user after they specifically ask if JILL was paid, which is the loudest response possible in the affirmative).

It could be that the “family contract” was still in effect and JB and M strong armed Jill and Derick into volunteering to film possibly in return for the McMansion and paying for the wedding.

BUT it’s also important to note that taken literally, Derick’s volunteer comments only apply to ONE SINGLE EPISODE. He specifically DOES NOT claim that they volunteered for Counting On, which would make sense as that would have been a new contract negotiation. 

Derick is TRYING to distort the truth by saying things that suggest one thing but literally mean another. Take him VERY LITERALLY and you will find his tweets have a different meaning.

Regarding Izzy’s birth, if TLC did things the standard way, they would have negotiated a payment deal up front for the right to film. “We’ll pay you X for the ability to film the birth”. Maybe this was with JB, maybe it wasn’t. But no where in this would it even be SUGGESTED that they would be responsible for non-filming related costs. They aren’t paying for the birth, they’re paying to film the birth. OF COURSE they denied the additional bill, it had nothing to do with them. 

Agreed. And I might add that if Derick is actually this literal, vs cunning (or thinking he is such), that raises more questions in my mind about Derick....maybe he is not 100% neurotypical? IMO, it could explain a lot.

2 hours ago, Ilovebrownies said:

I think you all give Jim Slob too much credit with all this speculation about non disclosures, trusts, etc.  I don't think he is that smart.

Cunning and opportunistic at the same time can be mistaken for smart.

[luv2laugh]

I think he could have started throwing a fit over learning the Josh stuff and how JB and Michelle protected him me likely encouraged Jill to go on Fox News to save the show. I thought that was exploitative of JB & Michelle. Jessa and Jill were too enmeshed at that point to realize that was exploiting them to save face on behalf of JB & Michelle and Josh- again.... Maybe at first, Jill and him didn’t make a deal out of it as they were just having a baby and freshly in the limelight but as time went on might’ve bothered them more. 

Does anyone remember how a few months ago Derick was posting scripture on adultery? 

I believe it is only a matter of time before one of the adult kids get angry and sue someone.

[HarleyQuinn]

13 minutes ago, fluffernutter said:

So two thoughts I've had while chewing on all of this the past few days- first, DWreck's claim of having to pay for the hospital bill reminded me of Josie's epic medical bill. Who in the world paid for that? TLC? The Duggars? Do these folks even have insurance? 

I want to say someone here that had a baby in NICU automatically got enrolled in medicaid because of the costs? I imagine that's what happened with Josie too. 

[Firebird]

@Ivycoveredtower

Maybe Derrick posts about Jill's family because at the time they were fulfilling a deep need for the happy, healthy family unit he probably dreamed of since his father's death and his mother's illness. More speculation...I keep thinking of the song climb aboard the murder train from HIMYM. In my head I sing that tune with  the words climb aboard the speculation bus!!!!

[SassyPants]

14 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

I want to say someone here that had a baby in NICU automatically got enrolled in medicaid because of the costs? I imagine that's what happened with Josie too. 

Not all babies in the Nicu qualify- it's only the extremely premature and those with certain congenital conditions who will require life long care and treatments.

[fluffernutter]

22 minutes ago, HarleyQuinn said:

I want to say someone here that had a baby in NICU automatically got enrolled in medicaid because of the costs? I imagine that's what happened with Josie too. 

Wow I'm glad to hear that! Parents are facing enough then. Worrying about losing everything shouldn't be one of them.

[mizandry]

Backtracking, but: I just processed the fact that Derick had that twitter meltdown on his birthday. Meaning, Jill was expected to be extra "joyfully available" to him, even though he was in the midst of putting her in a precarious position with her family and TLC and basically her entire social world outside of him.

What's she gonna do, other than acquiesce to whatever shit he's saying, PARTICULARLY when he's bitching about it ON his birthday? It's like Derick wanted to really make sure she couldn't voice any dissenting view (even if she felt inclined to) without being guilt tripped in one way or another for it. He wanted to make sure she had no choice but to side with him over her family in the event of this causing a huge rift. 

His manipulation tactics are both immature and disturbing. The isolation element of his behavior cannot be understated...just, w o w

This guy is a situation and I'm angry Jill has been groomed to endure this kind of shit.

[Carm_88]

Derick! How dare you have a meltdown when I'm busy! I'm very very angry at you. 

That being said, dude is a major douchebag. Clearly Derick, someone was getting paid in all of this. What @Georgiana pointed about the blocking points toward Jill being paid. As in Derick hadn't negotiated a contract because he wasn't a regular yet. However, Jill was being paid. So Counting On, they were definitely being paid and yeah TLC isn't going to pay for your baby's birth. He stated that he "had a good job" but clearly he wasn't happy there. They went of to CA and the rest is Counting On History. 

They broke from TLC for some reason, whether it was Samuel's birth or decisions about being filmed less or any other speculation that has passed here. Derick hasn't gotten a job, he did try to grift so that he could be a full time missioncation-er. He got that and mucho backlash. 

Now he's pissed about something else and is lashing out. He's not hurting Jim Bob, Jim Bob likely isn't getting anything from Counting On. He's hurting Jill and he's hurting his sons. So as much as I like to see a Derick meltdown, I don't see it doing anything. In the grand scheme of things. 

 

[Hashtag Blessed]

@fluffernutter I remember JB saying in a TV interview that he has free insurance for himself and his wife and children indefinitely because of his brief time in local office in Arkansas. Which is honestly infuriating to me because he's exploiting taxpayer money to pay for all of his kids but there's no way in hell he'd support universal healthcare. He's such a shit. 

Anyway, I assume that's what paid for Josie's NICU stay. But that insurance likely ended for the kidults when they turned 26 or when they married, whichever came first. 

ETA: Reading through this reddit recap and it is absolutely wild! I missed like half of these tweets. This is wonderful! I'm making another batch of popcorn.

[luv2laugh]

Headlines like these are only going to piss off JB more and make me feel sad for any phone calls she’s about to get from Michelle.

[QuiverFullofBooks]

17 minutes ago, Hashtag Blessed said:

@fluffernutter I remember JB saying in a TV interview that he has free insurance for himself and his wife and children indefinitely because of his brief time in local office in Arkansas. Which is honestly infuriating to me because he's exploiting taxpayer money to pay for all of his kids but there's no way in hell he'd support universal healthcare. He's such a shit. 

Anyway, I assume that's what paid for Josie's NICU stay. But that insurance likely ended for the kidults when they turned 26 or when they married, whichever came first. 

ETA: Reading through this reddit recap and it is absolutely wild! I missed like half of these tweets. This is wonderful! I'm making another batch of popcorn.

That’s not true. It pops up as a rumor in FJ occasionally and it’s always debunked. Arkansas is a small, poor state. It barely pays its legislators, let alone provides lifetime health care for dependents. Where did you see this interview?

[KelseyAnn]

If Derick keeps it up, I'm gonna drive all the way to Arkansas from Minnesota and save Jill- and I don't even like Jill. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

6 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

Headlines like these are only going to piss off JB more and make me feel sad for any phone calls she’s about to get from Michelle.

Better headlines then Jessa gets that's for sure. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

3 minutes ago, KelseyAnn said:

If Derick keeps it up, I'm gonna drive all the way to Arkansas from Minnesota and save Jill- and I don't even like Jill. 

Pick me up on your way. I don't like her either, but she and those babies deserve better.

[Hashtag Blessed]

24 minutes ago, QuiverFullofBooks said:

That’s not true. It pops up as a rumor in FJ occasionally and it’s always debunked. Arkansas is a small, poor state. It barely pays its legislators, let alone provides lifetime health care for dependents. Where did you see this interview?

Hmmm this was several years ago now so I don't remember the network, unfortunately. I remember it was a woman interviewing them for a daytime talk show, but she wasn't a reporter I knew by name. But she asked outright how they pay for so many kid's health insurances and JB responded that he has great insurance from his time in office and it's free! And there was an awkward moment when the reporter was like, "wow, you really gamed the system" (I don't think she said it in so many words.)

However, like I said, this was several years ago and memory is a tricky thing so this could be a figment of my imagination. I would swear that's what I saw and heard, but if this has been debunked then maybe I'm mistaken? 

ETA: It is possible he was lying, or otherwise obfuscating too. But like, what a weird lie to tell. Anyway, sorry if I'm spreading a falsehood.